Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 6
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Class of January Support Thread 2018 Part 6
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Well hello out there!
Shell, it must be tough when you need people but have a hard time with groups. I'm glad you come back here, and I hope you can get to a counselor or AA or both. Or whatever you need. I have found this to be a great group because the timing is always right and you can browse around for what you may need in the moment (a happy story of redemption...a cautionary tale...a place to write out random rants about your kids yelling about bodily functions, etc.) Congrats on the triple digits!
NC, woo hoo!!! Century Club!! Even if the anxiety isn't partying with you, I'd say it's cause for a celebration! What you said about probably remembering the fun of being with the kids rather than the anxiety part has stuck with me. I think that's a wonderful way to look at it.
Palmer, also wise words from you on having taken my request for deputy as far as I can right now. Just have to let it sit and evaluate my options based on what happens or doesn't. I actually love the culture where I work. I mean, there are aspects I don't love (it can be a little too law and order, hierarchical at times( but generally it's an all hands on deck, compelling mission, gallows humor kind of place. Thank goodness because it would be really impossible if I didn't value the attitudes and working demeanor of the people there. And thanks for your sympathy on my fairy duties!
Thinking of you and hoping all well on the health scare front. I'm sorry you and your husband are having to go through that.
Sunflower, love your cake story! As you know I'm not afraid of eating quite a bit. The ladies in the main office now just dump extra food with me because they know I'll eat it And that I'll take any extra coffee any time, ever.
Easyontheeyes, really is cool you found your way to us. And I'm glad you tried a meeting. It is tough to go it alone. Obviously I highly recommend SR but it seems like so many of the people who have success work the program in AA. Anyhow, hoping that commiserating here and here will ease some of the burden.
Scotty, your post in honor of 100 days was so beautiful. I hope you post it periodically. I'd like to make one of my own, though you really pretty much covered it admirably. Not sure if I could think of anything else if I tried to make one.
Dee, hi! Always love reading your posts. I see you in the other forums too. I really admire you and your plain, compassionate but strong advice.
Okay time for me to turn in. Worked another long/late day. Having a tough time keeping eyes open and have an early wake up to at least theoretically work out. Sleep tight buddies!
Shell, it must be tough when you need people but have a hard time with groups. I'm glad you come back here, and I hope you can get to a counselor or AA or both. Or whatever you need. I have found this to be a great group because the timing is always right and you can browse around for what you may need in the moment (a happy story of redemption...a cautionary tale...a place to write out random rants about your kids yelling about bodily functions, etc.) Congrats on the triple digits!
NC, woo hoo!!! Century Club!! Even if the anxiety isn't partying with you, I'd say it's cause for a celebration! What you said about probably remembering the fun of being with the kids rather than the anxiety part has stuck with me. I think that's a wonderful way to look at it.
Palmer, also wise words from you on having taken my request for deputy as far as I can right now. Just have to let it sit and evaluate my options based on what happens or doesn't. I actually love the culture where I work. I mean, there are aspects I don't love (it can be a little too law and order, hierarchical at times( but generally it's an all hands on deck, compelling mission, gallows humor kind of place. Thank goodness because it would be really impossible if I didn't value the attitudes and working demeanor of the people there. And thanks for your sympathy on my fairy duties!
Thinking of you and hoping all well on the health scare front. I'm sorry you and your husband are having to go through that.Sunflower, love your cake story! As you know I'm not afraid of eating quite a bit. The ladies in the main office now just dump extra food with me because they know I'll eat it
And that I'll take any extra coffee any time, ever. Easyontheeyes, really is cool you found your way to us. And I'm glad you tried a meeting. It is tough to go it alone. Obviously I highly recommend SR but it seems like so many of the people who have success work the program in AA. Anyhow, hoping that commiserating here and here will ease some of the burden.
Scotty, your post in honor of 100 days was so beautiful. I hope you post it periodically. I'd like to make one of my own, though you really pretty much covered it admirably. Not sure if I could think of anything else if I tried to make one.
Dee, hi! Always love reading your posts. I see you in the other forums too. I really admire you and your plain, compassionate but strong advice.
Okay time for me to turn in. Worked another long/late day. Having a tough time keeping eyes open and have an early wake up to at least theoretically work out. Sleep tight buddies!
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Numblady, I'm glad your workplace culture is good, at least! I should clarify, I have great relationships with my boss and colleagues, but our overall organization has shifted significantly towards micromanagement and paralyzing bureaucracy. I'm used to having a lot of autonomy, and of course that has to fall within policies, etc. but procedures seem to be a moving target and our top performers are especially confused and deflated. Luckily, there are opportunities to move to other departments which is what I'm exploring now.
The doctors' appointments yesterday went fine I guess, lots of information but it seemed to bond my husband and I, and we had a nice lunch afterwards. There's not much to do except wait for the next steps.
The rain has finally moved on, and today is bright, sunny, and cool. I find that the weather has such a profound effect on my mood, so I'm hoping it will stay this way. Have a great day, everyone!
The doctors' appointments yesterday went fine I guess, lots of information but it seemed to bond my husband and I, and we had a nice lunch afterwards. There's not much to do except wait for the next steps.
The rain has finally moved on, and today is bright, sunny, and cool. I find that the weather has such a profound effect on my mood, so I'm hoping it will stay this way. Have a great day, everyone!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Hi Class,
Just a drive by for me today. Another bad day of eating and no exercise. Tomorrow I’ve decided I’m going to wake up and get my run done before work, that way it will set me up for the day. I hope to continue that for the rest of the trip to hopefully build some structure. I rely heavily on structure in my life (though I rarely have it as I’m always so busy dealing with curve balls - go figure! Probably just a psychological excuse I use as to why I fail) and I don’t do well when my usual eating and workout routines are thrown out with travel etc., but I hope to use this extended trip as an opportunity to address and improve that challenge so that I can open myself up to more travel with work in future and to really deal with my eating issues in flexible contexts.
@Palmer: I’m so glad that today went as well as possible with the doctor and that you and your husband have been brought closer and shared a nice lunch. I’m so sorry for the strain and worry you both must be going through.
@Numblady: I’m happy to hear at least that you enjoy the culture for some part and get on well with most of your colleagues, at least that’s a silver lining to the immense pressure and demands on your time and resources!
Hi to all other classmates out there! @Milly, thinking of you and missing your posts. Please pop by if you can - sending hugs!
Just a drive by for me today. Another bad day of eating and no exercise. Tomorrow I’ve decided I’m going to wake up and get my run done before work, that way it will set me up for the day. I hope to continue that for the rest of the trip to hopefully build some structure. I rely heavily on structure in my life (though I rarely have it as I’m always so busy dealing with curve balls - go figure! Probably just a psychological excuse I use as to why I fail) and I don’t do well when my usual eating and workout routines are thrown out with travel etc., but I hope to use this extended trip as an opportunity to address and improve that challenge so that I can open myself up to more travel with work in future and to really deal with my eating issues in flexible contexts.
@Palmer: I’m so glad that today went as well as possible with the doctor and that you and your husband have been brought closer and shared a nice lunch. I’m so sorry for the strain and worry you both must be going through.
@Numblady: I’m happy to hear at least that you enjoy the culture for some part and get on well with most of your colleagues, at least that’s a silver lining to the immense pressure and demands on your time and resources!
Hi to all other classmates out there! @Milly, thinking of you and missing your posts. Please pop by if you can - sending hugs!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Welp . . . Day 5 for me. 
Thank you all for asking about me and keeping me in your thoughts. I so appreciate it. I'm not even sure what to say. What ever I say in my head just sounds like excuses or something . . but I do want to try to explain . . .
I past the 90 day mark. But it's like that accomplishment happened during such a bad time. I didn't make it to the century club.
Last time I checked in here (though I've been lurking ever since), I was really, really rattled by that stupid post by TGY2. I mean it just left me thinking "wtf?" (excuse my language). I mean my personal daily struggles don't somehow take away attention from struggles others are having. That's such bullsh*t. And, honestly, I was irritated with the compassionate posts in reply to her outburst.
I mean I've got a million other places in life where I suck it up and play nice with others. I've got a strong social life. I'm not looking for an online forum to simply socialize. I'm looking for a place where I can say the stuff I don't say elsewhere. Where I can be vulnerable. Where I can talk about my drinking and how it's ruining everything. And I sure HELL don't need to hear "suck it up, others have it worse". Ug.
So that threw me for a loop.
Of course, I know I shouldn't have let it affect me. Of course I KNOW this forum is a safe place where I can be vulnerable.
But it didn't feel like it at the time.
And then the darn blizzard came and didn't let up for nearly a week . And all but one spinning and yoga class was cancelled. These activities had started feeling like a routine.
Maybe these really just are excuses. I don't even know. But the Saturday before last, a friend got stuck in town and so she came to my place. Her husband soon came in his plow truck to pick her up and brought liquor and wine. We all had a few drinks and celebrated the storm. Me included.
And then I drank 4 out of the next 8 days; twice to excess. Last Sunday I was nursing a hangover on my couch and wondering what the HELL happened.
A couple of things became VERY, VERY clear to me:
- My GI issues are out of control when I drink. I had been doing better, not a 100% but improving every day. Then, BAM, feeling like crap again. Not sure if it's the alcohol or the terrible eating patterns that I get into when I drink.
- Relating to that I realized that when I'm not drinking I spend a lot of time planning around food. How to eat healthy. What to buy at the grocery store. When to eat before going somewhere where I know the food will trigger my GI issues. When I drink I spend just as much time planning my drinking. I mean, I guess I knew that . . . but now I really KNOW it.
- Fighting with my hubby escalates. Obviously he doesn't change when I drink. I do.
- I have a very strong negative voice in my head when I drink. I guess I really didn't realize that before, but that shame/guilt voice is unrelenting. I was surprised to hear it so loudly. I didn't even know it had been there, and that when I stopped drinking it went away.
So anyway, here I am day 5. Luckily I haven't experienced any of that early withdrawal stuff. I was surprised that when I went back to spinning after missing nearly two weeks, it felt fine. It felt like routine again for me this week. Yoga was wonderful too. And no one seemed to notice I was missing for a week (everyone missed the first week when the storm cancelled classes).
That's my update. Again, thanks for keeping me in your thoughts. It meant a lot. I guess I really do need this place for support because when you guys and my exercise routine went away I truly struggled. Clearly I need to add something more to my "recovery plan" too. I'll have to figure that out.
Thank you all for asking about me and keeping me in your thoughts. I so appreciate it. I'm not even sure what to say. What ever I say in my head just sounds like excuses or something . . but I do want to try to explain . . .
I past the 90 day mark. But it's like that accomplishment happened during such a bad time. I didn't make it to the century club.
Last time I checked in here (though I've been lurking ever since), I was really, really rattled by that stupid post by TGY2. I mean it just left me thinking "wtf?" (excuse my language). I mean my personal daily struggles don't somehow take away attention from struggles others are having. That's such bullsh*t. And, honestly, I was irritated with the compassionate posts in reply to her outburst.
I mean I've got a million other places in life where I suck it up and play nice with others. I've got a strong social life. I'm not looking for an online forum to simply socialize. I'm looking for a place where I can say the stuff I don't say elsewhere. Where I can be vulnerable. Where I can talk about my drinking and how it's ruining everything. And I sure HELL don't need to hear "suck it up, others have it worse". Ug.
So that threw me for a loop.
Of course, I know I shouldn't have let it affect me. Of course I KNOW this forum is a safe place where I can be vulnerable.
But it didn't feel like it at the time.
And then the darn blizzard came and didn't let up for nearly a week . And all but one spinning and yoga class was cancelled. These activities had started feeling like a routine.
Maybe these really just are excuses. I don't even know. But the Saturday before last, a friend got stuck in town and so she came to my place. Her husband soon came in his plow truck to pick her up and brought liquor and wine. We all had a few drinks and celebrated the storm. Me included.
And then I drank 4 out of the next 8 days; twice to excess. Last Sunday I was nursing a hangover on my couch and wondering what the HELL happened.
A couple of things became VERY, VERY clear to me:
- My GI issues are out of control when I drink. I had been doing better, not a 100% but improving every day. Then, BAM, feeling like crap again. Not sure if it's the alcohol or the terrible eating patterns that I get into when I drink.
- Relating to that I realized that when I'm not drinking I spend a lot of time planning around food. How to eat healthy. What to buy at the grocery store. When to eat before going somewhere where I know the food will trigger my GI issues. When I drink I spend just as much time planning my drinking. I mean, I guess I knew that . . . but now I really KNOW it.
- Fighting with my hubby escalates. Obviously he doesn't change when I drink. I do.
- I have a very strong negative voice in my head when I drink. I guess I really didn't realize that before, but that shame/guilt voice is unrelenting. I was surprised to hear it so loudly. I didn't even know it had been there, and that when I stopped drinking it went away.
So anyway, here I am day 5. Luckily I haven't experienced any of that early withdrawal stuff. I was surprised that when I went back to spinning after missing nearly two weeks, it felt fine. It felt like routine again for me this week. Yoga was wonderful too. And no one seemed to notice I was missing for a week (everyone missed the first week when the storm cancelled classes).
That's my update. Again, thanks for keeping me in your thoughts. It meant a lot. I guess I really do need this place for support because when you guys and my exercise routine went away I truly struggled. Clearly I need to add something more to my "recovery plan" too. I'll have to figure that out.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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@Milly: I am so so so so so happy that you posted. I have missed your posts so much! I feel so bonded with this group (something that is rare for me as I don't usually bond easy with others) and I enjoy the honesty, insightfulness, supportiveness and general chit chat of all of your posts so much. I am sorry it is under these circumstances, and I am truly sorry that you have stumbled, but I am so proud and pleased that you have found your way back to us, and the strength and resolve to find your way back to the sober path and on Day 5. Congratulations and I am sending you a super big, warm and supportive hug!
I can understand your frustration and upset at TYG's post, I must admit that I felt quite hurt also and it really gave me pause for thought as to whether I was annoying/hindering/burdening others here with my 'mundane' challenges and daily routines.
It sounds like you have done a lot of thinking and soul searching over the past week and I am so happy that you've decided to commit again to your sober journey - and we all need to remember, that's exactly what this is, a journey. Journeys have ups and downs, pitstops, roundabouts, off road and sometimes involve doubling back and rerouting. The main thing is, once we have the right company, the right attitude, a determination to just keep going, we'll be ok. There isn't necessarily a destination on this sober journey, but rather a will to just get a little further, or learn a little more about ourselves, and make an effort to apply our best efforts every day - even if that just means working on a new plan.
I'm so happy to hear you're back spinning and at yoga, too. I find exercise so vital to my mental health and in turn, sobriety, and this has been slipping for me the last week since I've been abroad. My mission is to knock that on the head starting tomorrow and take control again, even if I have to 'fake it til I make it'.
So happy to have you back, Milly. I've really missed you
I can understand your frustration and upset at TYG's post, I must admit that I felt quite hurt also and it really gave me pause for thought as to whether I was annoying/hindering/burdening others here with my 'mundane' challenges and daily routines.
It sounds like you have done a lot of thinking and soul searching over the past week and I am so happy that you've decided to commit again to your sober journey - and we all need to remember, that's exactly what this is, a journey. Journeys have ups and downs, pitstops, roundabouts, off road and sometimes involve doubling back and rerouting. The main thing is, once we have the right company, the right attitude, a determination to just keep going, we'll be ok. There isn't necessarily a destination on this sober journey, but rather a will to just get a little further, or learn a little more about ourselves, and make an effort to apply our best efforts every day - even if that just means working on a new plan.
I'm so happy to hear you're back spinning and at yoga, too. I find exercise so vital to my mental health and in turn, sobriety, and this has been slipping for me the last week since I've been abroad. My mission is to knock that on the head starting tomorrow and take control again, even if I have to 'fake it til I make it'.
So happy to have you back, Milly. I've really missed you
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Hooray!!! Milly is back. Boo for the fact I want to say more and my computer has decided to go completely on the blink. Dang it!!!! Anyhow so glad you made it back and I value your posts very much. More when I have a functioning freaking keyboard.
Easyontheeyes nkce to see you popping through!
NC seriaoikh (please note this is the uncoreexrrd, um, uncorrected version of ‘serisously’. Damn I suck at typing on phone). I still marvel at you for even attempting to eat healthy. Truly.
Palmer, sunflower, everyone else good night and I hope to be back for real soon with a computer like a real grown up.
Easyontheeyes nkce to see you popping through!
NC seriaoikh (please note this is the uncoreexrrd, um, uncorrected version of ‘serisously’. Damn I suck at typing on phone). I still marvel at you for even attempting to eat healthy. Truly.
Palmer, sunflower, everyone else good night and I hope to be back for real soon with a computer like a real grown up.
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Hi Milly
I'm glad you're back.
I guess I've been here a long time, and I can see the different ways people suffer and deal with pain - some ignore it, some internalise it, and some externalise it and lash out.
I'm not going to talk about anyone when they're not here, but without talking about specifics, I don't think the lashings out I've seen over the years has anything much to do with those who cop the lash out.
It's certainly not worth leaving the site and drinking again
Like Numblady said the ignore function is there to use, no one will know if you;re using it and you can stop using it anytime you like.
.
D
I'm glad you're back.
I guess I've been here a long time, and I can see the different ways people suffer and deal with pain - some ignore it, some internalise it, and some externalise it and lash out.
I'm not going to talk about anyone when they're not here, but without talking about specifics, I don't think the lashings out I've seen over the years has anything much to do with those who cop the lash out.
It's certainly not worth leaving the site and drinking again
Like Numblady said the ignore function is there to use, no one will know if you;re using it and you can stop using it anytime you like.
Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again
D
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
Good Morning All,
Well this morning I kicked my lazy ass out of bed and although I was slow getting ready, I got my run done nice and early! It's a beautiful day here, too, which was a really nice boost and definitely helped to combat the low mood I've had over the past week. My husband and I are taking a half day today to go enjoy the sunshine and I am so excited to soak up some sun and just enjoy the time with him, as I know he has noticed my mood over the past week while I've been wrestling with my own stuff in my head. Here's to the start of a low-carb stint and daily exercise (and hopefully not a continuation of the false starts I've been having!)
@Numblady: I appreciate your kindness, but trust me, there is absolutely nothing 'marvellous' about my poor attempts!!
@Sunflower: Hi There!!
Hope everyone has a wonderful, sober day!
Well this morning I kicked my lazy ass out of bed and although I was slow getting ready, I got my run done nice and early! It's a beautiful day here, too, which was a really nice boost and definitely helped to combat the low mood I've had over the past week. My husband and I are taking a half day today to go enjoy the sunshine and I am so excited to soak up some sun and just enjoy the time with him, as I know he has noticed my mood over the past week while I've been wrestling with my own stuff in my head. Here's to the start of a low-carb stint and daily exercise (and hopefully not a continuation of the false starts I've been having!)
@Numblady: I appreciate your kindness, but trust me, there is absolutely nothing 'marvellous' about my poor attempts!!
@Sunflower: Hi There!!
Hope everyone has a wonderful, sober day!
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Milly!!! So very happy you're back. I've been wondering where you were, and how you were doing...and although it sucks that you drank, you're back with more information, about your diet, confirming the ways you plan obsessively about drinking, etc. And as far as comments from others on the site, I do agree that people who attack are usually not attacking anything legitimate, it is more about their frustration with their own situation, or to get attention. But I also know that we are all in somewhat fragile states ourselves, holding it together for the real world, and when we come here it's nice to have a place for real talk, things others won't understand. Anyway, all that babbling is to say that I'm here for you 100% and really hope that you resume your regularly scheduled posting. I definitely missed you.
I have another busy day today (like everyone!) so I'm off for the moment. I'll check back later, though!
I have another busy day today (like everyone!) so I'm off for the moment. I'll check back later, though!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 754
Good morning ☀️
I woke up at 4:30 this morning which is actually kind of nice. I get some alone time 😊
I’ve been thinking a lot about how grateful I am that the obsession to drink has been lifted. This is the first time in 4 years I’ve felt this way. I truly give the credit to God. This is definitely not my doing.
However I know that I still need to stay vigilant and keep my recovery number 1. Anyways I hope you all have a fabulous Friday!!! I’ll check back in later.
I woke up at 4:30 this morning which is actually kind of nice. I get some alone time 😊
I’ve been thinking a lot about how grateful I am that the obsession to drink has been lifted. This is the first time in 4 years I’ve felt this way. I truly give the credit to God. This is definitely not my doing.
However I know that I still need to stay vigilant and keep my recovery number 1. Anyways I hope you all have a fabulous Friday!!! I’ll check back in later.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
@Palmer: Hope your busy day was OK!
@Sunflower: 4.30am - ouch!! I am not a morning person AT ALL, I really wish I was! Glad you got some time to yourself and it made me so happy to hear how your focus on alcohol has dissipated and you feel lighter and free of its grasp. How wonderful.
Hope everyone else is having a great sober day/night!
@Sunflower: 4.30am - ouch!! I am not a morning person AT ALL, I really wish I was! Glad you got some time to yourself and it made me so happy to hear how your focus on alcohol has dissipated and you feel lighter and free of its grasp. How wonderful.
Hope everyone else is having a great sober day/night!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,916
Hi!! My computer is still broken. And apparently I failed to submit the post I typed this morning. Hate nit having a good way to type. Had serious talk well email with husband today re non drinking. Went pretty well. Hopefully I can get my computer fixed so I can tell you about it. Hope all are well.
Palmer, NC and well everyone, hope your days were awesome,
Sunflower what an inspiring and uplifting post,
Palmer, NC and well everyone, hope your days were awesome,
Sunflower what an inspiring and uplifting post,
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
@Numblady: Sorry about your computer - it's so frustrating when they act up like that! Great to hear that you had such a positive talk with your husband and looking forward to hearing about it in more detail.
@Milly: How are you doing? Do you have your weekend plan and tool kit all set?
My husband and I took a half day from work yesterday and went to a beach club as the weather was nice here. It reinforced how happy I am to be sober. I could enjoy the experience without spending a fortune on over priced drinks and food getting progressively rowdier or more obnoxious (which I would have in the past) and by sunset I was ready to get home to my bed and watch some Netflix, meaning I could wake up fresh this morning. I've just had breakfast (Day 2 of my 10 day low-carb mission), cleaned a little and put on a wash. Will be heading to the supermarket shortly, stopping for a coffee on the way and then getting my run in this afternoon.
Have a great day all
@Milly: How are you doing? Do you have your weekend plan and tool kit all set?
My husband and I took a half day from work yesterday and went to a beach club as the weather was nice here. It reinforced how happy I am to be sober. I could enjoy the experience without spending a fortune on over priced drinks and food getting progressively rowdier or more obnoxious (which I would have in the past) and by sunset I was ready to get home to my bed and watch some Netflix, meaning I could wake up fresh this morning. I've just had breakfast (Day 2 of my 10 day low-carb mission), cleaned a little and put on a wash. Will be heading to the supermarket shortly, stopping for a coffee on the way and then getting my run in this afternoon.
Have a great day all
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