Dee74

Last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-7-a-21.html

D

Aarryckha

I've been out all day today so I need to catch up on the posts but I wanted to give a big thank you to MrG for the wonderful pictures. I would love to go walking in that scenery!

Ilya

Finally resting after a full, 12-hour day. I stayed totally occupied the whole time.

I woke up early and decided to get my butt out of bed. I ate a small breakfast and had coffee, while I made my list for the day.

I went out and did a whole day's worth of errands in like 3 hours. Then I treated myself to lunch.

I came home and put all of my things away, and went for a run. I ate a second lunch at this point.

I scrubbed the kitchen floor. It had been way too long.

I did some office work and organized my new shelves.

Now I'm having some dinner and I'm hoping to knock off early.

Another full day tomorrow!

Ilya

Aarry how's the kitty?

biminiblue

in.

Nothing to say so here's a kitteh.

biminiblue

whoa, kitteh gif is making me a little seasick with the camera-jump/loop.

Boobeary

Hahaha!

Ilya, if you get a dog, you'll never have to clean your kitchen floor.

Ilya

I am feeling a bit in danger tomorrow... I'm working all day, but 1 on 1 with a coworker and she might invite me for a drink after we're finished. I'm feeling really at risk of saying yes.

The things running through my mind:

1)"Well it's been four weeks, I can have one? Just one. One per month is not bad."

2)"She's not going to like me as much if I don't bond over a drink with her after."

3)"I don't have anything I have to do after so why not?"

4)"She's heard I'm a teetotaler and might think I'm judgmental. I should prove her wrong and have one and act like it's no big deal."

So... I need to break these down right?

1) I have never been a just one kind of girl. One per month. Ha! It's impossible
2) I can have a drink with her after, just an NA drink. And we can talk and I probably won't say anything crazy or overshare
3) Schedule something for the evening or make something up! Then hang out a little bit and get outta there!
4) Somehow a memory JUST popped up of us having a conversation about sobriety... It was last summer. I was trying to quit back then and she admitted to having been sober for quite a while too. Maybe a couple of months. It actually made me feel really good and I think we even high-fived. I'm not sure she remembers. But I have experience with her celebrating non-drinking (even though she's drinking again), so I can not drink, and act like it's no big deal.

I am going to try to reread this tomorrow.

Ilya

This seems to be a big trigger for me.... the only way I know to bond with others is over drinks

Dee74

Learning to bond with people without a drink is something we've all done before Ilya - it may have been middle school or high school for some of us, but that experience is there.

It may feel strange and unfamiliar, even uncomfortable at first but I guarantee it gets easier.

and don't be discouraged if you don't set the room on fire - some people we'll click with and some we won't - and thats ok - it's not due to any deficiency in us.

Don't let the fear talk you into drinking 24 hours out from the event

You can, and will, do this

D

Ilya

Thanks for reminding me about setting the room on fire. I often feel like I've failed if I don't really nail everything, home run solid. It's hard to accept that I'm one of those perfectionists and I'm too hard on myself. But I do need to remember it's ok.

And this feeling DOES harken back to middle school! So much anxiety and lost in a wash of self doubt and strange intuition/projecting. Worried that people talked and everyone hates me... Yes I'm really back where I left off. I feel stunted! I guess I have the chance to learn what I was supposed to learn growing up...

I started depending on alcohol when I was about 14. Started using when I was 12. It became my magical answer to all of these Awkward problems. I'm going to try to reread my previous post tomorrow.

I know I'm being long winded but I wanted to share my new mantra. It seems weird to me when I think about it but it's been helping to keep me present. Sometimes when the Awkwardness is too strong I become defensive. And all kinds of problems have come out. I feel very young and sensitive to everything so I'm trying to remember, "Politeness, Respect, Think."

I dislike the word polite. But I'm just trying to BE polite. And maintain respect for the person I'm talking to. And I'm trying to just think more and talk less, and think before I speak. Trust me, these things have been a problem throughout my life. I can be very confrontational and irritable, and just speak whatever comes to mind. I'm feeling the need to reel it in and be more of a receptor than an output of opinions or judgement or advice.

Whew, longest post ever I think

Ilya

Dee74

definitely if in doubt, listen - saved me more than once Ilya

D

calichris

For me personally I am re-learning what it means to bond. In the past I thought I was bonding with people while drinking when in fact I was slowly going comatose next to the other person. In fact that was quite the opposite of bonding. I now realize the only way I can truly bond with someone is by not drinking. only that way I stay truly connected to them. Just my two cents
Good night everyone see you on day 27 clear-headed and hang-over free.

MrFixit63

Find a classy coffee shop you sound like you're classy

enfinthechange

Morning!!! Sounds like a lot like me Ilya.. I was always ultra chatty and motor mouth when on beer... Now I just dunno,, not got many friends any more as work all the time and mum the rest!!!! But my hubbie says in conversations its OK to listen, and silance can be companionable! You sound very thoughtful and interesting on here, as do you all,,, just remember you are strong and worthy!! X

Michtizz

Morning all,

Sunday morning - about to begin day 22 - it's been three weeks since I had a drink, three weeks since I woke up feeling that I was going to die, three weeks since I vomited the results of a 3 day drinking session up in a lovely friends car (who has stuck by me since in a way that has amazed me).

So - thanks to all of you in this thread. Reading and sharing things has helped me massively to get through to this stage.. You're all fab.

I thought I'd share a little thing that happened yesterday. Back at Christmas, I bought a Breaking Bad box-set for some lovely friends of mine. I was spending Christmas Day around their house & we were all late to the Breaking Bad party having never watched it. These friends are big drinkers and we drank for much of the day. In the evening, we settled down and watched the first two episodes..

I was pretty sure I could remember what had gone on in those episodes.

Anyway, I've now borrowed the box-set from those friends (always buy presents for people you can later borrow!!) and watched the first two episodes again. It's amazing how much the drunken 'me' on Christmas Day had not picked up.

Lesson learnt actually about how sobriety enriches life rather than limits enjoyment...

Happy Sunday all...

Boobeary

It would be so much easier if you guys all lived near me, and you could be my new sober friends.

Sparkos

Booby,
Thanks for appreciating my joke.
It seems to have passed everybody else by.
Ah well!

It does seem very quiet here this weekend. Hopefully everyone's out and about doing sober things.

Boobeary

Ilya, thanks for sharing. I have some of the same fears about getting together with people I used to see a lot, especially #2. The only difference is in my head, it sounds like this, "She's not going to like me as much because I'm boring when I'm sober." I guess I have work to do...

As far as #1 goes, I've been dealing with that as well. The only difference with me is that I've never tried to moderate before so I don't know if I actually can. I suspect, after spending a lot of time reading here on SR, that I am like everybody else here, and that it would be a mistake to try, but still, I have been wondering...

Your strategy of listing your reasons to drink and then writing counter-arguments for each one is excellent. Again, thanks for sharing.

enfinthechange

Sparky, u made a joke??? Never.... ( cruel sarcasm)....sorry!!!
boo, i was thinking the same thing!!! How different do u think we'd be from how we imagine... Like when they make a film of a book ( no way was tom hanks the guy from green mile!!!)

I love the list idea, just used it on my hubbie, who was wanting a beer... He doesn't want to give up forever, just till... Whenn i dunno!! His guilt and shame is not as deep as mine i guess... Plus he always seems to know his own mind, whereas i flounder round like a drowning fish!!!

What to do on a rainy Sunday... Ummmmmmmmmmm make cake!!!!