soberbythesea

Quitnow I'm sorry to hear about the last couple months, but so glad you're back again. That's what counts! Good for you for pulling yourself back out of it. Glad to have you back.

sobersophie

Hey quit! Glad to see you back again. Well done for pulling yourself out of the black hole you mention. That takes huge courage and effort so major props to you.

You can do this, and you deserve to do it. Every one of us here deserves to live. Happily, peacefully, soberly.

Love to you. Please keep us updated xx

soberbythesea

Wins today:

-Stayed sober.
-Checked in on SR
-Ate a pretty healthy breakfast and lunch.
-Finally made myself sit down with my ex's draft divorce agreement, go through it line by line, and send him the comments that I and my lawyer had. I've been putting that off for a month and a half if not longer. And it seems like it was productive, because he replied within a couple hours, said he was amenable to most of my changes and that he'd get me an updated agreement this week.
-Did a load of laundry when I got home so that my housekeeper can change the sheets on Friday.
-About to wrap my boyfriend's birthday present for tomorrow <3

Losses today:

-Smoked half a cigarette. (On the plus side, only half.)
-Probably dinner will be somewhat less healthy because I'm wiped out and low on willpower.
-Didn't finish the report I wanted to for work, because I spent time in the afternoon on the divorce agreement. (But I'm planning to finish it early tomorrow, which should be OK, and I got a colleague to agree to edit it tomorrow.) I was so wiped out after dealing with the agreement that I actually left work at 5 pm, which I almost never do. But I think I have to acknowledge that that's okay.

Trying to be nice to myself tonight, eat a reasonable dinner, read and spend time with my cat, and go to bed early so I can start fresh tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Zighoul

Hey class!
Enjoyed my last couple days of vacation. Bought an inflatable raft and took a solo tour down my nearby river to celebrate 6 months
It was one of those epic, brilliantly sunny days where birds were chattering non-stop. Now and then a fish would pop up and flap around. Saw some turtles and even surprised a couple of coyote pups that were playing close to the bank. Was very good for the soul
Currently have tater tot casserole baking in the oven. One of my favorites since kindergarten
Lately my drink of choice has been water, ice, lemon wedge, 2 cucumber slices & a mint leaf from the garden. Ridiculous.
No plans this weekend except walking to the coffee shop extra early tomorrow for bread pudding. Ridiculous as well.
Take care everyone!
✌💚💪
-Z

sobersophie

SBTS, that's a pretty good score sheet! You're doing great, keep being kind to yourself.

Zig, that sounds like a wonderful vacation! You seem so serene. I wish I could get it together enough to grow my own fresh mint in my garden. I keep buying thyme plants because I love fresh thyme and garlic for my roast potatoes, but they live for a little while and then they die either from over watering or just pure neglect lol.

It is my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow and he has requested a birthday pecan pie instead of a cake so my task for the day is to make him one hope you are all having a lovely saturday.

soberbythesea

Zig, that sounds great. Congrats on 6 months

Sophie I hope your boyfriend had a nice birthday!

Friday 7/12 was six months without alcohol for me. I actually forgot, lol until I got on here and saw Zig's post. I wish I could say "six months sober," but I'm still proud that I have not drank alcohol for OVER six months now.

My bf and I have spent the last three nights together. We had a couple of relationship discussions that stressed me out a little bit, but overall things have been going very well between us lately, so I'm trying to keep my perspective and not overreact to things. We are going to California for a week beginning July 26 to visit his family and friends, and I'm excited about that. We're also starting to plan a vacation together for mid-October.

I'm trying to appreciate having a night alone tonight -- probably realistically the next couple nights alone. We don't tend to see each other a lot in the early part of the week.

Right now I'm planning my work week, journaling, and hanging out with my cat. I'll probably watch some TV or a movie after I finish organizing my schedule.

Have a nice night all

sobersophie

Thanks SBTS, I think he had a great birthday!

We went out for lunch with his family, enjoyed the sunshine and spent the evening hanging out playing the xbox. I find being with his parents difficult because they are heavy drinkers and a bit pushy about alcohol, but I coped just fine and let the constant discussion about different drinks wash over me.

How lovely to have vacations to look forward to! Where are you thinking of going? We are going on holiday in March and I'm glad to have the time to get my head around doing it sober.

I hope it's ok to say, but I'm getting a sense from your post that you're being a bit hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, you're doing great. And enjoy every minute of sprawling out on your bed like a starfish when your boyfriend is away

Zighoul

Hello!
Very, very warm here! Summer is really cruising by, it's incredible. It's almost 9:45pm and my phone says 93 degree heat index still. Anyway, my dogs and I are keeping cool watching shark shows before bed. My wife and son opted to watch some superhero movie on Netflix in the other room. We have lots of fun together, but lines get drawn there

Was thinking today how I was such a mess last year at this time. If I wasn't working or sleeping, I was pretty much drinking. Lots some days, less others...but always present. It seems so annoying, inconvenient & gross now Gulping away on something that makes you sweat and pee excessively just isn't tempting at all.

Anyway, I hope you're all enjoying yourselves and feeling fine. I'm about to sleep and probably have shark attack nightmares
✌💚💪
-Z

sobersophie

Hey Zig! I like your little sunshiney guy. Shark shows wouldn't be my first choice but glad you and the doggies are enjoying while you try to keep cool.

I personally am kind of over summer and it being so warm (though it is much, much less hot here than where you are Zig so you have my sympathies lol). Bring on autumn and cosy scarves and hot chocolate.

I'm going to go blast some work. Have a wonderful day!

soberbythesea

Hi Zig and Sophie, glad you're both still doing well

Sophie, you're right. I have been very hard on myself recently. I'm trying to forgive myself for the slip with weed over July 4 weekend. And I think I'm doing better with it. After all, I did not use it as an excuse to drink, nor did I continue with weed after that weekend, nor do I plan to use it again. I still have over six months alcohol-free and the incident over July 4 didn't change that. I stayed alcohol free and so I'm going to continue to celebrate that.

I am hard on myself in many aspects of my life... no matter what I accomplish at work I'll be mad at myself for not finishing everything, if I go in at 8:15 AM I'll be annoyed that I couldn't make it in before 8 (even though we're not supposed to be there until 9.) That type of thing. I am a perfectionist to the point where I am totally unable to meet my own standards. I know it's something that I need to work on. I will try.

Have a nice weekend everyone

sobersophie

I understand because I have the same over the top perfectionist gene too. Sometimes it's helpful to take a step back and look at all you have achieved.

Imagine your best friend in the world said to you, 'I have a problem with alcohol and I haven't had a drink in six months, but I smoked weed over the 4th of July and I feel bad about it.' I think you would remind them of their HUGE achievement and tell them it's ok, they're doing great and they can put away the big imaginary stick they've been beating themselves with.

In other news, I have been a bit of a slob the last few days so tomorrow I am going to get my s*** together, clean my house and tackle a mountain of laundry. Then I can start next week fresh as my new breathtakingly healthy, organised, calm self

Love to you, speak soon xx

sobersophie

Hey gang!

Hope you are doing well. We had a heatwave here but now it is back to a comfortable temperature so I am very happy

My plan to achieve breathtaking healthiness is still chugging along, though I struggle with eating less and I don't feel like cooking in the heat. I'm trying!

Love to everyone xx

Zighoul

Hey!
Tonight at about 10pm I'll hit 200 days according to my sober app
My friends, family & coworkers have all gotten used to *sober me* now as well. Nobody asks if I want something, what I sipped on during the weekend, etc. That's a pretty cool milestone too lol.

Stay cool Sophie
TTYL
✌💚💪
-Z

sobersophie

What a fantastic milestone Zig! I'm starting to feel like we've got this down

sobersophie

Hello Our little group is quiet now. How are you all doing? Zig and SBTS, hope you are well.

I'm posting to bounce something off you. I visited my boyfriend's parents' house for dinner today and felt a peculiar guilty feeling when the topic of alcohol came up. Though I feel I have a decent amount of sober time under my belt, I have never mentioned to them that I no longer drink and the pressure to do so is weighing on me more heavily every time I see them. I haven't discussed it for a few reasons:

1. I am vegetarian and, though they are accommodating, they discuss it at length when I'm in their company. I don't want to discuss what I do or don't drink in the same way.

2. I once witnessed them have a conversation with someone who doesn't drink which I found intensely uncomfortable. They offered him a drink and he politely declined but this led to an inquisition about why he doesn't drink and lots of their unsolicited opinions on it. I don't think I could handle that without becoming upset.

3. His mother in particular is a heavy drinker and she often makes jokes like, 'You better have a drink or you'll make me feel like an alcoholic!' I'm worried that she will feel I'm on a high horse about it, as she once called me arrogant in anger (years ago, but it still concerns me as I have no idea where that impression came from; I truly don't think it's founded).

In a nutshell, I don't want it to be a big deal but I'm worried that the longer I let time drag on without mentioning it, the more of a big deal it will be. Today, when they began offering me wine, it was on the tip of my tongue to say, 'No thanks, I'm fine with this. I actually don't drink anymore,' but I bit the last part back. Should I say it next time and just be prepared that it will likely lead to a lot more questions?

Dee74

Hi Sophie

It's hard to advise you. People can be oblivious to their own rudeness.

You can keep on saying no thanks - and probably be interrogated at some point, or tell them you're now a non drinker (no need to mention alcoholism) and be interrogated later.

It took a long time for my family to stop grilling me, and longer still to stop asking me if I wanted a drink, but they did eventually.

Zighoul

Hey Sophie!
Hey Dee!
Lol I have a sister who's a vegetarian Sophie, so I definitely know what you mean by the grilling (is that like, a sideways pun of some sort?). Her mantra is gently stating, "I don't eat anything with a face" 'cause that's what she's said since she was 4 when people question her diet
People can definitely be pushy & rude BUT you have a very sexy, respectable chunk of time to be proud of! Being cordial while declining a drink and tossing in your amount of time sober and how well/amazing/healthy you feel is *hard* to effectively belittle or argue for anyone
Or maybe it won't even come up next time ~maybe she'll be hungover and drinking mineral water.
You're doing awesome nevertheless
✌💚💪
-Z

sobersophie

I really appreciate your input guys, thank you.

I haven't made my mind up but I will see how I feel next time I visit. It would be nice if people could go about their lives eating/drinking/living the way they want without having to defend it, obviously providing they aren't harming anyone in the process. Everyone has little quirks and things they do differently, but it doesn't make it acceptable dinner conversation, you know?

And thanks for the encouragement Zig, you're doing awesome too

soberbythesea

Sophie that’s a tough situation. I honestly have not announced to very many people that I quit drinking... just quietly stopped. But in this situation it sounds like you’ll have to confront the issue sooner or later. I hope they’re not too overly inquisitive.

I’m doing ok and still haven’t drank but I had one small piece of marijuana chocolate over the weekend (we were visiting my boyfriend’s family in a state where it’s legal.) the trip was really stressful for a variety of reasons and I had a hard time not drinking, honestly came very close to picking up a drink. I’m glad I didn’t and I’m not angry with myself but at the same time I need to figure out what is going on. This is the second time I’ve basically subbed in weed for alcohol when I was stressed out and having a hard time not drinking. I don’t think it’s a sustainable strategy. I’m just having a tough time figuring out what needs to change, other than maybe the situations I’m putting myself in. Which is very difficult to avoid at times.

Hope you all are doing well!

__________________
No alcohol since January 12, 2019

sobersophie

Lovely to see you SBTS I agree, I'm inevitably going to have to deal with it so I think I will be low key and say it like it's no big deal. I see them roughly once a month so I will let you know how it goes!

You seem incredibly in tune with yourself, so hopefully you can recognise when you're feeling under pressure find an alternative to weed for relief. I try my best not to use food to cope with stress, but I don't always succeed and I'm constantly trying to find a balance. Maybe together we can move on to healthier habits?

I definitely think the first step is being kind to yourself. I'm looking forward weather cold enough for bubble baths and hot chocolate. I went to a cafe the other day to read my book and it was the most delicious, self-indulgent alone time I've had in ages. More of that is needed.