MariahGayle

Good sober day for me here today - bought some licorice tea this morning & seemed to help sooth my stomach. Did a couple of simple things for family today - wrote a letter & bought a card & mailed it off to my nephew for his Bday (first baby I watched come into the world 33 years ago), apologized to him for never writing or sending a card or note to say Hi & told him that he is dear to me. Bought a little gift for my 2 year old great niece & took it to her Bday party (didn't stay as I was not feeling well), was told this evening that she thought the googly eyes I got her was the best thing ever & that she laughed a lot It is those little things that I miss out on when I drink & felt good to think & do for them rather than thinking about myself.

Spent the rest of the day here at home dusting my living room & cleaning the "stuff"...was enough dust in here to choke a horse. My son was home with me & helped me with a few things....was nice to spend time with him as I don't see him much these days as he is a busy teen. Although I only have 6 days of sobriety today, he has not seen me drink for a couple of months now as I have only drank when he is not here.

So, so glad to be home sober tonight - Son is off to a friends ball game then to his Dad's for the night & I am going to fix some tension tamer tea...finish the chocolate chip ice cream & do some reading....watch something on TV, enjoying a clean living room. Thinking of you all....you ALL give me strength & hope that I can do this. Thank You

Panacea

Hey there Fools,

One more post before I hit the hay. ST, hang in there. You have the resilience to handle these negative thoughts and stress. Obo's advice is good. We want you here and healthy.

DD - Blackouts are scary and humbling and I hate them. I agree with you - the only way to 100% insure that they do not happen is not to drink again, ever.

Chick - I am glad you are back. What is going on in your life? Are things oK?

The rest of you fools - I am sending well wishes for a restful evening and peaceful morning.

xox Pan

freein14

Hi everyone,

It's Sunday morning here. The only problem with keeping busy is it makes time go too quickly! If only I could slow it down.

I'm out early today, to drive to my parents house. I'm taking my Mum to her local church. She's not been before so it will be a new experience for her. Unfortunately she's not in the best of health, and I don't know if it will be too much for her, but she's willing to give it a try, I hope she enjoys it.

It's another sober weekend for me, 10 weeks alcohol free!
Life is definitely improving. I feel much happier in my own skin. I don't feel I need to be anything other than myself, and its a liberating experience.

Hope everyone's got something nice planned for the rest of the weekend.

SolitaryThinker

Thanks, I'm trying to figure it out..I'm still really angry but back at work...I just wanna take a vacation by this point honestly or something

SolitaryThinker

I'm gonna take the advice tho

Applekat

Good morning, all.

I'm so excited, I've made it through both Friday and Saturday night, to awaken to Sunday, Day 7. I have been trying to employ the Fool's Bargain as best I can - some people in my house don't really allow for naps.

It was refreshing to go to my brother's girlfriend's high school graduation yesterday and sit outside in the sun actually listening to the speakers, hangover-free. The main speaker's topic was to live life in the present. Jeepers. That hit home. Today we (family of four) are headed for some hiking and then the beach. What a great day. I just need to cap off the day without any of hubby's beer, etc. I even picked up some bottled cream soda (haven't had that in years!) yesterday just for something different to drink in the sun.

Mariah - Thanks for asking about me! Still with ya! And you sound like you're achieving some of that peace that I was talking about seeking.

Pan - I'm still trying to figure out how to fit in exercise on the weekend, with hubby home it seems like we're always go-go-go, which is great and fun, but I have to work doubly hard to get going again on Monday. Oh well. Maybe after a couple more months running I can do more than 2/3 miles at a time. You should train for a half or full marathon!!

ST/Luc - I think we all just need to keep holding on to the wise one's tidbit that 'it' gets easier after we have more time under our belt?

ST - maybe you should consider someday moving someplace a little less hustle bustle like the city? I don't know, it seems like the constant need for $ would be more prevalent in a place like that as opposed to the 'country'. I had read a couple of your posts yesterday quick before driving to the graduation, and after, I just let myself be grateful for the lake I saw to my left, the trees and hills to the right. Maybe you can try to start much smaller like that. I felt peace for a minute in being thankful for little things that already existed around me. Instead of worrying about the bigger things that plague me. I had to look outside of me, since I'm still 'working on me'. I dunno, I am rambling now. I hope tomorrow brings some more help to you, face to face hopefully.

Chick - You're still here right? How is the weather where you are?

Fools - Even when I don't post as much on the weekend, I am soaking up your wise words as much as I can. You're the reason I got through Saturday night. BIG HUGS.

SolitaryThinker

Yes apple that is accurate, I was thinking too, I feel slightly better today that I got back on here, and I gotta constantly remind myself that life isn't some battle I need to fight on my own...some parts of it are perhaps, but not all of it...

Adnamaeel

Applekat, you did great getting through Friday and Saturday, and I hope you have a wonderful time hiking and going to the beach today, you deserve it.

Solitary, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, and planning to take the advice you've been given. A vacation sounds like a good idea. Camping is a great way to get away from everything without spending much money, it's also a good way to get away from temptations like alcohol and drugs.

10 weeks is quite an accomplishment, Freein. I'm glad you feel free to just be yourself because you are truly wonderful, and I am always grateful for what you share of yourself here. I hope you had a good day with your Mom.

Mariah, even though you weren't feeling well, you turned yesterday into a positive experience. Well done!

Diva and ChickChick, I hope you're both doing ok today. You are both in my thoughts.

I hope all the rest of you Fools are doing well today, staying clean and sober, and celebrating the wonderful people that you are.

izzy8

Hey guys-

ST- thinking of you, hope you're feeling better today.

Mariah! What a great sounding evening! Sounds like a successful weekend plan for sure

Everyone- you're sounding good- you're still fighting and that's what counts. Something I hear a lot here and that I like to remind myself of when I fail is, "What did I learn from that?". Because if we expect perfection from ourselves, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. But if we learn from our mistakes and move on,those lessons will only help us get closer and closer to our goals.

I was certainly reminded of that this weekend when I did something that may not have been a big deal for someone else. But I was like,"how could I have done that!". It really helped me to envision how I would handle the situation better the next time. And then, to admit to myself that this is not a natural area of strength for me. So it just needs more attention.

For me, that was a very freeing and empowering way to think.

Give yourselves some credit, fools! You're awesome!

Love,
Izzy

MariahGayle

Good Morning Fools!

Fabulous on 10 weeks Freein Hope you enjoy your outing with your Mom!

Sounds like a great way to spend Sunday Kat...Enjoy

ST - you sound better this morning - My positive affirmation for the day is "I matter & deserve to be happy"...I say it out loud 3 or 4 or more times & it is really helpful...maybe try it with me?? Thinking of you

Thanks always Izzy & Adna for your encouragement - Wishing you both a wonderful Day!

A Fish Story: My Son cleaned his fish tank yesterday (2 goldfish from last years science project...amazing that he has had them for about 15 months). I went into his room to open windows @ about 11 last night & see only 1 fish so I text him & asked if one of the died, he said no there are 2 of them. He had filled the tank to the top & I found one on the floor....pale & lifeless, so I pick the poor little guy up & he is stiff but his little gills still moving so I throw him in the tank (squeemish) & he starts to sink...little eyes all big, then he starts moving....swimming backwards for awhile...little "lucky" is alive & well this morning. I removed water from the tank.

Double header ball game starting at 1:00 today - Going to go water my garden

Hoping everyone has a wonderful Sunday.

SolitaryThinker

yea I will, I always tell myself I'm not worth it ya know?

DancingDiva

Morning all -

I am counting this as my official day one, as I'm sure I drank well into the wee hours of Saturday morning.

Yesterday was rough. Lots of tears, major anxiety and depression. I was with people for a large part of the day, and I didn't feel comfortable sharing what I was going through. Trying to hold everything in when I was with them was so difficult. I felt constantly on the verge of freaking out. All day I was filled with these panic stricken thoughts about how I might find out what happened in the blackout. Would I get a nasty phone call? Would cops show up at my door? Would the cashier at the corner store laugh at me? Am I banned from a bar?

I have got to beat this. NOW. My self-esteem is in the toilet though (was even before this happened, and now it's even worse) and drinking has been my chosen coping mechanism, which of course only perpetuates the negative feelings. I've got to feel better about myself, and make other choices about how to cope when feeling bad.

Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks so much for your support.

MariahGayle

((hugs DD)) Things will get better. I had all the same feeling a week ago today & several days after....I think this is the memory we need to think about the next time we feel it would be a good idea to drink. You are not alone in this DD - We have all felt like you are feeling now & we're here with you.

SolitaryThinker

hang in there DD I'm in the same place mentally to be honest...I'm hanging in with ya <3

Upward2Enlightenment

God will give you the power to hate, the power to destroy, and the power to hurt......
These powers are given to you so that you may see the full potential of your inner evil, then he will give you the power to heal, love, build, and comfort.....these powers will far surpass the others!
Your own redemption comes from within your heart....when you are ready to accept your responsibility.

Lucrezia

I'm doing really well today (and the past couple days). So well it almost unnerves me! But it's great.

The only thing that bothers me a bit, is when people say the first few days are the hardest, but it gets easier.... my therapist said that too. But no, not with me. It starts out ok, and gets worse and worse... although every time I have tried to quit, I am aware that it is sooner and sooner that I start getting the unbearable cravings again. Anyway.

With me it seems that I do ok, then it gets worse, and worse, and worse....and I've never made it past 33 days. So maybe it gets better after that? But how do I know it doesn't get even worse??

Then again, I also am considering that I am coming at it in a slightly different way this time. So who knows if it will be different. Something deep has to change inside of me, or else it is like an elastic band being stretched and stretched and stretched, until it's so tight it has to snap (and I "have" to drink).

OR. I could let go. So this time, I am trying to just let go altogether. Then nothing is being stretched. So far it feels that way - that I am not really holding on desperately to something. But who knows. Some days I have good days just because of hormones, or the weather. My eating has been good too. But again, hormones. So... we will see how this turns out in the longer term.

Um anyway. I don't know what to say to everyone here... but I am proud of you all. Every single one.

freein14

Hi everyone,

This might be futuristic moment for some of you! It's Sunday evening here, almost time for bed. Just want to let those who are still living in the morning, know that it's a great feeling to finish the weekend sober. Knowing that there will be no regrets in the morning, and ensuring a great foundation for a strong week ahead. Just in case anyone was wondering whether it's worth keeping focused today, your evening self will say "it most definitely is worth it!"

Kat, that's a solid week under your belt already!

I'm thinking of creative ways for you to take a nap. Maybe go on an urgent shopping trip but park up and have a snooze in a layby? What about investing in the biggest laundry basket possible and curl up in it when your family are admiring how much time you're spending doing the laundry? Perhaps it's time to clear out the attic or basement, but happen to trip over a strategically placed mattress? Between us all we're bound to think up something good for you.

Mariah, or should we call you "the fish whisperer"? Glad the little fellow survived.

ST, glad today has been a better one for you. To get through the weekend is a great step forward (I know you know this already). Hope your mood keeps improving, fingers crossed that you hear something from the clinic folks tomorrow.

Have a great day everyone.

freein14

Lucrezia, you sound amazing, "cool" people would probably say "you're on fire!" (I'll have to check with ST, and Rocks, to make sure it's not actually really uncool these days), but I think you get the picture. You sound good today.

Applekat

To quote Alicia Keys - That "girl is on fire!"

Lucrezia

Haha, so it is cool to be on fire??

Oh wait - like Katniss, right!? I wouldn't mind being like her.