Class of March 2016 part 40
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Hola Marchers!
Hey Applekat! I have seen that HBO documentary. It's very good! It basically does a short story on four people in varying depths of alcoholism. Glad you're back and resolved to fight the good fight!
Hey Applekat! I have seen that HBO documentary. It's very good! It basically does a short story on four people in varying depths of alcoholism. Glad you're back and resolved to fight the good fight!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Checking in.
AK - thank you for being so genuine and transparent. I am sure that we can all see a little (or a lot) of ourselves in your post. You are a strong and a courageous mama bear...and your kids are very lucky to have you....as are we. Love you and so very proud of you ...sending hugs.
Off to a meeting. Will take a page from CH and check in before leaving for home.
AK - thank you for being so genuine and transparent. I am sure that we can all see a little (or a lot) of ourselves in your post. You are a strong and a courageous mama bear...and your kids are very lucky to have you....as are we. Love you and so very proud of you ...sending hugs.
Off to a meeting. Will take a page from CH and check in before leaving for home.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Love you guys!
I may do the HBO free trial while my husband is out of town later this month just to watch it and have something planned for those solo nights. Who knows, maybe there will be something else I would like to watch too.
I may do the HBO free trial while my husband is out of town later this month just to watch it and have something planned for those solo nights. Who knows, maybe there will be something else I would like to watch too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,224
I'll have to watch that HBO documentary.
My headache has subsided for now. I really do think the peppermint helps. Glad I remembered to grab it this morning! Feeling a little better in general. I felt (to borrow from RE) bats**t crazy this weekend. Very glad I didn't resort to drinking because that would have made everything so much worse.
Love you guys.
My headache has subsided for now. I really do think the peppermint helps. Glad I remembered to grab it this morning! Feeling a little better in general. I felt (to borrow from RE) bats**t crazy this weekend. Very glad I didn't resort to drinking because that would have made everything so much worse.
Love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,911
Well we made it through another Monday.....I forced myself to go to the gym after work. I need to change my routine up since I easily get bored ~ and especially since I have two days off next week. The AV is quietly flirting with me and I keep swatting it away. I also need to get to more meetings. There's one location in particular that I haven't been to in a few years. Honestly I've been avoiding it 'cause the last time I showed up there I was drunk. I was kind of a regular there too - that's where I attempted my first and only white chip so all eyes were on me. No doubt some of them will recognize me if I go back.
I know, Whose fault is that?????
I know, Whose fault is that?????
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
AK, just wow. A powerful post. You are a strong woman and you will make it all right. I know this is just my own life strategy, but keep writing it all down. It helps, and you are dang good at it. Get it all out on the page/screen. I still prefer actually writing (fountain pen or 0.5 mm mechanical pencil with B leads, not HB leads). Lol, don't get me started on writing instruments, I'll talk your ears off. But that act of writing is therapy in itself. Journaling is pretty powerful if you let it open up.
Stay strong everyone. Stay warm or cool as the case requires.
Stay strong everyone. Stay warm or cool as the case requires.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Thanks Pelagic. I definitely needed to write that down (type) in that very moment. It IS helpful you are so right.
Can't wait for pajamas and laying in bed. Day 1s stink. Never have to feel that way again though.
And I just have to say - wow, class. Part 40?! Go, us!
Can't wait for pajamas and laying in bed. Day 1s stink. Never have to feel that way again though.
And I just have to say - wow, class. Part 40?! Go, us!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,224
Got home to the door to my second story deck wide open. My fault, I forgot to lock it and the wind blew it open. Boy was is cold!! Not sure how long it was open, but I'm guessing my heat was blowing all day. Oh well. Resting in bed in my pjs with lights low because my headache is back. Even though it was starting to get dark when I left my office, I had to wear sunglasses to drive home to tolerate car headlights and tail lights. I must have looked pretty comical. I wear my sunglasses at night... Happy to be home and cozy in bed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
Good morning, how are you? It's nice to see your face (does anyone else remember 'The Nolan Sisters?'). 1050 and all is well. Same as usual..lots of rewiring and thinking about why I turned out with my drinking. Putting into place new software (so to speak) that has good stuff- like a positive self image/self talk. The acceptance I am no worse than anyone else, so equal. When I first posted here- I was scared, felt threatened and very much survival mode. With time and I felt more saferer- I opened up, but sought external assurance my moral barometer was realistic. From isolation, to pissing and moaning (in my head) about others (who I live with), to acceptance/tolerance to a deeper awareness/understanding and respect for others- thus myself. Everything I do I a reflection of how I see myself. If I am sore- and not bearing it well, it will show up in how I behave.
So getting there. The concept of 'it just is' becomes more apparent.
Am watching 'QI'. Apparently god (such as he is) has a warped sense of humour. Elephants can smell ethanol up to 10 miles away in fermenting fruit- and like eating it. They get drunk. Elephants do not behave well when they are drunk. Who is going to argue with them?
Mindfulness and Zen to all.
So getting there. The concept of 'it just is' becomes more apparent.
Am watching 'QI'. Apparently god (such as he is) has a warped sense of humour. Elephants can smell ethanol up to 10 miles away in fermenting fruit- and like eating it. They get drunk. Elephants do not behave well when they are drunk. Who is going to argue with them?
Mindfulness and Zen to all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Wow...well we are just having a pajama party tonight!! 
Finishing the movie The Equalizer with DH (Denzel Washington is always good) and then I am off to bed. Looking forward to a sober Tuesday morning. ❤❤
Finishing the movie The Equalizer with DH (Denzel Washington is always good) and then I am off to bed. Looking forward to a sober Tuesday morning. ❤❤
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Applekat 
I can't drink again. When I do, I can't turn it off. It doesn't matter if I haven't had a drink in three weeks or 111 days. Once I take a drink I am triggered again. Might not be that day or night. But at some point I will begin to sneak extra drinks again. Buy back-up bottles. Supplement the end of the night with beer that I don't even like. Then I will wake up at 3 AM with my heart racing, mind reeling, mouth dry. And I will tell myself....never again. I will hate myself. I am embarrassed. I pray to god that my children never have to have moments like this. And then I may sleep another hour or two. In the morning I will be dizzy, nauseous, and full of shame. More hangover symptoms come as the morning ticks by. Eyeballs jittering, anxiety in my throat. What if this time I actually need to go to the hospital for help? Who will watch my kids? Never again. And I may not drink for a few weeks. But there always comes a moment where I give myself permission to "be bad" for that night or that weekend. Almost always with the same result. I can't keep going back there. THERE. Where I always end up. From the outside I am a thirty-five year old woman - a mother - who packs her kids' backpacks and sends them off with a hug and a smile. The mom who straps her kids in their car seats safely and lays with them in bed at night talking about their day. On the inside my brain is almost always battling the awful voice I hear. "You deserve it. Give yourself a break. Relax." I am so very mentally exhausted. Tired of the fight!
I wanted to write this down after chatting with my husband this morning about my concerns. It's a start (again). I am here. I am not running away. It's really time to actually be the strong, smart woman that everyone thinks I am. I hope it sticks this time. I know I'm not drinking today.
My name is Kate and I'm an alcoholic. No doubt about that.
I wanted to write this down after chatting with my husband this morning about my concerns. It's a start (again). I am here. I am not running away. It's really time to actually be the strong, smart woman that everyone thinks I am. I hope it sticks this time. I know I'm not drinking today.
My name is Kate and I'm an alcoholic. No doubt about that.
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