One Year & Over Part 25
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
My periodic check in at SR. I see we just had a 2 yr anniversary. Congrats! I'm a week or so behind you Treerat. My 2 yr is later this week.
Happy birthday Itchy!
Now that I've gotten down the non-drinking part of this process, I need support on redeveloping my life and being constructive and getting over my procrastination thing. Is this a common challenge for people in recovery? Is there someplace at SR that is best for this kind of topic, once the day-to-day challenge of not drinking is not so overwhelming as it was at first?
Happy birthday Itchy!
Now that I've gotten down the non-drinking part of this process, I need support on redeveloping my life and being constructive and getting over my procrastination thing. Is this a common challenge for people in recovery? Is there someplace at SR that is best for this kind of topic, once the day-to-day challenge of not drinking is not so overwhelming as it was at first?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
Also want to share my glee at how my personal life is now full of many non drinkers (with some light drinkers). Just in the last 6 months a couple non-drinking people with whom I'm compatible with have come into my life. This is like a small miracle. Very few of the most important people in my life actually drink now. Some never did, some quit, and some are new-to-me non drinkers (for various reasons). Pretty cool, right?
As to the drinkers, a few of whom are heavy and might know that getting sober would be best for them...When it comes to them it's like I have a line separating me and my recovery from them. I do my thing and don't sweat them doing theirs, even if it involves them drinking way too much. I just watch them doing their thing and don't get involved if any drama occurs. I even bought one of them a drink recently for a special occasion, because they would appreciate it. Is this selfish or cruel? Do any others of you look at it this way?
As to the drinkers, a few of whom are heavy and might know that getting sober would be best for them...When it comes to them it's like I have a line separating me and my recovery from them. I do my thing and don't sweat them doing theirs, even if it involves them drinking way too much. I just watch them doing their thing and don't get involved if any drama occurs. I even bought one of them a drink recently for a special occasion, because they would appreciate it. Is this selfish or cruel? Do any others of you look at it this way?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Nice to meet you Pinkgate
Good morning Overs its bank holiday monday mrs sw is sound asleep im going to make a big breakfast in bed ive even got a rose shes clueless as to what awaits her
She is really beautiful just to look at in the morning her face the way her eyes are closed
Even my pooch is KO He's adorable too all wrapped up head sunk in his new pillow
Have a nice day
Good morning Overs its bank holiday monday mrs sw is sound asleep im going to make a big breakfast in bed ive even got a rose shes clueless as to what awaits her
She is really beautiful just to look at in the morning her face the way her eyes are closed
Even my pooch is KO He's adorable too all wrapped up head sunk in his new pillow
Have a nice day
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,476
Hi Pinkgate 
I sometimes buy my dad port or scotch cos he likes both and he's never been anything like I was with the drink.
I buy it online though - it's delivered to his place (in a different city) and I never have to see it.
D
I sometimes buy my dad port or scotch cos he likes both and he's never been anything like I was with the drink.
I buy it online though - it's delivered to his place (in a different city) and I never have to see it.
D
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,702
Hi pink gate hope you're well.
I've got a bottle of white wine in my cupboard bought me at Christmas and 2 bottles of chocolate red wine ( for a friend). I don't think of opening any of them and forgot it was in the cupboard but I don't know if I'm being stupid having it there or it's a silent reminder of what I was.
I've got a bottle of white wine in my cupboard bought me at Christmas and 2 bottles of chocolate red wine ( for a friend). I don't think of opening any of them and forgot it was in the cupboard but I don't know if I'm being stupid having it there or it's a silent reminder of what I was.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
For my father-in-law's 80th birthday, it was suggested that we give him a particular brand of single malt scotch. We did so. Rationally I knew it was fine, but it still rankled deep inside: "couldn't we have bought him anything else?"
Well, apparently not. I get the impression he hinted around specifically for that. Plus, what do you give the man who has everything?
If he had been an alcoholic (like me), we wouldn't have given it--but he's not. He's a "normie."
Well, apparently not. I get the impression he hinted around specifically for that. Plus, what do you give the man who has everything?
If he had been an alcoholic (like me), we wouldn't have given it--but he's not. He's a "normie."
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
For my F-I-L it's hard to think of any. My mother-in-law is trying to liquidate their stuff (they are actively preparing for their end-of-life). They've traveled and done restaurant gift cards to death. He's had a million ties and bottles of aftershave. 
We don't live with him and thus don't know his practical preferences.
He made it pretty difficult not to buy alcohol!
Neither my husband nor I are the most creative gift givers, either.
We don't live with him and thus don't know his practical preferences.
He made it pretty difficult not to buy alcohol!
Neither my husband nor I are the most creative gift givers, either.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Hi Pinkgate, I just hit two years a month ago and can relate to the things you are saying. The challenges and goals that I have in recovery now are much different than the early days. I think this thread may be a good place to discuss that stuff- as far as I know, it is the only place on SR where people with more time gather.
My social life has also transitioned. I don't think it's cruel at all to just let the heavy drinkers be. To some degree, we DO have to be selfish about things- recovery is so important to us. One way or another, all of the people in my life that drank/used have pretty much been transitioned out over the last couple of years. There are just too many differences in goals, common values, and lifestyles. Plus I just have no interest in being around that stuff and know it wouldn't be good for me.
Although, getting new sober people in my life has been one of the slowest things to happen in my recovery. I still have a very limited social circle. I used to worry about that, but now I just feel relaxed about it most of the time. I know that when I meet somebody with good friend potential, I am in a good place knowing who I am as a sober person and what my interests are. Sometimes I do wish I had more of a social life, but I have faith that will happen with time (and maybe more if I ever move out of the tiny town I live in).
Soberwolf- What a sweet way to wake up your wife.
I don't think I would have a problem giving somebody alcohol if I thought they would enjoy it so long as I felt sure I wouldn't be tempted by it when I was the one in possession. Just because I've given up drinking doesn't mean everybody else should or is going to. But in general, yeah, I'd rather give something else if possible.
Well, I've got some work to get done today and then heading to a small concert tonight. I actually kind of dislike the venue they are playing at and I didn't have anybody to go with so part of me is feeling a little negative about it. But, I like the band and it will be good to get out and do something.
My social life has also transitioned. I don't think it's cruel at all to just let the heavy drinkers be. To some degree, we DO have to be selfish about things- recovery is so important to us. One way or another, all of the people in my life that drank/used have pretty much been transitioned out over the last couple of years. There are just too many differences in goals, common values, and lifestyles. Plus I just have no interest in being around that stuff and know it wouldn't be good for me.
Although, getting new sober people in my life has been one of the slowest things to happen in my recovery. I still have a very limited social circle. I used to worry about that, but now I just feel relaxed about it most of the time. I know that when I meet somebody with good friend potential, I am in a good place knowing who I am as a sober person and what my interests are. Sometimes I do wish I had more of a social life, but I have faith that will happen with time (and maybe more if I ever move out of the tiny town I live in).
Soberwolf- What a sweet way to wake up your wife.
I don't think I would have a problem giving somebody alcohol if I thought they would enjoy it so long as I felt sure I wouldn't be tempted by it when I was the one in possession. Just because I've given up drinking doesn't mean everybody else should or is going to. But in general, yeah, I'd rather give something else if possible.
Well, I've got some work to get done today and then heading to a small concert tonight. I actually kind of dislike the venue they are playing at and I didn't have anybody to go with so part of me is feeling a little negative about it. But, I like the band and it will be good to get out and do something.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
DG, glad you are not letting life go by and are going to the music concert. I have frequently gone to hear live music solo. Not going to let a little lack of companionship get in the way of enjoying live music.
Would you all even believe this: I actually met a stranger at one of these things I went to solo who is a fellow music lover who doesn't drink.
I don't know why it is that I've had good luck adding people to my social circle who don't drink. We are all in an environment where there is a lot of drinking, but where I live, even though it's an urban environment, there is a bit of a focus on being healthy and the best you can be, so getting sober and getting counseling and exercising and even being a health fanatic and stuff like that is not that unusual. (Although it's easy to find drinking partners, too!)
Would you all even believe this: I actually met a stranger at one of these things I went to solo who is a fellow music lover who doesn't drink.
I don't know why it is that I've had good luck adding people to my social circle who don't drink. We are all in an environment where there is a lot of drinking, but where I live, even though it's an urban environment, there is a bit of a focus on being healthy and the best you can be, so getting sober and getting counseling and exercising and even being a health fanatic and stuff like that is not that unusual. (Although it's easy to find drinking partners, too!)
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
I posted a while back about my sugar, carb, and chocolate "issue". I'm finding I may need to pull out some things from my sober bag of tricks to keep me on track with that stuff, too. I get mild anxiety like I did when I stopped alcohol, and also want to make a run to the store to get the stuff I'm trying to quit (this time it's chocolate cake, for example, not wine!). It's eerily surprising the similarity.
So I'm going to take a nice bath to soothe this little anxiety-like craving, like I did right when I got home back when I first stopped drinking.
Thank you for the input on my post from yesterday about the drinking peeps in my life. I find it interesting that I don't feel inclined to get all preachy on people. Of course, if they wanted support in quitting alcohol, or tobacco or anything to improve their life, I'd be there for them no problem (and have done so). But otherwise I feel some sense of detachment to anyone else's drinking. (And I am careful to not judge, either, knowing what I've learned about the whole alcohol and addiction process.)
Have a good day, Overs!
So I'm going to take a nice bath to soothe this little anxiety-like craving, like I did right when I got home back when I first stopped drinking.
Thank you for the input on my post from yesterday about the drinking peeps in my life. I find it interesting that I don't feel inclined to get all preachy on people. Of course, if they wanted support in quitting alcohol, or tobacco or anything to improve their life, I'd be there for them no problem (and have done so). But otherwise I feel some sense of detachment to anyone else's drinking. (And I am careful to not judge, either, knowing what I've learned about the whole alcohol and addiction process.)
Have a good day, Overs!
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,702
Morning Overs, hope you're all ok.
Back to work today. Woke up this morning in a panic, loads of bad memories from our marriage , my thoughts were racing.. Don't recall a dream but managed to calm myself down. Very strange.
Back to work today. Woke up this morning in a panic, loads of bad memories from our marriage , my thoughts were racing.. Don't recall a dream but managed to calm myself down. Very strange.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Morning Overs
Good to see you PinkGate. We discussed procrastination here a while back, and decided to put to one side for a while! Seriously writing lists is a great way of forcing yourself to do things. Unless like me you write them and then never look at them again! I am glad you have got a lot of non drinkers and normies in your life, I too am pretty fortunate that way. I was a secret drinker so other than occasions and binges with hubby, I didn't really drink out of the house. So I didn't have a drinking group. I do have one or two friends I wouldn't spend time with now because, like me. Their lives revolve around when is a socially acceptable time to crack open the first bottle. When daughter stayed here a few weeks back, between her and hubby, there ended up 3 bottles of opened wine sitting around the house for days. I had no sense of temptation, I've told myself before, if I am letting go 2 years sobriety it's gonna be for something more tempting than stale wine! ( truth is, the drink hasnt been invented yet to tempt me from 2 years + sober, but I bet if I did fall I would drink toilet duck if I thought it would give me a buzz!)
As for choccie, I am in a similar situation, but don't forget sugar is an addictive substance. So it is not unusual that we feel the same kind of addictive tendencies. ( I had some chocolate yesterday that wasn't enough to share so ate it secretly when hubby was upstairs. At the time I thought Yeesh I'm back to swigging brandy from the bottle in the kitchen! Not quite as I don't get a sugar 'high' but I think I will try to reduce my chocolate intake nonetheless.
Wolfie, you romantic old dog! Mrs Wolfie is one lucky lady!
Andy did you say you peed on the ground??? Oh! Planted peas, aaah. Nice one.
Presents of alcohol, I have no problem buying alcohol for a Normie, I have bought malt whisky and decent wines for hubby as presents since I quit, though I do baulk at buying the whisky we both loved, I prefer to buy the ones that were more to his taste than mine so I don't get too jealous of him.
But really, I agree Gilmer, what do you buy someone getting to the end of their time here, who has got just about everything they want or need, and gotten rid of much of it? We bought my late BIL a lairdship of a plot of land in the Scottish Highlands. He loved the idea, and lorded it over us for ages! I also like the idea of naming stars. I know it's not really real but still, someone can look at a certain quadrant of the sky, point at a sparkler and say, "that's mine, that is!"
Well it is wet'n'windy in Tootsville today, we are putting off our run, but it has to be done at some point unfortunately. The way I see it, I have to shower after anyway so I might as well get wet running and Molly is 3/4 lab and loves getting wet. Except perversely in the bath!
Happy Tuesday or Weds wherever you are!
Good to see you PinkGate. We discussed procrastination here a while back, and decided to put to one side for a while! Seriously writing lists is a great way of forcing yourself to do things. Unless like me you write them and then never look at them again! I am glad you have got a lot of non drinkers and normies in your life, I too am pretty fortunate that way. I was a secret drinker so other than occasions and binges with hubby, I didn't really drink out of the house. So I didn't have a drinking group. I do have one or two friends I wouldn't spend time with now because, like me. Their lives revolve around when is a socially acceptable time to crack open the first bottle. When daughter stayed here a few weeks back, between her and hubby, there ended up 3 bottles of opened wine sitting around the house for days. I had no sense of temptation, I've told myself before, if I am letting go 2 years sobriety it's gonna be for something more tempting than stale wine! ( truth is, the drink hasnt been invented yet to tempt me from 2 years + sober, but I bet if I did fall I would drink toilet duck if I thought it would give me a buzz!)
As for choccie, I am in a similar situation, but don't forget sugar is an addictive substance. So it is not unusual that we feel the same kind of addictive tendencies. ( I had some chocolate yesterday that wasn't enough to share so ate it secretly when hubby was upstairs. At the time I thought Yeesh I'm back to swigging brandy from the bottle in the kitchen! Not quite as I don't get a sugar 'high' but I think I will try to reduce my chocolate intake nonetheless.
Wolfie, you romantic old dog! Mrs Wolfie is one lucky lady!
Andy did you say you peed on the ground??? Oh! Planted peas, aaah. Nice one.
Presents of alcohol, I have no problem buying alcohol for a Normie, I have bought malt whisky and decent wines for hubby as presents since I quit, though I do baulk at buying the whisky we both loved, I prefer to buy the ones that were more to his taste than mine so I don't get too jealous of him.
But really, I agree Gilmer, what do you buy someone getting to the end of their time here, who has got just about everything they want or need, and gotten rid of much of it? We bought my late BIL a lairdship of a plot of land in the Scottish Highlands. He loved the idea, and lorded it over us for ages! I also like the idea of naming stars. I know it's not really real but still, someone can look at a certain quadrant of the sky, point at a sparkler and say, "that's mine, that is!"
Well it is wet'n'windy in Tootsville today, we are putting off our run, but it has to be done at some point unfortunately. The way I see it, I have to shower after anyway so I might as well get wet running and Molly is 3/4 lab and loves getting wet. Except perversely in the bath!
Happy Tuesday or Weds wherever you are!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Im off to my Dr's apt to book apt with dermatologist and have a check up
Sometthing that i have loved about sobriety from the start is keeping every single apt and really working through my issues health etc i dont really think about it & i am getting on with it but i keep apts & thats massive as before that id never see a Dr or go out & about sober
And i do today this is a small reason why i love sobriety as the benefits are massive
My life has really changed
Right cabs called spk soon
Sometthing that i have loved about sobriety from the start is keeping every single apt and really working through my issues health etc i dont really think about it & i am getting on with it but i keep apts & thats massive as before that id never see a Dr or go out & about sober
And i do today this is a small reason why i love sobriety as the benefits are massive
My life has really changed
Right cabs called spk soon
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