Class of August 2018 Part Three
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
"I Am Sober" is the app I use... I had to reset it earlier today. You enter pledges, it gives you motivational quotes and images, keeps track of milestones, etc. I highly recommend it... think it was under $5 to purchase if I recall.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
I am so thankful that I talked to my doctor about a month ago... I am prepared to deal with the issues of anxiety and insomnia that have impacted my first few days of recovery on past attempts. I know it is not smart to have to prepare for the possibility of relapse... but I'm still glad I talked to him about it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington State
Posts: 591
Welcome TeeJayVerm, WritingHelps, and other new folks! Its great to see you join our group!
Alice - I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. I get palpitations/irregular heartbeat myself but pretty much only ever in the few days during or following a drinking binge - its a great indicator to me that stopping is a really important health decision! I hope your symptoms turn out ok!
bobdrop - The online AA meeting last night was kind of like a video conference. People use their web cams for the most part and just do their shares that way. If you're not for showing your cam you can cover it or direct it at the ceiling or something like that, and you only participate if you volunteer, otherwise you can just watch/listen. Being able to see the people made it feel a lot like a real meeting, and there were some good shares. It didn't seem limited by region but since it was later at night I think the people who shared were all Americans (& maybe Canadians) I'm not sure I'm allowed to link other sites (Dee?) but I think its fine to give out in PMs if you or anyone else want to PM me for the url for the site with online aa meetings. ... oh and I'm also glad to hear your health issue wasn't more serious
WritingHelps - I'm similar with the binge drinking. My daily thing has been marijuana, but every once in awhile I fall off the wagon with alcohol and often drink all day for several days in a row...then stop and feel like I got hit by a bus for a few days (what I'm going through now). There was a time in my life when I was a regular drinker though - about 4 bottles of liquor/week, so I been there too.
Midton, Barbs and others getting lots of AV/cravings - I wish the best for you in your struggles. I've been there many many times. It might sound cliche but remember you only need to worry about today, and if it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you can simply sit and rest a bit, and the world will stay up by itself.
As for me, I got home a little over an hour ago after a very long day. I got up at 3:30 because I couldn't sleep any more due to insomnia and anxiety, and basically spent the day until about 5 either working or doing other tasks I need to get done. Since I've been home I talked to my new sponsor on the phone and he gave me a bunch of first step work to do over the next week, in addition to continuing to call him twice a day to check in (this dude really means business). My headache from this morning finally seemed to get a bit better after I took advil midday. I'm now just planning to relax for the last few hours of hte evening before going to bed.
I hope you all have a good evening/day wherever you are.
If you're struggling please hang in there and just stick around. Also, don't feel compelled to post if you're too tired. We all understand - just keep reading and connect when you can
Alice - I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. I get palpitations/irregular heartbeat myself but pretty much only ever in the few days during or following a drinking binge - its a great indicator to me that stopping is a really important health decision! I hope your symptoms turn out ok!
bobdrop - The online AA meeting last night was kind of like a video conference. People use their web cams for the most part and just do their shares that way. If you're not for showing your cam you can cover it or direct it at the ceiling or something like that, and you only participate if you volunteer, otherwise you can just watch/listen. Being able to see the people made it feel a lot like a real meeting, and there were some good shares. It didn't seem limited by region but since it was later at night I think the people who shared were all Americans (& maybe Canadians) I'm not sure I'm allowed to link other sites (Dee?) but I think its fine to give out in PMs if you or anyone else want to PM me for the url for the site with online aa meetings. ... oh and I'm also glad to hear your health issue wasn't more serious
WritingHelps - I'm similar with the binge drinking. My daily thing has been marijuana, but every once in awhile I fall off the wagon with alcohol and often drink all day for several days in a row...then stop and feel like I got hit by a bus for a few days (what I'm going through now). There was a time in my life when I was a regular drinker though - about 4 bottles of liquor/week, so I been there too.
Midton, Barbs and others getting lots of AV/cravings - I wish the best for you in your struggles. I've been there many many times. It might sound cliche but remember you only need to worry about today, and if it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, you can simply sit and rest a bit, and the world will stay up by itself.
As for me, I got home a little over an hour ago after a very long day. I got up at 3:30 because I couldn't sleep any more due to insomnia and anxiety, and basically spent the day until about 5 either working or doing other tasks I need to get done. Since I've been home I talked to my new sponsor on the phone and he gave me a bunch of first step work to do over the next week, in addition to continuing to call him twice a day to check in (this dude really means business). My headache from this morning finally seemed to get a bit better after I took advil midday. I'm now just planning to relax for the last few hours of hte evening before going to bed.
I hope you all have a good evening/day wherever you are.
If you're struggling please hang in there and just stick around. Also, don't feel compelled to post if you're too tired. We all understand - just keep reading and connect when you can
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 88
I've read through all of today's post, and now I'm exhausted. Last night was plagued with waking every hour, so I'm going to thank you all for your contributions, but will hold off on posting until my brain has more capacity.
Onwards and upwards to all!
Onwards and upwards to all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,072
Welcome TeeJay. Glad to have you here.
ODAAT I hope you are headed for a good nights sleep.
I had a lovely day with my sister and her granddaughter. The two year old is warming up to me which is lovely. We went to a playground, then napped and then binge watched Jane the Virgin.
As I type I'm thinking how much easier it is to live right when you have a good group of people to be with. I'm worried about when I will be spending more time alone . . . .hmmm . . . time to come up with a plan.
ODAAT I hope you are headed for a good nights sleep.
I had a lovely day with my sister and her granddaughter. The two year old is warming up to me which is lovely. We went to a playground, then napped and then binge watched Jane the Virgin.
As I type I'm thinking how much easier it is to live right when you have a good group of people to be with. I'm worried about when I will be spending more time alone . . . .hmmm . . . time to come up with a plan.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 176
Finished up Day 3 sober. So happy!! When I was at work today I spent several hours entertaining my AV who was quite certain I could certainly stop by the store for a nice bottle of wine on my way home. I drank a small protein drink instead and had a few nibblies when I got home. Thankful to SR. I checked in and saw the hard efforts of my August group. You helped me turn away from thinking about drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Day 31 - 6am in the UK.
Teejay - Welcome to the group. I hope you can help us with your experiences and with your support. We will try and reciprocate the best that we can.
Midton - it’s interesting to me that you posted so honestly about how you have woken up (in the dim and distant past) and been pleased that you had a great night drinking. Are you sure that’s what you were pleased about? Please understand I’m not being one of those zealous anti-drinking ‘think I know it all after a speck of time abstaining’ ex-drinkers! I’m simply seeking clarification. You see I’ve NEVER woken up and been pleased I drank alcohol. Not even in the early days of being a young adult. Sure I was pleased to have had a great night, dancing, talking, meeting girls, partying with the boys - but never reflected positively over the drinking. Of course - us men in particular - we often like to boast about what a great night it was and how we got smashed and drank a gazillion bottles of Budshiester or whatever. But underneath the throbbing head and sore eyes never made me happy to be hungover. I suppose I’m sticking to my version of reality (who else’s can I refer to?) that whilst nights/days of drinking might have been fun the ‘fun bits’ wasn’t the actual drinking itself. So I’ve never been able to say “I’m pleased I drank alcohol last night”. Hey - just my rambling $0.02 on how we are different I suppose? Note: - although to correct myself slightly... I have been pleased to have been able to forget my troubles and events in my past.. but is that the same as being actively pleased to have drank alcohol? More of this later...
I notice some of you use apps and online communications other than SR (Midton, Red, Teejay?) that you find useful. I guess I use my morning check in at SR as my kind of virtual app? Anything that helps us right? I think some kind of reinforcement or support is vital. Living in just your own head is dangerous.
Karen - I’m so pleased you had such a great day with your grandchild. It’s the things like this that make the early days of struggle with what we are now, compared to who we want to be, so rewarding isn’t it? I wish I had that particular experience to look forward to. You’re blessed to have lovely children around you. It’s great to see you doing so well. Your post warmed my heart.
Bob - good to see you have a diagnosis to your illls. I know it’s diabetes and millions suffer this condition but I’m sure you don’t need me to ask you to take it seriously? Apart from the many well rehearsed accounts of people losing quality of life and even toes, feet, limbs through mis-management of this disease I also know in extereme cases it can kill you (very rare but it can happen suddenly). PLEASE look after yourself (and I know you haven’t said that it is) but this is no minor ailment.
Suze - I love your visualisation around the life you used to live as being a house that you no longer have a key for. Or that the key no longer fits as you don’t live there anymore. That the counting of days is now almost arbitrary for you as it is simply your ‘old life vs new life’ now. No going back. This is it for you. I think that’s an amazing achievement to feel that way.
Which leads me seamlessly on to me. I don’t feel that way. The mini-cruise brought that home to me. I WANTED to be part of the ‘normie crowd’. I didn’t want to get blasted or silly but I HATE myself for having to be in denial still. Why can’t I have a drink or two? Why can’t I relax about my body image and eat a f*****g slice of cake after my main meal? Why is everything such a black or white struggle with me?
Things have happened in my life. Bad things. The worst was about 10 years ago when I lost my only child. Some of you know that from a previous group and some of you don’t. I don’t want to really go into all that right now. But it is relevant to the above paragraph (in my own head at least). Body image, drinking, public perception, wealth (I have nobody to leave my estate to anyway) is all a lot of bull**** compared to the important stuff. So why am I so hung up on it?
And now you see the Tony that can go down a rabbit hole in real time as I type? This is what can make me drink and I’m scared I’m not finished with it. I’m just being honest.
I wish I was normal.
I wish I could forget.
I wish I had a time machine.
I still have a key to my old house Suze and it scares me - but not enough for me to chuck it as far as I can muster into the sea. I like the fact that the key to my old life is still warm and in my front pocket even though I know how destructive the using of it can be.
For me it’s not even a key to an old house. It’s the key to my own personal Pandora’s Box. I can’t let it go right yet despite knowing what it is.
I guess my recovery needs therapy - not just stopping drinking? But I have a violent like projectile vomit inducing reaction to such an option. That would (in itself) take hours to explain.
Sorry to not be all happy clappy today. I’m still sober though.
Love to All.
JT
Teejay - Welcome to the group. I hope you can help us with your experiences and with your support. We will try and reciprocate the best that we can.
Midton - it’s interesting to me that you posted so honestly about how you have woken up (in the dim and distant past) and been pleased that you had a great night drinking. Are you sure that’s what you were pleased about? Please understand I’m not being one of those zealous anti-drinking ‘think I know it all after a speck of time abstaining’ ex-drinkers! I’m simply seeking clarification. You see I’ve NEVER woken up and been pleased I drank alcohol. Not even in the early days of being a young adult. Sure I was pleased to have had a great night, dancing, talking, meeting girls, partying with the boys - but never reflected positively over the drinking. Of course - us men in particular - we often like to boast about what a great night it was and how we got smashed and drank a gazillion bottles of Budshiester or whatever. But underneath the throbbing head and sore eyes never made me happy to be hungover. I suppose I’m sticking to my version of reality (who else’s can I refer to?) that whilst nights/days of drinking might have been fun the ‘fun bits’ wasn’t the actual drinking itself. So I’ve never been able to say “I’m pleased I drank alcohol last night”. Hey - just my rambling $0.02 on how we are different I suppose? Note: - although to correct myself slightly... I have been pleased to have been able to forget my troubles and events in my past.. but is that the same as being actively pleased to have drank alcohol? More of this later...
I notice some of you use apps and online communications other than SR (Midton, Red, Teejay?) that you find useful. I guess I use my morning check in at SR as my kind of virtual app? Anything that helps us right? I think some kind of reinforcement or support is vital. Living in just your own head is dangerous.
Karen - I’m so pleased you had such a great day with your grandchild. It’s the things like this that make the early days of struggle with what we are now, compared to who we want to be, so rewarding isn’t it? I wish I had that particular experience to look forward to. You’re blessed to have lovely children around you. It’s great to see you doing so well. Your post warmed my heart.
Bob - good to see you have a diagnosis to your illls. I know it’s diabetes and millions suffer this condition but I’m sure you don’t need me to ask you to take it seriously? Apart from the many well rehearsed accounts of people losing quality of life and even toes, feet, limbs through mis-management of this disease I also know in extereme cases it can kill you (very rare but it can happen suddenly). PLEASE look after yourself (and I know you haven’t said that it is) but this is no minor ailment.
Suze - I love your visualisation around the life you used to live as being a house that you no longer have a key for. Or that the key no longer fits as you don’t live there anymore. That the counting of days is now almost arbitrary for you as it is simply your ‘old life vs new life’ now. No going back. This is it for you. I think that’s an amazing achievement to feel that way.
Which leads me seamlessly on to me. I don’t feel that way. The mini-cruise brought that home to me. I WANTED to be part of the ‘normie crowd’. I didn’t want to get blasted or silly but I HATE myself for having to be in denial still. Why can’t I have a drink or two? Why can’t I relax about my body image and eat a f*****g slice of cake after my main meal? Why is everything such a black or white struggle with me?
Things have happened in my life. Bad things. The worst was about 10 years ago when I lost my only child. Some of you know that from a previous group and some of you don’t. I don’t want to really go into all that right now. But it is relevant to the above paragraph (in my own head at least). Body image, drinking, public perception, wealth (I have nobody to leave my estate to anyway) is all a lot of bull**** compared to the important stuff. So why am I so hung up on it?
And now you see the Tony that can go down a rabbit hole in real time as I type? This is what can make me drink and I’m scared I’m not finished with it. I’m just being honest.
I wish I was normal.
I wish I could forget.
I wish I had a time machine.
I still have a key to my old house Suze and it scares me - but not enough for me to chuck it as far as I can muster into the sea. I like the fact that the key to my old life is still warm and in my front pocket even though I know how destructive the using of it can be.
For me it’s not even a key to an old house. It’s the key to my own personal Pandora’s Box. I can’t let it go right yet despite knowing what it is.
I guess my recovery needs therapy - not just stopping drinking? But I have a violent like projectile vomit inducing reaction to such an option. That would (in itself) take hours to explain.
Sorry to not be all happy clappy today. I’m still sober though.
Love to All.
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,303
Hi all my classmates
Starting day 6 today.
I would like to comment on each and every post , but it will take me a whole day. But I would like to say that each and every one means so much to me . I find words of wisdom, humour,encouragement, mindfulness,... all kinds of helpful emotions in each of everyones posts.
Welcome to all the people who recently joined , will try to engage as I catch up , and to all of you with milestones reached, or started over .
Suze, I don't know how you manage to be so specific about each person's specifics. You are just amazing. "Creating a meeting" specially for us. You are so articulate and descriptive in your writing.Loved your image of it being like a house u have moved out of and not having the keys anymore. Hope the back to school thing went well. I remember that like yesterday...
My son was diagnosed with Dyslexia 6 yrs ago ( just as we enrolled him in Highschool) It was a nightmare (well, junior school was as well)
but anyway, I decided to homeschool him. That's what I've been doing the last 5 yrs. He passed his matric (final year)in Nov'17 and is now studying Graphic Design - going strong on his own without any help from me .
So, the "back to school" always creates angst in the pit of my stomach, because it meant back to school for me too.
Karen , I hope the anti-dep's make a difference. I am on them as well, and very grateful that I am (been on them for long time) , I think they definitely help. To answer your ? about my family. I have not told my husband (yet) about my abstinance, and if he has noticed , he hasn't mentioned it. BUT, we are leaving tomorrow for 2 days to go to one of his Architectural conferences . On the way there ( a 3 hr drive) I am going to tell him. I am stressed about the cocktails before and the dinner after. And I am going to need him to know that . And to help me keeping my glass filled with NA drinks. This is a yearly get together at the university where he studied, and all his colleagues and friends are going to be there ( well they're also my friends) , but I am really stressed out about this whole thing, because it usually turns into quite a party !
And then a birthday party Saturday evening.
I think I must re-read all the threads where others were faced with similar situations. JT your cruise being one of them - on a ship - where you had nowhere to escape to !!! Many of you have had to , and all of us are going to face social events . It is part of life. So guess I'll just DO it !
Good vibes to all of you . Stay strong . You all mean very much to me.
PS: Spring has arrived. All the trees in my garden are filled with that beautiful chartreuse green - and I can watch a pair of Red-billed Whoophoo's feeding their just-hatched chicks outside my window !
So much to be grateful for !
Starting day 6 today.
I would like to comment on each and every post , but it will take me a whole day. But I would like to say that each and every one means so much to me . I find words of wisdom, humour,encouragement, mindfulness,... all kinds of helpful emotions in each of everyones posts.
Welcome to all the people who recently joined , will try to engage as I catch up , and to all of you with milestones reached, or started over .
Suze, I don't know how you manage to be so specific about each person's specifics. You are just amazing. "Creating a meeting" specially for us
. You are so articulate and descriptive in your writing.Loved your image of it being like a house u have moved out of and not having the keys anymore. Hope the back to school thing went well. I remember that like yesterday... My son was diagnosed with Dyslexia 6 yrs ago ( just as we enrolled him in Highschool) It was a nightmare (well, junior school was as well)
but anyway, I decided to homeschool him. That's what I've been doing the last 5 yrs. He passed his matric (final year)in Nov'17 and is now studying Graphic Design - going strong on his own without any help from me .
So, the "back to school" always creates angst in the pit of my stomach, because it meant back to school for me too.
Karen , I hope the anti-dep's make a difference. I am on them as well, and very grateful that I am (been on them for long time) , I think they definitely help. To answer your ? about my family. I have not told my husband (yet) about my abstinance, and if he has noticed , he hasn't mentioned it. BUT, we are leaving tomorrow for 2 days to go to one of his Architectural conferences . On the way there ( a 3 hr drive) I am going to tell him. I am stressed about the cocktails before and the dinner after. And I am going to need him to know that . And to help me keeping my glass filled with NA drinks. This is a yearly get together at the university where he studied, and all his colleagues and friends are going to be there ( well they're also my friends) , but I am really stressed out about this whole thing, because it usually turns into quite a party !
And then a birthday party Saturday evening.
I think I must re-read all the threads where others were faced with similar situations. JT your cruise being one of them - on a ship - where you had nowhere to escape to !!! Many of you have had to , and all of us are going to face social events . It is part of life. So guess I'll just DO it !
Good vibes to all of you . Stay strong . You all mean very much to me.
PS: Spring has arrived. All the trees in my garden are filled with that beautiful chartreuse green - and I can watch a pair of Red-billed Whoophoo's feeding their just-hatched chicks outside my window !
So much to be grateful for !
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 149
Welcome Texasgirl1, Teejayverm and Writinghelps.
JT, I’m in the UK and I really need to follow your lead and get up earlier. I’ve so much I’m trying to accomplish in a day but always feel time is against me.
Ayers, I’m sure you’ll do fine at the event. I was at a wedding and a christening at the weekend along with a pub session and didn’t drink. My advice is to enjoy your food and non alcoholic drinks and force yourself to just talk people, anybody. I find it easy once everybody is drunk as then nobody even notices but before that it can be quite awkward. I also had a book on my phone so I took a small break from the wedding function room and found a small room in the hotel where no on either was and read it for a while to take a break. I’d also have a backup plan. If you are feeling like drinking don’t be hesitant in just getting up and leaving and going to bed or your room. You don’t need an excuse either.
JT, I’m in the UK and I really need to follow your lead and get up earlier. I’ve so much I’m trying to accomplish in a day but always feel time is against me.
Ayers, I’m sure you’ll do fine at the event. I was at a wedding and a christening at the weekend along with a pub session and didn’t drink. My advice is to enjoy your food and non alcoholic drinks and force yourself to just talk people, anybody. I find it easy once everybody is drunk as then nobody even notices but before that it can be quite awkward. I also had a book on my phone so I took a small break from the wedding function room and found a small room in the hotel where no on either was and read it for a while to take a break. I’d also have a backup plan. If you are feeling like drinking don’t be hesitant in just getting up and leaving and going to bed or your room. You don’t need an excuse either.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Good morning! Ready to tackle day 4. I'm binging sugar, though … last night had four chocolate chip cookies -- and sugar is NOT my thing. One more issue to get on top of! I fell off the wagon briefly mid-month, but got back on. I'm happy to have spent most of August sober, and with three days to go, focused on ending it sober. See you all at the end of the day! Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: In the Country
Posts: 530
Hello from my little corner of the world dear Augustians,Still feeling a bit gloomy, but it'll pass... Welcome and hello to everyone joining us here.
Lots of great posts today , I take lots of inspiration and hope from them all, Thank you.
Have a great day. Love to everyone, SP
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 102
Hi All! I wrote out a long post last night before bed and lost it somehow??? I know this has happened to others but it was a first for me. I was too exhausted to post again so I went to sleep instead. End of Day 11 for me...yay for double digits.
Seraphyne sorry to hear that you drank but thank you for sharing your story. It helped me make an important decision. My work is selling tickets to their annual ball. To be honest I'd love to go. Getting all dressed up is my favourite but deep down I know it's too soon. If I go I know I will drink, blackout and probably humiliate myself in front of my new coworkers. So I am going to pass on it. Maybe next year when I am over a year sober I can attend...seems ambitious but there it is I said it.
Hi WritingHelps welcome to the class! I can relate to your post since I am also a binge drinker. It makes it hard to quit because I tell myself "oh you don't drink everyday or even every week so it's totally fine". But really it isn't fine. Over time it will progress. For me it already has. 10 years ago I never had a blackout now it happens almost every time I drink. If I continue I will likely end up an everyday drinker. Better for us to quit now than to let things get worse. You'll find tons of support here.
Hey Tony sorry you're feeling low. You have been through a lot of personal tragedy and I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with that. I really admire how committed you are to working out and eating healthy. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be perceived in a positive light and be successful financially. I wish I was more like you in those ways. I have been known to eat cake for dinner and dessert, don't have any idea how I am perceived and am terrible with money. Obsession with body image, money and perception can be problematic, but I think it's ok to care about those as long as you realise that there are other more important things in life (which you clearly do). I tend to agree with you about therapy but I am considering giving it another go.
Sorry to hear about your health issues Bobdrop but glad that they identified the cause that seems to be half the battle.
Good night from Aus see you hangover free in the AM
Seraphyne sorry to hear that you drank but thank you for sharing your story. It helped me make an important decision. My work is selling tickets to their annual ball. To be honest I'd love to go. Getting all dressed up is my favourite but deep down I know it's too soon. If I go I know I will drink, blackout and probably humiliate myself in front of my new coworkers. So I am going to pass on it. Maybe next year when I am over a year sober I can attend...seems ambitious but there it is I said it.
Hi WritingHelps welcome to the class! I can relate to your post since I am also a binge drinker. It makes it hard to quit because I tell myself "oh you don't drink everyday or even every week so it's totally fine". But really it isn't fine. Over time it will progress. For me it already has. 10 years ago I never had a blackout now it happens almost every time I drink. If I continue I will likely end up an everyday drinker. Better for us to quit now than to let things get worse. You'll find tons of support here.
Hey Tony sorry you're feeling low. You have been through a lot of personal tragedy and I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with that. I really admire how committed you are to working out and eating healthy. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be perceived in a positive light and be successful financially. I wish I was more like you in those ways. I have been known to eat cake for dinner and dessert, don't have any idea how I am perceived and am terrible with money. Obsession with body image, money and perception can be problematic, but I think it's ok to care about those as long as you realise that there are other more important things in life (which you clearly do). I tend to agree with you about therapy but I am considering giving it another go.
Sorry to hear about your health issues Bobdrop but glad that they identified the cause that seems to be half the battle.
Good night from Aus see you hangover free in the AM
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
Good morning all. Day 14 here. Yea! 2 weeks! I just can't write anymore until I mention something Ayers said. It's spring there?!! In Florida, we're still in the dead heat of summer. Guess I don't understand this stuff as much as I should. Since I'm in IT, the world is just a bunch of I's and 0's
JT-Thanks for the reminders. I have every intention of taking control of my diabetes. Just feel blessed that it is something I can control.
Suze-I am still digesting your comments on keys to the house. A lot to think about.
Startingover-Thanks for the info on the online AA meetings. I may PM you for the link. Thanks.
Kit-Thinking of you. How are you doing?
All-As far as losing long posts go, I have found my own solution that works for me. If I do a fairly long message, I always copy it before I hit the post button. That way, if it tells you that you have to logon again, after you do that, you can just paste the message back in. I am sure that the timing out issue is for your own security in keeping this as private as possible. Hope that helps.
Hope everyone has a great day!
JT-Thanks for the reminders. I have every intention of taking control of my diabetes. Just feel blessed that it is something I can control.
Suze-I am still digesting your comments on keys to the house. A lot to think about.
Startingover-Thanks for the info on the online AA meetings. I may PM you for the link. Thanks.
Kit-Thinking of you. How are you doing?
All-As far as losing long posts go, I have found my own solution that works for me. If I do a fairly long message, I always copy it before I hit the post button. That way, if it tells you that you have to logon again, after you do that, you can just paste the message back in. I am sure that the timing out issue is for your own security in keeping this as private as possible. Hope that helps.
Hope everyone has a great day!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
Good morning!
I only have time for a quick check in, so I am going to try and do this in three posts.
First, thank you Darkling, Quit, Zoey, Itsbeen, Ayers, Karen and everyone else for your touching, kind words. I do NOT want to set any bar for replying to people. It helps me, but it was certainly a time commitment yesterday and impossible if you are on a phone. It helps me get my head straight and to really embrace my new world you are helping me form. I do laugh at the idea if anyone ever saw my chicken scratch notes with all of my shorthand and your screen names. I would look like I was going mad.
Darkling, per your adult after 40 years...I don't think it is that black and white. There is no adult finish line. We don't all grow evenly in the same ways. Sometimes we need to rotate the plant growing to the sun to even out its growth. That introspection is part of the beauty of this life journey. Just figure out what part needs more sun.
David, glad you got to experience the separate AV (not really). Not surprised you nailed it. Texas, good for you taking care of your mother in law, but I can imagine how that isolation mixed with some rough words can make it hard to get perspective. I hope you find some ways to reach out and find some connections to balance that.
BobDrop...glad you got a singular diagnosis. While no one hopes for diabetes, it is better to have a clear answer. I hope you are feeling better.
Midton, I hope these early days at least fill you with steel resolve even if they are not pleasant. I loved Drunkard too. I have been thinking about alcohol and whether there were good days and I wish I could say the answer was no, never. I am still thinking about that, but think I need to wait until I am stronger. But to your point, it isn't anymore so that is that. It's over. And Red to your point, not every night ended in black outs and tragedy, but in recent years I agree with Tony. May have loved the first drink, but never as much as I thought I would because I was spending so much time thinking about the next. Blackouts and hangovers weren't my deterrent...it just was just becoming overwhelmingly something I was thinking about even when drinking.
QuitNow, feel better. Use it as a reminder to let your body heal and hopefully way less sickness this winter (I forget where people are) if you are not drinking. Zoey, the best part about being All In is the relief to not have to think about this ever again. For me and my restless mind, not having to analyze it anymore is relief in itself. I SHRUG at your sugar...do what you need to do. Great attitude on your August success.
Karen, one week! Nice! You sound like you have good plans. I really like what you wrote about my mind being a dangerous place to go alone. That is why I need to write here. I tried being all powerful, all knowing me and talking to myself. As Quitnow? Darkling? RAL? wrote...I fired myself. Sharing my mind is helping me when I coulnd't.
Unshackled, day 9 is great. Where you go from here is great, but don't push too hard yet. I found I needed a dose of goals mixed with letting life unfold as I focused on NOT doing things.
Startingover, you are doing so well in such a short time. Thanks for the info on video AA. I laughed at your new sponsor "This dude means business." Indeed! He does sound like he walked into your life when you needed him.
Odaat, I spent last night up every hour too. It is like drinking anxiety for me as I can't trust the thoughts I have during the night. I am sorry you are going through that.
Bekind, good plan finding good people. You are some of my good people. Focusing on adding positive things into life (not just removing things) is what I am working on too.
OregonGirl, well done! I wrote down eating...hmmm, can't remember what that means and can't check back. See, my notes are bad sometimes. Sorry!
Ayers, you too have made incredible progress in such a short time. Thanks for sharing about your son. I think sharing with your husband is a great plan. I also really tried to visualize that first NON drink as I found that the hardest. Having a support makes it better (I texted my husband).
I agree with DoubleD's advice too. Sneak away and take small breaks. For me, it was my cheat sheet, but anything including reading just breaks the hypnosis if you need it.
Sweet Pecan, hope the gloomy day passes.
Welcome Teejay! Glad you got a doctor to review. I really needed to separate out the mental journey/pain from the physical and understand it. Glad you got help.
JT...when I said I am doing this in 3, I want to think about your post more as it touched me so that you were so open and sharing. Not just about your pain, but about where you are on this. Once again, your honesty has really made me think about things. I don't mean that in a self centered way, but it really stopped me in my tracks. I want to take time to respond and now is not that.
I only have time for a quick check in, so I am going to try and do this in three posts.
First, thank you Darkling, Quit, Zoey, Itsbeen, Ayers, Karen and everyone else for your touching, kind words. I do NOT want to set any bar for replying to people. It helps me, but it was certainly a time commitment yesterday and impossible if you are on a phone. It helps me get my head straight and to really embrace my new world you are helping me form. I do laugh at the idea if anyone ever saw my chicken scratch notes with all of my shorthand and your screen names. I would look like I was going mad.
Darkling, per your adult after 40 years...I don't think it is that black and white. There is no adult finish line. We don't all grow evenly in the same ways. Sometimes we need to rotate the plant growing to the sun to even out its growth. That introspection is part of the beauty of this life journey. Just figure out what part needs more sun.
David, glad you got to experience the separate AV (not really). Not surprised you nailed it. Texas, good for you taking care of your mother in law, but I can imagine how that isolation mixed with some rough words can make it hard to get perspective. I hope you find some ways to reach out and find some connections to balance that.
BobDrop...glad you got a singular diagnosis. While no one hopes for diabetes, it is better to have a clear answer. I hope you are feeling better.
Midton, I hope these early days at least fill you with steel resolve even if they are not pleasant. I loved Drunkard too. I have been thinking about alcohol and whether there were good days and I wish I could say the answer was no, never. I am still thinking about that, but think I need to wait until I am stronger. But to your point, it isn't anymore so that is that. It's over. And Red to your point, not every night ended in black outs and tragedy, but in recent years I agree with Tony. May have loved the first drink, but never as much as I thought I would because I was spending so much time thinking about the next. Blackouts and hangovers weren't my deterrent...it just was just becoming overwhelmingly something I was thinking about even when drinking.
QuitNow, feel better. Use it as a reminder to let your body heal and hopefully way less sickness this winter (I forget where people are) if you are not drinking. Zoey, the best part about being All In is the relief to not have to think about this ever again. For me and my restless mind, not having to analyze it anymore is relief in itself. I SHRUG at your sugar...do what you need to do. Great attitude on your August success.
Karen, one week! Nice! You sound like you have good plans. I really like what you wrote about my mind being a dangerous place to go alone. That is why I need to write here. I tried being all powerful, all knowing me and talking to myself. As Quitnow? Darkling? RAL? wrote...I fired myself. Sharing my mind is helping me when I coulnd't.
Unshackled, day 9 is great. Where you go from here is great, but don't push too hard yet. I found I needed a dose of goals mixed with letting life unfold as I focused on NOT doing things.
Startingover, you are doing so well in such a short time. Thanks for the info on video AA. I laughed at your new sponsor "This dude means business." Indeed! He does sound like he walked into your life when you needed him.
Odaat, I spent last night up every hour too. It is like drinking anxiety for me as I can't trust the thoughts I have during the night. I am sorry you are going through that.
Bekind, good plan finding good people. You are some of my good people. Focusing on adding positive things into life (not just removing things) is what I am working on too.
OregonGirl, well done! I wrote down eating...hmmm, can't remember what that means and can't check back. See, my notes are bad sometimes. Sorry!
Ayers, you too have made incredible progress in such a short time. Thanks for sharing about your son. I think sharing with your husband is a great plan. I also really tried to visualize that first NON drink as I found that the hardest. Having a support makes it better (I texted my husband).
I agree with DoubleD's advice too. Sneak away and take small breaks. For me, it was my cheat sheet, but anything including reading just breaks the hypnosis if you need it.
Sweet Pecan, hope the gloomy day passes.
Welcome Teejay! Glad you got a doctor to review. I really needed to separate out the mental journey/pain from the physical and understand it. Glad you got help.
JT...when I said I am doing this in 3, I want to think about your post more as it touched me so that you were so open and sharing. Not just about your pain, but about where you are on this. Once again, your honesty has really made me think about things. I don't mean that in a self centered way, but it really stopped me in my tracks. I want to take time to respond and now is not that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
I have to run, but today might be hard for me.
Odaat, JT...I think you have struggled successfully with some of this. As I mentioned yesterday, I have an all day work presentation today that will affect the future. I am prepared and feel good about it. I find that I am mistaking adrenaline for....well it triggers some sort of desire to drink. If it goes well and I nail it, my AV sneaks in that I will want a drink to celebrate and come down. If it does not, well you get the idea.
I have been working onthis for a few days and know if I can face it then I will be stronger and can do it again in the future. Just a little hard right now and haven't figured out a way to ride that adrenaline rush in healthy ways. At least I am seeing it as adrenaline and not fear or need of a drink or anything. That parenthood roller coaster ride is what I am trying to embrace. This is life. This day is abnormal and that is good. Wine won't make it better. If I can feel fully alive in the face of whatever happens and not dull it then that is what it is about.
"May you live in interesting times" as a blessing and a curse. There is no after part of "and then dull it with alcohol." I am trying to enjoy interesting as part of this life journey as it comes to me without needing to add to it.
Anyhow, sharing is helping my resolve. I will check in when it is over and I am NOT drinking. See, already visualizing. I think if there was a word cloud for my posts here, "Visualize" would be super big. I feel very pop psychology, new age with all this visualization, but I think 90% of my drinking in the past few years was visualizing and imaging that first drink and it rarely delivered. If I can replace that visual with something else, the AV (so far) is still snoozing away and missed its alarm while I already defeated it.
I will check in later. Have a great day!
Odaat, JT...I think you have struggled successfully with some of this. As I mentioned yesterday, I have an all day work presentation today that will affect the future. I am prepared and feel good about it. I find that I am mistaking adrenaline for....well it triggers some sort of desire to drink. If it goes well and I nail it, my AV sneaks in that I will want a drink to celebrate and come down. If it does not, well you get the idea.
I have been working onthis for a few days and know if I can face it then I will be stronger and can do it again in the future. Just a little hard right now and haven't figured out a way to ride that adrenaline rush in healthy ways. At least I am seeing it as adrenaline and not fear or need of a drink or anything. That parenthood roller coaster ride is what I am trying to embrace. This is life. This day is abnormal and that is good. Wine won't make it better. If I can feel fully alive in the face of whatever happens and not dull it then that is what it is about.
"May you live in interesting times" as a blessing and a curse. There is no after part of "and then dull it with alcohol." I am trying to enjoy interesting as part of this life journey as it comes to me without needing to add to it.
Anyhow, sharing is helping my resolve. I will check in when it is over and I am NOT drinking. See, already visualizing. I think if there was a word cloud for my posts here, "Visualize" would be super big. I feel very pop psychology, new age with all this visualization, but I think 90% of my drinking in the past few years was visualizing and imaging that first drink and it rarely delivered. If I can replace that visual with something else, the AV (so far) is still snoozing away and missed its alarm while I already defeated it.
I will check in later. Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington State
Posts: 591
Suzes - I'll be sending you good thoughts today for your presentation. I also get the double sided - I want to drink/use when I'm feeling low AND I want to drink/use when I'm feeling up. I've found that mindfulness/staying in the moment helps with those situations. Good luck!
JT - I'm so sorry about your child. I know with me I've had some difficult stuff from my past and therapy really has helped there. Also for a long time I wished I could be normal. Now I don't mind being not-normal, I just want to be happy/content. I think many people try really hard to appear normal but nobody really is.
As for me, I'm on day 5. I did have a decent sleep last night all things considered and am grateful for that. My neck/head also feel better this morning which is good because yesterday I was starting to seriously worry I might have a brain tumor or something like that. They I remembered oh yeah I'm going through withdrawls, a headache is probably kinda normal - take an advil dummy. And that pretty much solved it.
Also I am in fact headed to see my therapist this morning before work. I couple of you have said it looks like I'm moving forward fast - if I am I think I owe it largely to therapy over the last year and a half and the help its given me to work through a lot of fear/shame which has held me back most of my life.
For those struggling and feeling down, its normal, and it will pass. When I was in really bad shape 4 days ago I felt paralyzed with fear and anxiety but started taking the small steps I could to just start moving - light housework, texting a couple of friends who are sympathetic to not feel alone, starting a thread on here about how lonely and isolated I was feeling.
One person I texted was a friend in recovery and she was firm with me - go to treatment. I started resisting and she texted me something which has been in my head constantly since then - "Getting clean requires you to do things you don't want to do" And its true - growth requires challenging yourself which requires discomfort. It doesn't have to be a huge amount of discomfort or anything, but baby steps and constantly moving forward and pushing through small fears without stopping can build into a lot of momentum in a short time. And the more you can be in the habit of just doing things without thinking/worrying about them first, the easier it is to keep the momentum going and push through the next obstacle. I even had this phrase pop into my head yesterday - one common saying is "think before you act". In my case a lot of the time its better to "act before you think" (ie before I start things spinning things in my head which creates fear/anxiety).
Ok enough rambling for me. Take care everyone.
JT - I'm so sorry about your child. I know with me I've had some difficult stuff from my past and therapy really has helped there. Also for a long time I wished I could be normal. Now I don't mind being not-normal, I just want to be happy/content. I think many people try really hard to appear normal but nobody really is.
As for me, I'm on day 5. I did have a decent sleep last night all things considered and am grateful for that. My neck/head also feel better this morning which is good because yesterday I was starting to seriously worry I might have a brain tumor or something like that. They I remembered oh yeah I'm going through withdrawls, a headache is probably kinda normal - take an advil dummy. And that pretty much solved it.
Also I am in fact headed to see my therapist this morning before work. I couple of you have said it looks like I'm moving forward fast - if I am I think I owe it largely to therapy over the last year and a half and the help its given me to work through a lot of fear/shame which has held me back most of my life.
For those struggling and feeling down, its normal, and it will pass. When I was in really bad shape 4 days ago I felt paralyzed with fear and anxiety but started taking the small steps I could to just start moving - light housework, texting a couple of friends who are sympathetic to not feel alone, starting a thread on here about how lonely and isolated I was feeling.
One person I texted was a friend in recovery and she was firm with me - go to treatment. I started resisting and she texted me something which has been in my head constantly since then - "Getting clean requires you to do things you don't want to do" And its true - growth requires challenging yourself which requires discomfort. It doesn't have to be a huge amount of discomfort or anything, but baby steps and constantly moving forward and pushing through small fears without stopping can build into a lot of momentum in a short time. And the more you can be in the habit of just doing things without thinking/worrying about them first, the easier it is to keep the momentum going and push through the next obstacle. I even had this phrase pop into my head yesterday - one common saying is "think before you act". In my case a lot of the time its better to "act before you think" (ie before I start things spinning things in my head which creates fear/anxiety).
Ok enough rambling for me. Take care everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Hi, all -- Just a quick check-in.
Suze, Tony, StartingOver, Ayers, Bobbdrop -- You all are so amazing for keeping up with everyone individually! Wow. Especially since this thread moves along so very fast.
KathJam, Metalrose, Pixy, WritingHelps, OregonGirl, SoberWoman, TexasGirl -- Welcome! Glad you all are here!
TexasGirl -- I'm a Texas girl too. And I relate to your experience as a caregiver and feel for you tremendously. I took care of both of my (alcoholic) parents at the same time as I was raising my then-young children. My father was fantastic. He had a horrible disease, but it was easy to care for and love him until the end. My mother, not so much. We had had a difficult relationship ever since I was very young and her MO was to basically criticize and put me down no matter what I did. My sister turned her back and would have nothing to do with her, but I felt a sense of duty and responsibility to take care of her despite the unhappy relationship. It's so incredibly hard. I hope you are ok. Drinking made things worse for me, so I'm glad you're here being proactive and seeking support.
Bobdrop - I'm glad you have found the underlying cause of your health issues. Of course diabetes is no cakewalk, but there is some comfort in having a diagnosis. At least you know the enemy you're girding up to fight. I wish you well.
Oh, JT. I'm so very sorry about the loss of your only child. Unfortunately, I can relate somewhat to that too. My ex and I lost our first -- a daughter. She was born with the (supposedly) most fixable kind of heart defect. She had elective surgery when she was 1 year old and we were called into the room to be with her after the surgery was "successfully" over with. She died shortly after we got there of a freak post-surgical heart attack. The pain of that kind of loss is unspeakable. She left me in August, and, I'm not sure if it's the same with you, but for me -- even though the years have eased the mental anguish somewhat, my body seems to have a memory of its own. The smells, the sounds, the "feeling" of August and that horrible day live in my bones and my eyes and my flesh and my spirit. It's impossible to explain. Maybe that's why I decided to get on my knees so to speak and join this group and commit to sobriety in August. I like to think my babygirl would want me to be a better person and to lead a kinder, saner, better life in her memory.
I saw my doctor yesterday and she prescribed a mild mood-stabilizer. She thinks my heart palpitations are just a visit from my old nemesis: anxiety. I'm hoping she's right. Again -- even though I don't consciously feel anxious, the body has a memory and life of its own.
All the best to all of you today. Have a happy, sober, peaceful Wednesday
-Allie
Suze, Tony, StartingOver, Ayers, Bobbdrop -- You all are so amazing for keeping up with everyone individually! Wow. Especially since this thread moves along so very fast.
KathJam, Metalrose, Pixy, WritingHelps, OregonGirl, SoberWoman, TexasGirl -- Welcome! Glad you all are here!
TexasGirl -- I'm a Texas girl too. And I relate to your experience as a caregiver and feel for you tremendously. I took care of both of my (alcoholic) parents at the same time as I was raising my then-young children. My father was fantastic. He had a horrible disease, but it was easy to care for and love him until the end. My mother, not so much. We had had a difficult relationship ever since I was very young and her MO was to basically criticize and put me down no matter what I did. My sister turned her back and would have nothing to do with her, but I felt a sense of duty and responsibility to take care of her despite the unhappy relationship. It's so incredibly hard. I hope you are ok. Drinking made things worse for me, so I'm glad you're here being proactive and seeking support.
Bobdrop - I'm glad you have found the underlying cause of your health issues. Of course diabetes is no cakewalk, but there is some comfort in having a diagnosis. At least you know the enemy you're girding up to fight. I wish you well.
Oh, JT. I'm so very sorry about the loss of your only child. Unfortunately, I can relate somewhat to that too. My ex and I lost our first -- a daughter. She was born with the (supposedly) most fixable kind of heart defect. She had elective surgery when she was 1 year old and we were called into the room to be with her after the surgery was "successfully" over with. She died shortly after we got there of a freak post-surgical heart attack. The pain of that kind of loss is unspeakable. She left me in August, and, I'm not sure if it's the same with you, but for me -- even though the years have eased the mental anguish somewhat, my body seems to have a memory of its own. The smells, the sounds, the "feeling" of August and that horrible day live in my bones and my eyes and my flesh and my spirit. It's impossible to explain. Maybe that's why I decided to get on my knees so to speak and join this group and commit to sobriety in August. I like to think my babygirl would want me to be a better person and to lead a kinder, saner, better life in her memory.
I saw my doctor yesterday and she prescribed a mild mood-stabilizer. She thinks my heart palpitations are just a visit from my old nemesis: anxiety. I'm hoping she's right. Again -- even though I don't consciously feel anxious, the body has a memory and life of its own.
All the best to all of you today. Have a happy, sober, peaceful Wednesday
-Allie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Alice and JT, thank you for sharing your experience. Life can be searingly painful. So sorry for what you have both suffered.
Thanks as always Suze for your kind and hopeful words.
I have to admit, like JT I haven't thrown away the keys to the old house yet.....still some ambivalence about the finality of staying sober.
Bob, I am so glad to hear the medical problems are all manageable.
RAL, where are you?
Thanks as always Suze for your kind and hopeful words.
I have to admit, like JT I haven't thrown away the keys to the old house yet.....still some ambivalence about the finality of staying sober.
Bob, I am so glad to hear the medical problems are all manageable.
RAL, where are you?
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