All in all, Rome wasn't built in a day, eh? kk1k5x accountability thread Pt 2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Today was very tiring. Must admit, I did not look "inside" the translation when it came in and just left it until this morning when I was supposed to start work on it. Turned out it was 16 pages instead of the 12 I figured it was (and was told about originally). That threw me for a bit of a loop, because it meant I had to average 8 pages instead of 6 to get it done by tomorrow evening (deadline Wed morning). I managed 8.5 pages today, so I'm on track but it wasn't necessarily a pleasant surprise. Well, it shouldn't have been a surprise at all, because I'm supposed to know those things and the only explanation is that I was too preoccupied with the research bit, and also confident without clear reason that it's going to be 12 pages. But, I'll take the "I'm on track" from this and hopefully finish it tomorrow.
I've been slogging it for the second half of the day today, and I'm so sleepy now after dinner (pork chop and a mountain of salad) that I could literally just collapse to sleep and it's not even 9pm yet. I also slept until about 10am after going to bed at 2am. For some reason, the past 3-4 days my bedtime has been later than what I'm used to. I'm quite sure tonight will remedy that.
Since today is Monday, it was also weighing day. The scale and the conversion calculator told me I'm now a total of 4kg / 8.8 lbs lighter compared to when I started the regime. I'm good with that.
What I wasn't "good with" today was the negative response from the journal I was supposed to get a reply from by Aug 1. Truth be told, it wasn't necessarily the fact that my proposal didn't get picked that bothered me - it was the ego twinge I felt when reading the email. Thus far this past year, I've done fairly well at keeping my ego out of things. This has allowed me to move away from my "old drinking ways", which mostly included just thinking about doing something and then imagining the so-called glory that would undoubtedly ensue. I could also call it "glory hunting", be it imaginary or real. Real glory hunting, of course, can only occur when you're actually able to do something, which means it wasn't a true possibility when drinking anyways (because nothing, aside from getting plastered, got done whilst on the drink). However, recently I've noticed that I've let my ego back into where it doesn't belong. About a week ago, in an email exchange with my professor, she forwarded me an article that just got published on the topic we're going to be submitting on in a month (normal process of keeping up with the latest writing on any subject). Up to that point, I had been kind of dragging my feet on the data analysis and just couldn't get going. But the article my professor sent in the email was from an author I recognise by name, and that person is always involved in very well-written and substantively relevant (and interesting) articles that usually belong in my field of activity and interests (easy way would be to just call it competitive jealousy lol). It's like my ego got slapped across the face and suddenly "woke up". Where before there was almost no energy, there was an abundance of it after reading that other person's article. And I told my professor something along the lines of "well played, madam" (not that she knows too much about my personal and imaginary competitions with random people from a field my professor isn't necessarily active in :P), because it got me going for a while on the data analysis. The energy, of course, died down soon after, because ego can't maintain consistency, it just "reacts" to stuff it finds arbitrarily offensive somehow and gives a short-term boost. Now, back to today, I felt the same small twinge ...along the lines of a secretive, under-the-breath "oh, I'll make them regret their decision and write the best paper ever for ....some other publication!". In human child terms that's the equivalent of screaming in the shops for being told no with respect to a lollipop.
That's what I struggled with and thought about today. From a practical and utterly rational angle, the "cannot include your proposal" message was a blessing - it means I won't have to double- or triple-time any other obligations, the piece I'm currently writing will indeed be the last one before I complete my thesis, and I can continue on with whatever other plans I had for the autumn (e.g. the trips and the book translation). Over the past year, I've come to realise that even before drinking, I was always engaged in glory hunting of one form or another - going to the gym, losing weight, getting the best grades etc. I never had a healthy understanding of personal boundaries. Or, for that matter, an understanding that "it's actually alright to just be", and "just do and be involved", and not try to constantly outplay or outmanoeuvre people who were never in any type of competition with me to begin with. My lack of that understanding is clear in retrospect, because I refused to give myself breathers, and I refused to plan breaks into whatever thing or goal I was currently aiming for and moving towards - it was never enough until I was "there".
I've been trying to do that, the giving breaks part (successfully, every now and again, too) in sobriety, but the two ego twinges let me know that I must pay more attention to this aspect of my existence. I've also realised that the positive payout from a successful glory hunt is, in absolute measures, always somehow less potent than the negatives from an unsuccessful one. As I'm currently writing this, I'm coming to a conclusion that my dopamine system has been twisted at least from my early teens -- that's why I revelled in those glory expeditions so much, that's why the positive outcome was never as positive at the end compared to what I'd imagine it would be, and that's why the negatives always hurt so damn much... To the outside world, before the drink entered the picture, I must have looked like an incredibly disciplined and detemined young person as far as goals and certain specific responsibilities were concerned. Little did they know of the internal chaos and turmoil so characteristic of such a death train heading full-steam on a one-way track "towards glory". That's why the word "quiet" is always the main descriptor of my first time being drunk. Those voices, the "locomotive driver", fell completely silent as booze entered the room. Essentially, boozed helped me until it didn't. And I never bothered to figure out why I was the way I was, and to fix it. Instead I relied on an incredibly dangerous chemical to find the quiet again, and again, and again. It's kind of like ...booze cleared the room just so it could yell and shout all by itself after a time.
See? All it takes for me to go on an 'epic' rant is an email, which told me that I was one of the 90 people who got told "sorry, not this time" (there were about 100 applicants, and only about 10 get the opportunity each time). The majority of those people who also got the 'no', unlike myself, must be established researchers, heck throw in some professors while you're at it. Which makes this email and the rejections just a small bump in a very long road. <--- That's the real me thinking. The previous essay was written as a description of a place where the ego dwells. The difference is night and day, and I like the real me better. No need to get my boxers in a bunch (I'm sure this is the Oxford dictionary male gender equivalent of "panties in a twist", right :P?).
Felt good to get this writing off my chest
Thanks for reading to the end if you managed 
PS: yesterday evening, I listened to a podcast on YouTube (SHAIR was the name) which featured Sarah Hepola, who wrote the book "Blackout". An incredibly open, honest and insightful story from her. I felt so similar to her, actually, because she kept repeating how important "stories" are in recovery and as recovery. Made me realise that I haven't really been too focussed on the run-of-the-mill (and, unfortunately, often dry) research reporting anyways, I've just been collecting and analysing data to write stories that these data tell and simply doing it in an academic setting. Which, for me personally, is the best way to be and the best and easiest way to express myself, too
End of Day 448. I did not drink today.
I've been slogging it for the second half of the day today, and I'm so sleepy now after dinner (pork chop and a mountain of salad) that I could literally just collapse to sleep and it's not even 9pm yet. I also slept until about 10am after going to bed at 2am. For some reason, the past 3-4 days my bedtime has been later than what I'm used to. I'm quite sure tonight will remedy that.
Since today is Monday, it was also weighing day. The scale and the conversion calculator told me I'm now a total of 4kg / 8.8 lbs lighter compared to when I started the regime. I'm good with that.
What I wasn't "good with" today was the negative response from the journal I was supposed to get a reply from by Aug 1. Truth be told, it wasn't necessarily the fact that my proposal didn't get picked that bothered me - it was the ego twinge I felt when reading the email. Thus far this past year, I've done fairly well at keeping my ego out of things. This has allowed me to move away from my "old drinking ways", which mostly included just thinking about doing something and then imagining the so-called glory that would undoubtedly ensue. I could also call it "glory hunting", be it imaginary or real. Real glory hunting, of course, can only occur when you're actually able to do something, which means it wasn't a true possibility when drinking anyways (because nothing, aside from getting plastered, got done whilst on the drink). However, recently I've noticed that I've let my ego back into where it doesn't belong. About a week ago, in an email exchange with my professor, she forwarded me an article that just got published on the topic we're going to be submitting on in a month (normal process of keeping up with the latest writing on any subject). Up to that point, I had been kind of dragging my feet on the data analysis and just couldn't get going. But the article my professor sent in the email was from an author I recognise by name, and that person is always involved in very well-written and substantively relevant (and interesting) articles that usually belong in my field of activity and interests (easy way would be to just call it competitive jealousy lol). It's like my ego got slapped across the face and suddenly "woke up". Where before there was almost no energy, there was an abundance of it after reading that other person's article. And I told my professor something along the lines of "well played, madam" (not that she knows too much about my personal and imaginary competitions with random people from a field my professor isn't necessarily active in :P), because it got me going for a while on the data analysis. The energy, of course, died down soon after, because ego can't maintain consistency, it just "reacts" to stuff it finds arbitrarily offensive somehow and gives a short-term boost. Now, back to today, I felt the same small twinge ...along the lines of a secretive, under-the-breath "oh, I'll make them regret their decision and write the best paper ever for ....some other publication!". In human child terms that's the equivalent of screaming in the shops for being told no with respect to a lollipop.
That's what I struggled with and thought about today. From a practical and utterly rational angle, the "cannot include your proposal" message was a blessing - it means I won't have to double- or triple-time any other obligations, the piece I'm currently writing will indeed be the last one before I complete my thesis, and I can continue on with whatever other plans I had for the autumn (e.g. the trips and the book translation). Over the past year, I've come to realise that even before drinking, I was always engaged in glory hunting of one form or another - going to the gym, losing weight, getting the best grades etc. I never had a healthy understanding of personal boundaries. Or, for that matter, an understanding that "it's actually alright to just be", and "just do and be involved", and not try to constantly outplay or outmanoeuvre people who were never in any type of competition with me to begin with. My lack of that understanding is clear in retrospect, because I refused to give myself breathers, and I refused to plan breaks into whatever thing or goal I was currently aiming for and moving towards - it was never enough until I was "there".
I've been trying to do that, the giving breaks part (successfully, every now and again, too) in sobriety, but the two ego twinges let me know that I must pay more attention to this aspect of my existence. I've also realised that the positive payout from a successful glory hunt is, in absolute measures, always somehow less potent than the negatives from an unsuccessful one. As I'm currently writing this, I'm coming to a conclusion that my dopamine system has been twisted at least from my early teens -- that's why I revelled in those glory expeditions so much, that's why the positive outcome was never as positive at the end compared to what I'd imagine it would be, and that's why the negatives always hurt so damn much... To the outside world, before the drink entered the picture, I must have looked like an incredibly disciplined and detemined young person as far as goals and certain specific responsibilities were concerned. Little did they know of the internal chaos and turmoil so characteristic of such a death train heading full-steam on a one-way track "towards glory". That's why the word "quiet" is always the main descriptor of my first time being drunk. Those voices, the "locomotive driver", fell completely silent as booze entered the room. Essentially, boozed helped me until it didn't. And I never bothered to figure out why I was the way I was, and to fix it. Instead I relied on an incredibly dangerous chemical to find the quiet again, and again, and again. It's kind of like ...booze cleared the room just so it could yell and shout all by itself after a time.
See? All it takes for me to go on an 'epic' rant is an email, which told me that I was one of the 90 people who got told "sorry, not this time" (there were about 100 applicants, and only about 10 get the opportunity each time). The majority of those people who also got the 'no', unlike myself, must be established researchers, heck throw in some professors while you're at it. Which makes this email and the rejections just a small bump in a very long road. <--- That's the real me thinking. The previous essay was written as a description of a place where the ego dwells. The difference is night and day, and I like the real me better. No need to get my boxers in a bunch (I'm sure this is the Oxford dictionary male gender equivalent of "panties in a twist", right :P?).
Felt good to get this writing off my chest
Thanks for reading to the end if you managed PS: yesterday evening, I listened to a podcast on YouTube (SHAIR was the name) which featured Sarah Hepola, who wrote the book "Blackout". An incredibly open, honest and insightful story from her. I felt so similar to her, actually, because she kept repeating how important "stories" are in recovery and as recovery. Made me realise that I haven't really been too focussed on the run-of-the-mill (and, unfortunately, often dry) research reporting anyways, I've just been collecting and analysing data to write stories that these data tell and simply doing it in an academic setting. Which, for me personally, is the best way to be and the best and easiest way to express myself, too
End of Day 448. I did not drink today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,018
K, your thoughts are super interesting. The idea of "glory hunting" gave me pause. Humility seems to be a huge part of recovery. Developing this sure takes time.
I come here mid-afternoon to get a bit of a lift. Posting here, brushing my teeth and doing a bit of yoga helps me get through the afternoon doldrums.
The Elsa Dress is boxed up and ready to be sent. I will take it to send after 4:00 in order to miss some of the news. Missing news is usually a good thing.
Finances have fallen out of my daily chores so will need to get back at that.
Onward we go.
I come here mid-afternoon to get a bit of a lift. Posting here, brushing my teeth and doing a bit of yoga helps me get through the afternoon doldrums.
The Elsa Dress is boxed up and ready to be sent. I will take it to send after 4:00 in order to miss some of the news. Missing news is usually a good thing.
Finances have fallen out of my daily chores so will need to get back at that.
Onward we go.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,210
Well done for writing it down and posting it here kk. That is a good way of disposing of the negative emotions that come with setbacks, whoever minor they may be in the long run.
A got an order from out of the blue today. It wasn't a big one by any means but it was very welcome as our business sales are well down thanks to Covid and to a lesser extent Brexit. Fine weather here too although I only experience that on my commute.
A got an order from out of the blue today. It wasn't a big one by any means but it was very welcome as our business sales are well down thanks to Covid and to a lesser extent Brexit. Fine weather here too although I only experience that on my commute.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
No essay tonight.
Finished my translation and it went a bit quicker than I expected, actually. Turns out the work guy had a slip of the finger when writing 12 pages, because he meant 17 (not that it ultimately mattered). I also managed '30' of those research entries, which I'm glad about, because every tiny little bit forward gets me closer to not having to deal with it at all anymore... and get on to the writing part, which will be another thing to tackle, but all in good time, all in good time...
Later on, actually just now and it's why I didn't post earlier, I was helping my UK friend with his writing. I hope there was some progress, even if just temporarily. Nothing teaches patience like teaching does. I think the most incredible effect from any type of teaching is how much you learn yourself as you're doing it. I definitely need more patience in that regard, and it's good for my soul to help out another.
Had a really good dinner tonight, with spicy smoked ribs as the small separate element, and then beans, potato and carrots in the clay oven pot for an hour, and a sour cream and dill sauce. Finger-licking delicious.
Not much else to report. No new work came in today, so tomorrow's open and if nothing comes in, then I'll probably just carry on with the research bit.
Congrats on the Elsa dress, Bekind, and good for you, Sao, about the incoming order
End of Day 449. I did not drink today.
Finished my translation and it went a bit quicker than I expected, actually. Turns out the work guy had a slip of the finger when writing 12 pages, because he meant 17 (not that it ultimately mattered). I also managed '30' of those research entries, which I'm glad about, because every tiny little bit forward gets me closer to not having to deal with it at all anymore... and get on to the writing part, which will be another thing to tackle, but all in good time, all in good time...
Later on, actually just now and it's why I didn't post earlier, I was helping my UK friend with his writing. I hope there was some progress, even if just temporarily. Nothing teaches patience like teaching does. I think the most incredible effect from any type of teaching is how much you learn yourself as you're doing it. I definitely need more patience in that regard, and it's good for my soul to help out another.
Had a really good dinner tonight, with spicy smoked ribs as the small separate element, and then beans, potato and carrots in the clay oven pot for an hour, and a sour cream and dill sauce. Finger-licking delicious.
Not much else to report. No new work came in today, so tomorrow's open and if nothing comes in, then I'll probably just carry on with the research bit.
Congrats on the Elsa dress, Bekind, and good for you, Sao, about the incoming order
End of Day 449. I did not drink today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,018
Good news of the day:
Nephew and his friend who are on an 18 day backpack sent pictures from the top of a pass- lovely
Dad and I did 35 min of exercise
I had my Spanish tutoring session
Bad news of the day
Ugh, still not back on the finances wagon . . .ugh.
19 year old nephew is sick and waiting on covid test results
So given the state of the world I can't complain too much. Thanks for y'all plowing along with me in whatever happens everyday
Nephew and his friend who are on an 18 day backpack sent pictures from the top of a pass- lovely
Dad and I did 35 min of exercise
I had my Spanish tutoring session
Bad news of the day
Ugh, still not back on the finances wagon . . .ugh.
19 year old nephew is sick and waiting on covid test results
So given the state of the world I can't complain too much. Thanks for y'all plowing along with me in whatever happens everyday
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,018
Thanks Dee. We heard this morning that my sister and nephew both tested negative for Covid. We are collectively heaving a sigh of relief.
My Day is off and trundling along with its usual lack of glamor and drama for which I am grateful
Completed Tasks:
ran a load of laundry
folded laundry
washed some dishes
ordered dinner for my old Dad
gave Dad a haircut - I'm no expert but it saves us risking covid exposure and he doesn't really care
went through mail: filed, and tossed
texted house cleaner and family member about house
Next in line: write and send some checks, do 10 min of yoga, and mop the bathroom floor
!Que tengan buen dia! AKA: May y'all have a good day. . . . .I should really learn how to put Spanish characters into my typing
My Day is off and trundling along with its usual lack of glamor and drama for which I am grateful
Completed Tasks:
ran a load of laundry
folded laundry
washed some dishes
ordered dinner for my old Dad
gave Dad a haircut - I'm no expert but it saves us risking covid exposure and he doesn't really care
went through mail: filed, and tossed
texted house cleaner and family member about house
Next in line: write and send some checks, do 10 min of yoga, and mop the bathroom floor
!Que tengan buen dia! AKA: May y'all have a good day. . . . .I should really learn how to put Spanish characters into my typing
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
I have nothing to add from my day: I worked, got tired, went to bed too early, and now am up again; hungry but won't eat until morning.
Also: sometimes, this doesn't feel like my accountability thread anymore. It feels like something else. And I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
End of Day 450. I did not drink today.
Also: sometimes, this doesn't feel like my accountability thread anymore. It feels like something else. And I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
End of Day 450. I did not drink today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Originally Posted by kk1k5x 
Also: sometimes, this doesn't feel like my accountability thread anymore. It feels like something else. And I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
But what good would talking into a void do? I don't know, but only you know yourself best, Kk. It's your thread and you get to choose whether to invite interaction, or not. And if you do want interaction, you get to choose the type of such interaction. I'm happy to play by your rules, if it makes you feel better, Kk. Also, maybe you'd like a private blog on SR instead?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Ah, Kk, I wondered if something was amiss, when you didn't respond to recent posters, in your recent posts.
But what good would talking into a void do? I don't know, but only you know yourself best, Kk. It's your thread and you get to choose whether to invite interaction, or not. And if you do want interaction, you get to choose the type of such interaction. I'm happy to play by your rules, if it makes you feel better, Kk. Also, maybe you'd like a private blog on SR instead?
But what good would talking into a void do? I don't know, but only you know yourself best, Kk. It's your thread and you get to choose whether to invite interaction, or not. And if you do want interaction, you get to choose the type of such interaction. I'm happy to play by your rules, if it makes you feel better, Kk. Also, maybe you'd like a private blog on SR instead?
I'm not sure if anything in particular was amiss - my non-responses were mostly for the reason of there being nothing to respond to. I've had this thread (in it's various forms...well, this is just the third iteration, but it takes a while to write one full) for a time now and there's always been some banter on it. Sometimes I react, sometimes I don't.
My inner voice is starting to tell me "this sounds really egotistic right about now", but that inner voice has always had a tendency of being obsequious (a new word I learned after looking up what "sycophant" means) and a people-pleaser. Over the past 2-3 months, every now and again, this thought pops up in my mind: "My thread isn't about my stuff anymore", and it bugs the hell out of me truth be told. Perhaps this happens everywhere else, too, and everyone else just isn't moved by it at all (as I seem to be).
The main reason why writing this was so hard and why I haven't mentioned anything during the past few months is the simple reason that I never figured these things must be said in the first place. They seem clear as day to me. The thing I wish for? Is for people - if and for whatever reason someone other than myself chooses to post in this thread - to change the general approach from "I'm having a party" to "I wanted to tell you that I'm having a party".
If those "parties" don't concern me or are not addressed to me in the least and don't have a story or a description of an experience in them that I can learn from in my own recovery, then those "party posters" need to go up somewhere else - there are plenty of general purpose threads for that.
Now I've done it. But it needed to be aired out.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,479
well the official line is no one owns a thread - but, saying that, if someone expresses dissatisfaction that a thread is no longer what they wanted it to be when they started it, I think everyone will listen to that.
I think some people have come to see this thread as a home for themselves too - and I've never seen a post from anyone, or at least a post that I felt needed a reply, go unreplied to - but at least you've spoken up, which was obviously important to you to do..
I hope you guys can sort it out to everyone's satisfaction
D
I think some people have come to see this thread as a home for themselves too - and I've never seen a post from anyone, or at least a post that I felt needed a reply, go unreplied to - but at least you've spoken up, which was obviously important to you to do..
I hope you guys can sort it out to everyone's satisfaction
D
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,479
one last observation
Personally, with no admin hat on, i think this was unnecessary and more than a little snotty.
Whether you always appreciated it or not, you've had a ton of support here, unbidden support given freely, and this just seems ungrateful to me.
D
If those "parties" don't concern me or are not addressed to me in the least and don't have a story or a description of an experience in them that I can learn from in my own recovery, then those "party posters" need to go up somewhere else - there are plenty of general purpose threads for that.
Whether you always appreciated it or not, you've had a ton of support here, unbidden support given freely, and this just seems ungrateful to me.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
I didn't know about the official line, Dee. Not that it actually changes much, because I indeed don't own this thread.
And yet, there's ownership in there, y'know? Implicitly then, perhaps. You create something, maintain it and, above all, enforce a sense of regularity. Prior to coming back to SR and getting sober, I was inconsistent in almost everything I did. Well, with the exception of drinking, of course. When I created the first thread and somehow managed to actually stick to my own promise of posting at least once a day as a way of calling the day closed, it formed the foundation of ...everything else. Posting on my thread and (lol) not eating anywhere else but the kitchen are still two of the things I've held on to from day 1.
I'm sorry you feel like it was snotty and unnecessary, Dee. And I get why you'd call me out on something like that. I, myself, don't see it that way, and perhaps I'm mistaken in that, too.
Today's been a weird day. Didn't plan for it to go like this, but I suddenly feel - with complete sincerity - that my regular tenure on SR is coming to an end. An idea both dangerous and surprising to me, because I didn't expect it at all. It has become apparent that, if not for speaking up in a thread I considered my own (as misguided as that may be), I've grown resistant to accepting what you're doling out, Dee.
I have always been grateful for the support I've been given here on SR, but perhaps I haven't been enough of a trooper then to others, and for that I apologise. It wasn't my intention.
And yet, there's ownership in there, y'know? Implicitly then, perhaps. You create something, maintain it and, above all, enforce a sense of regularity. Prior to coming back to SR and getting sober, I was inconsistent in almost everything I did. Well, with the exception of drinking, of course. When I created the first thread and somehow managed to actually stick to my own promise of posting at least once a day as a way of calling the day closed, it formed the foundation of ...everything else. Posting on my thread and (lol) not eating anywhere else but the kitchen are still two of the things I've held on to from day 1.
I'm sorry you feel like it was snotty and unnecessary, Dee. And I get why you'd call me out on something like that. I, myself, don't see it that way, and perhaps I'm mistaken in that, too.
Today's been a weird day. Didn't plan for it to go like this, but I suddenly feel - with complete sincerity - that my regular tenure on SR is coming to an end. An idea both dangerous and surprising to me, because I didn't expect it at all. It has become apparent that, if not for speaking up in a thread I considered my own (as misguided as that may be), I've grown resistant to accepting what you're doling out, Dee.
I have always been grateful for the support I've been given here on SR, but perhaps I haven't been enough of a trooper then to others, and for that I apologise. It wasn't my intention.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,049
Originally Posted by kk1k5x
Didn't plan for it to go like this, but I suddenly feel - with complete sincerity - that my regular tenure on SR is coming to an end.
There are lots of places to hang out and have good mature recovery convos when the mood hits, and a person can create new spaces that suit their current phase in recovery, or ask for help on questions they're pondering, or offer a lesson they have learned so far.The concept that no one owns a thread is really appealing to me. Thread participation is prasād -- an offering.
I've posted in a lot of ways: in little nooks where I hid away things that I wanted to communicate, but in whispers; as pleas for help that for some reason no one ever read; in daily support threads, some of them for years.
Please accept my sympathies on the rejection of your proposal. I've had work rejected many times. If you care about the work and it's honest, it's natural to feel badly when someone else doesn't recognize that. Where the ego can screw it up, is if you use feedback in the form of a rejection as an excuse to close your ears to other people's ideas.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,210
I hope you are OK kk.
Thanks Tatsy, I'm fine, actually I was pretty much OK an hour after posting I was feeling rough, just a fleeting upset tummy.
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Meant to add, Saou, I've read on another thread that you're feeling under the weather, physically. How are you feeling today?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,018
K, I've been thinking about what you said. Of course you need to do what is best for you and your recovery. Perhaps starting a blog would be more appropriate for you.
I don't post about my day because I want to tell someone about it so much as I want to feel like I am part of something bigger than myself. I want to be part of a community doing whatever life hands each one no matter how run of the mill. I like to hear about how many pages you translated as that is the daily work your life brings you. Sometimes it seems to go well for you and sometimes not so well. I post about doing laundry, as taking care of my increasingly incontinent Dad, is the work life has brought me . . . along with lots of laundry to do (-;. There is "not drinking" which is great and then there is leveling up in recovery to accepting life on life's terms with all its inglorious minutia.
By not drinking we increasingly open up the possibility of our lives contributing to a bigger human work (I can't prove this but want to believe it). Your translations may allow someone to understand something that will change their life. My work may help my teacher siblings to focus more on their students and not worry about our aging parent.
I like that we are all from all over the world and when I finish my day, I like to visualize passing the baton or torch to you all getting up in the morning of your respective countries. We all have different work and lives but perhaps it is a part of a bigger whole.
All that being said K, please do what it best for you to continue your recovery. I have so enjoyed your thread and being a part of it.
I don't post about my day because I want to tell someone about it so much as I want to feel like I am part of something bigger than myself. I want to be part of a community doing whatever life hands each one no matter how run of the mill. I like to hear about how many pages you translated as that is the daily work your life brings you. Sometimes it seems to go well for you and sometimes not so well. I post about doing laundry, as taking care of my increasingly incontinent Dad, is the work life has brought me . . . along with lots of laundry to do (-;. There is "not drinking" which is great and then there is leveling up in recovery to accepting life on life's terms with all its inglorious minutia.
By not drinking we increasingly open up the possibility of our lives contributing to a bigger human work (I can't prove this but want to believe it). Your translations may allow someone to understand something that will change their life. My work may help my teacher siblings to focus more on their students and not worry about our aging parent.
I like that we are all from all over the world and when I finish my day, I like to visualize passing the baton or torch to you all getting up in the morning of your respective countries. We all have different work and lives but perhaps it is a part of a bigger whole.
All that being said K, please do what it best for you to continue your recovery. I have so enjoyed your thread and being a part of it.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Beautiful post, Bekind. Made me cry with your display of humanity. What a kind person you are.
Saou, I'm glad you're OK.
Kk, I hope you're OK too. And I concur with Bekind, do what's best for you and your recovery. I care, which is weird on the inter-web, but nonetheless, true.
Saou, I'm glad you're OK.
Kk, I hope you're OK too. And I concur with Bekind, do what's best for you and your recovery. I care, which is weird on the inter-web, but nonetheless, true.
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