Dee74

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-6-a-20.html

D

Mark1014

Hi Sparkos, excellent to have you back my friend. I'm so glad that participation here requires no sort of perfection on my part or anyone else's. Otherwise, it'd be pretty quiet around here I suspect.

Isn't it great for Dee to point out that our new default is not shortness of temper. I would not rate this last weekend as one of my best and struggled to keep my generally agitated state from spoiling it for everyone else in the house.

I'm not working today, so I'm off to the gym to work on my physical self and hopefully that process will also help me with my emotional self!

Check in and let us know how your Monday is progressing.

Sparkos

Glad to be back, FAD.

No use wallowing. I know I've tried numerous times before, but I do take some hope that almost everybody who has a good degree of sobriety behind them, says the same. This time, my friends, this time.

I'm just decorating my artificial Christmas tree (sober for the first time ever!), and was just thinking "I bet Arbor8 has the best tree in the States." (Him being an arborist and all.)

Arbor

Haha. Awesome Sparkos. It's a good one for sure this year. Brought in all the way from our fine neighbors up north, Quebec, Canada. Treat yourself to some LEDs this year. I bought some for the first time and will never look back

Mark1014

I place my hope in those that have managed to get through the tough times too Sparkos. Right now it's a little hard to see the end goal....right now kind of feels like managing to exist and not drink. I definitely enjoy the no hangovers etc., but certainly haven't blossomed into a real life of sobriety yet. Somewhere in between I guess. It's impossible to know how long that the 'in between' will last. And I certainly don't expect daily bliss in sobriety....just some sort of solid place to drop my anchor.

For now I listen to,and try to learn from, members like Dee and many others. That's where my anchor is for now. Let's all hang in there.

Sparkos

Thanks for that FAD. I really couldn't agree with you more. (Just a few days behind the curve!)

Briar

V - I'm so sorry you went through that as a kid. Those things definitely shape us and teach us lessons we live by well into adulthood. You have great insight into the issue, and with that you have the power to start changing it. I'm glad you feel comfortable here to discuss your feelings. We are all here because we want our feelings to go away. They're scary and seem overwhelming. By sharing them with each other, we all start to learn how to be comfortable with them. Your sharing helps us get better too.

My dad was an alcoholic. He was a maintenance drunk like I was becoming, but he did it for 20 years, and it killed him. He wasn't abusive, but he was very sensitive and paranoid. He often threatened to leave us, and he had already left a wife and two little kids before, so we knew he wasn't bluffing. He didn't speak to those kids for 20 years. His own damn kids. You can't trust a person who does that. We kept our emotions locked down tight so we wouldn't upset him. The stakes were pretty high. My mom made sure we didn't get emotional and did a lot of the ridiculing and minimizing. She used to tell me I was "just being dramatic" over things like dead pets and serious injuries. It's no wonder we drink to kill feelings when we are taught they are so dangerous. I was raised to believe a tear would dissolve my whole family. To this day I will absolutely not cry in front of my mom or brother. EVER!

I agree it's ridiculous that people can have kids when they aren't even qualified to raise a houseplant, but so many of us come from homes like that. In my work I receive reports on every case where children are removed from homes due to abuse or neglect, and it's absolutely horrifying the things people put their kids through! But nevertheless, we are given lives, and it's up to us to decide what to do with them.

I hope you can work on this in therapy. You do have the strength and the smarts to handle this, and we are all here to help you.

ChickChick

Hi all Sorry I've been so quiet. I have been here reading all of your posts everyday though. You all are so fantastic!
I am at 60 days today. I can hardly beleive it. I am so glad I've made it this far. I am so thankful to this class. 60 days seemed so impossible in October. Wow.

Love you all so much!!

Mark1014

That's great ChickChick! its interesting how on one hand the days seem to fly by and on the other (the tough days) they can drag by. I wouldn't want to repeat those first 2 or 3 weeks at all.

Congratulations on your 60!.....and on to many many more.

Conquest

Chick, 60!!! Congratulations!!! That's great work, hun. Keep em comin!

Dee74

way to go Chick

D

Briar

Congrats on 60!

Arbor

Awesome job ChickChick! Nice to see you again !!!

countrygirl2014

Congrats chick! 60 is great!!!

Jennifer

ChickChick

Thank you

phoebe64

Long day and I need to go to bed. Up at 6 with my daughter. But i had a good day. met a friend, for coffee and some shopping. I need friends! So, this was fun. Sadly, she lives in another state, but it was nice to meet her while she was around here.

Then busy with tidying, driving kids and even took a short rest. I need to catch up fully, but so glad you are back posting Sparkos, and Dee, your words inspire me as well as everyone.

Venus, wow! I am very impressed with your goals and your plan to go to school! I wish and pray for you to get the assistance to pay for it. It is very brave to start over on a career path.

I need to get to sleep, but have time to catch up tomorrow morning,

venuscat

on 60 days chic!!! ♥♥

I am not planning on having any more therapy to discuss my upbringing.
I've done it already. I just needed to talk to all of you.

The best way for me to move forward is to finally make a wonderful life for myself.
Every positive step puts the past further behind me.

I can easily imagine growing up in your family Briar. Sigh.
Knowing a bit more about you makes me love and respect you even more...

Sparkos s and love, and gosh it makes me happy to have you back with us!!!

Ok, too tired to write anymore.
Today was the farthest I have walked since I started this job. And it was really hot.

Love to everyone,

V xx

Briar

Hi guys, I had a difficult day emotionally. I generally felt very agitated and frustrated. I worked on a couple of cases that were just straight up irritating, and then I came upon one that was absolutely horrifying. I won't even begin to describe what happened. I wish I could bleach my brain. It blows my mind that people can do such things to each other.

After that, everything made me cry. Songs on the radio, rain on the windshield, and when we got home my daughter insisted we watch Frozen for the 500,000th time. As is typical of Disney movies, it's emotionally intense. This is really why I don't like to watch TV or movies anymore, everything is way too intense.

So I escaped to my office and spent some time tricking out my blog (which is like the funnest geekout ever!).

My mom is coming over tomorrow for the afternoon, which is rare and super exciting for my daughter. She adores my mom. My mom and I talk maybe once a month, but when we do, we carry on for hours. I do love her very much and enjoy her company. Looking forward to that.

I thought about drinking a bit today. It kept popping into my mind, but when I thought about what it would really be like, it didn't sound so appealing. It keeps popping up and I keep smacking it down. It's like a messed up game of whack-a-mole.

I hope everyone is well. Love to all!

venuscat

I think whack-a-mole is a really good image for us to keep in our heads at this point.
Because yes, the tough days are hard to deal with.

I think about drinking too.

And then I remember how I felt before I got sober this time; I had lost all hope. I had lost myself completely. I know we hear this over and over, but this disease really is progressive. Every time we go back out there...the risks are a little higher. The chances of not making it back are really big. If that sounds scary, it is.

I am being very careful with my TV shows and movies Briar ~ I also find some way too intense for me right now. I watched Gone Girl a few nights ago, I mentioned it, but what I did not say was how much it upset me. All I could think of over and over is that there was no redeeming feature to this story....no saving grace, just sick twisted people who hurt each other. So many people said they loved it...but for me, it was just painful.

We are having gale-force winds here, which I am really happy about because it is muting the noise from downstairs. What is the deal with people these days having everything so LOUD!!!

V xx

Sparkos

Morning all.
Well done ChickChick. 60 days!!!!! I'll forever be 57 days behind you, and I mean that, FOREVER.

Some of you guys (well, all really) express yourselves so well, and the women especially seem to be so in tune with their emotions. It really helps the gentler sex like me. Almost makes me wish I had periods! (Actually, scrub that :-) )

I'm glad you had a good day with a friend Phoebe and I'm glad you have a nice day with your mother to look forward to Briar.

Sorry about your downstairs noise issues (schoolboy snigger!) Venus. Knowing you now have a smile on your face makes me happier.

Terrible news story from Sydney yesterday. Hope my Aussie friends aren't peronally affected.

My son phoned me last night at about 10:00 pm. It was great to be sober to receive his call. Far too often I've not answered because i was comatose. Children are so forgiving. he asked me how I was and I told him the truth. His response was, "you'll get there, dad".

Cold here today.

Think I'll clean the oven/kitchen ready for christmas.

Enough random thoughts. Post later.