Originally Posted by goose333

I was working in the yard yesterday. Very tired. Went grocery shopping & made dinner. I was exhausted. When I get like that, I start to think about drinking. It calls me. I always used to enjoy a drink when I was physically exhausted. Boy did I want one yesterday. It passed, but today I thought I'd read an old post of mine. It always helps. Here's a link so my friends can have a reminder too. Doesn't hurt to be reminded even if we don't need it at the moment.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6705129 (Reasons why I don’t want that first drink)

I'll take another 24 today
5:40 am EDT

Originally Posted by Willow68

24 hours please from the beautiful sunshine of home, where my heart is full of love ❤️

These last weeks have been so very hard, and I am so very grateful to everyone, to every single one of you here on SR for your love and support ❤️❤️❤️

I had so many temptations to give in to the bottle, the AV was at times very fierce, telling me to just give up trying, to pick up that drink . I had so much grief, feelings of desperate sadness, despair and the utter pointlessness of it all, which could so easily have led to me picking up a glass or just necking it straight from the bottle. I came very very close quite a few times. It would have been so easy to drown out my sorrows in the bottom of a bottle of red wine, but one bottle wouldn’t have been enough and it would certainly have led to more bottles, and more, and more, and so it goes on. It’s that realisation of the reality of my drinking that stopped me from having that first one. Because I’ve realised it’s never just one. But even with that realisation there were a few moments when I didn’t even care about the consequences. I thought so what, I’ll end up a homeless drunk, I don’t care, it’s better than this misery and hurt of losing my parents. My dear old Dad. And my beautiful Mum.

My dear beautiful precious and gracious mother ❤️
And that’s what stopped me from picking up that first desperate drink. My Mum. The memory of my mother’s eyes looking at me with such love in her final hours. Just looking into my eyes with such love and peace. That is what stopped me from drinking again. My mother’s beautiful loving eyes. I will be forever grateful to her, for her love and unwavering support. I loved my Dad too, but it’s my Mum who was always there for me, no matter what. And she’s still always there for me, no matter what. So I will not drink. For Mum. To honour her. And for me, because I deserve a better life than can be found in the bottom of a bottle ❤️

Originally Posted by kenton

Just woke up after the oddest dream. I was in my car but I wasn't driving ... I never saw the face of the person driving. I was sitting in the passenger seat and we were travelling along this long, winding road. The road was occasionally bumpy and sometimes there was a bit of traffic but it was OK. ... we were moving forward towards wherever we needed to be. But the driver kept getting impatient and kept saying that if we veered off and took toll roads, we'd get to our destination quicker. So we veered off and the toll was extortionate but I paid it and then we ended up completely lost. The toll road didn't seem to go anywhere ... so we took ages to get back onto the long, winding, steady road and we journeyed on that for a while before the driver seemed to forget how expensive and useless the toll road had been and started looking for another toll road 'shortcut'.

It's unusual for me to remember dreams so clearly and I don't need to be Einstein to work this one out. The mysterious driver is my AV. The long, winding, sometimes-bumpy road is sobriety and those toll road 'shortcuts' represent alcohol. When I was drinking I used to turn up at parties and drink a couple of drinks really quick..... searching for a shortcut through shyness and social anxiety. I wanted to become confident, witty and sparkly and I wanted to become it NOW. But the problem was .... I may have become confident, witty and sparkly for about 2 minutes but then I became obnoxious, annoying and drunk.

Similarly, whenever I felt any emotion that made me uneasy, I would take a shortcut to feeling OK again. So I would drink to drown out the emotion but the emotion never went away .... instead it would resurface at an inexplicable time and be expressed in a disproportionate manner ... explains why I often ended up drunk and crying with absolutely no idea of the real reason behind the tears.

And the toll I paid for these 'shortcuts'? Eye watering. Much better to stay on the long, winding road. All those bumps are only bumps and on this road I'm actually travelling somewhere.

Love to everyone and 24 more for me please xxxx