Saskia

Chris, sober twin, congrats on 100 days!!!

DrakeCKC

Congrats on 100 Chris!

SparkyMcSparky

Hey Petals, in my early days, I used to visualise beating the crap out of my AV when it popped up. Then I would visualise it sitting shaking in a corner, scared to say anything else. That helped.

I also made sure that I went through a number of situations where I would have drank in the past. I made a plan how to get through them, and did. When the AV realized I wasn't drinking, it started getting quiet. In other words, I deliberately created a "new normal" for situations where I needed to.

Mr. Nasty AV still shows up, but it's pretty much only in former drinking situations which have not normalized yet.

Regardless of the treatment plan you are following, google AVRT. There is some very practical information regarding AV on their website. And of course, remember HALT, and plan to make sure you avoid any HALT situations (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) - these are an invitation for Mr. AV to show up.

Keep up the good fight.

Good morning to the rest of my undie friends.

DrakeCKC

Morning my Undies! An early cold as arrived which has sent all the whiners into hysterics. "Can you believe it is so cold?" "Yes", "I reply, it seems to do that now and then in the winter here."

I have been particularly glum and down lately. Not sure if I have a bit of Seasonal Affective Syndrome.. never really bothered me before. I usually tank in March-May, not due to season but as anniversaries of traumatic events are clustered then. See the shrink again today so we will see what potion he suggests this time.

Last night I was isolating and AV was quite high. I was willing to chuck all the sobriety and positive behavior and indulge in a riot of addiction. Tues is the usual SR Chat meeting and I was going to sign on but I felt I needed to get out and away from temptation and isolation. There was a Tues SCA 12 step meeting that I had been to once before. A small group compared to the larger one I go to most Sat AM. I made the last minute decision to go. Lucky it is a short drive.

I am so glad I did. The face to face fellowship, the hugs and smiles were what I needed. Although the SR Chat is incredible and those folks are my dear friends, reality is of course they are a name on a screen. The love is sincere and real, but getting out and getting to see and meet new people, new brothers fighting the addiction fight, is so therapeutic. The leader had us conclude with stating 5 things for which we are grateful. I really needed that. Lucky the meeting began at 7:30 so I could catch the last 15 minutes of the SR meeting so I had best of both worlds.

So today is a bit brighter, I know I have friends down the street, here on SR and really all over the world.

Keep the faith, dear Undies, and all have a great day, with no drinking and drugging and kick AV's you-know-what, ok?

calichris

Amen to that Saskia my sober twin! Just 3 days behind you always Hugs and congratulations you are doing so amazingly well ! Love, Chris

calichris

Saskia, Drake, Toots, Ultra, and everyone,
Thank you so much for the beautiful congratulatory posts this morning they truly lit me up from inside and made me feel all your love !!
I am having chocolate cake and planning a special night out this weekend in San Francisco with my wife !!!
We all deserve to treat ourselves we are doing so well no matter what day or month we are on we are on the same beautiful journey.
Love and sober hugs, Chris

Discovery14

WTG Chris

calichris

Thanks so much, and so nice to see you here Discovery. Stop by anytime !

Saskia

Chris, thanks! Some days I still can't believe how much easier this is becoming after all the time I struggled so much.

Drake, sorry you were feeling really crummy yesterday but good for you for finding your way out of that spot. I, too need f2f time. It's why I go to AA even though i don't agree with all of it - I definitely need the f2f along with SR, my doc and the IOP folks. Whatever each one of needs to "git 'er done" is what we need to do!

Happy hump day to all :-)

IWLSAST

Good Afternoon Undies,

I've been quite busy with womping of late. I'm working diligently with a team on a project to convert an old GC Murphy's Dept Store into a downstairs events center and upstairs bed and breakfast to accommodate a few of the 375K that took this bicycle trail past there last year. I am the front person, (haha, mouthpiece - the closer, really) of our group as we look to gain final approval later this week. Such a cool project, and quite the departure from my norm of converting and redesigning bank branches to create this WOW factor customer experience. Hey, if you think of it, wish us some positive vibes.

The above coupled with early stage talks to convert a couple bank branches to this "Dialog Banking Experience" have me happy and busy. Not a bad start after just getting my driving privileges back October 22nd.

Enough about me, let me see, who can I bug?...kidding

Choose, Congrats on your 40 days. Yes, I saw the similarities in our stories when you first posted here. You are in a figurative sense, holding that anniversary card in your hands right now. Make sure to remember what's really important every day. Believe me, time not drinking without a "WE" recovery program had my EGO inflated...I owned the world. Trouble was, alcohol was cunning, baffling, powerful and ohhhh so patient. It was 11.5 years in hiding and I forgot to play the tape all the way through to the end...that final drink of that decade plus long run.

Yeah, I had 100% control to take or not take that first drink. Few, if any TOOLS to stop me when the urge got serious. As king, I was back in control...even of alcohol. Haha, after that first sip, taken on purpose (I had taken a couple sips by mistake...but my mindset wasn't to drink) I lost all my control. THE BOTTLE owned me for years.

Sorry for the cautionary tale...just my experience, strength and hope. My best to you my new Undie friend in your new sober journey!!

Chris, congrats on the milestone. Enjoy your celebration. I love them too. In fact I have one coming up soon that I am looking forward to for a few reasons. It's 18 months...and I had such a profound experience at a six moth meeting that will have been one year hence, so I am traveling back to that meeting that was out of town. Also, I met an Undie for 18 month chip in VA. It's so nice to be building sober milestone memories. Go build a good one my friend!

As for time not drinking in general...means little to me outside building memories. I remember asking this AA oldtimer how long he was sober...he said, "Same as you young man...just today." Further qualifying, he added, " The person sober the longest here is the one that got up the earliest this morning." So, I build memories with my soberversaries, but stay sober one day at a time.

SB, glad the bug has passed. Day 112 should be special...don't forget to enjoy 96-111 to their fullest as well... .

Sparky, I remember someone yesterday saying that you sounded good. I agree, you seem so comfortable in your sober skin...Congrats, my sober friend!

My dear Toots, thank you for your kind words. Yes, I have apologized to my ex. I'm not sure what it meant to her? She did once write me that while we had many good years together, it ended ruin because of alcohol. That stuck with me. I always loved her, or at least thought I did...but, as my desire to drink went beyond the boundaries of my out of town travel, my resentment of her impeding the progressive alcoholism process filled me with unfounded, unjustified resentment toward her...so I packed my bags to get that NAG out of my life. She wasn't a NAG, she was a NORMIE only wanting to live a normal life. My perspective at the time was wrapped all up in a bottle. Not at all my sober thoughts. My guess is that if your first husband was sober today, he might agree with me? Bottom line, I have been, and will always be grateful for this amazing woman that entered my life with a bang, requesting...no, requiring, no, expecting that I dig my heels in here. You are such an inspiration to me!!

Drake, I'm very happy that you choose the path of less isolation and F2F engagement vs virtual. We are here, but, I will always remember my last relapse. I was active on SR, but, there I was, AV had me in its grips. No car at the time, I walked around that bar four times...not wanting to go in there, but, nobody on my cell phone to call...no meeting to hit that I was aware of at the time. I went in. Made these new amazing friends for lif...I mean for a night...they drove me home and I was sooo drunk I had to crawl up the steps to my bedroom. Phew, no big deal...that was just a little eight month run with a DUI as the cherry on top.

Someone said to avoid HALT. I'm never hungry...if I feel it, I just eat. If I'm tired, I just rest or sleep. Lately, I'm rarely if ever angry. But, I do get lonely. My three biggest relapse triggers to avoid are LLI...lazy, lonely and isolated. I need to avoid them...not in general...but daily.

Glee, thank you again for such a powerful post. I've said it before and I truly believe it to be true more and more. We are kindred spirits.

I've got to stop writing this book and move on. In closing...we are only as sick as our secrets, and as powerful as our problems allow.

Catch you on the rebound, dudes and duddettes...

My best to all undies...

Carlos

Saskia

Thanks, Carlos! Great post and an excellent reminder of things I need to remember. Hearing the whole bunch expressed so eloquently helps more than you know.

gleefan

Chris - Congrats on 100 days. I'm glad you're enjoying your sobriety. Eventually I reached the point where I didn't want to lose all that I'd gained in sobriety, and it seems like you are building a lovely sober life. Plus everything is better with chocolate cake.

Saskia - You're finding some real strength and roots in your sobriety. I love how you fully utilize all the resources at your disposal. No turning back!

((Toots)) - Your heartbreak over your first marriage is palpable. I'm glad you're in a better place now, in a healthy relationship with a good man who shows you that you are cherished and valued.

Gilmer - It's good to still see you hanging with the undies.

Drake - Wow, what an uplifting story. Fellowships like these can awaken folks to how loved and accepted they are - bruises and all. For many of us it's the first time we didn't have to pretend to be pulled together in order to be valued.

Carlos - You are on quite a roll now that you're back on four wheels. I'm sending positive business vibes your way. Thanks as always for your generous and heartfelt experience, strength and hope.

Today was a real win for me. My kids' school conferences were today. At the last conference for my oldest, last April, the teacher said he was struggling with his confidence, felt that the kids didn't like him and had a lot of nervous habits. He also wrote a story that he found hysterical but the teachers found concerning about someone who threw up excessively from drinking too much beer.... At today's conference, his teacher said he has a positive attitude, is liked by his classmates, and has developed a notable gift for creative writing. The teachers who've worked with him since last year said that his improvement is significant and they're not sure what to attribute it to.

You and I know his success is not out of the blue at all, don't we? I never thought my drinking affected my kids. Maybe that was ego, or narcissism, or my disease trying to keep itself the priority. I was a happy (if somewhat sloppy) drunk - but never mean or vindictive.... Yet my sobriety is clearly having an effect on my boys. I'm grateful today for the big one's social and academic improvements - about one of the greatest gifts this alcoholic mom could dream of!!

BoozeFree

Chris congrats on your 100 days!

I got a message on my voicemail from my friend that I've distanced from for the past couple months. I called her back bc I knew it had to be important and she said he died last night. He was my best friend for 10 years. We used to drink and hangout every single day and cause trouble around town. I even have a drunken tattoo from him. It's still just setting in that he's dead. He died last night from drinking and just stopped breathing.

trachemys

BF, I feel for you.

Saskia

(((Glee))), how great that your son is doing so much better! Since there is no way any of us can go back and change the past, I hope you don't beat yourself up over that. Recognition of how our drinking has affected others might help us achieve more clarity but I think there is a fine line between clarity and self-flagellation. I know there are times I question myself over how I have impacted others but I need to let that go and move on.

IWLSAST

((BF)), I am so sorry for your loss. Oh my, they say if we do not stop we are headed for jails, institutions or death. SO VERY SAD FOR HIM AND HIS FAMILY AND YOU, DEAR SWEET BF!

He must have been very special to you and it is too bad that he wasn't able to stop prior to this ultimate tragedy.

Please do not let this terrible event lead you to a relapse. This can be a very dangerous time with all that will most likely be happening for his funeral. I'm sure he and certainly all of us want you to remain clean and sober. Again, so sorry ((BF))>

Glee, what a heartwarming story about your boys progress report. Makes me so happy to see the joy that evolves from hard work and dedication to recovery that you have exhibited. It doesn't get much better than that. Muzel tov!

dorothyparker

Oh no BF, my poor thing. My condolences. Very sorry to hear about this. How are you doing?

Saskia

(((BeFree))), I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend. Please hang tough while you mourn his loss and ask for whatever you need for support!

DrakeCKC

BF: So sorry to hear about your friend.

gleefan

((Bf)) - I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. It's going to be a challenge to keep yourself on the sober path with the pain of your loss and the old friends you used with who you'll see at the funeral services. Reach out for the help you need. Let your sober friends rally around you. This is going to be hard, but it's possible. Sending you my warmest thoughts.