GettingMeBack1

Hi all,
Sarah - good on you for not buying more booze. I also have a husband who's away a lot, and also live in a foreign country, and certainly feel the pressure of long days on my own and child tantrums. You made a a different choice today, and that's great.
Sissy, not sure if your post was kind of in response to mine or not, but just wanted to clarify what I meant... I wasn't talking about attempting moderation (tho who knows, that may be possible for some). I was talking about not using a 'slip up' as an excuse to continue drinking the next day and the day after and the day after etc ad infinitum. I know for me in the past I've had the thought pattern of 'oh well, I messed up yesterday so I may as well finish off the bottle today and then some'. I was just talking about getting back on the wagon - making the choice NOT to drink again the next day. At the moment I still have to battle that voice in my head every day that says 'just one won't hurt'. So I make that decision again and again every day not to drink. Just wanted to clarify...

Babs I hope you get the skin thing sorted. Very impressed with your fitness commitment!
Heading off for an evening of sewing now....

Dollyangel17

Hi moms...

Crazy day today at work, but got good news from my doctor...EEG was normal! Still have to follow up with neurologist in a few weeks, but very relieved now.

So far the tan looks okay. They said it only lasts for a week though. I am just doing this for our anniversary date night, so I can look tan in that strapless dress:-)

I really need some chocolate tonight!! Soon it will be my time to relax, but right now it's time to get the munchkin in bed.

Chat later girls

sissy4444

So glad on the good news from the dr ! That's awesome!!! No Chickster.. My response was just me sharing my thoughts ... I had a recent slip as well and feel exactly the same way that u do about just making the choice to start again... I was speaking more in general about how in my past experiences when I fell of the wagon and began to try to drink again that I could moderate for periods of time but for me it always led back to the horrible place... Like I could hold my **** together for a few months and be cool with just some beer or a few glasses of wine but the BAM... One good bender and it was on again!!!.... Ugh!!! Misery ....
It's a beautiful balmy evening here and I had a wonderful day with my oldest daughter and we shopped and had a nice light lunch at a super cute bistro and came back here and had iced coffee by the pool and had some great music on and we talked and talked!! She has turned into such a wonderful young woman and I love that now that she lives away at school and is almost fully grown how nice it is to be more like friends now... We laughed and watched the little ones swim and it was so great ... We could t swim because we both had gotten spray tanned!!!:.. Lmao!!! 3 of my 4 kids are upstairs watching a movie together and I feel so relaxed and happy and so pleased to not be drinking!!!!! Hope all the moms are doing will tonight ... Hugs to all 💗💗

GettingMeBack1

Hi Sissy,
Thanks for that. I'm not sure why, but I'm a bit paranoid about treading on people's toes in this forum... Perhaps because I'm new to this sobriety thing and know a lot of you on here have more experience than me.
I don't know about anyone else, but I hate the fact that even though I'm now not drinking that my days still revolve around thoughts about drinking or not - I feel like my life is still ruled by alcohol. It's just that instead of revolving around my drinking, my life now rather revolves around NOT drinking. That's a fabulous improvement of course, but really, I would love alcohol to simply be a non-issue. Like it is for my husband. Like it is for many people.
Sigh. That may never be the case for me, I know. But I dream of a future where alcohol simply doesn't matter to me at all.

Dollyangel17

Morning ladies,

Chickster....it will happen. Eventually after you have been sober for a while, you will think less and less about alcohol. Just stick with it! I am over 1 year sober now, and I really don't think about it at all in terms of everyday life. Sure every once in a while a random thought pops in my head, but not that often. It took at least the first 6-8 months though, so don't worry...you won't be obsessing about alcohol forever.

All else is good here...will check back later:-)

Ladybug2

Good morning ladies,

Dolly, so glad to hear all came back normal with the EEG! Yay

Chickster, I could really relate to your last post. I also feel as if, even though I am no longer drinking, thoughts of drinking/not being able to drink still rule my life. There is always some reminder/trigger of past drinking days and there are days I feel I will never be free from this obsession. I started getting sober April 1st of last year, but have had numerous slips so am currently only on Day 52. I think (hope) Dolly is right - that it will just take some time. All I know is each slip, no matter how small, really sets me back so no more!

Cloudy, gloomy day here. The weather has been all over the place. In the 80's one day and back in the 50's/60's the next. Looks like it may be a cool week at the beach, but at least it will be fun to get away as a family. I'm a little worried that if the weather isn't nice everyone will just want to sit in the beach house and drink. We're pretty far off the beaten path too so not sure escaping to the movies or shopping is even an option. At least we will have internet access so I can hop on here to talk to you all

Have a wonderful Wednesday Mommas!

Babs78756

LadyBug - You're not ONLY on day 52... 52 days?! That's awesome!! Bravo!

I understand about the obsession - I've been feeling lately like it's been nagging more lately. I got my hair done last night and at every station was another person with red wine, white wine, a mimosa, a beer.... and we have some weddings coming up and a trip with some party friends to Lake Tahoe (my favorite place on earth) and I can't stop thinking about how I'm going to manage those weekends.... So, I'm thinking about it non-stop. Which then makes me think about drinking, anytime.... non-stop. I'm assuming its like anything else, when you're working really hard on something its your main focus but soon it becomes natural. I read a saying on this forum 'Thoughts don't become actions. Actions become thoughts.'

Happy Wednesday all!!

sissy4444

Many folks in recovery have SWORN to me that the desire to drink WILL BE removed.... I cling to that .... Without my one slip I would have almost 100 days right now .... I too feel such anger that my life still revolves around booze ... I am resentful that so much of my time and energy is centered around not drinking .. In some ways I think I think about it even more now than when I was drinking ....
My hubby shared a great thought with me a few weeks ago.. He said when he first got sober that his demon was on driving the car 24/7.... Constantly trying to make him drink again ... A few months passed and the demon got in the passenger seat and let him drive but sat right next to him all the time.. More time and he was in the back seat.. Kinda quiet and not saying too much.. More time and that MFer was in the trunk ... Only see not heard from on occasion. He said he now drives the car solo and sometimes passes "the demon" on the side of the road and when he does be gives him the finger!!!.. Lmao... Hubby has been sober for ten years now and said he never thinks of drinking at all... He told me that in the last 7 yrs the only time he ever even thinks a thought about his drinking days is if there is a bottle of Grey goose vodka sitting in a freezer ....and even then he said its not a thought about drinking it ... Merely a millisecond of thought where he will think Damn, that looks so good.. And then it's gone followed by a silent giggle... He prays this for me every night he said... He swears to me the obsession will pass and that the "demon" will finally shut the **** up .... I sure hope so too!!!!!

Babs78756

Thank you sissy, please share with your husband that analogy helped a woman in Texas.

I saw this article on NPR, thought you all might find it interesting: Meds Can Help Problem Drinkers, But Many Doctors Don't Know That : Shots - Health News : NPR

lucygoose

Great article Babs! Thank you! We go camping twice a summer in Tahoe and always drink! It's going to be hard for me too, especially with the British group we go with:-(

Great news Dolly about your health!

Bebetter

I don't think I've ever shared this here, but Babs post from NPR reminded me.... I have a genetic mutation called MTHFR C677T - I am homozygous for it, which means that both my MTHFR genes are corrupted. This mutation is the cause of my pregnancy losses and puts me at higher risk for blood clots and stroke. I take low-dose aspirin and l-methlyfolate (I can't digest folic acid - only the naturally occurring form of folate) daily to mitigate the problems, and I take injectable lovenox during pregnancies now that the problem has been identified. All that being said, there is research that shows that my particular mutation makes me more susceptible to alcohol abuse, but that people with my mutation are also more successful at overcoming addiction. It helps me to remember that there are reasons some people drink more than others - reasons why some people become addicts and other people don't. And most of us will never know the deepest underpinnings of our biology and chemistry that have contributed to putting us in this situation. Genetics do play a role, but so does personal choice. My double mutation means my dad and mom both carry the mutation too, and neither is an addict or has ever been. I guess I was just thinking about this because of the idea that medicine could help addicts. It's a balance of chemistry. We know that you can change your personal chemistry with the food/drink you put into your body - heroin addicts permanently change their receptors for the drug, and alcohol must do that too, but with more time sober, I know we can change the chemistry again and not need to feed the beast.

lucygoose

Bebetter-Well said! Did you have tests done? That's very interesting. Knowledge is power!

I feel so tired today. It's going to be 100 degrees. I wish hubby would leave on his business trip so I could take a nap. He's worse than a woman in getting ready!!!

I hope you all have a great day:-)

Dollyangel17

Bebetter...

I had a similar genetic disorder! Although mine only affected my pregnancies. I lost 3 of my babies before they discovered it. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I also did the Lovonox injections, folic acid and baby aspirin as well.

Worked like a charm, because my beautiful daughter was born LATE with no issues during my pregnancy.

SoberLife2014

Babs - great to hear from you again. We got that nasty storm here in Houston the other night too. It was a doozy! I just had a mirena IUD put in and noticed some cystic acne too. I didn't think much of it because my hormones are out of control anyway and I had it when I was younger. I'd love to get to the dermatologist one of these days. I finally went to the dentist not very long ago and I still need to have a crown put on, so the dermatologist will have to wait.
That article you posted is interesting. When I had to go to outpatient rehab the psychiatrist there really tried to push Campral on me. I went home and researched it and found it to be in pregnancy category C so I refused it. Of course, drinking isn't safe for the baby either, but what I really wanted was to not drink and not take any medication either. If I weren't pregnant I probably would have taken it in a heartbeat. ANYTHING to stop the cravings I had at the time.

sissy4444

Very interesting article for sure! I am so fascinated with the science and the genetics of addiction... My late father was a recovering alcoholic as were many of his cousins!!! My husbands family is filled to the brim..pun intended..with them as well. Both of my sisters are pretty big drinkers and have had episodes that could warrant concern too. I can't say I would be opposed to taking something that would help the cravings to decrease...in my dreams they would invent a drug where I could actually be able to drink normally again ... And not have a hangover ever!!!... Lmao... Just kidding.. Sorta...

GettingMeBack1

Hey girls,
So a little post before bed...
Somehow today I was really craving a drink. Somehow I got a little lost in the afternoon and felt kind of crappy and disorganized and unmotivated. Husband was going out tonight for a drink with a friend and I had all those same thoughts heading to the supermarket - just one, only buy a small bottle, nobody will know, you can start again tomorrow etc, I'm sure you all know the drill.
And then literally as I was turning into the liquor aisle I realized something pretty cool... I didn't buy the bottle - not because I was scared of how bad I would feel after. I didn't buy the bottle because I actually LIKE the way I feel in the mornings after not drinking. I LIKE sleeping through the night (mostly anyway!). I LIKE feeling clear headed for the day.
Maybe that's a small thing, but feels like a big thing for me. In the last month I've been not buying it because of seeing the BAD that would come of it. Today it was because of the GOOD. Felt pretty mind blowing actually. Wish I could bottle that feeling for next time...

lucygoose

Chickster- Fantastic! I'm so glad to hear it. How long have you been sober? You sound so much like me. I started loving feeling good, so why screw it up for a drink??? I think it can only get better for you. It's like you turned the corner:-) excellent news!!!

Dollyangel17

Way to go Chickster!!! Whatever gets you out of that aisle is what you should keep doing! I focus on that too...my life is too good now to blow on a drink!

Proud of you girl!

sissy4444

Way to go chickster!!! Woo hoo!!!... That's so amazing... I too had some teeny tiny urge to get a small bottle of vodka the other day and hide it in my closet "just in case".... I kinda thought the same way ... Like its soooo not worth feeling so good just for a buzz!!! I'm inspired!! Thanks for sharing!!

SoberLife2014

That's so awesome Chickster!!! I don't think that's a small thing, I think that's huge! Keep thinking like that
I was going to tell you in my post earlier that in early sobriety it can be frustrating because you're constantly thinking about alcohol. But that fades over time. BTW Sissy I absolutely LOVE your husband's analogy. Anyway, I was actually thinking the other night that I still spend quite a bit thinking about alcohol, but it's different. I mean, I spend a lot of time on here but I enjoy it. I enjoy sharing my experience, strength and hope, and I enjoy hearing other's stories. Most of my journal entries have to do with my alcoholism, but it's about recovering from it rather than dwelling on it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, in the beginning I feel like I was constantly thinking "Don't drink, don't drink, don't drink". I was battling my AV and it was exhausting. My AV was like a nagging little kid that was always trying to break me down by saying "the only way you'll get me to shut up is by giving me what I want". But I rarely hear that nagging anymore, and when I do it sounds pretty silly. It gets a lot better and you'll start feeling like a normal person again.
One thing that helped me quite a bit was by keeping an "Urge Journal". Every time my AV piped up I'd write down the time, what I was doing/thinking, how long it lasted, and what I did to help stop it. Pretty soon I didn't have to keep a journal anymore and I'd just do it in my head. I found that the urges almost always came at a certain time of day (so I could prepare for that), they were almost always related to me thinking about the past or doing something related to the past, and they didn't usually last more than 5 min at a time. I also found that I often forgot I was having an urge until later. I'd be like "Oh, I'm having an urge to drink... it's 1157......... oh look at that pretty dress! I must go try it on!". Sometimes it was a little harder. I'd find myself wandering in the past with some reminiscing about drinking and it would be so easy to just lose myself in those memories. That's when I'd have to stop and really focus on something else.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Hang in there girl!!!