Class of March 2015
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Day 9. Today I was driving round town after having a p. doc appointment in which I was told I have ocd. It really brought me down. I knew probably had ocd, but to actually hear it from the doctor, it just really killed me today! So I was driving around doing errands and my AV was just telling me to just drink, who cares, life sucks, you have ocd and its never going to get better. I had to fight it off, so I went to buy some gifts for my sons 6th b-day instead. It worked. I am not drinking at least. I am going on klonopin now. I have a lot of mixed emotions tonight. I think about drinking a lot during the day. I sometimes hear a song and I think wow how fun would it be to listen to this drunk? Its stupid I know but my av is pushing me to drink. At least when I got home the desire to drink faded.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,479
Originally Posted by happytobealive1 
Beautiful phrase, peanutbutters. Glad you could remember it, and glad praying helped. I might just use that phrase on myself one day... 
Hit the nail right on the head there, Dee. That's just what I feel like---one raw exposed nerve, everything tingling and zapping and warping. Both my AV and my newly recovering self sound like toddlers---one says I want it, I want it, I want it, and the other is so exhausted from saying no that it just sits down in the path. Trying to find that stronger, braver, powerful, confident self in between to keep going.
But if I have to do this kicking and screaming, then I'll do it kicking and screaming. Got through today ok. Worried %$^&less about the weekend, though---going off for a full day of visiting a friend, which will include me sleeping in her bed in her apartment while she sleeps with her boyfriend in his (a few blocks away). Meaning that I will be alone in an apartment with a fridge right there full of someone else's food. Bad news. Very bad news. I know how this one will end. I don't know how to change the tape.
Hit the nail right on the head there, Dee. That's just what I feel like---one raw exposed nerve, everything tingling and zapping and warping. Both my AV and my newly recovering self sound like toddlers---one says I want it, I want it, I want it, and the other is so exhausted from saying no that it just sits down in the path. Trying to find that stronger, braver, powerful, confident self in between to keep going.
But if I have to do this kicking and screaming, then I'll do it kicking and screaming. Got through today ok. Worried %$^&less about the weekend, though---going off for a full day of visiting a friend, which will include me sleeping in her bed in her apartment while she sleeps with her boyfriend in his (a few blocks away). Meaning that I will be alone in an apartment with a fridge right there full of someone else's food. Bad news. Very bad news. I know how this one will end. I don't know how to change the tape.
have you heard of or tried urge surfing? I've used it for my addictions as well as pain relief...it might help you too?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
D
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Originally Posted by happytobealive1
Beautiful phrase, peanutbutters. Glad you could remember it, and glad praying helped. I might just use that phrase on myself one day...
Hit the nail right on the head there, Dee. That's just what I feel like---one raw exposed nerve, everything tingling and zapping and warping. Both my AV and my newly recovering self sound like toddlers---one says I want it, I want it, I want it, and the other is so exhausted from saying no that it just sits down in the path. Trying to find that stronger, braver, powerful, confident self in between to keep going.
But if I have to do this kicking and screaming, then I'll do it kicking and screaming. Got through today ok. Worried %$^&less about the weekend, though---going off for a full day of visiting a friend, which will include me sleeping in her bed in her apartment while she sleeps with her boyfriend in his (a few blocks away). Meaning that I will be alone in an apartment with a fridge right there full of someone else's food. Bad news. Very bad news. I know how this one will end. I don't know how to change the tape.
Hit the nail right on the head there, Dee. That's just what I feel like---one raw exposed nerve, everything tingling and zapping and warping. Both my AV and my newly recovering self sound like toddlers---one says I want it, I want it, I want it, and the other is so exhausted from saying no that it just sits down in the path. Trying to find that stronger, braver, powerful, confident self in between to keep going.
But if I have to do this kicking and screaming, then I'll do it kicking and screaming. Got through today ok. Worried %$^&less about the weekend, though---going off for a full day of visiting a friend, which will include me sleeping in her bed in her apartment while she sleeps with her boyfriend in his (a few blocks away). Meaning that I will be alone in an apartment with a fridge right there full of someone else's food. Bad news. Very bad news. I know how this one will end. I don't know how to change the tape.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by happytobealive1
But if I have to do this kicking and screaming, then I'll do it kicking and screaming. Got through today ok. Worried %$^&less about the weekend, though---going off for a full day of visiting a friend, which will include me sleeping in her bed in her apartment while she sleeps with her boyfriend in his (a few blocks away). Meaning that I will be alone in an apartment with a fridge right there full of someone else's food. Bad news. Very bad news. I know how this one will end. I don't know how to change the tape.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Good morning, Marchers. Checking in here each day is going to be a part of my daily routine. I am reading everyone's posts, but it takes some time before the names start taking up a home in my brain. So, forgive me if I am only talking about myself for the time being in these early days.
I had a great night of sleep last night and feel much better. My plan this morning is to revisit my morning routine and make sure there is enough there to set my thinking straight for the day. I will also make an evening routine to review my day and my actions, so I can make small adjustments to stay on course rather than create large mistakes that will set me back to the beginning.
So, checking in this morning. I am doing well and I hope everyone here is doing well too. If you are struggling, know that you can do this. Make smart decisions to stick with dry places and dry people. Get rid of any alcohol in your home. Create an environment that supports your sobriety. I am on day 2 - take what I say with a grain of salt.
I had a great night of sleep last night and feel much better. My plan this morning is to revisit my morning routine and make sure there is enough there to set my thinking straight for the day. I will also make an evening routine to review my day and my actions, so I can make small adjustments to stay on course rather than create large mistakes that will set me back to the beginning.
So, checking in this morning. I am doing well and I hope everyone here is doing well too. If you are struggling, know that you can do this. Make smart decisions to stick with dry places and dry people. Get rid of any alcohol in your home. Create an environment that supports your sobriety. I am on day 2 - take what I say with a grain of salt.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
I think most of us focus on ourselves for awhile when we are doing the work to get and stay sober. Helping others often comes later. I think it's ok to let that evolve naturally.
During the first several months, I totally stayed away from situations that might tempt me. It wasn't until about a month ago that I started having dinner with people who have wine with dinner. We are all different so I can't tell you what to do. I suggest that you might want to think about your priorities. Some situations can't be avoided but a surprising number can. Some of you may find it surprisingly easy to handle situations like that and some like me can't. We don't need to test ourselves during early days and real friends will understand.
During the first several months, I totally stayed away from situations that might tempt me. It wasn't until about a month ago that I started having dinner with people who have wine with dinner. We are all different so I can't tell you what to do. I suggest that you might want to think about your priorities. Some situations can't be avoided but a surprising number can. Some of you may find it surprisingly easy to handle situations like that and some like me can't. We don't need to test ourselves during early days and real friends will understand.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
Hi. Day 1 here. I also just started taking anxiety medications (zoloft and xanax) which should help me deal with, well, everything, lol. I have a lot of good things in my life and it's like I'm doing everything I can to try and throw that away....but that will end now, and I feel like it starts first and foremost with not drinking anymore. So here I am. Currently in a fog of hangover brain which will dissipate, and I hope to power through the resulting anxiety from sobering up and just be calm with the way things are.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Day 6. Going strong. Ordered a new mp3-player and headphones, because I was actually stunned how much more money a person has, when you're not spending large amounts of it on booze every other day. Investing in something that helps me better enjoy something I truly love, not something that I thought I liked (meaning the drink), is so worth staying sober.
Hope everyone's having a great day! For those who just joined, welcome!
Hope everyone's having a great day! For those who just joined, welcome!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by Cameron57
I cameron challenge you happytobealive to stay sober this weekend. It will be tough but we can do it!
And thanks for checking in, CanGuy.
Go Team March! (Oh my, did I just rah-rah on an online forum??? Who am I becoming? Ha.)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Morning report! Day 6. One bit about yesterday first. Three bouts of heart palpitations yesterday, not nearly as bad as they've been, nor as frequent. (Grateful for that.) Still sleeping crappy but the sweats haven't returned. Woke up feeling sad and angry, for no reason beyond the ongoing oscillating mood. There are moments throughout the day where I'm feeling somewhat positive and in control, but they are very rare. Hand shakiness. The morning anxiety is at a minimum. I'm really feeling awe about that. I was almost 100% certain that the morning anxiety was just how my body did things, i.e. generalized anxiety disorder. But no, with each day of sobriety, with feeling less and less anxiety, I have to acknowledge that there's a correlation there. No. It was the cause. My drinking was giving me the anxiety. I hope I'll never forget that. It made my life unmanageable. This makes six days now without waking up and reaching for the wine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Day 4. Yesterday at appt. doc said I most likely have an alcohol induced stomach ulcer and prescribed my a 2 month RX for antacids with strict instructions not to drink or eat acidic foods so it heals.
I can't drink for 2 months. Like can't. I am making myself bleed internally.
She also gave me a short term RX for Klonopin. She is worried I will trade one addiction for another, so is going to be monitoring my uses closely.
I still can't even believe I can't drink for 2 months, like I know I am quitting and I want to quit, but 2 months sounds like, I don't know. I'm just in shock.
I can't drink for 2 months. Like can't. I am making myself bleed internally.
She also gave me a short term RX for Klonopin. She is worried I will trade one addiction for another, so is going to be monitoring my uses closely.
I still can't even believe I can't drink for 2 months, like I know I am quitting and I want to quit, but 2 months sounds like, I don't know. I'm just in shock.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
ArticSA, sorry about your ulcer. Hopefully the antacids will help you out there. My stomach is so messed up from booze. I am not diagnosed with an ulcer but I have acid reflux so bad that I have lesions in my throat. I saw an ent and they told me no alcohol or acid filled foods, like tomatoes or anything tomato based. I was told to do that like a year ago. Didn't stop me. I still drank vodka and then like an idiot I would eat an entire pizza afterward. Anyway I don't want to steal your post, just wanted to let you know your not alone. I been on antacids for around 8 months now, they do work wonders.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
So its the beginning of day 10. Wow! Really proud of myself actually. I got mad at my husband last night because he hasn't even told me that is proud of me. He actually drank two nights ago, just a few, but I didn't give in and drink and I think that is amazing for me. I think the last couple days I have been getting irritable from not drinking. The true test right now is the weekend. I always felt like I deserved to drink once it was Friday.
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