Delizadee

I just had to get this out there. What started off as a wonderful mood today got flipped off like a light switch when I found out something that really pissed me off.

My default thought is grab a drink. But I don't even want to drink. It's not even a fight inside me. I am just so Fing mad.
Instead I sent a barrage of angry, hateful texts instead.
Not much better in my books. But at least I am not drinking over it. And I Just ()%(@#$%&%(*(*&%@!!!

Had to get that out.
Good job on all the sober work guys. Keep it up!

Misc72

Just checking in and saying hello???

sweetichick

I'd really like to join this class again. I'm on day 2. You guys sound so upbeat and positive. No cravings due to recently getting over bad gastro. I think I went through most of my withdrawals during the gastro so no real shakes or anything which is unusual.

fgo

Hello sunshine72

Delizadee sounds like you got some news that didn't sit well well with you.. Glad to hear you didn't drink. There isn't a situation that alcohol won't won't make worse.. That's experience talking.
I'm glad to read so many have gotten past the first several days and seeing it does get better.
One of my favorite posters is mtn man bob. He kinda makes it simple, all we've got to do to is keep the plug in the jug. Then we can start living the life we want.

Thank you all for being here. We can do this.

fgo

Sweetchick it's good to see you back.. It is a great class. The A-TEAM..

Quincy

Tomorrow will feel better than today. Welcome.

emme99

Hi everyone~
Welcome to everyone new~
I am trying to get back to day one. It was supposed to be today, but now I am trying for tomorrow. I felt so much better earlier this month when I had 19 days and even last Saturday when I was on day 6. I need to get back there again.
I am happy to read all your posts and see how well everyone is doing
Have a happy Thursday everyone

sloangrace

So tired, read through some posts and will try to reply tomorrow. I made it to my first meeting tonight and it was very positive. Also I was offered a glass of wine at my friends for dinner and declined. I'm feeling good about myself, made it through another day. I hope everyone sleeps sober and well, you guys are the best!!!!((hugs))

Antman

Hey everyone, thanks for all the good posts. Keep it up everyone. You all are doing great. It takes a tough SOB to kick this habit so be proud of any progress.

30 minutes left in day eight. Doing OK most of the time. Thanks peeps.

Delizadee

I got my day one. And no further am I counting days. I just don't drink anymore. Keeping it simple this time. Don't drink. I over think things all the time.

And yes my friend. I am working on my emotional instability. I got off the drunk train right back onto the crazy train... lol.

Sending hugs and positive vibes out to everyone tonight.... just taking a quick break from schooling.
Remember... progress not perfection! Be kind to youselves! <3

Caramel

to all xx

CajunPrincess

Hi all. Ending day 9 here. I'm looking forward to the weekend because SLEEP but a little worried for obvious reasons. Cravings haven't been near as strong as they were the first week, but then again, I've been busy alllll week.

@sunshine - Hi! How are you doing today?

@delizadee - I'm sorry you had a super frustrating moment. I do think it's AMAZING you didn't have to pick up a drink in the midst of it.

@Meshelly - "if I want one, I'll let myself have a drink tomorrow" It sounds kinda counter active, but i kinda subconsciously played that game with my mind last weekend and it worked pretty well. by the time the next day rolls around, I'm so grateful I told myself to hold off on it.

Also glad to see a lot of you have been getting good sleep lately now. I have too, and I LOVE IT.

Goodnight/good morning wherever you are

Delizadee

Yeah I'm letting my sober tool app do my day counting because I get too caught up in adding up my days. All that matters is today.
I have no urge to drink but my stinkin thinkin I might as well be drinking.

Very different this go round for me. The detox was not that bad physically or mentally. I haven't had much av to deal with. Just passing whispers. Last time I tapered off I had screaming anxiety and av and it was just hell for weeks. I feel pretty lucky after all the shiz I've put myself through. I've got what seem to be very helpful meds and I actually am starting to feel like a normal person.

Hope everyone has a good night (or day wherever you may be)
Many happy sober thoughts!

bexxed

Hi, checking in for the end of day 13.

Wow, what a week. For the last 6 days I have had no time to myself, with visitors followed by working out of town for three days and having to share a hotel room with a coworker.

There was pressure to drink literally every single day. At every dinner with the family, there is the "what are you having bexxed, beer or wine" and at every work event there is booze. At the airport, the plane is delayed and there is everyone gathered at the bar. And in these circumstances I really am the only one not drinking.

It's not something I get negative feedback for, it's just reality. I am the only one. I'm tricking my brain that I will "treat myself" by NOT drinking and I gotta tell you it's hard but it worked.

I'm so happy it's almost Friday.

Delizadee

Good for you bexxed. Eventually it will just become our new normal, and with hopes we'll feel serenity and peace over it. Treat yourself to something nice on the weekend sounds like a loooong week.

MrPL

Morning A-team!

Here I am on the start of day 16! 5 hour sleep last night by choice, prioritised the recovery plan so tired but happy.

Starting to notice some of the damage drinking did to my marriage, my wife is a shy person so it's not always obvious. Feels great to be reconnecting though, it's by no means something that can't be solved.

@SSG - nice to see your plan is into action! It's a game changer, isn't it?

@Julia - great stuff on day 11 and even better you're feeling good!

@sloangace - AMAZING x 2! Meeting and sober dinner in one go is awesome!

@Delizadee - that's the spirit! Stay sober and show the bastards who's the boss!

@sunshine & @sweetchick - nice to have you both back here. Maybe think about a plan? My last slip taught me a lot, I know you both can do this.

@emme - nice you decided to try again, but beware, your AV will always find an excuse for starting tomorrow, we are here to help you beat it.

@CajunPrincess - you're doing great! Maybe think about some nice things to do over the weekend?

@bexxed - I know what you mean. It's kind of a double edged sword, I feel like everything around invites me to drink, and yet I also feel that as I get sober the really important things are starting to turn for the better. You had an amazing week by the way, proud of you.

Have a nice Thursday everyone!

MrP

lovehoops

Wow!!!lots of posts since yesterday morning...all positive!!!

Car is packed and we are ready for our college adventure in a few hours...wish me luck!!! I know I'll cry but it's all good xoxo

Have a great day..I'll check in a few xoxo

kgirl41

My busy week continues and I am so grateful to be sober. I continue to be productive and work and eating well. I haven't made it to the gym this week but I did get a 2 hour workout in at Taekwondo so I'll be grateful for that and try again next week. I started a new class and it's a lot of reading (Business Law) and I get very stressed out when my homework starts piling up. When I'm drinking, I seem to procrastinate and save all my homework for the last minute. Now I'm trying to be better about doing a little bit each day. Unfortunately, that leaves little time in the evening for the gym. I may try tomorrow over my lunch break. Might be a great way to start the weekend.

I see a lot of positivity, confidence and strength here! It's so great. I feel some of that and I'm doing everything I can to remain sober, however, I know myself really well. The 2 week - 1 month time frame is very dangerous for me to have a relapse. I become confident and start spending less time working my recovery. I have already had a few thoughts creep in about drinking again - not cravings, just thoughts. I quickly dismiss them BUT I guess what I am saying is I don't want to relapse, so even though I am feeling good, strong, confident, etc...I cannot back off on working my recovery!

I've shared this before but I think it's worth sharing again, especially since we have so many newcomers

Are you on the relapse ladder

Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories . "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using. The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad ." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease. The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing. The fourth rung is called high risk situations . Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again. The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance . During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top. The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason. Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use . This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out. On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse . As you know, the Relapse rung has a crack in it and cannot bear your weight. So you come crashing down. Sometimes the crash happens immediately. Sometimes, the crack worsens over time. But since there is a crack, you will fall. If you survive the fall, you will feel guilt at having relapsed. You will resolve to stop using. And unless you get treatment, you will start the terrible climb back up the relapse ladder beginning with the first rung which is...

If you are on the Relapse Ladder, you need to get off on the lowest rung possible BY TELLING ON YOUR DISEASE! Remember there are two parties involved in a relapse. There is you and there is your disease. If you tell someone that you may be on the Relapse Ladder, you are telling on your disease, not you. So, ask yourself if you are on any of the nine rungs. If so, say to yourself, "I must get off the ladder now" five times to yourself with increasing emphasis. Then pick up the phone and tell your trusted friend, confidant, therapist, or mentor which rung of the ladder you are on and that you want to get off. (Leaving a voicemail message also works). If you can’t connect with someone, read your recovery literature, pray to your Higher Power, write down which rung you are on and list the consequences which made you want to get sober in the first place. Do something recovery oriented and don't substitute your drug of choice with another drug or bad behavior lest you start a new addiction. Then try to connect with a supportive person as soon as possible. This process works regardless of your philosophical or religious beliefs. Remember, sharing with another doesn’t mean that you only reach out when you have a recognizable craving or urge to use. Sharing means that you reach out and discuss where you may be on the Relapse Ladder.

Sorry my post is so long. I hope understanding the Relapse Ladder helps you as we all continue our journey. Much love to you all

Dee74

Welcome missnewlife and any others I've missed

D

Julia8

Good morning, all!

@emme - best wishes - you can do this with us!

@Delizadee - I have had that thought often too - about not counting days b/c it doesn't matter - I just don't drink. but, I am now, in the beginning - may stop later. whatever works!

@bexxed - you're a rockstar! that had to be hard w/ all the work functions, but you nailed it. thanks for the inspiration!

@MrP - glad you are seeing the marriage stuff and able to make changes now before it might be too late! good stuff.

@lovehoops - I cant even think about college coming up in the future - I will be a mess!

Rockin day 12 here.

love to the A-team!