Class of December 2014 Part 10
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,464
Originally Posted by Copper442 
Morning all.
This is going to be my last downer post as I am annoyed with myself so I can only assume this is aggravating to the rest of you. I'm just having a rough go of things. I'm dealing with a severe episode of depression. Feeling isolated, excluded, unwanted, unloved, detached, etc. That is just barely scratching the surface. I'm in a dark place and I'm a bit frightened by my own mind. I'm sure it is all situational so I'm doing my best to push through but I have not even an ounce of hope or positivity left in me at this point.
Earlier this week I sabotaged myself and my new living arrangement so I'm back in the same hellish nightmare I was before. Outpatient is on hold due to the weather and I'm not sure I even want to take that route at the moment. I'm having some new issues with one of my ankles which is also taking a toll on my mood. Constant pain is hard to deal with but I refuse to take anything stronger than some tylenol because I'm so over jeopardizing my sobriety.
I'll probably take a few days away from here just to give everyone a break. I'm too all over the place. Once minute I'm disgustingly positive, the next, well you all get it. All of you are learning how to live and here I am complaining over the consequences of slowly trying to die from alcohol and drugs. I care about all of you more than I thought was even possible but I'm not sure where, or even how I fit in here anymore.
I'm sorry for droning on (again) and bringing the group mood down. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.
This is going to be my last downer post as I am annoyed with myself so I can only assume this is aggravating to the rest of you. I'm just having a rough go of things. I'm dealing with a severe episode of depression. Feeling isolated, excluded, unwanted, unloved, detached, etc. That is just barely scratching the surface. I'm in a dark place and I'm a bit frightened by my own mind. I'm sure it is all situational so I'm doing my best to push through but I have not even an ounce of hope or positivity left in me at this point.
Earlier this week I sabotaged myself and my new living arrangement so I'm back in the same hellish nightmare I was before. Outpatient is on hold due to the weather and I'm not sure I even want to take that route at the moment. I'm having some new issues with one of my ankles which is also taking a toll on my mood. Constant pain is hard to deal with but I refuse to take anything stronger than some tylenol because I'm so over jeopardizing my sobriety.
I'll probably take a few days away from here just to give everyone a break. I'm too all over the place. Once minute I'm disgustingly positive, the next, well you all get it. All of you are learning how to live and here I am complaining over the consequences of slowly trying to die from alcohol and drugs. I care about all of you more than I thought was even possible but I'm not sure where, or even how I fit in here anymore.
I'm sorry for droning on (again) and bringing the group mood down. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.
Same goes for everyone else too.
I hope you reconsider your break.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
What's everyone up to tonight?
I'm cooking, got some hot water lemon and mint leaves.
Blues special on the radio tonight yay!
I'm struggling a bit, cooking and blues are big drinking triggers for me, but I have to push through.
I can't stop listening to music or cooking haha, and I've been trying to get get sober since Nov, so it's not like its new and I should avoid it.
I think the faster I get used to things I used to enjoy while drinking, the easier it's gonna be. I think....
Then gonna play in the guitar and then I don't know, maybe paint. The days are long sober aren't they?!!!
I'm cooking, got some hot water lemon and mint leaves.
Blues special on the radio tonight yay!
I'm struggling a bit, cooking and blues are big drinking triggers for me, but I have to push through.
I can't stop listening to music or cooking haha, and I've been trying to get get sober since Nov, so it's not like its new and I should avoid it.
I think the faster I get used to things I used to enjoy while drinking, the easier it's gonna be. I think....
Then gonna play in the guitar and then I don't know, maybe paint. The days are long sober aren't they?!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Yes they can be! My house had never been so clean. Usually I am in bed by 9. I get up at 5 for work so my weeks go by fast but even on weekends I have been getting in bed and reading by 8. I am getting so I sorta look forward to it. My ex couldn't sit still so the weekends were always a Whirlwind. I can't wait for Spring though just to be able to get outside and walk or garden.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I've been going to bed early since I quit, too. I love it. And I'm sleeping like a rock star. No more waking up in the middle of the night in an anxious sweat. In bed by 9 or earlier, asleep by about 9:30, up at 5:30. And even with that, naps are sometimes necessary. My body and brain are healing.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Sweet Sleep....One of the things I love best.
Great day......went to the thrift store & scored on an end table.......mahogany with a glass top & wrought iron base for $5.00. I've been wanting one & it is exactly what I wanted. Also 2 big pillows that match my sofa for $3.00. Came home & rearranged or living room. Feel like I'm in a new living room for $8.00 It's the little things in life.
No big Saturday night plans for me.....again. That's OK with me, I'm still draggin a bit from being sick. I'm going to have to make some changes though Girls...I want a Man in my life. I know its said that you shouldn't get into a relationship early on, but I have a lot of sober time over this last year, and I really feel that I'm strong in my sobriety. I've been single way too many years. It will just have to be with someone who is independent and respects my independence.
Have a good night Peeps
Great day......went to the thrift store & scored on an end table.......mahogany with a glass top & wrought iron base for $5.00. I've been wanting one & it is exactly what I wanted. Also 2 big pillows that match my sofa for $3.00. Came home & rearranged or living room. Feel like I'm in a new living room for $8.00
It's the little things in life.No big Saturday night plans for me.....again. That's OK with me, I'm still draggin a bit from being sick. I'm going to have to make some changes though Girls...I want a Man in my life. I know its said that you shouldn't get into a relationship early on, but I have a lot of sober time over this last year, and I really feel that I'm strong in my sobriety. I've been single way too many years. It will just have to be with someone who is independent and respects my independence.
Have a good night Peeps
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Love love love thrift stores...I swear that song was written for me.
Good luck Mariah....I think we should be the best judge of readiness. How do you think you are going to go about it. I only ask because I like to think someday I may be ready again. I like companionship.
Good luck Mariah....I think we should be the best judge of readiness. How do you think you are going to go about it. I only ask because I like to think someday I may be ready again. I like companionship.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Originally Posted by MariahGayle
Sweet Sleep....One of the things I love best.
Great day......went to the thrift store & scored on an end table.......mahogany with a glass top & wrought iron base for $5.00. I've been wanting one & it is exactly what I wanted. Also 2 big pillows that match my sofa for $3.00. Came home & rearranged or living room. Feel like I'm in a new living room for $8.00 It's the little things in life.
No big Saturday night plans for me.....again. That's OK with me, I'm still draggin a bit from being sick. I'm going to have to make some changes though Girls...I want a Man in my life. I know its said that you shouldn't get into a relationship early on, but I have a lot of sober time over this last year, and I really feel that I'm strong in my sobriety. I've been single way too many years. It will just have to be with someone who is independent and respects my independence.
Have a good night Peeps
Great day......went to the thrift store & scored on an end table.......mahogany with a glass top & wrought iron base for $5.00. I've been wanting one & it is exactly what I wanted. Also 2 big pillows that match my sofa for $3.00. Came home & rearranged or living room. Feel like I'm in a new living room for $8.00
It's the little things in life.No big Saturday night plans for me.....again. That's OK with me, I'm still draggin a bit from being sick. I'm going to have to make some changes though Girls...I want a Man in my life. I know its said that you shouldn't get into a relationship early on, but I have a lot of sober time over this last year, and I really feel that I'm strong in my sobriety. I've been single way too many years. It will just have to be with someone who is independent and respects my independence.
Have a good night Peeps
My dad died 3 years ago and my mom has been dating on and off. She found someone three months ago that totally supports her independence. She is almost 61. She met him through friends.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
I don't think it will be through a dating site. Definitely not going to meet anyone sitting here at home. I am going to learn to golf this spring, I go to the gym. Lot's of fun events here in the summer, so just being more active & it appears a little more forward.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Originally Posted by Della1968
I am enthralled with not waking up at 3 am!
Congrats on your new living room, Mariah! I Love finding a bargain!
And I really hope you find someone who not only respects you, but wants the best for you.
I don't think I'll ever get into another relationship! I have no interest in it. I've seen the depravity of too many people and the constant drama and I just don't think I could ever trust someone again. Ugh....that sounds so bitter! I've just been hurt too much and I can't risk getting hurt again.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Originally Posted by Midwest1981
One more thing...I am kinda shocked from my moms dating life that men are basically the same at 20s years old and 60 years old. LOL. It's not easy no matter what the age
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Oh I have been single a good portion of my adult life. I was a single mother from the time my kids were quite young and didn't want to expose them to a lot of men. I am ok alone and always have been but there are things I miss about being in a relationship.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Y'all it actually kind of scares me that I feel like this. I've ALWAYS either had a boyfriend or been married. But it's like I would rather be alone than in a relationship where I'm always worried! I could potentially be a cat lady but I don't even own a cat!!! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Originally Posted by Midwest1981
Hi Gniknus!! I hope you get to go fishing this weekend.
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