Class of April 2014 Part 32
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Class of April 2014 Part 32
continues from here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-31-a-20.html (Class of April 2014 Part 31)
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https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-31-a-20.html (Class of April 2014 Part 31)
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Not sleeping the best Freein. 4 hours at the most really. All self induced of course. It takes ages for my nerves to settle, I'm trying a few things to deal with it. Time sober, as with most things, is the real answer though.
My anger management therapist is calling me as to why I haven't made an appointment, and missed the last one. He's an old bouncer, solid reasoning behind the counselling, but it's all so bloody simple. Like a course for idiots. I already know what he's going to say....... It's like going through the motions for the sake of actually being in "anger management"........
I know all the answers too.
I just keep screwing up getting a solid run at it all.
Plus the self destruction, laziness, lack of will power, selfishness etc.....
Raining here today, need the water, one of those days!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
I totally understand what you're saying Obo, you know all of the information, you know it makes sense, and you know what you have to do.......except for some reason you can't follow it through. It's totally illogical isn't it? But addiction is illogical.
I think recovery isn't about the knowledge and understanding, we're all pretty bright around here, it's much deeper than that.
I'm convinced that the moment of revelation for me was spending a weekend with a sober (and spiritually conscious) friend. She has no idea of the impact that that weekend had on me, perhaps one day I'll tell her. I was away from my usual routines, and triggers, I was with a trusted and dear friend, and we were both on a spiritual quest. I suppose it was a retreat of sorts.
I know it's not possible for everyone to get time away, and not everyone has a friend like that, but I think it's helpful to get a glimpse of a contented, sober life. It turns all that knowledge in to real experience.
When I returned home, I realised that my sobriety was the most important thing to focus on. I knew that without that my life would remain just on a superficial level......relationships, work, family....all just superficial. By realising that, by emotionally letting go of the attachment to everything I had around me (relationships etc), I was free to focus on my sobriety without being so influenced by what I then saw as very superficial triggers. I hope this makes some sense ?
The great thing is, that with sobriety, life is no longer made up of the superficial, everything becomes so much more meaningful.
It's difficult to describe the shift from "intellectual knowledge" to "deep awareness".
I firmly believe that you are on the cusp of your own transformation, Obo. It might get more difficult before it gets better, but you'll break through, soon I hope.
Take care all.
I think recovery isn't about the knowledge and understanding, we're all pretty bright around here, it's much deeper than that.
I'm convinced that the moment of revelation for me was spending a weekend with a sober (and spiritually conscious) friend. She has no idea of the impact that that weekend had on me, perhaps one day I'll tell her. I was away from my usual routines, and triggers, I was with a trusted and dear friend, and we were both on a spiritual quest. I suppose it was a retreat of sorts.
I know it's not possible for everyone to get time away, and not everyone has a friend like that, but I think it's helpful to get a glimpse of a contented, sober life. It turns all that knowledge in to real experience.
When I returned home, I realised that my sobriety was the most important thing to focus on. I knew that without that my life would remain just on a superficial level......relationships, work, family....all just superficial. By realising that, by emotionally letting go of the attachment to everything I had around me (relationships etc), I was free to focus on my sobriety without being so influenced by what I then saw as very superficial triggers. I hope this makes some sense ?
The great thing is, that with sobriety, life is no longer made up of the superficial, everything becomes so much more meaningful.
It's difficult to describe the shift from "intellectual knowledge" to "deep awareness".
I firmly believe that you are on the cusp of your own transformation, Obo. It might get more difficult before it gets better, but you'll break through, soon I hope.
Take care all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
I had a lovely surprise yesterday - someone I work with sent me some flowers, as a goodbye gift. I know that this person does not have much spare cash, so I felt very humbled by her generosity. The strange thing is, I sat and watched "children in need" last night (it's a charity event on the TV and radio, that happens every year in the UK), and rather than giving my usual nominal offering, I became unusually generous with my pledge.
It's true that "what goes around, comes around". Generosity begets even more generosity. What a wonderful lesson that is for me!
"Children in need" raised over £50,000,000 last night, and there's more to come - after all, they haven't received my cheque yet.....lol.
I'm reading a wonderful book at the moment, by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, "the week of joy". They are both such inspiring leaders. I think they are both able to transcend their respective faiths, and talk to all of us.
I've had a really relaxing day today, it's been lovely. I'll be more active tomorrow, though - my dad now has his scooter, so we'll be going out for a walk somewhere. I told him I'd bring my walking boots, but he said "no, you won't need your boots, you'll need your running shoes"!
He's been out on his scooter every day since it arrived on Monday. And he's found another "fanatic" on the internet who blogs his scooter trips with a camcorder. It's a dark world for sure.
Hope everyone has a great weekend
It's true that "what goes around, comes around". Generosity begets even more generosity. What a wonderful lesson that is for me!
"Children in need" raised over £50,000,000 last night, and there's more to come - after all, they haven't received my cheque yet.....lol.
I'm reading a wonderful book at the moment, by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, "the week of joy". They are both such inspiring leaders. I think they are both able to transcend their respective faiths, and talk to all of us.
I've had a really relaxing day today, it's been lovely. I'll be more active tomorrow, though - my dad now has his scooter, so we'll be going out for a walk somewhere. I told him I'd bring my walking boots, but he said "no, you won't need your boots, you'll need your running shoes"!
He's been out on his scooter every day since it arrived on Monday. And he's found another "fanatic" on the internet who blogs his scooter trips with a camcorder. It's a dark world for sure.
Hope everyone has a great weekend
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
No one likes a fever......
It's like an alcoholic with a whisky glass in their hand.........
Get better Up!
Cleared a week on Friday, Sunday morning here. I'm going to go and visit my Mum for the day with the family....... Trying to get some soul back in my life, rather than soul destroying.........
Hope all are well!!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
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Well,... how did it go today Freein !?? Walking boots or running shoes ?
We must be living in the future,...for sure .
Hope you're feeling better Up !
Originally Posted by freein14 
. I told him I'd bring my walking boots, but he said "no, you won't need your boots, you'll need your running shoes"!
He's been out on his scooter every day since it arrived on Monday. And he's found another "fanatic" on the internet who blogs his scooter trips with a camcorder. It's a dark world for sure.
Hope everyone has a great weekend
He's been out on his scooter every day since it arrived on Monday. And he's found another "fanatic" on the internet who blogs his scooter trips with a camcorder. It's a dark world for sure.
Hope everyone has a great weekend
We must be living in the future,...for sure .
Hope you're feeling better Up !
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