venuscat

Thank you Briar ~ and I want to remind you that all we have is today.
That's all we ever have to do....not pick up a drink today. My friend/first sponsor who is nearly 30 years sober tells me this all of the time.

And you are making incredible progress.

Briar

Thank you, V. It sure doesn't feel like progress. It feels like foolishly delaying the inevitable. It feels like brazenly ignoring the lion that's about to eat me.

venuscat

Dee once told me that by sticking close to SR, and to our truth, we can prevent the lion from eating us. It's only by isolating and staying silent about our struggles that we become prey. OK, I'm paraphrasing...

Briar

I know. It requires strength I sometimes don't feel like I have. But it's try or give up, those are the options.

venuscat

And it's also about going to bed at night knowing that you had another win.
Counting your achievements.
Telling the lion that he best go find something else for dinner.

Briar

True, thank you, today I did win. I'm still not exactly sure what I won, but I won nonetheless. Part of me lost, but I don't want that part around anyway, I have to keep reminding myself of that.

Well, I should get to bed, it's late. Good night, and thanks a million for your support and encouragement. Talk to you tomorrow!

venuscat

Nite and hugs lovely one! ♥

BrighterDayz

Venus, it took me a long time to realize that my Mom is toxic to me. She is a narcissistic bitch. At one point she would call me fifty times per day with demands. She now lives in an assisted living facility, is well cared for and I see here as little as possible. I never call her. I am much better for it. I made a choice, ME.

Arbor

Briar. I have those same feelings/thoughts about long term sobriety often. Just last week in fact. All I know though is that it passes. I have a completely different outlook this week. Part of it is getting through the struggle. We come out better on the other side each time. Just need some safety nets in place if urges get too much. Think about it getting better not worse. Hang in there!

Mark1014

Slowly I seem to be realizing that those thoughts/feelings only have the power that I allow them to take. My goal is to starve them to death.

I hope it's a nice Tuesday/Wednesday for everyone. I am only off work Thursday, work Friday ,and voilà another weekend is here.

countrygirl2014

Huh... It just occurred to me that yesterday and today I am babysitting someone else's 4 year old. And I wasn't a last resort like last year but a first choice.
I am grateful for that

Jennifer

phoebe64

Hi V, I don't know if this is helpful, but I think you should consider staying away from you dad until you recover from your own surgery. Then reconsider. If he is in a facility, he should be cared for. What you do is extra, and it does not sound like he deserves that.

My mother was very emotionally/verbally abusive to me much of my life, in between being very sweet as well. Jekyll and Hyde. I finally, at age 24ish, just completely set limits. I did not engage in any argument. There would be no way for her to hang up on my 3 times, because the first time would be it. Done. No more answering, and I would not call her back. Period. Same if she got nasty in my presence. I recall one time dragging my then boyfriend, now husband right out the door of my parents home. I refused to engage her baiting me for an argument. I just said, "I will not fight with you, I need to leave." That was what I did for a very long time, and she did get better. she just knew I was DONE.

It was a very sad time. I had a breakdown. I had to grieve the loss of the parents I wanted or thought I had, and learn to accept what I did have.

I know I am just another drunk, and don't have my act together, but I do think I did that one right.

I hope you can find peace with your father before he is gone. I did get to that, so I felt less of a mess when I lost her. She never wanted to hurt me, she just never learned the skills to do it differently. She was repeating something that was probably done to her, and also had a lot of fear and anxiety. Really, she had a hard and sad life and her spirit is what got her through it. But it made her defensive and fierce at times too. Remembering her in that context gives me a better memory fo who she really was.

Hugs to you. I know this is very hard.

Conquest

So much wisdom in that Briar! Thank you. And I hope today is much better. Your sober muscles will probably be a little sore, so take it easy.

Soooo... I'm treating myself to a one time deep clean of my apartment. They're coming to give an estimate in a couple of hours. I thought... I could/should totally do this myself, but naaaaaaah. I love extra sober cash!

Also, looking at training schedules for women online. FAD, I think you've got a lifting schedule for yourself... Any resources to share for beginners like me?

Jen, You rock, sista! That's GOT to feel great.

As far as thinking about long term sobriety... It can send me into panic. I still can't go there. Today is enough to handle. Be well, Octsobers!

countrygirl2014

I am so glad I only have one girl child. Second day with the boy and omg. I guess his mom kept him up until after midnight. She doesn't believe in bedtimes for children. Now I have this emotional kid running around either crying or singing songs about poop. They both look like uncle fester with the circles under the eyes. Nap time can't come soon enough.

Jennifer

Mark1014

Phoebe, i think you gave some great insight to V and I like everything you said except for one part of one lone sentence. I think it came from your AV so I'm calling it out! I don't like it talking about a part of our gang here (that would be you) in that tone.

I doubt I'll ever get it all figured out, but it won't be for lack of trying. I think there has to be a whole lot of good in someone that can give such caring and thoughtful advice!

I hope your day is a good one!

Mark1014

That's great Conquest!

I looooove my workouts! That doesn't mean I always look forward to getting up before dawn, but it's such a mood booster for me once I'm done. Most of the ladies I see at the gym do almost all cardio stuff. I think you should consider using resistance training as the cornerstone of your program. I'm a five day a week guy...sometimes six. I generally work legs on one day, shoulders the next, back/biceps the next, and chest/triceps on the next. I work abs at the end of each and generally run on Sunday afternoon for cardio. I like heavier weights with fewer reps, but most ladies find that more moderate weight and higher reps is best. Know what's great? Get your muscle mass up a bit and it burns more calories even when your just sitting! No matter what the details of your approach end up being, you will be doing something that's good for you and makes you feel good. So get your favorite tunes loaded, grab your ear buds and have fun!

phoebe64

double

phoebe64

I did not mean to offend, only that I hope my wisdom is still valid even if I do not succeed at all that I do. I have overcome many difficulties in life very successfully, and I am sure we all have. Just this one biggie still to conquer.

Conquest

Thanks, FAD! I'll keep y'all posted on my buffness.

Dee74

I'm pretty sure Conquest meant the just another drunk reference - noones 'just another drunk' here Phoebe

We share a common problem, but I blow raspberries to that defining us - We're all amazing in our own individual ways
D