Briar

I'm so sorry, Fantail. I totally understand your stress, and try not to be hard on yourself about the drink. At least you caught it at one glass. Hang in there. And you know, don't rule out a change of career if you aren't passionate about your current work. If you're going to make a change, now might be an easier time than when you are older.

fantail

Thanks Briar. You're right, and I'm trying not to be too unforgiving towards myself right now, while still keeping accountability.

If I had a vision of what I would love to do, I would totally jump to it! Right now though it kind of feels like all the things I'm good at are the things that no one will pay you for.

I read a profile once of a guy whose job it is to buy very expensive art for very expensive clients, so that when their very expensive friends come over they think that the client has excellent taste in art. I think I need someone to hire me to read books for them so that they can sound informed at the next dinner party. I'd be great at that.

Stevie1

Tired, I love lavender too. Weekends are hard, without drinking I don't quite know what to do with myself, plus I feel scatterbrained and lacking energy.
Finding - over a month, you GO! Hope you don't get a cold.
strong...I'm taking better care of myself these days. Drinking like we all did is such a horrible, harmful thing to do to oneself, the antithesis of taking care really. I like the slow-growing habit idea.
ChickChick, you and I and a couple of other people here all have the same quit date.

phoebe yes indeed, meeting lots of different people is a real perk, I love it. This last year I've had a lot of Arab American clients, many of them Chaldean, and as a general rule they tend to delight in feeding me. Very hospitable culture (I know that's a generalization...)
Today's lunch was home made spicy meat pies and turshi (home-pickled vegetables, OMG I must make some, they're great.)
For dinner I brought home kibbeh, potato-tomato-meat curry and coleslaw with some sort of dressing made with feta cheese. I can't wait to eat this.
Damn, I am sad that I'm going to be done tomorrow. Maybe I can stretch this job out another day....LOL.

phoebe64

What you know remains confidential, if not anonymous. Be professional, and if he seems concerned assure him you will mention it to no-one, and he should also respect your anonymity. I think it should be okay.

phoebe64

LOL, Stevie. Maybe they will find something else for you to paint! They must be fond of you or else you are very skinny and look to need feeding.

phoebe64

Struggling with the AV right now. but holding out.

need to make dinner. Hopefully a meal will help. I have a headache that I think comes when i get to several days without alcohol. Just mild, tension, but I know a drink takes it away. I will tough it out. There is only beer but I feel too fat for that anyway.

Stevie1

Wow Briar, that's a bit of a pickle but it sounds like you have the smarts and professionalism to handle it with grace. I'm not going to meetings currently, but two of my painting clients (husband and wife) are doctors with permissions at a large local hospital and also in private practice. They both go to AA meetings regularly and surely must run into people who recognise them and vice versa and I've wondered whether that's ever a problem. But I guess I think the best of people and assume everyone behaves with respect and discretion. And what JL and phoebe said.

dontlookbacchus, I just want to say I think your handle is very clever. Well played.

Fishcakes, be proud of yourself for getting to the interview stage. That right there is an accomplishment even if you don't land the job.

Popeye, I've been doing squats as an urge-fighter! (When nobody is watching, LOL.)

(((fantail))) That is all. Except I'd love that hypothetical book-reading job too.

Popeye2014

phoebe, I hope you start feeling better. Eating will help.

If you can, post often. Let us know how you are doing.

(((Hugs)))

Stevie1

Ha, LOL yes actually the husband told me today I was too skinny and needed to eat more! I am actually doing this job for money plus a $350 barter of groceries from his son in law's grocery store (which I painted inside and out in August.) I enjoy bartering and creative financing.

Cuss out your stupid AV, phoebe. I've been playing tricks to circumvent it because I get powerful cravings most days. Like leaving my debit card at home so I simply can't stop at the liquor store after work, changing immediately into PJ's when I get home so going out again takes more effort. That probably sounds pathetic! But it is working, so far.

venuscat

Sending love....so many posts. Which is awesome.

For everyone struggling ~ please take your strength from the collective.
It is helping me immensely!

fantail honey... I remember all of that. (I have a crazy memory guys...).
That was some serious mind crapolla that company pulled.
It would have driven many people over the edge.
So no wonder this is a big trigger for you love.

And I am 51...and working on a career change for about the 3rd time....TBH, I've stuffed up every job I ever had (except my current one) due to my addiction.

I truly believe it is not too late for me.
And I would just about kill to be in my early 30s again!!!!

I am loving getting to know all of you...

Huge hugs,

V xx

Dee74

It's a tough deal Briar, but I think you need to do your job, as always, and do your best.
You're not at fault - the guy got his own DUI all by himself.

You're not an imposter or a hypocrite - you're in recovery

sorry to see so many of us falling or struggling...this is where the rubber meets the road guys.

The choice is change, or no change.

There's support here, always - 24/7...please - use it before you drink, ok?

D

venuscat

No way does that sound pathetic ~ I think it's smart.
Just like ChickChick changing when the grocery shopping is done.

"If nothing changes, nothing changes"

Every little step we take can create healthier habits for us.

Welcome JL!!!!! ♥♥♥

V xx

Findingtheway

Got my lease signed! Moving into new apartment with my GF in January!

Excitement building! *Oooohhhhh what a rush!*...Hawk from Legion of Doom WWF...LOL don't mind me...just happy is all!

Carry on. Hope everyone is doing OK!

Love this class.

venuscat

^^^ That's fantastic!!! And happy is GOOD!!!
We like happy.

V xx ♥

pivotalplains

Hi JL2014!

I was a part of this October thread but relapsed on Nov 2nd after 15 days sober, and am now part of the Class of November 2014 thread. I feel it's a great restart as everyone there is just starting to get acquainted with one another, and it's a great place to start fresh if you've been facing some hurdles lately.

Most people there are in the very early stages of sobriety, which you might find helpful if you're identifying with those kinds of feelings again.

phoebe64

Thanks guys. I am hanging in there. My snug jeans are keeping me from wanting 170 calorie beers right now!

But I think I will get comfy. Settle in. I will not go out for anything. I know that. It is miserable out and I have about enough gas in my car to go get more gas tomorrow.

Candy has been my fall back, but I need to stop that.

JL2014

Thanks all, and pivotal plain .
Venus cat I can SO relate to what you posted. I've drinking-depressed myself into quitting jobs all my life to where I feel like I'll never be a good provider. That just kills me. Any real depression issues I have are directly related to drinking as I discovered a lot of clarity in the 4 months I was dry. I'm going back there do or die !

BrighterDayz

Fantail, first let me say that I'm no expert, this is my first and only attempt to stop drinking.

The glass of wine is not the problem. That problem is what got you here, and I am sure that it was not a single glass of wine, albeit a large one. The line between a single glass of wine and the dark place that you were is very, very fine, so fine that it would be simple to trip right over it, and having a single glass of wine tempts fate.

I for one am sure relying on this collective effort to help me stay on the path. Normal people don't have to moderate their drinking. It happens naturally. They sense they've had enough and stop. Our wiring is wonky. We don't get the signals. We never will.

venuscat

Wonky wiring. I LOVE THAT!!!

From the very first drink I ever had (at about 12), all I wanted was more. I skulled that drink (stolen from my parents' liquor cabinet), and then skulled a couple more. Instantaneously drunk. What on earth? Normal people don't do that either, huh?

V xx

Briar

Thanks guys, I will definitely maintain my professionalism and not let on in meetings that I know anything, and I have no intention of ever telling them what I do. I intend to keep everything about my profession very private. If they ever find out, I guess it's up to them to decide how to handle it, but all I can do is be a professional about my work and a human about me and hope they will do the same. I'll have to draw a clear line. I think I can do that. Thanks for your support, in my work sometimes I feel like the enemy, but I'm just trying to do a job that has to get done. It's nothing personal, and I'm obviously in no position to judge anyone else for their drunk behavior. I'm relieved you guys think it's okay.