Moms and Mums Club Part 10
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Hey moms....
Checking in at the end of a crazy day. Work, then home for a quick dinner, then off to skating lessons, then to a family fitness event for my daughters school. Capped the night off with spilling a container of marinara in front if my fridge. Ugh....sauce all up in the grate on the fridge!! Spent over half an hour laying on the floor cleaning the grate with Q-Tips!
Finally in bed with my tea, and it feels so good to be off my feet:-)
Hope you all had a great day!
Checking in at the end of a crazy day. Work, then home for a quick dinner, then off to skating lessons, then to a family fitness event for my daughters school. Capped the night off with spilling a container of marinara in front if my fridge. Ugh....sauce all up in the grate on the fridge!! Spent over half an hour laying on the floor cleaning the grate with Q-Tips!
Finally in bed with my tea, and it feels so good to be off my feet:-)
Hope you all had a great day!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 699
Hey ladies - still here and keeping up with everyones news - just no real time or mental capacity to reply at the mo. 2 kids plus sorting out the house is filling my time right now but here are some fotos. Im currently at the beach trying to wear the 4 yr old out. Antibiotics are really sorting out his impetigo and i cant wait for him to go back to school on Monday so i can get stuff done 
Sorry to hear about the sauce Dolly - how annoying! Ive done the same with ketchup - what a mess!!
cx
Sorry to hear about the sauce Dolly - how annoying! Ive done the same with ketchup - what a mess!!
cx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Hi all,
Watching a friend's child today along with my own, and I am NOT used to boys, for sure. Holy short attention span! Anyway, I thought to myself that we should go out for dinner and I could REALLY use a glass of wine. Like REALLY REALLY REALLY. I still am feeling the craving. My husband is going out of town on Sunday til Tuesday, and that's not helping my stress feelings - he is never away, so I'm totally not used to it.
I won't drink tonight. But I need to say that I don't say that with the conviction I usually have. I won't drink because my husband would be seriously disappointed, not because I actually have willpower tonight. I need a way to relax this craving off my back. I almost don't even want to go out to eat because I don't want to be looking around all furtively and anxiously at everyone else's drinks... maybe we should get takeout instead...
Watching a friend's child today along with my own, and I am NOT used to boys, for sure. Holy short attention span! Anyway, I thought to myself that we should go out for dinner and I could REALLY use a glass of wine. Like REALLY REALLY REALLY. I still am feeling the craving. My husband is going out of town on Sunday til Tuesday, and that's not helping my stress feelings - he is never away, so I'm totally not used to it.
I won't drink tonight. But I need to say that I don't say that with the conviction I usually have. I won't drink because my husband would be seriously disappointed, not because I actually have willpower tonight. I need a way to relax this craving off my back. I almost don't even want to go out to eat because I don't want to be looking around all furtively and anxiously at everyone else's drinks... maybe we should get takeout instead...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Bebetter- I avoided a dinner with friends last Saturday. I just didn't feel like i could say no to a drink. So if you feel that way get take out. I know I can only handle certain social situations now. I can't wait until its not an issue! Stay strong!!! Not all boys are a nightmare. Mine is really mellow but I hear you on the others!!! I used to be a preschool teacher! Never again. Lol
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 506
The last two days I've been thinking about drinking...as in just about to go to the shops and get a bottle. I just want one bottle- one bottle! Need to remember how crap id feel in the morning. Day 135 today, would be silly to throw the towel in now.
Taking my 5 yo swimming today, hoping that'll take my mind off it
Hope everyone is well!! Oh no re the sauce...not sure what it is but it sounds really messy! Sarah pics are gorgeous. Love the sunset! Glad you're hanging in there
Taking my 5 yo swimming today, hoping that'll take my mind off it
Hope everyone is well!! Oh no re the sauce...not sure what it is but it sounds really messy! Sarah pics are gorgeous. Love the sunset! Glad you're hanging in there
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Newstar - I hear you. I will have 1 year in 1.5 months, and today has been really weird with the massive cravings. Like Dolly and Sissy said before, the cravings definitely lessen, and they've been nearly gone for me for awhile, but out of the freaking blue today, I can practically FEEL the wine (or beer) going down my throat and settling warmly in my stomach, giving me that buzz I used to love. It's very visceral today, and usually, it's more like someone was saying earlier - like a passing thought that pops up and I can dismiss. I don't know why I feel like I've had enough at working at this sobriety, and I'm bitter and angry that I can't drink normally, and I'm upset that I haven't figured out a coping mechanism in the past year of not drinking - angry that I may be just a dry drunk, and I don't want to fight that fight forever. I'm mad that I was at the gym this morning and a girl is telling me about the fabulous sangria at this new restaurant, and as she's talking, I think "I'm never ever going to get to taste that sangria." and it made me feel ridiculous and pathetic! Things like that hardly ever bother me - of course people are going to talk about drinking - normal drinking. Good wine is like good steak to most people. Me? Forget the steak - I'd rather just drink through dinner anyway when I really got going in my pre-parenting days.
We did stay home tonight. I'm not in a good mood, and going out to eat would have been a waste of money. I made pizzas on some naans I made yesterday, and we had a big salad, and then I got super indigestion. I'm really tired, too, and think whatever's going on with me is more than just the cravings. Either I'm coming down with something or I'm having anticipatory stress about my husband going away, or it's hormones. Whatever it is, it's not normal for me.
We did stay home tonight. I'm not in a good mood, and going out to eat would have been a waste of money. I made pizzas on some naans I made yesterday, and we had a big salad, and then I got super indigestion. I'm really tired, too, and think whatever's going on with me is more than just the cravings. Either I'm coming down with something or I'm having anticipatory stress about my husband going away, or it's hormones. Whatever it is, it's not normal for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 506
Hey Bebetter. Wow I feel exactly the same. Today I feel like working on this sobriety thing is too hard. I feel like I have had enough of it, it's exhausting, why can't I just have a few drinks tonight. Just like everyone else. My own twin doesn't have this problem. Why do I 
I hope you're feeling better soon Bebetter! Xx
I hope you're feeling better soon Bebetter! Xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
Hi ladies,
Stay strong. You've come so far. You're here for a reason. Don't forget that you WANTED to stop. You probably told yourself so many times that you never wanted to drink again. What makes you think it'll be any different now?
Play the tape through. You can try to drink "normally" but I can almost guarantee that you will always have that guilt the next day. This is your AV taking it's last desperate breath. DON'T listen to it.
Stay strong. You've come so far. You're here for a reason. Don't forget that you WANTED to stop. You probably told yourself so many times that you never wanted to drink again. What makes you think it'll be any different now?
Play the tape through. You can try to drink "normally" but I can almost guarantee that you will always have that guilt the next day. This is your AV taking it's last desperate breath. DON'T listen to it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
Here, read this if you're having terrible cravings:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Thanks for posting, lulu. I remember reading that when I first came on here. I remember my early days struggling, and she was on the board at the same time.
I also remember showers in the morning, like she said, needing to keep the door open, or get out of the shower, and sometimes even, crouching down in the shower to catch my breath, or catch my balance, after a bender. I remember showing up at work with bloodshot eyes, probably still smelling like vodka every now and then - back before I had kids and still drank liquor. I remember my husband holding my hair back as I puked up cosmos and red wine my senior year of college, and standing out in the middle of the street having a drunk screaming match with him at 2am that same year, and being mortified and indignant when our friends came out and told us to be quiet or we'd wake the neighbors and they'd call the cops. I remember staggering home alone that night - walking 2 miles across town and running into a campus cop who gave me a whistle to blow if anything happened to me on the way home. I remember three years or so later, in grad school, pouring a beer into a glass mug I was holding upside down while talking eloquently about god to my husband's boss's wife. I remember being passed out on my kitchen floor the year after my son died and the year before my daughter was born - too drunk to walk upstairs - my mouth feeling like a nicotine cotton ball. I remember what seems like an infinite number of drunk nights and horrible mornings, terrible things I said and did (believe me, you are getting the cleaner parts of my memory - I am NOT prepared to share some of the truly awful things in a public forum). I am definitely an alcoholic, and alcohol is definitely going to kill me if I let it.
I also remember showers in the morning, like she said, needing to keep the door open, or get out of the shower, and sometimes even, crouching down in the shower to catch my breath, or catch my balance, after a bender. I remember showing up at work with bloodshot eyes, probably still smelling like vodka every now and then - back before I had kids and still drank liquor. I remember my husband holding my hair back as I puked up cosmos and red wine my senior year of college, and standing out in the middle of the street having a drunk screaming match with him at 2am that same year, and being mortified and indignant when our friends came out and told us to be quiet or we'd wake the neighbors and they'd call the cops. I remember staggering home alone that night - walking 2 miles across town and running into a campus cop who gave me a whistle to blow if anything happened to me on the way home. I remember three years or so later, in grad school, pouring a beer into a glass mug I was holding upside down while talking eloquently about god to my husband's boss's wife. I remember being passed out on my kitchen floor the year after my son died and the year before my daughter was born - too drunk to walk upstairs - my mouth feeling like a nicotine cotton ball. I remember what seems like an infinite number of drunk nights and horrible mornings, terrible things I said and did (believe me, you are getting the cleaner parts of my memory - I am NOT prepared to share some of the truly awful things in a public forum). I am definitely an alcoholic, and alcohol is definitely going to kill me if I let it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,074
Thank you for sharing that Bebetter. It makes me cringe to think back on some of the things I went through during my alcoholism. When I look back on it I don't know how I ever thought I had it together. One thing that really bothered me was that during the worst of my alcoholism I had the shakes so bad that I couldn't start an IV. At my last job I was afraid I wouldn't be able to pass off starting an IV on a mannequin during orientation. Before this alcoholism thing got serious I could start an IV on ANYONE. The house supervisor would call me to different units to start IVs when none of the other nurses could. I was proud of that skill... anyway... where was I going with that. Oh yes, alcohol was ruining my life. Fun times. Passing out on the couch with my laptop still open. Falling off a barstool while hanging out with my husband's friends. Falling off a toilet at a concert. Pouring beer all over my husband's food because the salt shakers at the restaurant were corona bottles and I got confused when he asked for the salt. Throwing a chair at my husband in front of my dad. The look of disappointment in the officer's eyes when he arrested me for drunk driving (I worked with him as an EMT). That's all I dare share publicly too.
It's funny how still to this day my AV tries to tell me that a glass of wine sounds like a good idea. The way I think of it... is that it'd be almost WORSE if I got away with having a glass of wine. Why? Because if I could get away with it then I'd probably do it again and again and again. And one glass of wine is so good, why not have 2... or 3? Then I'd restart the whole process and I'd be back to being a slave to alcohol again.
Newstar- you mentioned that you don't know why you have a problem and your twin doesn't. I had this conversation with my mom today. I have no idea why I have this problem, but something definitely short circuited in my brain a long time ago that makes it think I NEED alcohol. When I see other people enjoying their drinks I don't think they enjoy them like I did. If they did then they'd probably be on this website too. To them it's no big deal. It's not the same.
One last thought- in SMART recovery they talk about feeding the PIG (Problem of Instant Gratification). SMART loves it's acronyms. They say that every time you give in to your addiction, even if it's just occasional, you're feeding the thought that whenever things get really bad you can always give in to your addiction and it makes it stronger. You're telling your mind that it's OK to drink when things get hard and it'll make it harder and harder to resist the next time. Does that make sense?
I hope some of the crap I write on here helps or at least makes sense.
It's funny how still to this day my AV tries to tell me that a glass of wine sounds like a good idea. The way I think of it... is that it'd be almost WORSE if I got away with having a glass of wine. Why? Because if I could get away with it then I'd probably do it again and again and again. And one glass of wine is so good, why not have 2... or 3? Then I'd restart the whole process and I'd be back to being a slave to alcohol again.
Newstar- you mentioned that you don't know why you have a problem and your twin doesn't. I had this conversation with my mom today. I have no idea why I have this problem, but something definitely short circuited in my brain a long time ago that makes it think I NEED alcohol. When I see other people enjoying their drinks I don't think they enjoy them like I did. If they did then they'd probably be on this website too. To them it's no big deal. It's not the same.
One last thought- in SMART recovery they talk about feeding the PIG (Problem of Instant Gratification). SMART loves it's acronyms. They say that every time you give in to your addiction, even if it's just occasional, you're feeding the thought that whenever things get really bad you can always give in to your addiction and it makes it stronger. You're telling your mind that it's OK to drink when things get hard and it'll make it harder and harder to resist the next time. Does that make sense?
I hope some of the crap I write on here helps or at least makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 506
How do I do an online meeting?
Thanks for sharing Bebetter. I just watched a doco on alcoholism and that, together with Lulus link and your post has put a major stop to my cravings today!!! Thank you!
I can relate to so much of it all, makes me sad.
Hope everyone is well
Thanks for sharing Bebetter. I just watched a doco on alcoholism and that, together with Lulus link and your post has put a major stop to my cravings today!!! Thank you!
I can relate to so much of it all, makes me sad.
Hope everyone is well
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Ladies...I'm a mamma to two young girlies. By the weekend I am usually shot. I'm on Day18 sober and am just having the chance now to look at all the resources available here on SR and found you all
Just wanted to say 'hello' and give all the mammas who need it some big hugs - XXXXXX.
Bebetter - I saw you last night in the Friday night chat group moderated by Huntingtontx...pretty nice Just quick skimmed some recent posts and saw that you used Lovenox with pregnancy...I did as well for a different clotting disorder. I'm totally intrigued about the MFTHR and alcoholism risks. Ttly interesting.
Thanks for being here. Need the respite of friends who are there (here).
More hugs XXXXXX.
Just wanted to say 'hello' and give all the mammas who need it some big hugs - XXXXXX.
Bebetter - I saw you last night in the Friday night chat group moderated by Huntingtontx...pretty nice
Just quick skimmed some recent posts and saw that you used Lovenox with pregnancy...I did as well for a different clotting disorder. I'm totally intrigued about the MFTHR and alcoholism risks. Ttly interesting.Thanks for being here. Need the respite of friends who are there (here).
More hugs XXXXXX.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Hi Verte - so glad you came to join us! That was my first online meeting last night - I was really struggling, and found lots of peace, though today is feeling kind of rough already again. I think I might suffer from a mild form of PMDD - since my last miscarriage. I'm going to try to change my diet - I was on a very clean diet last cycle, and didn't have ANY PMS symptoms, so I'm going to try that again starting today.
I have 2 little girls too, ages 2 and nearly 5, and as you know, am closing in on 1 year sober. I've been hanging out here the whole time and find immeasurable support. Hope you stick around and chime in!
I have 2 little girls too, ages 2 and nearly 5, and as you know, am closing in on 1 year sober. I've been hanging out here the whole time and find immeasurable support. Hope you stick around and chime in!
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