Class of June 2015 Part 3
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Thank you so much Snoozy.
It is really unspeakable pain.
I think it would be hard to comprehend how difficult it is if you don't have children. At some point near the end you are begging God please take him! You just can't stand to see him in pain anymore.
Just an awful situation that I realize many are dealing with, but that doesn't lessen the grief we are feeling.
I am going to focus on what you said about him being proud of me for doing this; that will help me I think. <3
It is really unspeakable pain.
I think it would be hard to comprehend how difficult it is if you don't have children. At some point near the end you are begging God please take him! You just can't stand to see him in pain anymore.
Just an awful situation that I realize many are dealing with, but that doesn't lessen the grief we are feeling.
I am going to focus on what you said about him being proud of me for doing this; that will help me I think. <3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Omaha,NE
Posts: 372
Day 17.
Well, had my first real trigger/near slip today. It's the last day of my vacation and I woke up at 5am to fish. I was packing a cooler and opened up the feezer to discover a vodka bottle. I've seen beer in the fridge all week and been around hard stuff in the common areas for large group dinners and had no issues. I think the fact it was 5am and the chance of getting caught was so low, my AV saw a chance and went full court press. I simply processed the urge and did a pros and cons list. Not something I'd recommend for everyone, but at this point and being dry prior, I'm able to unrationalize whatever BS my AV throws at me.
I did not drink and I'm so happy I did not. I use to feel shame for moments like that; now it's just proof positive I'm an alcoholic. No reason to stress it. These urges get easier with time, but I'm not sure "bar is always open, and the time is always right" will ever fully leave my subconscious. What I do know is my last day of vacation was spent with family. Alcohol and drugs prevent me from connecting on a deeper level than I have felt towards my family in years. I don't want to dull my life, special moments in my life, or time spent with those I care about. If that means sobriety; that's a bargain in my book. Much love, Nolan.
P.S. Thanks again for all the active posters. I was behind and read page two to current and you all are straight up inspiring.
Well, had my first real trigger/near slip today. It's the last day of my vacation and I woke up at 5am to fish. I was packing a cooler and opened up the feezer to discover a vodka bottle. I've seen beer in the fridge all week and been around hard stuff in the common areas for large group dinners and had no issues. I think the fact it was 5am and the chance of getting caught was so low, my AV saw a chance and went full court press. I simply processed the urge and did a pros and cons list. Not something I'd recommend for everyone, but at this point and being dry prior, I'm able to unrationalize whatever BS my AV throws at me.
I did not drink and I'm so happy I did not. I use to feel shame for moments like that; now it's just proof positive I'm an alcoholic. No reason to stress it. These urges get easier with time, but I'm not sure "bar is always open, and the time is always right" will ever fully leave my subconscious. What I do know is my last day of vacation was spent with family. Alcohol and drugs prevent me from connecting on a deeper level than I have felt towards my family in years. I don't want to dull my life, special moments in my life, or time spent with those I care about. If that means sobriety; that's a bargain in my book. Much love, Nolan.
P.S. Thanks again for all the active posters. I was behind and read page two to current and you all are straight up inspiring.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Sydney
Posts: 82
Well done Noolan, that is wonderful that you didn't drink.
Scram, your friend coming over sounded very much like I felt the other night. Well done on staying so strong.
Ring, I am so sorry to hear about your loss and all you must have gone and are going through and I admire you for taking control of your life. I don't know if we're allowed to mention specific books here but I read and have followed a very amazing woman, her story is different she lost 3 children to domestic violence as well as her father and she wrote something about how she could have just lost herself in wine and stayed there, it was very powerful but she came to realise that she didn't want that, though she said people would have understood. It just made me think of her and how strong you are to do this as you struggle with deep grief. She has gone on to do amazing things and I follow her TED talks and things. Do lean on us, even if we don't understand we can listen.
I have a busy weekend ahead. Thought of Troy because I have taken on a ridiculous amount of work and that is good as I can't afford to lose hours to the bottle.
best wishes to all this weekend, let's work for a sober one
Mayg
Scram, your friend coming over sounded very much like I felt the other night. Well done on staying so strong.
Ring, I am so sorry to hear about your loss and all you must have gone and are going through and I admire you for taking control of your life. I don't know if we're allowed to mention specific books here but I read and have followed a very amazing woman, her story is different she lost 3 children to domestic violence as well as her father and she wrote something about how she could have just lost herself in wine and stayed there, it was very powerful but she came to realise that she didn't want that, though she said people would have understood. It just made me think of her and how strong you are to do this as you struggle with deep grief. She has gone on to do amazing things and I follow her TED talks and things. Do lean on us, even if we don't understand we can listen.
I have a busy weekend ahead. Thought of Troy because I have taken on a ridiculous amount of work and that is good as I can't afford to lose hours to the bottle.
best wishes to all this weekend, let's work for a sober one
Mayg
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
Today was day 16.
Not the best day. Someone said something critical of me today and I try really hard to please people, however I know I can't please everyone but it is really bothering me. My stomach is in knots and I am feeling super anxious.
I am also trying to get up the courage to got to my second AA meeting tomorrow. I was very uncomfortable and fought back tears the entire first meeting I went to and I am really nervous to go to another one. AA may not be for me but I feel like I need to got o at least one more meeting to be sure. I could really use something to settle my nerves right now but I am not going to drink.
Not the best day. Someone said something critical of me today and I try really hard to please people, however I know I can't please everyone but it is really bothering me. My stomach is in knots and I am feeling super anxious.
I am also trying to get up the courage to got to my second AA meeting tomorrow. I was very uncomfortable and fought back tears the entire first meeting I went to and I am really nervous to go to another one. AA may not be for me but I feel like I need to got o at least one more meeting to be sure. I could really use something to settle my nerves right now but I am not going to drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Wa
Posts: 93
Just really thinking of all of you tonight and praying everyone is feeling a measure of peace with whatever struggle you may face that cause triggers. I am done with day 2 and am so happy I decided to be sober and present today. I read posts all throughout the day and didn't feel alone. You all have given me strength today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Wa
Posts: 93
Emme, so glad you came here to express your feelings rather than to the empty promises of the bottle. I too am a big people pleaser and I used to think drink help me not care as much what people thought. Well, truth is it made me care MORE what people thought because I was filled with shame. I hope you can find something you enjoy tonight to help with your stress. Do you have any go to things that you love (or once loved) that can help you through it?
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
It looks like a cloudy, rainy day here. I think it will be a slow day. I have the urge to spend the day on recovery activities, recommitting, and clarifying my focus and intent.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Omaha,NE
Posts: 372
Originally Posted by emme99 
Today was day 16.
Not the best day. Someone said something critical of me today and I try really hard to please people, however I know I can't please everyone but it is really bothering me. My stomach is in knots and I am feeling super anxious.
I am also trying to get up the courage to got to my second AA meeting tomorrow. I was very uncomfortable and fought back tears the entire first meeting I went to and I am really nervous to go to another one. AA may not be for me but I feel like I need to got o at least one more meeting to be sure. I could really use something to settle my nerves right now but I am not going to drink.
Not the best day. Someone said something critical of me today and I try really hard to please people, however I know I can't please everyone but it is really bothering me. My stomach is in knots and I am feeling super anxious.
I am also trying to get up the courage to got to my second AA meeting tomorrow. I was very uncomfortable and fought back tears the entire first meeting I went to and I am really nervous to go to another one. AA may not be for me but I feel like I need to got o at least one more meeting to be sure. I could really use something to settle my nerves right now but I am not going to drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Yes Jazz, its a really rainy day here. Waiting for a break, so I can walk the dogs? Doesn't look like its happening, anytime soon.
I drank 3 beers last night. So, I'm back to day 1. I just couldn't hold out anymore. Its a small setback, and I'm not very happy with myself today, but I'm glad I'm still wanting recovery at all. I'm going to keep at it. My hub, who rarely drinks, brought some home last pm. Still no excuse, but there it is. He of course knows my problems with it. But, sobriety is really up to me, no matter what. I'm the one who makes the decision, to drink, or not to.
Hope everyone is doing well, and wishing a sober today for us all.
I drank 3 beers last night. So, I'm back to day 1. I just couldn't hold out anymore. Its a small setback, and I'm not very happy with myself today, but I'm glad I'm still wanting recovery at all. I'm going to keep at it. My hub, who rarely drinks, brought some home last pm. Still no excuse, but there it is. He of course knows my problems with it. But, sobriety is really up to me, no matter what. I'm the one who makes the decision, to drink, or not to.
Hope everyone is doing well, and wishing a sober today for us all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Omaha,NE
Posts: 372
Day 18.
I have a 7 hour car ride ahead of me, so a lot of time to reflect. I had an epiphany last night. First was the simple observation that I didn't watch any tv all week and the second was I made myself get up at 5am everyday to fish. Both these things alone really aren't that significant on the surface; however, then it dawned on me that too often, even when I was dry, I didn't have the same drive to expand my sobriety beyond just not drinking; I hit a certain point and plateaued. It also extends further into simple statements like " I'll be more financially responsible by packing lunches and limiting the amount of times I eat out per week". I need to practice self discipline in a myriad of ways beyond just staying sober. I wish you all well on this Saturday.
I have a 7 hour car ride ahead of me, so a lot of time to reflect. I had an epiphany last night. First was the simple observation that I didn't watch any tv all week and the second was I made myself get up at 5am everyday to fish. Both these things alone really aren't that significant on the surface; however, then it dawned on me that too often, even when I was dry, I didn't have the same drive to expand my sobriety beyond just not drinking; I hit a certain point and plateaued. It also extends further into simple statements like " I'll be more financially responsible by packing lunches and limiting the amount of times I eat out per week". I need to practice self discipline in a myriad of ways beyond just staying sober. I wish you all well on this Saturday.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Omaha,NE
Posts: 372
Day 18.
I have a 7 hour car ride ahead of me, so a lot of time to reflect. I had an epiphany last night. First was the simple observation that I didn't watch any tv all week and the second was I made myself get up at 5am everyday to fish. Both these things alone really aren't that significant on the surface; however, then it dawned on me that too often, even when I was dry, I didn't have the same drive to expand my sobriety beyond just not drinking; I hit a certain point and plateaued. It also extends further into simple statements like " I'll be more financially responsible by packing lunches and limiting the amount of times I eat out per week". I need to practice self discipline in a myriad of ways beyond just staying sober. I wish you all well on this Saturday.
I have a 7 hour car ride ahead of me, so a lot of time to reflect. I had an epiphany last night. First was the simple observation that I didn't watch any tv all week and the second was I made myself get up at 5am everyday to fish. Both these things alone really aren't that significant on the surface; however, then it dawned on me that too often, even when I was dry, I didn't have the same drive to expand my sobriety beyond just not drinking; I hit a certain point and plateaued. It also extends further into simple statements like " I'll be more financially responsible by packing lunches and limiting the amount of times I eat out per week". I need to practice self discipline in a myriad of ways beyond just staying sober. I wish you all well on this Saturday.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
I'm feeling upset 2day, of course, and I'm striving to be 100% sober, always. But instead of looking at the negetive aspect of it, I'm grateful for any sober time I've accomplished, this week, or ever. And trying to build on that positive.
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