Rose335

Venus - I have experience of studying as an older person and I found it a bit of a shock to the system! Even though it didn't matter that much if I got some stuff wrong because it wasn't as if my future rested on it in any way it proved quite surprisingly demoralising to get less than optimum marks. Felt quite personal even. Ridiculous, but there it was. All that having been said I can't believe you haven't done rather well and I hope that is the case.

It sounds really hard for you, that situation with your sister. If only family hurts, grievances and slights, real or imagined, recent or ancient, didn't get quite so entrenched and hard to resolve. We can only hope.

On a more cheerful note I'll finally get to 120 days aka 4 months, aka a third of a year of no alcohol on Saturday. As you can imagine, I am quietly thrilled about that.

venuscat

I am THRILLED for you honey. s

And I am in school to start a new career, and I realised a few things yesterday.
I am still a perfectionist and I am very hard on myself. I got 87% on the exam. Yesterday I was all mopey that it wasn't 90.....

Huge hugs love. xx ❤️

Rose335

87 percent! And you're disappointed it wasn't 90 percent. Time to have a word with yourself lovely one!

venuscat

Yep.

How is your day lovely one? xx

shortstop81

Great job on your exam venus! 87% is definitely NOTHING to scoff at.



Although I'm a bit that way too. I recently did online courses and worked towards a certificate (I'm already well into my career). Because of work, family, etc. I was getting 70s, low 80s, and it was kind of a bummer.

All that really matters in the end is getting that pass!

venuscat

I recognise myself in your mirror love. ❤️

Rose335

Hi shortstop - nice to hear from you. So you and Venus are both perfectionists! I think you're both to be congratulated for coping with studying as well as the (sometimes daily grind) that is life.

My day was good, thank you Venus, both yesterday and today. Unusually, I have a certain amount of free time because my little granddaughter, who I look after a lot, is away right now. So I'm spending time with adults instead and catching up with friends. It's been fun. The downside of being retired is that you find yourself rather old! The upside is that you're free from the world of real work. Rubbish weather here in the U.K. but I can live with that. Nice it's the weekend. That feeling doesn't change even when you're retired.

Ohbrowat

Hi Venus, SS, Rose, Pete. I’m checking in with a bit of an awkward state of mind today. All’s still well with my sobriety, and I actually have zero interest in alcohol. Unfortunately I also have this growing uneasiness that I have zero interest in most anything. I feel numb. I’ve recently sought out a doctor to be my pcp, and he’s done blood work. I’ll see the results next week. I of course explained my history. He says it sounds like depression to him. Recommended Wellbutrin. Suppose we’ll see what the bloodwork says, and go from there. The more I think about this, I wonder if I haven’t been depressed for 20 years since losing my wife to BC. I’ve read up on the topic this week and I guess I never realized how many of the symptoms I exhibited. Maybe I was self medicating all this time. Best. Oh

Dee74

Hey obrowat

I thought that an absence of joy was the price I'd pay for staying sober....but the joy came back. I think we underestimate the toll drinking takes on mind and body - things can take a little while to sort themselves out.

I hope thing will take a turn for the better for you soon

D

Ohbrowat

Thanks Dee. Do you recall how long that took for you? I’m approaching the 5 month point, after 20 years of nightly vodka. Thanks. Oh

Rose335

Ohbrowat - so sorry to hear there is a lack of joy in your life and definitely worth checking this out with your doctor. And I can only imagine what it must have been like to lose your wife to BC. Truly devastating and desolating.

If it's any help and bearing in mind I've been sober for a slightly shorter time than you (4 months) in between the days of massive relief that I've finally done it, I have had some real downer days in the last four months which I've put down to the shock to my system of no alcohol. I mean real downer days. Like most people, I'm no stranger to off moods but these moods were much more than that. I think I'm saying we can't underestimate the chemical impact of giving up a dangerous daily habit after a long time. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

venuscat

Sending so much love.
I am so very sorry about your wife. s ❤️
And I do believe you have made a really good choice re the PCP.
I know when I was depressed (years ago) I felt the way you do now, and I also know as Dee said, I too thought that the absence of joy might be the price of getting my health back, but it got so much better.

I am thinking back....I am not sure how many months it was to be honest. But it took time to really start to like myself again, and with that the joy in my life returned. s

venuscat

I think you are spot on dear Rose. s ❤️

And oh yeah....I remember those days that would hit me like a ton of bricks.
At almost 5 years sober I have more coping tools, and rarely have one of those very low days. The only one I can recall in a long time was a few weeks ago when I had the panic attack at school. And I am able to bounce back faster now.

I hope the down days are fewer and fewer Rose. ❤️

Petecrab

Hey all. Thanks for asking about us. All doing well. Lily has been sleeping through the night since 3 weeks old so not having sleepless nights thankfully.

Rose335

Thanks Venus. I do believe the down days are fewer and fewer. I also believe that as I stack up more and more sober time they will diminish further and/or I'll quite simply be able to manage them better.

Pete - sleeping through the night's from 3 weeks?. What a little more trouper! Glad you're all doing well.

Dee74

it was about 3 months for me but that doesn't mean you're behind schedule or anything.

3 months was the start of feeling better (or just plain feeling) but I think most of my first year was finding my 'normal'.

It takes what it takes. We all have different journeys.

Of course, if you're really worried you can always get a check up with your Doc - sometimes there's a clear physical or mental reason for what they call anhedonia?

D

Abraham

Just stopping by to say hi. Hope all is doing well. Coming up on 5 months pretty soon. Still cant believe I somehow quit drinking.

venuscat

Hi love.
Yeah.....it's a big miracle huh? s
So good to see you xx

Abraham

WOW! I swear I almost wrote "its nothing short of a miracle". Crazy, but yea, it pretty much is.

Dee74

Congrats again Abraham - time for a new thread:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-4-a.html (Class of June 2019 part 4)

D