Class of June 2015 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Sydney
Posts: 82
I can't fully share as it is not my issue to share but something that makes me very anxious for someone I care about and is coming to a head. I just wanted a check out and I got past it, then all anxious again and I got past it again, and then I caved.
I didn't go all out. I had half a bottle and it took the edge off. I just know that it's a very slippery slope and will only go back to creating the anxiety. I can see I used it completely as anti anxiety, so I have learnt something. I can't take the meds (I've tried several) I might ask my doctor for some valium for when panic hits. I know I should work through it and I try and try to but it gets so big. I'm reading my Albert Ellis REBT book which helps me with my anxiety and I need to focus on that more. I am anxiety wise a *lot* better than I used to be. I can get a bit manic and have to keep that in check if I take meds for anxiety I go the other way, so it's a line. Anyway, I crossed it, caved and I'm upset and disappointed. I'm back on it now and at least I have had a longer stretch than I ever had and will just keep at it and remain vigilant.
I very nearly didn't post here. That's what I do— off and hide but am trying to be more accountable.
Very best wishes to all
Mayg
I didn't go all out. I had half a bottle and it took the edge off. I just know that it's a very slippery slope and will only go back to creating the anxiety. I can see I used it completely as anti anxiety, so I have learnt something. I can't take the meds (I've tried several) I might ask my doctor for some valium for when panic hits. I know I should work through it and I try and try to but it gets so big. I'm reading my Albert Ellis REBT book which helps me with my anxiety and I need to focus on that more. I am anxiety wise a *lot* better than I used to be. I can get a bit manic and have to keep that in check if I take meds for anxiety I go the other way, so it's a line. Anyway, I crossed it, caved and I'm upset and disappointed. I'm back on it now and at least I have had a longer stretch than I ever had and will just keep at it and remain vigilant.
I very nearly didn't post here. That's what I do— off and hide but am trying to be more accountable.
Very best wishes to all
Mayg
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi may 
even if you can;t divulge all the details you can still post here for support - honestly - anything is better than drinking from people like you and me.
Try not to be too upset and disappointed - use that energy to build a better plan
D
even if you can;t divulge all the details you can still post here for support - honestly - anything is better than drinking from people like you and me.
Try not to be too upset and disappointed - use that energy to build a better plan
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Sorry to hear you fell Mayg, but at least you fully realized how slippery that slope is, and stopped when you could. We both know what happens if we don't, and it's not pretty.
Sorry I haven't been around, but absolutely swamped with work again, as per-usual. Was expected though when I popped my head above water again, and I still haven't even really started. Have 4 consultations lined up for beginning for next week, I'll land at least 3 if not all 4, and each will be 100 - 300 man hours of work.
I know, I know... not exactly a problem to complain about, and one many people would love to have.
Anyway, to the best June class. You guys are truly awesome, and it's been humbling to read your daily progress / struggles.
Sorry I haven't been around, but absolutely swamped with work again, as per-usual. Was expected though when I popped my head above water again, and I still haven't even really started. Have 4 consultations lined up for beginning for next week, I'll land at least 3 if not all 4, and each will be 100 - 300 man hours of work.
I know, I know... not exactly a problem to complain about, and one many people would love to have.
Anyway, to the best June class. You guys are truly awesome, and it's been humbling to read your daily progress / struggles.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 7
Day 1 here. The longest I have made it in the last 3 years is 5 days without drinking, trying to do it right this time and put together a plan to make sure this is my last Day 1 of hell I ever need to live through again.
Looking forward to posting here and good luck to everyone else in recovery
Looking forward to posting here and good luck to everyone else in recovery
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 345
Good on you, May for posting your story. You are a pillar of strength for this class and more so for your most recent post. You fought the strong urges not once, but twice. We are not robots. Well done for not finishing the bottle and realizing very quickly what went wrong and how to avoid it next time. The past 3 weeks are not in vain. I'm sure you are disappointed but be nice to yourself and stay strong. I really appreciate you in this class.
Today is the morning of Day 15. I have a day off today. A month ago I would probably already be drunk by now 11:00 am. Back then I had this wonderful plan of getting drunk early in the day, sleep in the afternoon, shower and try and look respectable enough for when my hubby came home. What the hell was I bloody thinking? Who does that?
Today by 11am, I have made the beds, taken out the rubbish, walked my dog, done a little shopping, put a load of washing on AND hung up outside and even a little gardening!
I'm taking pride in myself and celebrating the small joys of sobriety. I am by no means over the moon with happiness but content that my actions are positive and rewarding.
Tonight I am having dinner with my father-in-law and stepmother-in-law. He always spoils with me with lovely wine and dinner. Yesterday I met them and blurted out that i am not drinking tonight. I didn't want to have the conversation at the restaurant. My stepmother-in-law just replied "We'll enjoy some good food". Working myself up for nothing.
Keep strong class of June. Enjoy your day whatever time it is.
Take care everyone.
Today is the morning of Day 15. I have a day off today. A month ago I would probably already be drunk by now 11:00 am. Back then I had this wonderful plan of getting drunk early in the day, sleep in the afternoon, shower and try and look respectable enough for when my hubby came home. What the hell was I bloody thinking? Who does that?
Today by 11am, I have made the beds, taken out the rubbish, walked my dog, done a little shopping, put a load of washing on AND hung up outside and even a little gardening!
I'm taking pride in myself and celebrating the small joys of sobriety. I am by no means over the moon with happiness but content that my actions are positive and rewarding.
Tonight I am having dinner with my father-in-law and stepmother-in-law. He always spoils with me with lovely wine and dinner. Yesterday I met them and blurted out that i am not drinking tonight. I didn't want to have the conversation at the restaurant. My stepmother-in-law just replied "We'll enjoy some good food". Working myself up for nothing.
Keep strong class of June. Enjoy your day whatever time it is.
Take care everyone.
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
MayG, I know you are disappointed, but don't let it get you down. You didn't go too far down the rabbit hole. I think it has happened to all of us at one time or another. Now you just start anew with a fresh slate and make it happen!
We are all here for you and know you can do this.
Ring. <3
We are all here for you and know you can do this.
Ring. <3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
I had a pretty good day today. I didn't really think about drinking at all.
I haven't been sleeping that well and was texting my boss one night at 1:00am and yesterday she came to work with a box of Sleepytime Tea and some lavender oil to help me sleep. I used both last night and slept great which I think helped me have a good day today So thankful to have such a great boss and friend.
I haven't been sleeping that well and was texting my boss one night at 1:00am and yesterday she came to work with a box of Sleepytime Tea and some lavender oil to help me sleep. I used both last night and slept great which I think helped me have a good day today
So thankful to have such a great boss and friend.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 174
Hi Everyone -
Sorry to hear about your slip Mayg. I have done that more times than I could count - it all comes down to how one responds to it. I think a lot of life's biggest shifts are often portrayed as this one time, profound moment of enlightenment. Sobriety is no different. I have heard countless stories centered around something like, "And that was the moment I knew I was done - and I haven't touched the bottle since. That was 17 years ago."
I hate those stories. I mean, God bless anybody who actually experienced this moment of life-changing spiritual clarity, but I just think they're overstated. And I think portraying this as some simple, one time event that suddenly realigns our brain chemistry can make a struggling alcoholic/addict feel like they're not worthy...
Anyway, point of my rant is this. This is hard. Super hard. It doesn't feel especially wonderful or liberating or easy. Not at first. I'm going to trust those that have the time though and believe it does get there. The important thing is getting right back on board because it will stick because it has got to. We have no other choice.
Sorry to hear about your slip Mayg. I have done that more times than I could count - it all comes down to how one responds to it. I think a lot of life's biggest shifts are often portrayed as this one time, profound moment of enlightenment. Sobriety is no different. I have heard countless stories centered around something like, "And that was the moment I knew I was done - and I haven't touched the bottle since. That was 17 years ago."
I hate those stories. I mean, God bless anybody who actually experienced this moment of life-changing spiritual clarity, but I just think they're overstated. And I think portraying this as some simple, one time event that suddenly realigns our brain chemistry can make a struggling alcoholic/addict feel like they're not worthy...
Anyway, point of my rant is this. This is hard. Super hard. It doesn't feel especially wonderful or liberating or easy. Not at first. I'm going to trust those that have the time though and believe it does get there. The important thing is getting right back on board because it will stick because it has got to. We have no other choice.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 209
Welcome to our Newbies! Great to have you here.
May, I think you are strong to come back here and post, and for stopping half way through that bottle. You can do this.
Well I have a night out tonight, I really don't want to go, but I kind of have to to keep the peace with my husband. It is a social thing with the football club, and they are all big drinkers. My plan is to say no thanks, I have an early start tomorrow, which is true, and then sneak out early.
May, I think you are strong to come back here and post, and for stopping half way through that bottle. You can do this.
Well I have a night out tonight, I really don't want to go, but I kind of have to to keep the peace with my husband. It is a social thing with the football club, and they are all big drinkers. My plan is to say no thanks, I have an early start tomorrow, which is true, and then sneak out early.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 174
OMG
Seriously..... OMG. Not more than an hour after posting on here I had the most bizarre, scary craving. A friend was coming by the pick up a sweatshirt he left over here. He's a cool guy, not a best friend by any means but a friend. And a guy I used to drink with, because I drank with everyone.
He mentioned texted he was coming by to grab it, just finished having a few drinks. And just like that I got this bizarre notion in my mind that I need to be drunk too. Why? I have no idea. It had something to do with this idea that if he's drunk and I should probably be drunk, because apparently handing over a sweatshirt requires me to be drunk? Or something insane like that.
I suddenly went through this fury of looking for alcohol anywhere and everywhere in my house even though I don't keep it in here. I thought maybe somebody had left an old wine bottle or something (I never drank wine) or perhaps some weird cooking sherry. This went on for like 3 minutes or so? ?? I even looked at a bottle of Scope. I have never, ever considered anything like that.
What the hell just happened??
When he arrived I calmed down a lot. We talked for a couple minutes and he asked what I had been up to and had to let him know, "Oh, and I stopped drinking." I guess to be accountable to one more person?
Anyway, I'm fine. Made it through. Definitely unsettling though... and disappointing. But yeah, another sober day in the bank.
Seriously..... OMG. Not more than an hour after posting on here I had the most bizarre, scary craving. A friend was coming by the pick up a sweatshirt he left over here. He's a cool guy, not a best friend by any means but a friend. And a guy I used to drink with, because I drank with everyone.
He mentioned texted he was coming by to grab it, just finished having a few drinks. And just like that I got this bizarre notion in my mind that I need to be drunk too. Why? I have no idea. It had something to do with this idea that if he's drunk and I should probably be drunk, because apparently handing over a sweatshirt requires me to be drunk? Or something insane like that.
I suddenly went through this fury of looking for alcohol anywhere and everywhere in my house even though I don't keep it in here. I thought maybe somebody had left an old wine bottle or something (I never drank wine) or perhaps some weird cooking sherry. This went on for like 3 minutes or so? ?? I even looked at a bottle of Scope. I have never, ever considered anything like that.
What the hell just happened??
When he arrived I calmed down a lot. We talked for a couple minutes and he asked what I had been up to and had to let him know, "Oh, and I stopped drinking." I guess to be accountable to one more person?
Anyway, I'm fine. Made it through. Definitely unsettling though... and disappointing. But yeah, another sober day in the bank.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 82
Didn't spend much time on here yesterday, but got through day 3 and I'm now on day 4 If I get through the weekend then that will be a huge victory for me because I can't remember one weekend in the last years that I've had a couple of beers or more. I need to learn how to do sober weekends again.
MayG - Sorry you fell off, but it's great you're right back here. It's easy to go into hiding if you fail instead of coming on here. Sending you good vibes
Congrats to everyone who's still counting. Awesome!
If I get through the weekend then that will be a huge victory for me because I can't remember one weekend in the last years that I've had a couple of beers or more. I need to learn how to do sober weekends again. MayG - Sorry you fell off, but it's great you're right back here. It's easy to go into hiding if you fail instead of coming on here. Sending you good vibes
Congrats to everyone who's still counting. Awesome!
Welcome!
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