FusterCluck

I'm doing good thank you. Had an almost moment of weakness last night when I considered taking some DHC after work but then realised I had already eaten and that would effect the come-up/buzz etc. I don't think I would of taken them, but it was a wobbly moment for sure and has spooked me a bit after a few days of no cravings. Still, day-9 for me and I'm fighting the good fight one day at a time.

Hope you are well also

Cheers, FC

MrFixit63

I was rudely awoken this morning I use a sleep apnea machine and for some reason it pumped water down my nose felt like I was drowning. Getting waterboarded in my sleep but at least I was sober

SparkyMcSparky

Food is the great equalizer. Ice cream, KFC, Pizza Ranch....the fuller the better.

Good job JD.

FusterCluck

Sorry, I laughed out loud in an otherwise quiet office!

Cheers, FC

ccam1973

Great job pushing through yesterday! I can totally relate to the "feeling-good" sunny day, want to drink feeling.

So tough when all seems right with the world and that "drinking feeling" comes over us.

That's the time i relapse. For me, it's not as much about stress; although stress is a big factor; it's about wanting to enjoy the good times through drinking... The only problem is there is no enjoyment for me anymore when i drink. Not at all! One turns into 25 or 30, fighting with the wife, grumpy towards my kids, waking up feeling terrible and depressed... That doesn't keep me from wanting a drink, however.

Great job on making to day 5. It does get easier.

Stay strong!

ccam1973

Man that's not good! What a way to start your day... Hope it gets better from here.

noexcuse

Love reading up on how everyone is doing. This is keeping me honest, folks. I have too often pushed down my feelings and made it seem like everything was a.O.K., and that is definitely NOT how everything is. I was up for HOURS last night because of the resentments I've got going right now. If any of you have been through this a time or two before and have tried out AA, resentments are often the biggest reason for going back to drinking. I did not want to drink last night, but if I don't figure out a way to deal with these resentments better, I know that's where I will end up, because it's where I've ended up before. They say to pray for the people that you have resentments towards in the Big Book.... I'm finding that extremely difficult to do. *sigh* I suppose I should just do it, even if I don't mean it, because what's the worst that could happen? I could feel exactly the same way in a couple of weeks that I do right now. It's not like my resentments would get worse, right? Any suggestions would be very welcome....

SparkyMcSparky

Hey NE, resentments and anger were two things that powered me through life - as I get a bit older (in my 40s now) the anger and rage are not quite as acute as they were.

This scene from American History X (one of my favourite movies, and one you should see if you are dealing with hate and resentment) puts words to this better than I can:

American History X - Has Anything You've Done Made Your Life Better? [HD] - YouTube

In essence, holding in all the resentment and hatred doesn't hurt the person you hate. It only hurts you. And the people who caused the resentment continue to win as long as you continue to resent.

But these resentments need to be disposed of. Not dealt with through booze or a punching bag, as the resentments are still there. You may be externalizing your frustration with them, but they are still there. Resentments, anger, bitterness, hate - these have to be disposed of, not controlled.

For me, I have only been able to get rid of them by unburdening myself to someone who was non-judgemental, who validated that I was perfectly justified in my resentment, and who stated that they felt badly for me having to have had the experiences that caused these to develop.

Only then was I able to take the suitcases, put them on the platform, then get back on my train of life.

As a Christian who is becoming more secular, I do not feel any need to pray for those who wronged me - and reasons like this are why I have chosen a secular recovery. Forgiveness is supposed to be good for the soul. To me, constantly forgiving people who have screwed up my life is like forcing me to rip the same scab off over and over (hence my pursuit of a secular recovery).

My thoughts are:
- These people screwed up my life, be it intentionally or unintentionally
- I have no control over these events that happened
- To dwell on this not only takes away the parts of my life they have wrecked, it takes away my future happiness as well
- So I choose to genuinely unburden myself of these feelings so that I no longer allow them to control my life and thoughts
- Although these resentments no longer control my life, I do not forget them. I validate myself and receive my redemption by not doing what was done to me to others.

Hope this was helpful. Seem to be a bit rambly this AM.

Also loved the chance to watch that clip again....Avery Brooks and Edward Norton hit something special in that scene.

awholenewlife52

Hey everyone,

I'm still doing fine today, and feeling better as the day has gone on. I'm drinking coffee again which I always go off during / after drinking.

I'm still weepy emotionally, the slightest thing sets me off. That's partially due to personal circumstances too, though, which will hopefully resolve themselves soon.

MrFixit - that sounds an awful experience with your sleep apneoa machine, eek!

I'm loving the support on this site. I felt a bit glum earlier, came on and read and replied to a couple of posts and feel cheerier now.

Hope everyone is doing well.

melki

Sparky, I LOVE your post about resentment! I've come to very similar conclusions.

I also meant to tell you for awhile that your signature is brilliant. I remember reading "Little Prince" several times in my life. The last time was with my older child who commented that passage with "well, that's just STUPID". I had to agree but internally cringed and unfortunately related to it more than I'd ever want to.

melki

Ooh ooh, and don't you just LOVE that we now have an honest and meaningful YES to this question:

- Has Anything You've Done Made Your Life Better?

johnnybsober

My answer is YES! I have chosen not to drink for the last eight days. Today is day nine, and BECAUSE it is my choice, I will not drink today.

The past is the unchangeable, the future is not assured. Today is the present, I indend unwrap it like a Christmas gift and enjoy it sober.

MrFixit63

I have noticed now since I have been sober this time that I really look forward to tomorrow to see what my new life has in store for me.

Keep pushin

MidnightBlue

Hi, July friends)

I am still feel absolutely exhausted, but finally made it to Day 3 free of binge eating.

Have a great sober day, everyone!

See you later)

Deleteda

Thanks Mr Fixit, Ive downloaded them both and am reading Terry to start with X

HeadLump

Day 3! Yay, Midnight - you're on your way!

noexcuse

Thanks for the wonderful insight, Sparky!! I'm sure it has taken patience to truly adhere to all of the things you've mentioned, but starting out by just reminding myself exactly what you said, it's hurting me, not them. AKA, I will drink the poison and wait for them to die. I'm probably not going to achieve a whole lot of happiness by doing that.

anchorhold

Hi Deanyya -- I too will celebrate 14 days sober Jul 25th! Good for you and I wish my sister lived closer so I could have shopped with her too -- I figure I've saved about $280 (Cdn $ - ha ha) since quitting - roughly 1-2 bottles of wine or a bottle of wine plus a couple of beers / day. I'm saving up to visit my brother in Palm Springs next February!

Keep it up!
>AH

DeannaM77

Hi anchor hold. Doesn't it feel so much better being sober? Congrats on 2 weeks. Keep at it! ☺

SparkyMcSparky

You got it kiddo! Drink the poison and wait for them to die. Love it!

But the main part is you really have to get rid of the baggage once and for all. You'll know best how to do this for you. But once you can quit being weighted down, you can start the rest of your life.

Though I should be clear that you never truly get rid of it 100% as these experiences make you who you are. But instead of feeling like you broke your arm every time your mind wanders to the cause of your resentment, instead it feels like a pinprick. It's there, you notice it, it's slight, and annoying, and that's about it.