Wholesome

I drank again on Wednesday..... and again too much! I just hate my job right now and felt I needed a little artificial happiness. Yesterday at work was rough. I'm still drinking way less than I was and feel good about that but can't seem to make it last. I feel kind of ambiguous about total abstinence and I'm still trying to control it..... I feel bad even posting this on here when so many of you are doing so well but I have to be honest if I'm going to have any long term success.

Arbor

I'm sorry your having such a hard time Zen. I struggled with this same thing for much of the past year.

Glad your posting and trying!

Fishcakes4

I had a weird dream about drinking, it was almost a self realization dream, it was me sitting at my old haunt what I used to do, sit there like a jackass alone, I remember feeling sad, lonely and wish someone would come in that I knew and sit by me then I woke up and I had that moment of wow I was a f***ing idiot. How pathetic was I?! UGhh I do NOT wanna do that s**t ever again. I know I'm early in my recovery but I have not and do not want to drink at all in the past 8 days, haven't craved it once. Weird but I know this is what I want, already in just a few days my relationship with my children has changed so much. They actually look forward to being around me for once and that right there is all the difference in the world to me.

phoebe64

Checking in. was up at 6 and got my kids off to school, plus had 2 cakes baked by 8am. Just frosted them. Big thing at my son's school tonight. Cake is involved, lol. Now I just need to stay out of the leftover frosting cans.

I am having trouble keeping up with all the new members. Welcome to all.

I think I need to visit the weekenders thread this weekend.

dontlookbacchus

Next day of this journey for me. So far so good.
best of luck to all of us this Friday

Cecilia44

Day Four for me today! Hope to be on this site more later.

Everyone stay sober and have a great day!

Amester

Day 6 heroin free, let me tell you this cold turkey detoxing isn't for the birds. I never made it past day 2 or 3 without being hospitalized, but I'm toughing it out at home this time.

Im starting to feel human again. I spent the first 3 straight days in bed. no food, no showering, barely talking to anyone, it was scary. Today I got up in the morning, showered, took care of my kitty cats, took my meds, had something to eat, talked to a few people, even did a few dishes! I'm not all better but all of that is huge progress. I'm spending the day in the living room with music and magazines and puzzle books instead of in bed.

Once my head clears up a little more I will definitely get involved with how others are doing and be able to be more supportive. I know this is a huge struggle for all of us no matter what the substance or the circumstances are.

Fridays/weekends can be tough so I wish everyone a sober and safe weekend and to stay strong, I hope I can too.

FutureNow

Glad to hear it, Amster

Findingtheway

Rolling on Day 22. Looking forward to some halloween goodness this weekend.

Haunted house/Hayride on Saturday. Should be interesting!

Stay safe and sober everyone!

enfinthechange

Hey Amster, you doing a great job... sorry Zen that you drank, but you are here, and thus it will work eventually because you want it too..

ANd well done everyone else, you are all gnawing away at sobriety, and hopefully realising it means something more!

I really struggled today, training day, everyone going to pub... then went to supermarket full of beer, my OH didnt get me texts asking for support... but I didnt crack... wow, actually didnt give in to what i wanted. Denied myself... thats good for me.... so I have nixed day 6, and it was a week ago tomorrow I last got wasted...

I 'played the tape forward'... it worked!!!

SO my treat is cookies and decaf tea

Stevie1

I'm doing that on Sunday at this recreated 1800's village - I have a family pass with some friends. It's hokey but really fun!

enfin, good job! My treat tonight is a healthy dinner and key lime pie. And, not drinking. But actually I am sitting here craving like crazy, damn.

Amster, Cecilia and others - also excellent.

phoebe, you baked and frosted two cakes by 8 am? Holy crap, why isn't there a genuflecting icon on this forum?

Dee74

do you think alcohol really brings happiness Zen?

D

choosingsober

Day 12, was good and productive, been getting a lot done and enjoying it with a clear head, Had some mild cravings last night has some Ice Cream and read some posts here and all gone, Spoke with Kim for a while about things and how Im doing. She in it for the long haul, Im glad about that. I booked a flight to Ft Meyers next weekend. I need to do a pre buy inspection on a boat my friend wants to buy on Saturday and On Sunday Im going to Bush Gardens in Tampa with Kim, should be fun, looking forward to it.. Tomorrow is going to be real nice 71 and lots of sunshine Going to the park with Dakota for a while then back to the cabin and finish a few projects. Hope you all are doing well , Enjoy

Conquest

Arbor

Urges and thoughts around the time you posted this too Stevie. Felt really crappy physically around 3 which lead to crappy thinking. Thought about the quick fix on the ride home from work. Didn't go there. Had some seltzer and fruit juice when I got home, took a shower, and played with my two year old son. Immediately felt better. It passed but took a good couple hours. To seal the deal I went out after we put him to bed and picked up large sushi dinner. Done and done!

FutureNow

Close of day 3 and a Friday. Have filled my schedule this weekend to avoid having too much downtime, but I usually know by this point in the weekend how it is going to turn out and I think I will be okay. Here's hoping anyway.

Glad everyone is doing well. Hope those struggling can find the strength to move in a sober direction.

Stevie1

Good going, Arbor. It really helps me to separate my AV (Addictive Voice, for newbies) from my real self and recognise it for what it is.

I, me, myself desperately wants to be sober forever! My AV disagrees, and is sneaky and seductive and EVIL.

Sushi, YUM! Sushi is one of my favourite food groups.
I had a pork chop with a giant mess of broccoli and onions followed by a slice of key lime pie.

FutureNow, great attitude. I too feel confident that having got past the Friday drinking hurdle, I'll be OK for the weekend.

Fishcakes4

my "snack" tonight, a whole bbq pulled pork meal from wendy's Hmmmpphhhh.I had a diet coke, so its healthy right? lol Not drinking I actually have an appetite, I think my body is trying to make up for all the times I didn't feed it with food and only booze. I'm steadily gaining back all the weight I've lost. eek! lol

Findingtheway

So day 22 is in the books. AA meeting was OK. My sponsor was chairing...the meeting was discussing step four.

Which I'm currently working on. I was called on to share by my sponsor...but didn't really feel up to doing it...but forced some words out.

I really dislike being called upon sometimes...and I know I can pass, but also know sharing is a key part of being connected.

Just wasn't totally into it tonight.

But I am 22 days drink free so I'm still on the right path.

Watching World Series game 3...good close game! 3 to 2 K.C in 7th inning.

Good night SR. Thanks for being here.

ChickChick

Day 8 done. I'm exhausted, time for bed. I'll catch up more tomorrow.