Class of April 2020 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by Fallow 
Fresh month I am glad to be a full month away from alcohol! I guess April wasn't much of a popular month to stop drinking?🤷♂️
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Originally Posted by ee1979
Pleased you are in the class Fallow. I agree that 'sobriety is not always fun', although I think it is more about rewiring one's mental state to adjust to sober living. In any case, if drinking was truly fun, or enjoyable, I question whether any of us would even be on this forum. I don't doubt that for some people, drinking can be fun and enjoyed in moderation. Unfortunately, for others, it is a curse, and ruins lives. I fit in the latter category.
Checking in for 62 days sober today. I hope you are all well.
ee
Checking in for 62 days sober today. I hope you are all well.
ee
Congrats on 2 months
This post is timely because I was thinking earlier about if drinking was fun or enjoyable. I feel like for me I still enjoyed drinking. I still have the desire to drink. I just enjoy drinking too much and I land in unenjoyable territory. Bad behaviors, bad thinking, hangovers, blackouts, health issues. On and on.
None of that is truly fun to say the least.
I just forget those pesky details for periods of time.
Rewiring and adjusting to sober living is spot on. I keep telling mysel that I need to learn how to stay sober. Just because I am sober tonight does not tell me that I have learned how to do that yet. In the past I always got sober for a bit and then said to myself, 'See that! You can stop drinking whenever you like!'. I have learned that this is not true. Once I start I will be cautious and enjoying myself for a certain period of time. Then the 'unenjoyables' will catch up to me down the road. Seems like common sense but I am a slow learner.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Originally Posted by ee1979
It's not the busiest forum class this one Fallow. I hope we will see a few of the old faces return over the next days.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
I could stop drinking whenever I liked for years dear Fallow, and then I couldn't anymore.
Well, I did, but it took everything I had and it was extraordinarily hard.
s ❤️
Well, I did, but it took everything I had and it was extraordinarily hard.
s ❤️
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 127
Hi Class,
Is there anyone left here at all? I am 251 days sober today. A lot has happened since the day when I decided to stop drinking. But, for the most part, life has improved immeasurably. I never considered having a drink in these last 8 months, not once. I am surprised about that, considering it took me so many years to finally drop the alcohol. I don't believe that I will ever not be an alcoholic, and I am realistic about the possibility of an unforeseen relapse at some point in the future (who knows what life has in store for us) but the fact is that I have managed to completely stop drinking without any sort of lapse whatsoever.
There are so many benefits to life without drinking. The days of self loathing, acute anxiety, intense anger, mood swings, emotional turmoil, massive highs, and enormous lows, are behind me. I have made many changes to my life in the last months, all in a considered, balanced fashion. My memory has come back to me, and I am capable of living in the day-to-day without the feeling that I need alcohol to obliterate myself from the terror of routine and mundane human existence. So many fears and doubts I now come to recognise as the alcoholic brain, exerting and maintaining control over oneself- sort of a twisted alter ego, desperate to manipulate, put down, criticize, bully and diminish one's identity and sense of self. I told that person to go and **** himself, and took back control.
It transpires that there are lots of things I didn't know about myself, and after a period of mourning (the years I had frivolously pissed up the wall), I began to reflect, in a considered way, on what I believe in, what I stand for, and what sort of man I want to be. I severed ties with certain individuals, and have begun to form new relationships with people who are kind, considerate and offer something positive, as opposed to others who are toxic, simply needing someone to get wasted with, look down on, and offer flawed advice to, all the while thinking how superior they are.
I think of how helpful this forum has been, and how all of you come on here and speak the truth about some incredibly personal crises, in the most candid and unassuming tones. The kindness, empathy and compassion shown on these forums is incredibly touching, and has been of huge support to me personally in my darkest hours. If I can only repay a slice of what I have taken from here, I will be grateful to have done so.
I sincerely hope that everyone in our Class of April 2019 is doing well. Or at least that you are looking after yourselves, finding a way through each day, failing better than before, because trust me- I have failed so much, I know how that feels! And you can fail better! I believe in all of you, and I also believe that we are all capable of much more than we sometimes believe. Don't let the other guy/girl- the alcoholic- the master manipulator- the doubter- call the shots. Looking back, I wish I could have seen the truth years earlier. I have taken my life back, and it feels good.
There are boring days, and that's fine. There is the mundane, and I am embracing that also. There are the social events- thought those would be hard, but it turns out there are a **** tonne of very good (thanks hipsters) alcohol-free IPA beers about these days, which is quite a bonus! And, my chat has improved without the booze. And Jesus, I really do not miss the hangovers. Oh, I have lost weight also, managed 23km running the other day, and actually enjoy getting up in the morning (well, unless it is pissing with rain outside).
I suppose that marks the end of my rather long ramble. Special thanks to Dee74 - the legendary admin on this forum, who offers open arms and crucial words of support and encouragement to everyone who stumbles onto this forum, most of whom are in desperate need of some compassion and encouragement- thanks Dee- seriously, thank you.
It would be lovely to see a few of you reappear on here and say hi. Take care all of you, and be kind to yourselves. Love, ee
Is there anyone left here at all? I am 251 days sober today. A lot has happened since the day when I decided to stop drinking. But, for the most part, life has improved immeasurably. I never considered having a drink in these last 8 months, not once. I am surprised about that, considering it took me so many years to finally drop the alcohol. I don't believe that I will ever not be an alcoholic, and I am realistic about the possibility of an unforeseen relapse at some point in the future (who knows what life has in store for us) but the fact is that I have managed to completely stop drinking without any sort of lapse whatsoever.
There are so many benefits to life without drinking. The days of self loathing, acute anxiety, intense anger, mood swings, emotional turmoil, massive highs, and enormous lows, are behind me. I have made many changes to my life in the last months, all in a considered, balanced fashion. My memory has come back to me, and I am capable of living in the day-to-day without the feeling that I need alcohol to obliterate myself from the terror of routine and mundane human existence. So many fears and doubts I now come to recognise as the alcoholic brain, exerting and maintaining control over oneself- sort of a twisted alter ego, desperate to manipulate, put down, criticize, bully and diminish one's identity and sense of self. I told that person to go and **** himself, and took back control.
It transpires that there are lots of things I didn't know about myself, and after a period of mourning (the years I had frivolously pissed up the wall), I began to reflect, in a considered way, on what I believe in, what I stand for, and what sort of man I want to be. I severed ties with certain individuals, and have begun to form new relationships with people who are kind, considerate and offer something positive, as opposed to others who are toxic, simply needing someone to get wasted with, look down on, and offer flawed advice to, all the while thinking how superior they are.
I think of how helpful this forum has been, and how all of you come on here and speak the truth about some incredibly personal crises, in the most candid and unassuming tones. The kindness, empathy and compassion shown on these forums is incredibly touching, and has been of huge support to me personally in my darkest hours. If I can only repay a slice of what I have taken from here, I will be grateful to have done so.
I sincerely hope that everyone in our Class of April 2019 is doing well. Or at least that you are looking after yourselves, finding a way through each day, failing better than before, because trust me- I have failed so much, I know how that feels! And you can fail better! I believe in all of you, and I also believe that we are all capable of much more than we sometimes believe. Don't let the other guy/girl- the alcoholic- the master manipulator- the doubter- call the shots. Looking back, I wish I could have seen the truth years earlier. I have taken my life back, and it feels good.
There are boring days, and that's fine. There is the mundane, and I am embracing that also. There are the social events- thought those would be hard, but it turns out there are a **** tonne of very good (thanks hipsters) alcohol-free IPA beers about these days, which is quite a bonus! And, my chat has improved without the booze. And Jesus, I really do not miss the hangovers. Oh, I have lost weight also, managed 23km running the other day, and actually enjoy getting up in the morning (well, unless it is pissing with rain outside).
I suppose that marks the end of my rather long ramble. Special thanks to Dee74 - the legendary admin on this forum, who offers open arms and crucial words of support and encouragement to everyone who stumbles onto this forum, most of whom are in desperate need of some compassion and encouragement- thanks Dee- seriously, thank you.
It would be lovely to see a few of you reappear on here and say hi. Take care all of you, and be kind to yourselves. Love, ee
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
Well, I am here, but I know that's not what you meant. 
I loved your post....I urge you to stay involved with the recovery community....it is my forever commitment. Just like sobriety.
And it makes me happy. And ALWAYS makes me grateful. ❤️
I loved your post....I urge you to stay involved with the recovery community....it is my forever commitment. Just like sobriety.
And it makes me happy. And ALWAYS makes me grateful.
❤️
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