Class of June 2019 part 3
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think talking about self pity helps.
If your wife has her own stuff to deal with right now, try to accept it's not so much a rejection of you as a reflection of the problems she's facing.
I had a whole thread recently about what is normal LOL but I think I know what it is in this case.
Its routine and familiarity.
Do some routine things - clean up the house, the yard, do those jobs you've been putting off.
Got any hobbies - the not involving alcohol kind?
favourite books, movies, tv shows, music albums? Read them, watch them, listen to then.
Play a video game. Play sports. Whatever things are familiar and make you feel safe and relaxed..
IMO That's the way to stay grounded and not freak out
D
If your wife has her own stuff to deal with right now, try to accept it's not so much a rejection of you as a reflection of the problems she's facing.
I had a whole thread recently about what is normal LOL but I think I know what it is in this case.
Its routine and familiarity.
Do some routine things - clean up the house, the yard, do those jobs you've been putting off.
Got any hobbies - the not involving alcohol kind?
favourite books, movies, tv shows, music albums? Read them, watch them, listen to then.
Play a video game. Play sports. Whatever things are familiar and make you feel safe and relaxed..
IMO That's the way to stay grounded and not freak out
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
I think Dee has it spot on......and if I may, I would add one thing.
If we continue to be loving and caring even when it is hard....when you don't get the big hug you need....I think it can help to diffuse the tension a little. Fighting is awful, and I know when I get stuck in that cycle I like to try to do some extra nice things for my husband, and then I feel a bit better and I think that makes him feel better as well. 
s
If we continue to be loving and caring even when it is hard....when you don't get the big hug you need....I think it can help to diffuse the tension a little. Fighting is awful, and I know when I get stuck in that cycle I like to try to do some extra nice things for my husband, and then I feel a bit better and I think that makes him feel better as well.
s
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
Thank you for the replies Dee and Venus. I had about a week where I felt SOOOO much better recently. I felt self-assured, relaxed, and able to handle the day-to-day. My feelings of self-worth weren’t dependant on how my spouse was treating me. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
Now I feel that terrible weight returning, and all I want to do is cry.
I do have things to do, hobbies, etc. Later tonight we leave with our son for our trailer, which everyone enjoys on the weekends. I just hope that I’m not going to be a total bummer for everyone, or cause some fight. I feel like I need to tuck myself away until I can be myself again.
I’m unexpectantly working from home today because a tech needs to come fix the internet. I took the opportunity to lay in a hot bath, which is exactly what I’m doing.
Venuscat - I was thinking of buying my wife some flowers the other day just to do something sweet. Maybe I’ll go ahead and do it.
Now I feel that terrible weight returning, and all I want to do is cry.
I do have things to do, hobbies, etc. Later tonight we leave with our son for our trailer, which everyone enjoys on the weekends. I just hope that I’m not going to be a total bummer for everyone, or cause some fight. I feel like I need to tuck myself away until I can be myself again.
I’m unexpectantly working from home today because a tech needs to come fix the internet. I took the opportunity to lay in a hot bath, which is exactly what I’m doing.
Venuscat - I was thinking of buying my wife some flowers the other day just to do something sweet. Maybe I’ll go ahead and do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
I think that's a lovely idea....
And I don't think you will be a bummer at all....just make sure there are lots of soft drinks/juice/water packed for you....and when the anxiety rises, try to do HALTs....and check yourself....(I do)....am I hungry? Angry? Tired? Sad? Or maybe I feel lonely? Most of these can be quickly addressed, and it helps I think.
Also, I keep water with me all of the time when I am anxious, and just sip.
More hugs. xx
And I don't think you will be a bummer at all....just make sure there are lots of soft drinks/juice/water packed for you....and when the anxiety rises, try to do HALTs....and check yourself....(I do)....am I hungry? Angry? Tired? Sad? Or maybe I feel lonely? Most of these can be quickly addressed, and it helps I think.
Also, I keep water with me all of the time when I am anxious, and just sip.
More hugs. xx
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
My wife stopped by to check on me because she was worried about me working home alone. I made very clear to her that some love and affection would be very helpful to me right now. She said she feels overwhelmed by me right now.
I think we tentatively came to some understanding. I feel a bit better. I did get my hug and had a good cry.
I just really want to keep my negative emotions in check. I don't want to lash out at my loved ones.
The internet technician should be here soon - at least I'll feel like something got done, and I can using up all my cell phone data!
I think we tentatively came to some understanding. I feel a bit better. I did get my hug and had a good cry.
I just really want to keep my negative emotions in check. I don't want to lash out at my loved ones.
The internet technician should be here soon - at least I'll feel like something got done, and I can using up all my cell phone data!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 689
Shortstop81 - It's no fun feeling like that. I really hope the weekend away does the trick for you. And as for flowers for your wife - I'd say definitely!
Obviously Dee and Venus have made some excellent suggestions. All I can add, is that in my experience when I'm feeling hard done by, stressed and under appreciated it is almost always the case that the vibe I'm giving out to those closest to me is actually quite a hostile one! I'm talking about me, of course, not you, but if there's any danger that is sometimes the case with you it could make your wife shrink away a bit. If you can rise above those feelings it will surely help. But having said that, I know how hard it can be especially to do that when depression hits.
Pete - it's true! Both your little ones are benefiting from your new lifestyle. So pleased for you all.
Obviously Dee and Venus have made some excellent suggestions. All I can add, is that in my experience when I'm feeling hard done by, stressed and under appreciated it is almost always the case that the vibe I'm giving out to those closest to me is actually quite a hostile one! I'm talking about me, of course, not you, but if there's any danger that is sometimes the case with you it could make your wife shrink away a bit. If you can rise above those feelings it will surely help. But having said that, I know how hard it can be especially to do that when depression hits.
Pete - it's true! Both your little ones are benefiting from your new lifestyle. So pleased for you all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
I followed your lead Rose, and just asked for them....and my husband said he was going to anyway....how sweet. And yes you may dare ask....it is a bit better every day, but still pretty bad. Oh well.
How are you? How is your day and everything love? s
How are you? How is your day and everything love?
s
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
My wife stopped by to check on me because she was worried about me working home alone. I made very clear to her that some love and affection would be very helpful to me right now. She said she feels overwhelmed by me right now.
Isn't that love and affection?
Ok it may not be the kind of love and attention you want, but reading that it strikes me as a great gesture from someone going through her own stuff right now?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by Petecrab 
100 days here. Seems to have flown by. Congrats to Abraham to as I’m sure he is the same day as me.
Hi to everyone. Hope you’re having a good week!
Hi to everyone. Hope you’re having a good week!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by Petecrab
100 days here. Seems to have flown by. Congrats to Abraham to as I’m sure he is the same day as me.
Hi to everyone. Hope you’re having a good week!
Hi to everyone. Hope you’re having a good week!
Originally Posted by shortstop81
Thank you for the replies Dee and Venus. I had about a week where I felt SOOOO much better recently. I felt self-assured, relaxed, and able to handle the day-to-day. My feelings of self-worth weren’t dependant on how my spouse was treating me. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
Now I feel that terrible weight returning, and all I want to do is cry.
I do have things to do, hobbies, etc. Later tonight we leave with our son for our trailer, which everyone enjoys on the weekends. I just hope that I’m not going to be a total bummer for everyone, or cause some fight. I feel like I need to tuck myself away until I can be myself again.
I’m unexpectantly working from home today because a tech needs to come fix the internet. I took the opportunity to lay in a hot bath, which is exactly what I’m doing.
Venuscat - I was thinking of buying my wife some flowers the other day just to do something sweet. Maybe I’ll go ahead and do it.
Now I feel that terrible weight returning, and all I want to do is cry.
I do have things to do, hobbies, etc. Later tonight we leave with our son for our trailer, which everyone enjoys on the weekends. I just hope that I’m not going to be a total bummer for everyone, or cause some fight. I feel like I need to tuck myself away until I can be myself again.
I’m unexpectantly working from home today because a tech needs to come fix the internet. I took the opportunity to lay in a hot bath, which is exactly what I’m doing.
Venuscat - I was thinking of buying my wife some flowers the other day just to do something sweet. Maybe I’ll go ahead and do it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 689
Thanks Dee. You too.
Ohbrowat - totally with you on exercise being one of the answers to managing life's frustrations, and down moods. I wouldn't go so far as to say vigorous exercise in my case unfortunately but a day without a good walk is never as good as one with..
Hope your weekend is going well Shortstop.
Venus - so glad there's some positive news about your elbow. Mending joints and bones such a long, slow process. All fine here, thank you. Not a lot to report. Some walking, reading, watching fairly rubbish TV and now a bit of time to read SR. Quite relaxing!
Ohbrowat - totally with you on exercise being one of the answers to managing life's frustrations, and down moods. I wouldn't go so far as to say vigorous exercise in my case unfortunately but a day without a good walk is never as good as one with..
Hope your weekend is going well Shortstop.
Venus - so glad there's some positive news about your elbow. Mending joints and bones such a long, slow process. All fine here, thank you. Not a lot to report. Some walking, reading, watching fairly rubbish TV and now a bit of time to read SR. Quite relaxing!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
Awesome Rose.
I relaxed a lot yesterday, and my elbow feels way better today, so it is going to be a massive gardening and washing and all sort of house stuff day here.
And some school work, and a new list that is a roadmap....I need to stick to a schedule to fit everything in. s ❤️
I relaxed a lot yesterday, and my elbow feels way better today, so it is going to be a massive gardening and washing and all sort of house stuff day here.
And some school work, and a new list that is a roadmap....I need to stick to a schedule to fit everything in.
s ❤️
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
Good morning everyone, just checking in from my weekend at the trailer. There are many people to respond to who have made some great comments. Thank you everyone, I appreciate them all.
There were some ups and downs this weekend, but overall things are looking better today. The mood swings and depression are difficult to manage, but NOTHING will ever make me pick up another drink and start from zero again.
There were some ups and downs this weekend, but overall things are looking better today. The mood swings and depression are difficult to manage, but NOTHING will ever make me pick up another drink and start from zero again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 31
Happy Monday everyone. I’ve been through a few days of exposure to lots of my old haunts. Drinking would have been the norm for me, and its really inspiring/interesting to watch it all happen as a sober participant. Wow was I a mess!
Shortstop (et al) I couldn’t help but think of the video below that I found very helpful at various times in my journey to today. I’m sure most of us have watched it before (as I just did again!) but I really find Craig’s words from a decade ago, very inspirational. Oh
https://youtu.be/7ZVWIELHQQY
Shortstop (et al) I couldn’t help but think of the video below that I found very helpful at various times in my journey to today. I’m sure most of us have watched it before (as I just did again!) but I really find Craig’s words from a decade ago, very inspirational. Oh
https://youtu.be/7ZVWIELHQQY
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 239
Hello everyone! I wanted to check in with our June group.
Rose, it's great to see that you've been dedicated to your recovery plan. Posting seems to work well for you, and it's nice to read your updates. Congrats on your days sober!
Welcome to the group, Ohbrowat! Glad you joined.
Venus, as always, it's so inspiring to have your support and encouragement. You are a tremendous asset to this site!
I am doing well--happy and sober
It's the first day of fall here. It's unusually hot and dry weather though, so I'm not sure how colorful the leaves will be this year. I suppose I will find out in the coming weeks.
best wishes!
Rose, it's great to see that you've been dedicated to your recovery plan. Posting seems to work well for you, and it's nice to read your updates. Congrats on your days sober!
Welcome to the group, Ohbrowat! Glad you joined.
Venus, as always, it's so inspiring to have your support and encouragement. You are a tremendous asset to this site!
I am doing well--happy and sober
It's the first day of fall here. It's unusually hot and dry weather though, so I'm not sure how colorful the leaves will be this year. I suppose I will find out in the coming weeks.
best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
2nd day of Autumn here and it is magnificent summer, and will be for a few weeks.....just divine....
Lovely to see you nadt and thank you and fantastic to hear how happy you sound! s
And hello dear Ohbrowat. s
Lovely to see you nadt and thank you and fantastic to hear how happy you sound!
sAnd hello dear Ohbrowat.
s
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