Class of April 2014 Part 19
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Casual work night for me and spring is finally showing it's face in the north east thankfully...SAD was in full effect as well I hate being stuck inside like that, too much time to think...looking forward to reading and making some food after work tonight and some relaxing...the fiancé gets off a few hours after me and well do a movie (or more then likely TV series) night...she really dosent drink at all unless it's a special occasion and wine once in a while in the house...I wasn't a wine drinker even at my peak, so it dosent give me that empty and jealous feeling watching her have some, she dosent have an issue and there is no reason that she can't enjoy herself from time to time because I have a problem...other then that nothing new here...I wanna write a good amount as to what I have been up to lately from a positive place and I'm about ready, just gotta actually write it lol...will check in later...hang in everyone <3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
Hang in there Mariah! And I agree all around, if things aren't going well there's a whole community here for support! I used to have the worst SAD symptoms when I lived on the East Coast ST. I'm glad the winter is finally letting up a little. I'm dutifully avoiding spring cleaning this afternoon/evening. But hey, it's the weekend, right?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Yea rock, totally can relate...although this winter honestly wasn't as bad as the news hyped it up to be...we have had winters that were much more dangerous and more blizzard like...this winter was just long an annoying, every 3/4 days we would get another 4/5 inches piled on top for like 2 months straight...I love my new place and all but I've had enough, I want out lol...today was sunny and warm and the streets were bone dry, just 8 ft piles of snow scattered everywhere that will probably last till April 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Just want to check in and say I really would love to drink right now. I'm not in any danger of acting on it but I keep thinking about how good it would feel. I'm very stressed and down on myself and I know that drinking would change that. I know it's not worth it and I'm not going to but I thought maybe it would be a good idea to come on here and say that I've been thinking about it a lot today in a melancholy kinda way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
Thank you. I will make sure and do that if I feel like I might slip. For tonight I feel better now that I took a shower and got cozy.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever feel this way but...deciding to quit drinking is like ending a bad relationship. You left them because they treat you bad and hurt you. Yet you remember when they made you feel like a million dollars. You think "well if I set ground rules" there's a chance you can live happily ever even though you've already tried so many times. You decide to meet with them, casually, telling yourself you won't get sucked in. But you do. It was a one night stand, you tell yourself. It won't happen again. But it does. Before you know it you're back where you started.
I've never had that kind of tumultuous relationship with a person. But I know what it feels like to miss someone even though if I had the chance to be with them I wouldn't. That is how I feel about alcohol at this point. I feel like I ended a bad relationship with someone I was madly in love with and the breakup is fresh. A one night stand sounds good but I know where it would lead to.
Maybe it all started when a gentleman offered me a sample of wine today. I don't know. It kind of pissed me off. Not at him.
It's all good though. Got my 65 days.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to ever feel this way but...deciding to quit drinking is like ending a bad relationship. You left them because they treat you bad and hurt you. Yet you remember when they made you feel like a million dollars. You think "well if I set ground rules" there's a chance you can live happily ever even though you've already tried so many times. You decide to meet with them, casually, telling yourself you won't get sucked in. But you do. It was a one night stand, you tell yourself. It won't happen again. But it does. Before you know it you're back where you started.
I've never had that kind of tumultuous relationship with a person. But I know what it feels like to miss someone even though if I had the chance to be with them I wouldn't. That is how I feel about alcohol at this point. I feel like I ended a bad relationship with someone I was madly in love with and the breakup is fresh. A one night stand sounds good but I know where it would lead to.
Maybe it all started when a gentleman offered me a sample of wine today. I don't know. It kind of pissed me off. Not at him.
It's all good though. Got my 65 days.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Soli <3 glad you posted...hang in there!
I've become a bit of a homebody lately to avoid those kind of situations, but I also think at this particular point in my life, along with my mental stuff and all these meds, it's not a bad thing whatsoever...the winter makes it easy too...I'm also transitioning from my young rebellious life, into the calmer married life, and I'm enjoying it...maybe like focus back on yourself mainly and the positives of what you still have in you life, to some extent at least....drinking NEVER helps me ever, and your right to feel angry at the person that offered you some, it's a completely natural reaction and I would feel the same way 150X over...offended like "how could you"....do your best to take care of yourself and just forget about the bs that took place earlier, harping on stuff never got me anywhere either, other then sick...stay up soli <3
I've become a bit of a homebody lately to avoid those kind of situations, but I also think at this particular point in my life, along with my mental stuff and all these meds, it's not a bad thing whatsoever...the winter makes it easy too...I'm also transitioning from my young rebellious life, into the calmer married life, and I'm enjoying it...maybe like focus back on yourself mainly and the positives of what you still have in you life, to some extent at least....drinking NEVER helps me ever, and your right to feel angry at the person that offered you some, it's a completely natural reaction and I would feel the same way 150X over...offended like "how could you"....do your best to take care of yourself and just forget about the bs that took place earlier, harping on stuff never got me anywhere either, other then sick...stay up soli <3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Yea it really is a heavy relationship with the substances...it honestly takes up WAY more time and effort then any regular relationship I have been in with people, not just romantic like connecting with people in general, professional ones, any of them...regular life isn't so bad honestly haha
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Sorry if I sound weird! I'm just still getting used to all these new feelings and actually experiencing the ups and downs of even a day...I was in such a state of turmoil and almost voidness, like I don't even dislike getting upset for no silly reason now...I'm putting so so much effort into monitoring my moods and trying to realize what it is that's actually causing it, as supposed to being this kinda dark mystery of sadness...I don't mean to rant away but I'm seeing a side of life I haven't seen in a very long time...the biggest thing I have learned sense last April is patience...honestly...more then anything...I have learned too much about myself this past year...but patience and faith in time/life has been restored to me...the heavy mood stabilizers are what I needed...it took the system 8 months to figure out, but that's ok....I'm not gonna sit here and be angry cause they literally did everything they could in their power to help me...my therapist even told me yesterday (Friday) that she is sorry that she didn't tell my psychologist sooner, she really had a feeling that I was bipolar but I suppose she just wanted to make sure before she jumped to a conclusion...SO understandable like there is absolutely no reason to be mad at 8 months....things between the fiancé and I have been fantastic as well...we butt heads as any couple would but we really are loving all of our time together...all that negative stuff I wrote about us a few days ago was a bi product of a very depressive state due to a stomach virus...my bipolar meds are taken at night and it's the size of like a half dollar...my body is used to it now like 150% but I was so sick just this one night I couldent bear to swallow water let alone a pill of that size...I wish I did...or broke it into small pieces or something it had massive negative effects on me....I have been really proactive on my recovery of this...the "people" in my life are like "I'm so sorry ryan" "I'm sorry you have been diagnosed bipolar Ryan" but I tell them that they have no idea...it's probably the best piece of information I probably could have ever gotten! Once I started reading deeper into the disorder and how it all works, it was literally like opening the bible for the religious folk! I really really have a grasp on my mental state now and I'm seriously only going up from here everyone...no more suicidal stuff and crazyness...I'm back and actually feeling more hopeful about life then ever! And this isn't just like till tomorrow, i PROMISE!!!! I told y'all tho I needed more then AA and I'm so glad I'm finally like "there"....took almost a year and I'm not even close to "done" the thought of leaving therapy makes me scared...but I GOT THIS guys <3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
((((((Mariah))))))
ST, at least you know what the underlying problem is, and that its treatable. That it is good news!
We had the most beautiful spring day yesterday, for a few hours I thought winter might be gone. What a difference the sun makes.
I'm still plugging away at this work project. I actually don't really care how it goes now, I just want it to be over and done with, so I can put my mind to other more interesting things, like sowing some seeds! I must learn to say "no, no, no, NO".
ST, at least you know what the underlying problem is, and that its treatable. That it is good news!
We had the most beautiful spring day yesterday, for a few hours I thought winter might be gone. What a difference the sun makes.
I'm still plugging away at this work project. I actually don't really care how it goes now, I just want it to be over and done with, so I can put my mind to other more interesting things, like sowing some seeds! I must learn to say "no, no, no, NO".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by freein14 
We had the most beautiful spring day yesterday, for a few hours I thought winter might be gone. What a difference the sun makes.
I'm still plugging away at this work project. I actually don't really care how it goes now, I just want it to be over and done with, so I can put my mind to other more interesting things, like sowing some seeds! I must learn to say "no, no, no, NO".
Do you grow starter plants first and plant them later ?
An old guy who sold starter plants in Savannah forever showed me his method, and it's a dandy !
Finished up all that grinding yesterday and started priming early evening. Just got my mitts on 2 gallons of oil based cover stain ( primer ) ,....and the forecast has dried for tomorrow too. Really wish I didn't have work tonight, .... it's another beautiful day so far here, .....forecast to go to 62 !
Mariah, ....hope to hear from you soon !??
Are you planning on a vegetable garden this year too ?
Soli, .. totally agree with your analogy,....glad you realistically thought things through like ya did.
Good luck with the unpacking and spring cleaning Rocks !
That's always a lot of work,...or more than it seems.
Hang in there ST.
Feel more like relaxing in a hot tub right now, ,,,,,.body's beat up from yesterday, but rain's coming Tues.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Hi all,
Tops, I'm sowing seeds in pots in the greenhouse, then will plant them out when they're sturdy. They need to be strong before planting out so that they can withstand the slug attack. I don't like to kill things, so the slugs get a fair shot at a feast through the nights while I'm not on guard. It really is a battle of wills, it's quite amazing how these slippery friends can outwit a human being.
Hope everyone's looking forward to good start to another week. I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening when my first teaching challenge is over. I'll let you know how it goes!
Tops, I'm sowing seeds in pots in the greenhouse, then will plant them out when they're sturdy. They need to be strong before planting out so that they can withstand the slug attack. I don't like to kill things, so the slugs get a fair shot at a feast through the nights while I'm not on guard. It really is a battle of wills, it's quite amazing how these slippery friends can outwit a human being.
Hope everyone's looking forward to good start to another week. I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening when my first teaching challenge is over. I'll let you know how it goes!
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Pretty miserable with myself right now......Was drunk off my ass Friday night at the bar. Spent the day on the couch doing nothing yesterday.....willed myself to go out and weed through a side yard today, so at least I accomplished something. Picked my youngest up around noon from a friends....his best friend turned 18 this week & was away this weekend so we went & bought a blow up doll & taped it to his door. Her name is Judy....told Son he could take her to the next school dance....by her a corsage. He thought that was a great idea. I'm a bad influence.
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