Class of January 2019 part 6
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Hi all. I'm not feeling like myself and hope it's ok if I share.
I feel full of dread at the amount of work ahead of me. I have so much to do this week for a deadline on Monday and I can't seem to bring myself to knuckle down and do it. I'm so angry with myself that I can't fight through this tiredness and get motivated. I'm angry that I wasn't more prepared.
I'm angry that I ate really well and exercised again for the first two months of my sobriety, then let it all go. I want to be this extraordinarily healthy person, but can't seem to find the time or the motivation to cook or shop for myself. I'm angry at people who have bullied me in the past. I'm angry that things they said still have such a hold on me.
I can't quiet the voice inside telling me that I'm worthless. I just can't seem to get anything right.
I feel full of dread at the amount of work ahead of me. I have so much to do this week for a deadline on Monday and I can't seem to bring myself to knuckle down and do it. I'm so angry with myself that I can't fight through this tiredness and get motivated. I'm angry that I wasn't more prepared.
I'm angry that I ate really well and exercised again for the first two months of my sobriety, then let it all go. I want to be this extraordinarily healthy person, but can't seem to find the time or the motivation to cook or shop for myself. I'm angry at people who have bullied me in the past. I'm angry that things they said still have such a hold on me.
I can't quiet the voice inside telling me that I'm worthless. I just can't seem to get anything right.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 211
Hey Sophie!
just wanted to chime in and make sure you understand how valuable you are
Quitting drinking/trying to eat healthy/work projects would drain anyone eventually. Just understand that feeling rundown isn't a weakness. It happens to us all
Hoping you feel better and can plow through this coming week!
-Z
just wanted to chime in and make sure you understand how valuable you are
Quitting drinking/trying to eat healthy/work projects would drain anyone eventually. Just understand that feeling rundown isn't a weakness. It happens to us all
Hoping you feel better and can plow through this coming week!
-Z
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 508
Congrats everyone. You guys have been doing well.
I have been doing well. I had been drinking like a moderate drinker on and off last few weeks. A beer or a drink, nothing like the old days. I feel I should stop that too, completely.
Again congrats to all. Missed you all. Will keep posting and checking on you all regularly.
I have been doing well. I had been drinking like a moderate drinker on and off last few weeks. A beer or a drink, nothing like the old days. I feel I should stop that too, completely.
Again congrats to all. Missed you all. Will keep posting and checking on you all regularly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
It seems most of us can grit our teeth and manage to drink like a gentleman for a time, but never forever - not if you had the relationship with alcohol I had.
I know from your posts you've already lost, or risked, a lot to drinking H379.
What's keeping you drinking?
D
I know from your posts you've already lost, or risked, a lot to drinking H379.
What's keeping you drinking?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 985
Sobersophie: thank you for your honesty and for expressing the strength in reaching out to us. I feel that I could have written your post. I have a very loud inner critic too and it was probably the major cause for my drinking (not to mention other negative behaviors). I have to actively work on dealing with that critic through multiple other techniques.
Zighoul is right: anyone would feel nervous and overwhelmed with everything you're doing at once. Well said, Zighoul.
H379: Very good to hear from you. I'm happy that you shared with us honestly and are still part of the class. I can't tell you what to do. But I hope you keep coming back and reflecting with us no matter what is going on. I agree with the statement in AA that all that is required for participation is the desire to stop drinking. I know for me now: not drinking is only a foundation for beginning to grapple and embrace a whole set of other techniques for learning to live.
Zighoul is right: anyone would feel nervous and overwhelmed with everything you're doing at once. Well said, Zighoul.
H379: Very good to hear from you. I'm happy that you shared with us honestly and are still part of the class. I can't tell you what to do. But I hope you keep coming back and reflecting with us no matter what is going on. I agree with the statement in AA that all that is required for participation is the desire to stop drinking. I know for me now: not drinking is only a foundation for beginning to grapple and embrace a whole set of other techniques for learning to live.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Thanks Zig and Listae. It made me feel much better to hear that I'm not alone as I felt like I was losing my mind. I suppose it is normal to feel overwhelmed and maybe I just need some time off. I will try to schedule a break after next week. How are you guys doing?
Nice to see you here, H. Please keep checking in. I'm glad you feel that you have your drinking more under control, but can't help but wonder why you would consider continuing to drink moderately. I can assure you even from my short experience, that a life of complete sobriety is far superior. It is free from all kinds of worry and grants you peace from the constant ambivalence towards alcohol: you simply don't drink, at all, ever.
I know it's not easy but I promise that once you get some sober time under your belt, alcohol loses its appeal. We're here for you x
Nice to see you here, H. Please keep checking in. I'm glad you feel that you have your drinking more under control, but can't help but wonder why you would consider continuing to drink moderately. I can assure you even from my short experience, that a life of complete sobriety is far superior. It is free from all kinds of worry and grants you peace from the constant ambivalence towards alcohol: you simply don't drink, at all, ever.
I know it's not easy but I promise that once you get some sober time under your belt, alcohol loses its appeal. We're here for you x
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Thank you for the congrats everyone I'm so happy to be over four months now. My dad texted me to see what kind of drinks I want when I visit him and my stepmom this weekend, and I was able to say just seltzer!
Sophie, I totally feel you. I feel really overwhelmed right now too. But, I feel like just pushing through and doing the work you've been dreading will make you feel so much better about yourself. I had to go visit a client in jail today (I'm a social worker) and I felt guilty because I had been putting off the visit. I was mad at myself for putting it off, and I was annoyed that I had to go to jail from 4-6:30 pm because I couldn't go earlier in the day. I felt so tired and drained on the way there that I almost turned around and went home. But my client and I had a nice chat, and I was so surprised that afterward, I found myself feeling energized, even though I had felt so dead tired before going to see him that I didn't think I could handle the visit. I felt so happy to have accomplished something, and am feeling so much better now about the work I have to do on his case in the days ahead. Just get started, even if you don't want to, and the momentum will carry you forward!
Have a nice night all.
I'm so happy to be over four months now. My dad texted me to see what kind of drinks I want when I visit him and my stepmom this weekend, and I was able to say just seltzer! Sophie, I totally feel you. I feel really overwhelmed right now too. But, I feel like just pushing through and doing the work you've been dreading will make you feel so much better about yourself. I had to go visit a client in jail today (I'm a social worker) and I felt guilty because I had been putting off the visit. I was mad at myself for putting it off, and I was annoyed that I had to go to jail from 4-6:30 pm because I couldn't go earlier in the day. I felt so tired and drained on the way there that I almost turned around and went home. But my client and I had a nice chat, and I was so surprised that afterward, I found myself feeling energized, even though I had felt so dead tired before going to see him that I didn't think I could handle the visit. I felt so happy to have accomplished something, and am feeling so much better now about the work I have to do on his case in the days ahead. Just get started, even if you don't want to, and the momentum will carry you forward!
Have a nice night all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 211
Hey class!
We have a weekend full of forecasted rain and storms here. I had no outdoor plans, so it actually sounds fantastic. I'm heading out to the grocery store, then coming home to rest my bones. It's been a long couple months at the greenhouse and two days of pure sloth is necessary sometimes
Take care!
✌💚💪
-Z
We have a weekend full of forecasted rain and storms here. I had no outdoor plans, so it actually sounds fantastic. I'm heading out to the grocery store, then coming home to rest my bones. It's been a long couple months at the greenhouse and two days of pure sloth is necessary sometimes
Take care!
✌💚💪
-Z
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 985
I admit that I haven't been in the most mindful place the last two-three weeks. I'm still not drinking but have lost some concentration/focus about the importance of sobriety. I feel that I need to add something else to my planning for staying sober. I've been tempted to drink but I think much of this is due to not feeling fulfilled in other aspects of my life. It's also staring to get really, really hot where I live. 90+ already. Anyway, I'm still sober with no plans to drink. But I do wonder sometimes if it would be okay to have one or two. Just being honest.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Hi everyone. Perhaps not a common opinion, but your stormy rain sounds lovely, Zig. Glad you are enjoying.
Listae - Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are mindful of your situation, or mindful that you aren't mindful! That is a good thing. We wouldn't be human if we didn't occasionally take our eye off the ball. Just know that the voice inside that tells you one or two drinks won't hurt does not have your best interests at heart, and that you deserve all the health and happiness a sober life has to offer. Love to you x
I am coming to the end of my crazy work schedule in a few days so the finish line is in sight. I will be having a much needed rest for a couple of days to regroup and be quiet and calm. I feel like I might be getting sick, but I have to push through these last few days and then I can take a break. I had a bit of a breakdown in the street when I was walking to my counselling appointment on Friday. I sort of felt like everything I am trying to carry suddenly became overwhelming and toppled over.
Definitely time to rest soon.
Listae - Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are mindful of your situation, or mindful that you aren't mindful! That is a good thing. We wouldn't be human if we didn't occasionally take our eye off the ball. Just know that the voice inside that tells you one or two drinks won't hurt does not have your best interests at heart, and that you deserve all the health and happiness a sober life has to offer. Love to you x
I am coming to the end of my crazy work schedule in a few days so the finish line is in sight. I will be having a much needed rest for a couple of days to regroup and be quiet and calm. I feel like I might be getting sick, but I have to push through these last few days and then I can take a break. I had a bit of a breakdown in the street when I was walking to my counselling appointment on Friday. I sort of felt like everything I am trying to carry suddenly became overwhelming and toppled over.
Definitely time to rest soon.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Originally Posted by listae 
I admit that I haven't been in the most mindful place the last two-three weeks. I'm still not drinking but have lost some concentration/focus about the importance of sobriety. I feel that I need to add something else to my planning for staying sober. I've been tempted to drink but I think much of this is due to not feeling fulfilled in other aspects of my life. It's also staring to get really, really hot where I live. 90+ already. Anyway, I'm still sober with no plans to drink. But I do wonder sometimes if it would be okay to have one or two. Just being honest.
My life was a very slow motion car crash over many years - a lot of things I loved and valued were smashed, sometimes beyond repair.
My drinking did that.
If I start thinking about ways to re-introduce drinking into my life, no matter how minimally, I know I'm in trouble.
D
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Sophie, I'm glad you'll get a break soon. As I mentioned, I'm in the same place too but things will get a lot less crazy in the coming weeks. (It looks like it anyway!)
Listae, thank you for sharing. Occasionally I think to myself that I'd like to drink. Usually it happens in social situations when I am feeling awkward. But it goes away quickly. I just can't imagine jeopardizing everything... again. Things are going really well for me right now -- at work (even though I have entirely too much to do), and especially in my relationship. My bf and I have never been closer and I think the fact that I'm no longer starting nonsensical drunken fights is a huge part of that.
Got to go as I'm working from home... finishing up a report. I'd really like to wrap up in the next hour or so so I can have some decent time to read with my cat before bed. Lol.
Have a nice night all
Listae, thank you for sharing. Occasionally I think to myself that I'd like to drink. Usually it happens in social situations when I am feeling awkward. But it goes away quickly. I just can't imagine jeopardizing everything... again. Things are going really well for me right now -- at work (even though I have entirely too much to do), and especially in my relationship. My bf and I have never been closer and I think the fact that I'm no longer starting nonsensical drunken fights is a huge part of that.
Got to go as I'm working from home... finishing up a report. I'd really like to wrap up in the next hour or so so I can have some decent time to read with my cat before bed. Lol.
Have a nice night all
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 211
Good to hear from you all
Confusing abstinence w/control was what got me every previous time Dee. That's such a good way to put it!
We all know that *1 or 2* feeling List Sometimes the good times we had with a bottle in hand seem way more recent than the downward spiral (at least for me). I'm just glad I have a freaking arsenal of BAD drinking memories to conjure up anytime 1 or 2 sounds fun, normal or sexy
✌💚💪
-Z
Confusing abstinence w/control was what got me every previous time Dee. That's such a good way to put it!
We all know that *1 or 2* feeling List
Sometimes the good times we had with a bottle in hand seem way more recent than the downward spiral (at least for me). I'm just glad I have a freaking arsenal of BAD drinking memories to conjure up anytime 1 or 2 sounds fun, normal or sexy ✌💚💪
-Z
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 310
Hi all. Thank you so much for your kind words, SBTS. Nice to hear you rewarding your hard work with some chill time with your kitty I feel like I have achieved quite a major milestone in handling a difficult and extremely busy few weeks without considering drinking, or even thinking about it at all really. I checked my tracker app today for the first time in ages and realised I ticked over 20 weeks sober a couple of days ago. That feels like a good stretch and I'm proud of myself.
Zig, you seem very content in your sobriety. I am going to take my lead from you and remember yours and Dee's posts if the thought enters my head that a drink might be a good idea. I haven't had a thought like that in weeks and feel at peace with my relationship with alcohol, but as you say, complacency is dangerous. Love to you x
Hope you're doing ok, listae and H. We're here for you - check in to let us know how you are
I feel like I have achieved quite a major milestone in handling a difficult and extremely busy few weeks without considering drinking, or even thinking about it at all really. I checked my tracker app today for the first time in ages and realised I ticked over 20 weeks sober a couple of days ago. That feels like a good stretch and I'm proud of myself.Zig, you seem very content in your sobriety. I am going to take my lead from you and remember yours and Dee's posts if the thought enters my head that a drink might be a good idea. I haven't had a thought like that in weeks and feel at peace with my relationship with alcohol, but as you say, complacency is dangerous. Love to you x
Hope you're doing ok, listae and H. We're here for you - check in to let us know how you are
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 211
Hola!
Wanted to poke my head in and see how everyone is
Work is slowing down a bit and I'm getting adjusted to the sights and smells of my 1st sober summer in forever.
Freaking weather is ridiculous here lately. Flash flood alerts/thunderstorms every other day it seems. Anyway, I'm hoping you're all enjoying your days and nights and look forward to hearing from you soon
✌💚💪
-Z
Wanted to poke my head in and see how everyone is
Work is slowing down a bit and I'm getting adjusted to the sights and smells of my 1st sober summer in forever.
Freaking weather is ridiculous here lately. Flash flood alerts/thunderstorms every other day it seems. Anyway, I'm hoping you're all enjoying your days and nights and look forward to hearing from you soon
✌💚💪
-Z
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 771
I haven’t checked in on this thread in a while. I’m still doing mostly okay, not drinking.
So I have ADHD (properly diagnosed years ago; people say they have ADHD all the time when they don’t) and my doctor recently prescribed something for that, and it SUCKED. Made me feel totally weird and not myself. I thought if I stuck with it I’d adjust, but nope. I found myself badly wanting a drink to counter the effects of the medicine, so I ended up dumping all the pills down the toilet.
Unfortunately, the desire to drink is still lingering, even once I flushed the meds. It just got me to thinking that I wish I could drink when I want to and resume sobriety the next day. It would be cool if I could switch it off and on.
Anyway, I’m going to have to stay closer to this forum so I can get back in my zone. I still haven’t gone to AA, maybe I’ll do that too.
So I have ADHD (properly diagnosed years ago; people say they have ADHD all the time when they don’t) and my doctor recently prescribed something for that, and it SUCKED. Made me feel totally weird and not myself. I thought if I stuck with it I’d adjust, but nope. I found myself badly wanting a drink to counter the effects of the medicine, so I ended up dumping all the pills down the toilet.
Unfortunately, the desire to drink is still lingering, even once I flushed the meds. It just got me to thinking that I wish I could drink when I want to and resume sobriety the next day. It would be cool if I could switch it off and on.
Anyway, I’m going to have to stay closer to this forum so I can get back in my zone. I still haven’t gone to AA, maybe I’ll do that too.
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