Cirrhosis God no not me Part 2
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Cirrhosis God no not me Part 2
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Join Date: May 2012
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Snoozy, I just went back and read your original post. I want to share with you that in 2009 I was diagnosed with cirrhosis (next to final stage) and thanks to the docs and my determination, my liver is now almost normal. That's not a guarantee but no alcohol, care with weight and generally healthy living can accomplish a good deal. Please take good care of yourself.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Always such support from you dear ones here. When I woke up this morning after reading such positive posts , it just gives me so much strength to beat this thing. It's relentless.
This is what happens when finally after 8 months sober , you think you will be able to go to a friends house with other workmates to catch up.
You tell them you don't drink , but there it is...someone comes back with a champagne and pops it right under your nose.
I looked at it for a least an hour , fiddling with the glass, almost romancing the drink & ' euphoria ' everyone else but me seemed to be having.
That 1 bloody glass was the beginning of insidious torture.
When will I learn I can NEVER have just one.
It's so exhausting living & fighting it , fighting and living it.
It's so sad to know I can never see my friends or family and virtually have to be a recluse, when I'm such a people person .
As you said Leigh " it's back to the farm for me on Monday. That's my plan.
Xxx
This is what happens when finally after 8 months sober , you think you will be able to go to a friends house with other workmates to catch up.
You tell them you don't drink , but there it is...someone comes back with a champagne and pops it right under your nose.
I looked at it for a least an hour , fiddling with the glass, almost romancing the drink & ' euphoria ' everyone else but me seemed to be having.
That 1 bloody glass was the beginning of insidious torture.
When will I learn I can NEVER have just one.
It's so exhausting living & fighting it , fighting and living it.
It's so sad to know I can never see my friends or family and virtually have to be a recluse, when I'm such a people person .
As you said Leigh " it's back to the farm for me on Monday. That's my plan.
Xxx
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
It's so sad to know I can never see my friends or family and virtually have to be a recluse, when I'm such a people person .
You can do anything and go anywhere - once you accept - really accept that you're an alcoholic...and accept all that means.
My life is SO much better than it used to be...it hasn't been a loss at all...I've *gained* from giving up alcohol.
I've gained so much that risking it all for a drink is laughable now.
It took a lot of work and a lot of change, but I got there.
You can get there too - but I think you have to accept that recovery is about more than just not drinking.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi Snooze.
Just wanted to agree with Dee (as usual), you don't need to be a recluse. There isn't anywhere I can't go now, I'm going to our works Christmas party and will be driving. That way I can enjoy the meal and leave when it starts getting a bit rowdy.
I sat next to hubby while he was drinking last night and wasn't the least bit tempted. It's 6.30 am on Saturday and I'm awake bright and early to go to my meeting while he's asleep.
I've made my peace with it now. Every time I relapsed it got that much harder to get sober again and I sank further down into alcoholic hell.
Never again.
Christmas is always the time when my AV pokes its head up and whispers to me...but I'm looking out for it this year.
You can do this Snoozy...there are lots of people who are willing to help. Lean on us xxx
Just wanted to agree with Dee (as usual), you don't need to be a recluse. There isn't anywhere I can't go now, I'm going to our works Christmas party and will be driving. That way I can enjoy the meal and leave when it starts getting a bit rowdy.
I sat next to hubby while he was drinking last night and wasn't the least bit tempted. It's 6.30 am on Saturday and I'm awake bright and early to go to my meeting while he's asleep.
I've made my peace with it now. Every time I relapsed it got that much harder to get sober again and I sank further down into alcoholic hell.
Never again.
Christmas is always the time when my AV pokes its head up and whispers to me...but I'm looking out for it this year.
You can do this Snoozy...there are lots of people who are willing to help. Lean on us xxx
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
It may seem like forever now, but it's really not. My substantial and dangerous temptations went away after about a year and a half. Now I am genuinely not bothered if people drink right in front of me. I honestly am no longer interested in drinking.
But it is like Dee says. In getting sober, I took the mask off and was shocked to come face-to-face with my total insistence on self-indulgence at all costs and a huge rut of playing the victim.
I stuck to SR like glue. I shared constantly. At first it was mostly about resisting temptations and blowing off steam; but eventually it developed into (sometimes humbling, even embarrassing) observations about myself and my selfish motivations for things.
I used the people here like a sounding board, and I grew in the process. I can see beyond myself to care for and bring serenity to other people.
I grew calmer and ended up not internally frantic anymore.
Use your sober time to examine yourself and your behavior patterns in all areas of life. If you find weaknesses, share them! This community offers help in ways that are far deeper than "EEK! I want a drink!"
And there's no judgment from your comrades here, no matter what unpleasant stuff you find.
All of my relationships are happier and stronger now. It's not just about the alcohol per se--it's about the deep changes that my sobriety represents.
Sorry for writing a book here!
But it is like Dee says. In getting sober, I took the mask off and was shocked to come face-to-face with my total insistence on self-indulgence at all costs and a huge rut of playing the victim.
I stuck to SR like glue. I shared constantly. At first it was mostly about resisting temptations and blowing off steam; but eventually it developed into (sometimes humbling, even embarrassing) observations about myself and my selfish motivations for things.
I used the people here like a sounding board, and I grew in the process. I can see beyond myself to care for and bring serenity to other people.
I grew calmer and ended up not internally frantic anymore.
Use your sober time to examine yourself and your behavior patterns in all areas of life. If you find weaknesses, share them! This community offers help in ways that are far deeper than "EEK! I want a drink!"
And there's no judgment from your comrades here, no matter what unpleasant stuff you find.
All of my relationships are happier and stronger now. It's not just about the alcohol per se--it's about the deep changes that my sobriety represents.
Sorry for writing a book here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by Gilmer 
It may seem like forever now, but it's really not. My substantial and dangerous temptations went away after about a year and a half. Now I am genuinely not bothered if people drink right in front of me. I honestly am no longer interested in drinking.
But it is like Dee says. In getting sober, I took the mask off and was shocked to come face-to-face with my total insistence on self-indulgence at all costs and a huge rut of playing the victim.
I stuck to SR like glue. I shared constantly. At first it was mostly about resisting temptations and blowing off steam; but eventually it developed into (sometimes humbling, even embarrassing) observations about myself and my selfish motivations for things.
I used the people here like a sounding board, and I grew in the process. I can see beyond myself to care for and bring serenity to other people.
I grew calmer and ended up not internally frantic anymore.
Use your sober time to examine yourself and your behavior patterns in all areas of life. If you find weaknesses, share them! This community offers help in ways that are far deeper than "EEK! I want a drink!"
And there's no judgment from your comrades here, no matter what unpleasant stuff you find.
All of my relationships are happier and stronger now. It's not just about the alcohol per se--it's about the deep changes that my sobriety represents.
Sorry for writing a book here!
But it is like Dee says. In getting sober, I took the mask off and was shocked to come face-to-face with my total insistence on self-indulgence at all costs and a huge rut of playing the victim.
I stuck to SR like glue. I shared constantly. At first it was mostly about resisting temptations and blowing off steam; but eventually it developed into (sometimes humbling, even embarrassing) observations about myself and my selfish motivations for things.
I used the people here like a sounding board, and I grew in the process. I can see beyond myself to care for and bring serenity to other people.
I grew calmer and ended up not internally frantic anymore.
Use your sober time to examine yourself and your behavior patterns in all areas of life. If you find weaknesses, share them! This community offers help in ways that are far deeper than "EEK! I want a drink!"
And there's no judgment from your comrades here, no matter what unpleasant stuff you find.
All of my relationships are happier and stronger now. It's not just about the alcohol per se--it's about the deep changes that my sobriety represents.
Sorry for writing a book here!
Really work your sobriety and recovery, Snooz; learn to love it; learn to fully appreciate every single moment of it - its goodness, its honesty, its life-saving and life-changing miracle; in time and with work, sobriety and recovery will become a major part of who you are, what you are and how you live your life and you will be PROUD of all of it. Yes, you will still be an alcoholic but it will be okay; you will be a part of the brave group who looked the beast in the eye and said "No more; you lose".
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Originally Posted by Gilmer
It may seem like forever now, but it's really not. My substantial and dangerous temptations went away after about a year and a half. Now I am genuinely not bothered if people drink right in front of me. I honestly am no longer interested in drinking.
But it is like Dee says. In getting sober, I took the mask off and was shocked to come face-to-face with my total insistence on self-indulgence at all costs and a huge rut of playing the victim.
I stuck to SR like glue. I shared constantly. At first it was mostly about resisting temptations and blowing off steam; but eventually it developed into (sometimes humbling, even embarrassing) observations about myself and my selfish motivations for things.
I used the people here like a sounding board, and I grew in the process. I can see beyond myself to care for and bring serenity to other people.
I grew calmer and ended up not internally frantic anymore.
Use your sober time to examine yourself and your behavior patterns in all areas of life. If you find weaknesses, share them! This community offers help in ways that are far deeper than "EEK! I want a drink!"
And there's no judgment from your comrades here, no matter what unpleasant stuff you find.
All of my relationships are happier and stronger now. It's not just about the alcohol per se--it's about the deep changes that my sobriety represents.
Sorry for writing a book here!
But it is like Dee says. In getting sober, I took the mask off and was shocked to come face-to-face with my total insistence on self-indulgence at all costs and a huge rut of playing the victim.
I stuck to SR like glue. I shared constantly. At first it was mostly about resisting temptations and blowing off steam; but eventually it developed into (sometimes humbling, even embarrassing) observations about myself and my selfish motivations for things.
I used the people here like a sounding board, and I grew in the process. I can see beyond myself to care for and bring serenity to other people.
I grew calmer and ended up not internally frantic anymore.
Use your sober time to examine yourself and your behavior patterns in all areas of life. If you find weaknesses, share them! This community offers help in ways that are far deeper than "EEK! I want a drink!"
And there's no judgment from your comrades here, no matter what unpleasant stuff you find.
All of my relationships are happier and stronger now. It's not just about the alcohol per se--it's about the deep changes that my sobriety represents.
Sorry for writing a book here!
Wow Gilmer ! Leigh's right , that's profound reasoning right there. Thank you love xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
How are you Snooze? What are you going to do differently this time? I had to really turn everything up the last time I relapsed and try new things. In my experience it gets more and more frustratingly difficult to get sober every time we relapse.
Hugs xxx
Hugs xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
I've had a similar experience as Jeni. For me, it took between a year-and-a-half to two years of real work before I could be "safe" around people drinking. I still try to avoid cocktail parties as much as possible. IMHO, the first year sober is all about beginnings.
Love what Gilmer said! And Dee is spot on.
Snooz, so happy you are getting on top of this now. The fact that you made it to 8 months is a positive!
Love what Gilmer said! And Dee is spot on.
Snooz, so happy you are getting on top of this now. The fact that you made it to 8 months is a positive!
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