sthlondonab

Glad people got through yesterday with SR. Keep going 1step, you are doing just great.

opalblue

Morning folks.

I messed up last night. Woke up in the middle of the night and had a sever panic attack. So I drank two glasses of wine. Say no more.

I am not happy with myself. Really scared in fact. I knew I was shakey and weak all this week.

I got to get myself back together. I will start again today. I got to get myself back. I am so upset with myself. I don't expect sympathy. I just wanted to be honest with myself and to you.

FairPlay to those who are struggling and not giving in. This is a terrible addiction. Terrible

opalblue

Pi need to get my will power back. I don't know why I am struggling like this

Dee74

My advice is to not have alcohol around, knb...you may still crave or have panic attacks but it will be much harder to scratch that itch if you have to go out to buy it.

your addiction is strong now...but its important to keep a sense of perspective.

You *absolutely* have the final say on whether you pour that wine down your throat or not...no matter what else is going on, don't forget that

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sthlondonab

Hey knb

Ditch all alcohol in the house. I think Dee is correct, the thought of going out to get it can knock the thoughts away for me.

Start again today. You have lots of strength, you just need to tap it.

Keep posting. Team A!

determined99

Knb, that is a cheap shot from the AV. It is getting weaker so don't let a tiny incident like that take your eye off the prize! It is being relentless with you because you have a little in your system right now. Get it out of the house and stick with us until it leaves your system. You are at a crossroad now, go read you earlier posts and take some quiet time to do some reflection.

You got this and we got your back.

Time for a roll call today kids! Check in!! I see a common statement in the forums about relapsing after not posting for a while.

Everyone, no lurking allowed today, just post a quick howdy! That will shake up the AV a little and get the team momentum rolling again. We are headed past the two month territory now guys, uncharted for most of us. Stay alert, AV hides everywhere.

Stay positive and rejoice in our freedom. Don't forget why we are here.

opalblue

Yes it was stupid of me to have the alcohol in the house. I guess I was hanging onto it because I am feeling so weak. There is none left now.

There is no point explaining why I feel so vulnerable because they are just excuses to drink. Life is hard at the mo but life will always be hard

Damn. Okay. One day at a time. I have got to stop. I will destroy all the hard work otherwise and I don't want that. It will make me feel even worse. I feel like I am trapped in quicksand and I am holding onto a tiny twig. I got to turn this twig into a big sturdy branch.

opalblue

As much as I am hurting today I am going to try and do a run after work tonight. Even if its just for twenty minutes. I know that running helped me with my emotions in the past. How the hell did I manage 43 sober days in the past??

ScooterBoo

Good morning,

knb, I agree with the others - - get rid of all alcohol in the house and stick with us. You can do it. (If I can do it with the help of SR, I think we all can.)

Chris, thanks again for your words of wisdom. I will try to enjoy my sobriety and not let my brother's situation overwhelm me and take over my life - - which is how I think of it at this point.


I had tentative plans, based on the weather, to go to Salem today. I have never been there in October, and two friends and I thought it would be fun. But, the weather is not cooperating, so I have no plans for the day after going to the Y. I will try to think of something.

Have a safe, happy, sober day everyone.

Dee74

Relapse can be like a snowball rolling down hill....I remember things going bad very quickly.

Maybe instead of willpower, it's best to focus on acceptance? Acceptance that you and alcohol have reach that final forever fork in the road knb?

D

opalblue

The stupid part of me knows that I cannot drink. I know I cant moderate, I know it doesn't help solve my problems, I know it makes me feel worthless, ill, etc etc.

Its the addiction that I need to kill once and for all. I am trying

brach123

Hey KNB sorry to hear about the slip, but glad you are still here giving it a go. Have you looked at other ways of dealing with anxiety and/or panic attacks? I used to get them frequently and drank and drank to try and hide them, only it made them much worse in the end. I had to find a new way to deal with them. Obviously speaking to your doctor would be a good idea, I know some people may not want to go onto meds, but you an also get help such as cognitive behavioural therapy. I personally find meditation a huge help and have just joined a mindfulness class which is great and many there have had anxiety issues. Anyway I just thought I'd throw some ideas out there, but maybe they are not for you, I hope you find the peace you deserve.

Determined I'm glad you talked your self back into reality there!

I'm in a good place at the moment and for once feel like I deserve it. I've been attending lots of meetings, working on myself and have adopted a far more positive state of mind than I've had in the past. Each small step in the right direction is helping me to stay sober and build a life that I'd much rather have than the one I had when drinking. I think that's key: I had to change my thinking and also my quality of life to start to realize how much more there was to it.

I hope you guys are having a good day, be kind to yourselves.

sthlondonab

Just responding to Determined's call to check in.

Running between meetings! Hello to all. Having a good day. Will check in later. Decided to do an AA lunchtime meeting and keep the work stuff in perspective :-)

CristinaN

Morning everyone. Or afternoon depending where you are. . Just checking in

Knb I'm so sorry you slipped. Panic attacks are just awful. Glad you came right back. I agree with everyone. No alcohol in the house is probably a good idea and maybe talk to your doctor about your anxiety.

Haven't heard from Penkins or Dingo lately. Check in if you read this ladies.

Scooter I hope you're doing ok today and taking care of yourself.

Cute hope your job is going well.

To everyone else keep on keeping on. Have a great day.

Ultramarathoner

I'm here Determined!

I'll be on vacation Saturday thru Wednesday so if I miss a couple of roll calls- sorry! I promise you all I'll remain alcohol free.

Lets have a great day folks!

Dee74

Time for a new thread guys

Join us here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-9-a.html

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