RAL

I am an embarrassment. I dont get it.

I have just had enough. I am sick and tired of lockdown.

That's it. End of.xx

Tanky

Is drinking ending the lockdown? Is it making it more manageable for you? Is it making it better? It kind of doesn’t sound like it is , because you are being so hard on yourself right now, RAL. RAL, I know the shame is big, but try to be kind to you. Try to treat you as you would be treating me now. Let’s switch. I am you, you are me. Am I an embarrassment, RAL? For drinking for 27 hours? Am I a failure? Or am I an alcoholic doing what alcoholics do? Even sometimes after they are trying to do it differently? Speak to you the way you would speak to me right now. You can put the bottle back down. You have it in you. It is painful and it sucks but it won’t get better while you are drinking. While you are piling on shame and disgust. I believe in you RAL. I know you want to be sober more than you want to drink, love

venuscat

I beIieve in both of you. ❤️

PIus Hev just toId me that a friend of ours from SR for years died. I am in compIete shock. She was 52 and perfectIy fine a few days ago.
I have no idea what happened....her husband doesn't say on FB and I can't ask. AII I know is that she was a beutifuI person with an incredibIe souI who poured her guts into Iife and Iost hers many decades too earIy.

I don't reaIIy know what that has to do with anything.....just that Iife is precious. And so are aII of you. s

Tanky

so sorry for your loss, Suze. That’s hard. Definitely too young.

And yes, RAL is precious. Even if RAL won’t let RAL see that right now. So am I. I dust myself off today. I try to be kind. I really wish I could cry. Maybe one day soon.

I know this will sound weird, because it was only a few hours, but I missed you, my dear Venus. ❤️

venuscat

I missed you too....we haven't connected for a few days and I am reaIIy sorry about that. ❤️❤️

Zura

I'm so sorry Venus & SR for the loss of your beloved friend and too her family ofcourse. Life is precious indeed.

I just came back from a walk at the local lake which has been closed for swimming for around twenty years......there were people swimming....I couldn't believe my eyes but sure enough the lake signs said open for use!! I haven't been so happy in such a longtime. It sounds so silly to be so excited over something so seemingly trivial but my favourite memories as a child were swimming at that lake. After the past year with the fires and ofcourse social distancing (although people even here are still social distancing to a degree) it was so delightful to see people and families enjoying the water on a glorious day. I don't know why I'm sharing either Venus.....maybe to give people hope that miracles can happen, that there is brightness on the otherside of this. I just wish I could share it with everyone, but it gives me hope that things will get better for all ❤️

Tanky

I know you have my back and you know I have yours. But sometimes we forget this stuff. Trying to let the love in again , and give it out.

Tanky

it is hope, Zura. I love that this special place is open again after 20 years.

Tanky

RAL, you are not too broken. You are not too damaged . You are brave and stronger than you know. Sleep and tomorrow is another day. Xx

Dee74

I imagine how hard it is in lockdown RAL and I'm sorry - but drinking is not the the key to that door.

I've had it happen before that people I've known for years here are suddenly not here any more - and I'm sure everyone of them said it'll never happen to me...

I don't want that happen to you, or anyone else here

D

EllyB

You guys can do this! I know things are frustrating at times, but drinking really won’t make it any better! Think of how much less you have hurt your body and mind with all the sober time you have amassed, and how much harder it will be to stop if you keep drinking.

This **** is really hard.... you are not a failure, RAL! We have all fallen and then gotten back up again. In SMART they encourage you to use it as research! Don’t let the nasty voices in your head tell you that you can’t do this. You can!

Tanky— Glad you are ready to brush it off and start again. You are really amazingly tough you know! I don’t think I could do what you do, but I am so glad there are people like you who advocate for others in the way you do.

Lixie

Venus, so sorry for your loss.

RAL and Tanky, you are both wonderful, warm, compassionate people, and I am so fortunate to have you in my life. I know why you are thinking the way you are, but deep down you also know that you don't have to feel this way. There is something you can do about it. You are worth it.

And thanks to the rest of the class, you are so supportive. You are amazing. I love this class!

Tanky

Sweating and shaking myself to sleep, tonight, but I got through day 1. Oh and I think I should acknowledge to myself that as the song says ..”now the drugs don’t work, they just make you worse” . Eg drinking alcohol for 27 hours and endangering my kids and others gave me approx. 15 hours relief from suicidal thoughts. Not the best deal.

RAL, how are you doing? I hope you were able to stop and get some rest. Xx

Lixie

I've been thinking... I read an article about people, and how they know what makes them happy, but they choose to do other things. Like, they know they should eat right and exercise, and choose to lie on the couch and eat candy. What are the mechanisms behind this? I don't remember the conclusion, but as I said, it made me think. What makes me happy?

Having a tidy and clean house. That is my number one. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit down at the moment, because our bathroom is still a hot mess and that kinda seeps into the other parts of the house. So, today I will tidy and clean. Remove that masking tape, fold that laundry, vacuum those dog hairs on the couch.
Cooking for people I love is another thing. Daughter is here, bonus daughter too. So I will whip up a veritable smørgåsbord, or tapas if you please, with Spanish shrimps, løyrom, chicken skewers, bacon wrapped dates, salt baked potatoes, spicy meatballs, homemade focaccia and my special aioli.
Being outside. Wow, that is so amazing! Now that it isn't that cold (it's spring!), the dog actually likes taking walks, and we're going to have some quality time together.
Reading. Oh, I LOVE reading! I have a huge stack of books waiting for me, and I need to turn off that TV and start reading.
Oh, and eating healthy stuff. I find that having leeks and lemons in my shopping bags is doing wonders for me, strangely enough.

I'm going to continue this list, but now I have to start cooking. Later.

Love you guys. You are amazing.

venuscat

I Iove your Iist Iove.

I think that one thing that interferes with doing some of these things is instant gratification v satisfaction that you have to wait for. Pius Iaziness....I know I have been way too Iazy in the past month. So you have inspired me. PIus, as I mentioned, a friend died and I am stiII in compIete shock. I can't waste any more time. ❤️ s

venuscat

I Iove that song Tanky honey, but it gives me shivers. s ❤️

Lixie

I think you are so right. This is my biggest fault, I think, that I can't seem to think ahead and do what is good for me in the long run. I try to tell myself that if I start today I will see amazing results in one year, but my mind is struggling with that concept.
And again, so sorry to hear about your friend.

EllyB

Lixie, I think you are talking to me about lying on the couch and eating candy, lol, as that’s what I did yesterday, and today I feel like poo! 🤣But I will go get some exercise and eat better. Sugar is like booze..., an easy “ high” that doesn’t last. I think just getting into the routine of eating well and exercising is like getting into the routine of not drinking. Time to take the dog for a long walk and clear my head!

RAL —- Be kind to yourself...honest, all you who get sober on your own really impress me. I had to go off to rehab for 60+ days to do it. It feels like lockdown will last forever, but it will get better, I am sure of it! You haven’t lost those 11 weeks because you slipped up.

Venus— sorry to hear about your friend.... 52 is so young! Big (((hugs))) to you. Treat yourself in some way—- take care of you the way you care for others.

Tanky— glad you are getting right back on the horse. Hope you can get some better MH care. Have you looked into therapy? I am looking into getting some, as I feel like it will be important for my long term sobriety.

Zura

Good Morning All
RAL - I hope you come talk to us real soon 🥰
Tanky - glad your back and hope your not feeling too rough today 🥰

Venus - I hope you get some closure about your friend. So hard 🥰

Lixie - it's alot harder to break "bad" habits then it is too adopt good ones isn't it.

Big hugs all round for all xxoo

venuscat

I guess I wiII find out what happened when there is an obituary.....

I just want us aII to Iive our Iives: we deserve to be happy.
And good morning. s xxxxxx