VirileAgitur

Thanks for all the welcomes I received throughout the night. One of my first thoughts after my coffee was to come check these threads. For me, having some early inspiration is vital.

Gilmer

I like SR to start my day off, too.

VirileAgitur

It is a valuable way to occupy my mind. I can't express the value of having something for me to focus on in my situation as of right now.

LonelyShadow

Hello everyone, back on Day 1, again.

I'm so tired of this cycle.

VirileAgitur

You have my support. Stay strong. Turn things into a cycle of recovery instead.

DrakeCKC

Coffee..... SR..... usually my first couple of things. And feed Her Royal Highness, Olive.

DrakeCKC

LS.... just keep trying. I lost count how many times I started and failed,

LonelyShadow

Thanks Drake, I was in a really vicious cycle of going three weeks or so then binging again until last year when I found this site and started the process of getting help.

This time around I fell into that same old trap "Maybe it's different now" yeah, right.

I get into this really dangerous mindset that I just want to give up on sobriety and give up on myself, but I'm not going to let that happen. I know what needs to be done now, pick myself up and move it forward.

Thanks for listening everyone

SoberLeigh

((((Dear LonelyShadow)))).

The only good and viable option is just that - to get up and move forward. The alternative is too gruesome to consider.

Onward, LS.

Sending love, my Febbie friend.

trachemys

LS, you either keep learning and keep trying or you die from drinking.

LonelyShadow

That is very true Trachemys, I will keep trying. I won't let this thing beat me.

Using everything I've learned over the past year and picking up new tools. I will make this work.

I will NEVER drink again, and I will NEVER change my mind.

Saskia

LS, I spent over 2 years here, relapsing more times than I can count. Dee gently suggested that I think about what I needed to "add to the mix" to get me to where I wanted to be. Last spring and summer were incredibly stressful for me and my drinking got much worse. In August I finally got real and admitted to myself that I needed more help to do this and if I didn't get sober soon i wouldn't likely live very long. So I did an intensive outpatient program and started AA meetings along with SR. I celebrated my 6-month soberversity yesterday and feel so much better. Yes, I still feel tempted at times but I think it all the way through and simply don't want to go through all of that ever again! So I'm inviting you to think about what you need to add to the mix to help you avoid the repetitions. Do whatever it takes before it's too late.

gleefan

VA - Welcome! I have found this thread incredibly supportive on my recovery journey - in the early days when my cravings burned deep, as I realized that there were issues contributing to the cravings and as I work through those issues. No matter where you are on your journey, you can count on us to listen - and care.

BoozeFree - I can see why you'd prefer a sober network of friends. I hope you felt some measure of comfort while your sister and her friends partied in your midst.

LS - Changing jobs, moving to a new home, and meeting new people were exciting changes in life. You seemed pretty pumped to be meeting the goals that you set for yourself last time you checked in. What happened?

I like your determination that you'll never drink again or change your mind. For me, bad consequences never deterred me from drinking for the long term. Willpower alone never worked, either. This year is the ligers ice ever gone without drinking. I am surrounded by alcohol, LS, and the only thing that's working for me is deepening my emotional resolve and spiritual awareness.

It reminds me of Carlos' recent share from what someone said at AA - that their will power never worked in a program that requires them to remove self will.

All of our paths are different. MLS what I hope for you is that you can determine what you need to add to your toolbox to prevent drinking next time.

Hello everyone else! I am ducking in the corner at a kids bday party to send this little message of support. I need to go sing happy birthday; I'll check back in later!

LonelyShadow

I'm not entirely sure what happened, but basically I gave in to temptation and I shouldn't of done. As simple as that. I think I have a lot of work to do to prevent it happening again. First and foremost is that I accept that I cannot, ever, under any circumstances take a drink. I just can't. And I will never waiver in that belief.

I don't know what happened this time, I will have to have a think about the circumstances surrounding taking a drink and how to avoid it again. Hungry, angry, lonely and tired were all factors, but bottom line is I messed up.

Never again.

Gilmer

So glad you're back with us, LS!

trachemys

Rearranged it for ya'.

LonelyShadow

Huh, cheers Trachemys! Guess i'm thinking backwards atm

Thanks Gilmer it's good to be back. Still here and still trying.

VirileAgitur

Had a doctor's appt. just get pushed back a month from now. I've been very depressed and I really need to see him. Now I am in an even worse state and there doesn't seem like much I can do about it right now.

Gilmer

Can you try another doctor?

VirileAgitur

I am struggling financially right now.. Simply, I am broke. The doctor I see is based on a sliding scale, so I see him for free.