Class of April 2014 Part 19
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
((Hugs))) Mariah 
. I'm so sorry to hear you're having a hard time! I'm glad you got to spend some time in your garden this weekend though. The prank sounds pretty funny, haha. You seem to have trouble just after 90 days? Any sense of why? I hope you're having a good start to your week!
Soli, glad you posted! It drives me nuts when people act so nonchalantly about offering me alcohol. There are many temptations sometimes in places you aren't prepared for. It can catch you off guard. Glad you were able to push through.
You sound like a weights been lifted a little ST! Sometimes having a reason and a context for the way you're feeling is amazingly helpful. It takes some time to sort through all the emotions you've been pushing away. I agree that patience has been an important lesson on this sober journey.
Glad to hear the project's coming along top! And that the weather is nice
free, I hope you get to your garden soon. Indeed a great difference when you add a little sunshine.
My week of vacation/cleaning is off to a slow start. Not as productive as I'd like but at least getting to sleep in a little which is nice. Hope everyone has a good start to their week!
. I'm so sorry to hear you're having a hard time! I'm glad you got to spend some time in your garden this weekend though. The prank sounds pretty funny, haha. You seem to have trouble just after 90 days? Any sense of why? I hope you're having a good start to your week! Soli, glad you posted! It drives me nuts when people act so nonchalantly about offering me alcohol. There are many temptations sometimes in places you aren't prepared for. It can catch you off guard. Glad you were able to push through.
You sound like a weights been lifted a little ST! Sometimes having a reason and a context for the way you're feeling is amazingly helpful. It takes some time to sort through all the emotions you've been pushing away. I agree that patience has been an important lesson on this sober journey.
Glad to hear the project's coming along top! And that the weather is nice
free, I hope you get to your garden soon. Indeed a great difference when you add a little sunshine.
My week of vacation/cleaning is off to a slow start. Not as productive as I'd like but at least getting to sleep in a little which is nice. Hope everyone has a good start to their week!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Mariah, hope you're ok, sending you hugs from the UK. Xxx
Well, my teaching session went fairly well today. I only have one more presentation to do next week, and when that's done I will most definitely be concentrating on my garden!
I'm sneaking up to bed now, I feel desperate for an early night.
Sweet dreams everyone.
Well, my teaching session went fairly well today. I only have one more presentation to do next week, and when that's done I will most definitely be concentrating on my garden!
I'm sneaking up to bed now, I feel desperate for an early night.
Sweet dreams everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Morning Fools,
9.56am,
at the desk.....
Mariah: Hope you're ok and not beating yourself up..!
Great gig Saturday night, playing old blues and country numbers, mostly improvised. Not offered a drop which was really good...! I went next door to the shop and bought bottles of black current juice. The boys threw down pints through the sets and I just cruised along. Pretty happy about that....
So I just watched and the bar got worse and worse. Quite a few there, starting off ok, shaking hands and being social. Then after a few things turn, the glow of the first beer or so is replaced by that exhausted look, swaying and slurring. We played for about 2 hours and by the end most of the audience were smashed, ex pat asian saturday night kind of smashed, it's ugly.
I said to my wife when I got home, (she's to pregnant to come along now....!...or that's what she tells me anyway.....fragile egos wanna be musicians!), that people looking to stop drinking, who are blind to the reality, should be placed on a seat at the bar for 5 hours on friday or saturday night sober! It's a real eye opener. a couple of my aussie mates were firing on all cylinders and just staggering to watch!
I'm becoming more and more fascinated by being sober......
Started doing yoga again, knee has healed to the point I can move again, sort of! Push ups too. I'm going to try and quit smoking april 1....10 push ups each time i need a smoke..... gotta get fit, so baby Obo will be proud....
HOW IS EVERYONE??????????????
stay tuned...............
9.56am,
at the desk.....
Mariah: Hope you're ok and not beating yourself up..!
Great gig Saturday night, playing old blues and country numbers, mostly improvised. Not offered a drop which was really good...! I went next door to the shop and bought bottles of black current juice. The boys threw down pints through the sets and I just cruised along. Pretty happy about that....
So I just watched and the bar got worse and worse. Quite a few there, starting off ok, shaking hands and being social. Then after a few things turn, the glow of the first beer or so is replaced by that exhausted look, swaying and slurring. We played for about 2 hours and by the end most of the audience were smashed, ex pat asian saturday night kind of smashed, it's ugly.
I said to my wife when I got home, (she's to pregnant to come along now....!...or that's what she tells me anyway.....fragile egos wanna be musicians!), that people looking to stop drinking, who are blind to the reality, should be placed on a seat at the bar for 5 hours on friday or saturday night sober! It's a real eye opener. a couple of my aussie mates were firing on all cylinders and just staggering to watch!
I'm becoming more and more fascinated by being sober......
Started doing yoga again, knee has healed to the point I can move again, sort of! Push ups too. I'm going to try and quit smoking april 1....10 push ups each time i need a smoke..... gotta get fit, so baby Obo will be proud....
HOW IS EVERYONE??????????????
stay tuned...............
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Thank You everyone for your concern.......has been a rough couple of days, rough getting myself to work today, despite having one day without drinking.....the amount I drank Friday night, followed by the what the hell beers left over Saturday morning. I was one of those people Friday night Obo....I'll take a little heart in knowing maybe most everybody else was in a bad way too & didn't notice how wasted I was, although I know there are those who did. Going to work today with the dread that they heard about it.....all just miserable.
I called a friend today that has 20 some years of sobriety....she doesn't go to meetings anymore, but she & her husband did for a long time.....he is an active sponsor & has "strongly recommended" that I need to work a program....I don't want to, but clearly need to do more. Yes Rock, the last two times at 90 days I'm so overwhelmed with the anxiety & unease. I'm also going to find a different Doc that might be willing to prescribe something for those times that it just seems too much...also look at the menopause aspect of this....I don't really have any physical symptoms as regards that, but, something I think is worth looking at as far a chemical imbalance.
I am going to think about asking my friends husband (I have know him since he was born, if he will be my sponsor (this was my friends suggestion)....I know he will "strongly suggest" I go to meetings, but think he is willing to work the steps with me even if I don't...but I will try. Basically, they told me to do it, even if I don't want to.
Sorry for long post, but want you to know that I did reach out here for support...help.
I love you all much
I called a friend today that has 20 some years of sobriety....she doesn't go to meetings anymore, but she & her husband did for a long time.....he is an active sponsor & has "strongly recommended" that I need to work a program....I don't want to, but clearly need to do more. Yes Rock, the last two times at 90 days I'm so overwhelmed with the anxiety & unease. I'm also going to find a different Doc that might be willing to prescribe something for those times that it just seems too much...also look at the menopause aspect of this....I don't really have any physical symptoms as regards that, but, something I think is worth looking at as far a chemical imbalance.
I am going to think about asking my friends husband (I have know him since he was born, if he will be my sponsor (this was my friends suggestion)....I know he will "strongly suggest" I go to meetings, but think he is willing to work the steps with me even if I don't...but I will try. Basically, they told me to do it, even if I don't want to.
Sorry for long post, but want you to know that I did reach out here for support...help.
I love you all much
MG
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Thanks ST......Glad your feeling better & that you continue to do things for yourself that you need to do to make your life better.....that makes me happy
Went & spent some time with little Grandsons after work today & then to a women's AA meeting.....was good. Just home & tired. Hope everyone has a good Wednesday.
Went & spent some time with little Grandsons after work today & then to a women's AA meeting.....was good. Just home & tired. Hope everyone has a good Wednesday.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
Glad your week is calming down a bit Mariah. I can really relate to the anxiety and unease (I was recently diagnosed with GAD). It was for sure a major contributor to my relapses. It's only through being really honest with my doctor and therapist and finding good people to work with that I feel like I've been getting to a medication regimen that's lessened the edginess. Nothing addictive (no benzos) and the edginess is still there sometimes, but I do feel like it has been helping. So do keep trying to find something that works for you! I do know that the anxiety is like a rollercoaster. It's like you keep going to the top of the hill and at the top you really want to drink because you feel like it's going to kill you otherwise. But if you can sit it out long enough you make it over the hill. And then in theory the anxiety rollercoaster lessens over time. So I've been told, haha.
I just made it to 100 days. I can't believe I'm in triple digits. I used to see the future as a giant, paralyzing black hole but I catch myself these days actually daydreaming about the future and making plans. It's not easy and it's still messy but one day at a time. I just wanted to thank you all for being on this journey with me
I just made it to 100 days. I can't believe I'm in triple digits. I used to see the future as a giant, paralyzing black hole but I catch myself these days actually daydreaming about the future and making plans. It's not easy and it's still messy but one day at a time. I just wanted to thank you all for being on this journey with me
I'm really proud of you!Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Copied from wikipedia:
Long-term use of benzodiazepines can worsen underlying anxiety,[13][14] with evidence that reduction of benzodiazepines can lead to a lessening of anxiety symptoms.[15] Similarly, long-term alcohol use is associated with anxiety disorders,[16] with evidence that prolonged abstinence can result in a disappearance of anxiety symptoms.[17] However, it can take up to two years for anxiety symptoms to return to baseline in about a quarter of people recovering from alcoholism.[18]
In one study in 1988–90, illness in approximately half of patients attending mental health services at British hospital psychiatric clinic, for conditions including anxiety disorders such as panic disorder or social phobia, was determined to be the result of alcohol or benzodiazepine dependence. In these patients, anxiety symptoms, while worsening initially during the withdrawal phase, disappeared with abstinence from benzodiazepines or alcohol. Sometimes anxiety pre-existed alcohol or benzodiazepine dependence, but the dependence was acting to keep the anxiety disorders going and often progressively making them worse. Recovery from benzodiazepines tends to take a lot longer than recovery from alcohol, but people can regain their previous good health.
Long-term use of benzodiazepines can worsen underlying anxiety,[13][14] with evidence that reduction of benzodiazepines can lead to a lessening of anxiety symptoms.[15] Similarly, long-term alcohol use is associated with anxiety disorders,[16] with evidence that prolonged abstinence can result in a disappearance of anxiety symptoms.[17] However, it can take up to two years for anxiety symptoms to return to baseline in about a quarter of people recovering from alcoholism.[18]
In one study in 1988–90, illness in approximately half of patients attending mental health services at British hospital psychiatric clinic, for conditions including anxiety disorders such as panic disorder or social phobia, was determined to be the result of alcohol or benzodiazepine dependence. In these patients, anxiety symptoms, while worsening initially during the withdrawal phase, disappeared with abstinence from benzodiazepines or alcohol. Sometimes anxiety pre-existed alcohol or benzodiazepine dependence, but the dependence was acting to keep the anxiety disorders going and often progressively making them worse. Recovery from benzodiazepines tends to take a lot longer than recovery from alcohol, but people can regain their previous good health.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Afternoon Fools,
2.40.pm
at the desk.....
It's been on here again... Miss thingy from form 5 came into Obo's room and told him he had to stay after school on Monday for a form 5 oral practice, pre exam.....
Well Obo was having none of that....
I told her to place then in a lunchtime slot which would be in a month or so......
Then she proceeded to start yelling at me..... red faced with spit coming out of her head!
Standing over me as I was sitting at my desk...
BLOODY HELL FOOLS, OBO WAS AT BREAKING POINT, JUST ABOUT REALLY TEE OFF...
So I stood up and asked her to leave....
She couldn't understand that apparently, so I said it again as I walked to the door.
The I explained that Monday and Thursday are the only two days I get out of here before 5 (I start at 7.30am)....
She then tells me I'm required by duty to stay on Monday...
No I said and opened the door
What...?
No, you want me to say it again....
Absolutely no heart, some of my colleagues, none.
I can't stand it!
Anyway that followed the no paternity leave for Obo debacle. No leave for me as I must have 40 weeks service, I'Ll be on 35 or something.
close but no cigar!
So I stormed into the Principal's office and spat the dummy, threatened to resign, to appeal the decision.
He apologised on behalf of the school, and admitted he was shocked to hear the ruling from the EDB, (HK education slave drivers)..
He then said he had the power as Principal to grant 2 days special leave.
I made him shake on that one!
When I was drinking I never could have handled these situations without either swearing or losing my cool. Or being walked over....
You have to stand up for yourself in this world.
You have to listen to the voice inside of what's right for you and stand your ground.
I have no regrets from these 2 altercations and am surprised how well I handled them....It's not great or anything, but I am getting much better at saying No and not being intimidated by anyone else...!
Rocks: 100 days is fantastic, well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\
Mariah: There's was a fine line for me with benzo's, helped a huge amount at the start of grief and panic attacks and then became intertwined with them. Strange things..!
hope all are well..................
stay tuned...........................
2.40.pm
at the desk.....
It's been on here again... Miss thingy from form 5 came into Obo's room and told him he had to stay after school on Monday for a form 5 oral practice, pre exam.....
Well Obo was having none of that....
I told her to place then in a lunchtime slot which would be in a month or so......
Then she proceeded to start yelling at me..... red faced with spit coming out of her head!
Standing over me as I was sitting at my desk...
BLOODY HELL FOOLS, OBO WAS AT BREAKING POINT, JUST ABOUT REALLY TEE OFF...
So I stood up and asked her to leave....
She couldn't understand that apparently, so I said it again as I walked to the door.
The I explained that Monday and Thursday are the only two days I get out of here before 5 (I start at 7.30am)....
She then tells me I'm required by duty to stay on Monday...
No I said and opened the door
What...?
No, you want me to say it again....
Absolutely no heart, some of my colleagues, none.
I can't stand it!
Anyway that followed the no paternity leave for Obo debacle. No leave for me as I must have 40 weeks service, I'Ll be on 35 or something.
close but no cigar!
So I stormed into the Principal's office and spat the dummy, threatened to resign, to appeal the decision.
He apologised on behalf of the school, and admitted he was shocked to hear the ruling from the EDB, (HK education slave drivers)..
He then said he had the power as Principal to grant 2 days special leave.
I made him shake on that one!
When I was drinking I never could have handled these situations without either swearing or losing my cool. Or being walked over....
You have to stand up for yourself in this world.
You have to listen to the voice inside of what's right for you and stand your ground.
I have no regrets from these 2 altercations and am surprised how well I handled them....It's not great or anything, but I am getting much better at saying No and not being intimidated by anyone else...!
Rocks: 100 days is fantastic, well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\
Mariah: There's was a fine line for me with benzo's, helped a huge amount at the start of grief and panic attacks and then became intertwined with them. Strange things..!
hope all are well..................
stay tuned...........................
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Rocks, congratulations on 100 consecutive days 
That's a great feeling to have that under your belt.
That information is interesting, Mariah. I've heard somewhere before that it can take 2 years for the brain to heal after prolonged alcohol abuse. It used to depress me, to think it would take so long, but now I think "as time goes by, I'm going to feel even better than I do now". Just need to "keep working the programme".
Obo, glad to hear you were able to handle those difficult situations. Are you still looking for other work?
I have a silent retreat to look forward to in June, it's quite local, and in a beautiful manor house. It'll be over a long weekend, with a small group of other people. I can't wait. I'm beginning to think I was designed for monastic life, I seem to crave solitude, peace and quiet. I find the world generally too busy and noisy. I think that might have been one reason I drank, to blot out all the noise. Hopefully a yearly retreat will be a healthier way to deal with this need. Surprisingly, my partner is supportive of me going, I thought he might feel a bit offended that I'd want to go away on my own, but all's good. Perhaps he will enjoy some time for himself too.
So much has changed over the past 11 months, I feel like I'm getting to know the real me, it's quite an exciting process. Who'd of thought that I didn't really want to spend my evenings in stupor? I can relax more easily with a good book and a hot bath, and I can take myself in to a quiet space to meditate, pray or do some yoga.
It's almost a year since the Fools first came together, isn't that amazing?
Have a great day all.
That's a great feeling to have that under your belt.
That information is interesting, Mariah. I've heard somewhere before that it can take 2 years for the brain to heal after prolonged alcohol abuse. It used to depress me, to think it would take so long, but now I think "as time goes by, I'm going to feel even better than I do now". Just need to "keep working the programme".
Obo, glad to hear you were able to handle those difficult situations. Are you still looking for other work?
I have a silent retreat to look forward to in June, it's quite local, and in a beautiful manor house. It'll be over a long weekend, with a small group of other people. I can't wait. I'm beginning to think I was designed for monastic life, I seem to crave solitude, peace and quiet. I find the world generally too busy and noisy. I think that might have been one reason I drank, to blot out all the noise. Hopefully a yearly retreat will be a healthier way to deal with this need. Surprisingly, my partner is supportive of me going, I thought he might feel a bit offended that I'd want to go away on my own, but all's good. Perhaps he will enjoy some time for himself too.
So much has changed over the past 11 months, I feel like I'm getting to know the real me, it's quite an exciting process. Who'd of thought that I didn't really want to spend my evenings in stupor? I can relax more easily with a good book and a hot bath, and I can take myself in to a quiet space to meditate, pray or do some yoga.
It's almost a year since the Fools first came together, isn't that amazing?
Have a great day all.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
I'm sorry your having to deal with such a mean spirited person....she must be miserable with herself & doing her best to make everyone else just as miserable. Good for you standing your ground.
Morning Sober Wolf
The retreat sound great Freein....I've been thinking it would be great to get a job for the summer up at one of our lakes...hide out you know, but that's not very realistic.....wish it were.
Morning Sober Wolf
The retreat sound great Freein....I've been thinking it would be great to get a job for the summer up at one of our lakes...hide out you know, but that's not very realistic.....wish it were.
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