Briar

This is true.

SoberLeigh

You have a very nice group in this Class of October.

Briar

It's a great group. I don't know what I would do without them. Well...tonight I'd probably drink.

I should get to bed. Thank you guys so much for sitting with me.

SoberLeigh

Dear sweet ladies, I really hate to leave you but it is way past my bedtime.

There is a bright future ahead, Briar; I promise.

See you ladies tomorrow.

Much love.

Briar

Goodnight and thank you. See you tomorrow.

Briar

Love you V, good night.

Dee74

Sleep well guys

D

venuscat

Nite my love. Proud of you. ♥

Conquest

Good Saturday, Octsober friends!

(((SoberLeigh))) Hi, sweet girl!

Briar, Sending prayers of peace your way today. Hopefully, you were able to get some good rest last night and wake up feeling much better today.

Venus, Tummy troubles are miserable. I sure hope you're feeling better too.

I stayed up on the phone with a grieving friend until well past midnight and woke up super early. So much for sleeping in! Today's agenda includes grocery shopping, gift shopping for my friend, and a lot of time outdoors. I'm hoping I can call up my little brother and talk him into meeting at the driving range. I'm not very good at golf, but I love to be out there just knocking the crud out of golfballs with no real care about aim or where they land. Plus, it's going to be beautiful out today. This girl needs a vitamin-D packed sunshine boost.

What's everyone else got going on?

Keep up the talk about eliminating caffeine, Arbor. You've planted the seed in my head and it may be my next mission...

Mark1014

Good morning gang,

I'm up early too Conquest as usual...I love seeing dawn break the darkness (and somebody has to wake the chickens).
I'm thinking about you this morning Briar. I hope you feel better.....V and Leigh are such sweet ladies and I'm so glad they were with you. Maybe get out a little today and feel the sunshine? Arbor and V have both mentioned going seaside for a little inspiration. Maybe a pleasant drive to the beach with some nice tunes, a thermos of hot tea and your new mug.

Speaking of that, if the class song is Hotel California, maybe the motto should be 'no bad mayo!'. Hope you're feeling better V.

You're day sounds nice Conquest...I won't be on a driving range but will be outside as much as possible. The first tasks at hand are to fill the bird feeders, have a cup of coffee and then off to the gym. Shoulders today. My second favorite.

ChickChick

Good morning.

Briar I hope today is a better day for you, a freshape start. V and Leigh are very right about the 24 hour thread. I don't think I've missed a day posting there this time around. Check it put when you are feeling up to it. Be gentle with yourself today and stick close to SR.

V I hope you feel better, food poisoning is awful. *shudder*

Conquest I'm with you on getting outdoors today. It's supposed to be in the 50's here today. My 11 yo and I talked about it on the way home yestersay and planned a walk today. I'm really looking forward to it.

My excitement about my laptop was very short lived. Seems I need a new hard drive. Pooh. Oh well, atleast I have my phone.

Wishing everyone a great day!

Mark1014

Y'all are right about the 24 hour thread....its a nice way to start the day with a nudge in the right direction.

SoberLeigh

Adversity...

***“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”


― Napoleon Hillj

Arbor

Briar I'm glad you stuck around here last night. Today's a new day. A new start to make things right. Have you ever tried that live chat thingy on here?

Beautiful day here. The Sun is glorious. Would love to get out there with the family, but it's a mere 19 degrees. Get that furnace cranking. $$$ !!

ChickChick

Love that quote Leigh!

Briar

Thank you guys for your kind words. Sober this morning and not as sick as I was yesterday. Still some thoughts about slipping back under. I don't know why, I hate it there. But I'm so uncomfortable sober, and managing a chaotic drunk life is distracting. Even though it's horrible, all-consuming, and isn't a life, in some ways it's easier. Suicide isn't an option, but living drunk is a kind of death. That's kind of where I want to be.

I'm sorry for all this mess. I'm trying, and I'm grateful you guys are doing well. You remind me that sober life can be good.

Arbor

It's terrible you feel that way Briar. But you said it yourself:

If you keep going back there you are not getting anywhere. You are not growing. You will always feel like hell. I don't think this is easy for any of us. But what I do know is that it's right. Come towards the light. Come find a better way of life with us.

Mark1014

I'm glad to see you up and about this morning Briar. I've been thinking about your post and yes, I think I'm doing reasonably well. But I also think it's sometimes easy to think that everyone else has it together while I can't quite 'get it right' and that can be a very isolating line of thought.

I understand many of your feelings. Until October my daily prayer was for a higher power to terminate me. That had been the case for a long time. I had done research on ways to take the matter into my own hands but had ruled that option out because I had also researched the ramification of that action on loved ones. I felt absolutely and completely broken and without hope.

I have not prayed that prayer since October 1st and am not in that same mindset anymore. So absolutely I feel as though I've made progress and am doing well compared to where I was in September.

I have four arenas in my life that are the thorns in my side...one of which is obviously alcohol. Getting drunk is what I did to deal with the other three. It is the other three that I rolled over and over in my mind in a drunken despair for years. I know now that I'll never be able to move forward with this stuff if I don't first take care of the drinking. Of the remaining, one issue will require acceptance. I will be able, I think, to make true progress in the two areas once I'm solidly on my sober feet. Every day is not great, but I won't make it back out if I go back.

That brings me to the subject of feelings. There is a sense of frustration about this topic because it's inherently difficult to express our point sometimes (at least for me). I still feel everything I ever did and don't know that it's possible to completely change my natural feelings. But I can and do strive diligently to change my reaction to them. So what exactly does that mean, at least to me.....

Here are a couple of recent personal examples. This morning I woke feeling pretty good, but on my drive to the gym I began to feel the suffocating need to drink just a little. By the time I got to the gym (only a 10 minute drive) I was weeping. This past summer I know exactly what would have happened....because it has many times. I would have sat in the parking lot and popped in my 'go to' drinking CD. I would have thought f*** this sh**** mood and gone for a six pack. Around eleven I would have gone for another. Around three I would have driven drunk for another. I would have had all but about three of those and ended up despondent and cursing my life. The next morning I would drink the leftovers to take the edge off and soon be back at the service station.

This morning I sat in the parking lot.....just long enough for my eyes to not be red....and drug my butt in there even though I didn't feel like it. I walked out of there with confidence and positivity from a good workout while listening to Chaka Khan sing Aint Nobody. The difference in time was an hour. The difference in the rest of my weekend is night and day.

A couple of nights ago I was getting myself in a funk and I was feeding those feelings by listening to a couple of trigger songs over and over....really smart huh? I was starting the mental isolation cycle. If the AV can get us to isolate ourself we're often going to end up in trouble. V stopped me in my tracks by posting a quote about not staring at the past. Does it always work so neatly to feel better? No, but I am very proactive to recognize in myself the first little steps in the wrong direction (usually brought about by my feelings at the moment) and control how I react to those feelings. During these last three months I have seen an improvement in how long I'm tempted by feelings I can't necessarily control. But there are still days when I'm just glad it's time for bed.

When we see posts encouraging us to let our feelings go, I think it may come across as though the posts are trivializing those feelings or unintentionally making someone feel as though their feelings aren't legitimate. I now interpret those posts as really being more about our actions that come after the feelings. Our actions are somewhat more in our control if we can break our old cycle.

Briar, I have no idea how I ended up with such a ridiculously long post except to say that you are not alone. Others care and I care. Please don't isolate yourself this weekend. Perhaps the last few days have been a couple of steps back for you, but it seems as though you're still facing the right direction.

Ok, time for me to go outside and enjoy some sunshine....I hope you're doing the same.

ChickChick

That was a really excellent post From. Thanks for sharing.

Briar

Thank you for that. Being terrified of feelings is a problem for me. I always assume I won't be able to handle them. But I too have made some progress with that in these past months. Yesterday I was so anxious to go into my meeting, and in the past I've tried hard to suppress anxiety so people would think I was fine. But yesterday I decided it was okay to just be anxious. So I went in there heart pounding, shaking, sweating, choking when I talked, and was honest. After that I did feel better and not so afraid of how I felt.