Ladybug2

Hi Moms!

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile - been super busy and super tired. Just don't have enough energy to get everything done. Not complaining, though. I'm very lucky I don't have morning sickness. I have never had it with any of my pregnancies. Strange how some get it really bad and others not at all. Today is my hubby's 40th bd and I burnt his bd dinner (long story) so now we are going out. Been one of those days. Screamed at my daughter earlier because I kept tripping over her toys, etc and now I feel really bad about it

Anyway, enough about me. Hope everyone is doing well today.

BeBetter, so glad your daughter is ok. I would have freaked out and assumed the worst case scenario too.

Happy Belated Birthday, new star. Proud of you for staying sober!

Babs, hope you have a great vacation. Hi to everyone else - Dolly, Lucy, sissy, lulu, Sarah, and anyone else I missed.

kcbf

Hi ladies,

Well you all probably thought I dropped off the face of the earth. I am still here. I haven't logged in for quite some time. Life has just been crazy busy and then I went on vacation with my family for a week, which was amazing and so desperately needed. It gave me time to think, regroup and just relax for once. I got to laugh with my kids, not always rush, rush, rush....

I am 3 weeks (21 days), though I can't say I was entirely sober during that time. I had a few days on vacation where I had some wine, but I didn't go over board and relapse into a bad place. I just really kept myself in check, I promised my husband I would stick to a limit of 2 glasses, which by the way, I realize now is just a waste. It is empty calories, I didn't get the "high" that I like to have. So, I figure what is the point. All or none is really just the way to go.

Anyway, I just wanted to say "hi" to everyone. I have a lot of catching up to do. I will be back soon.

KC

sissy4444

Checking in and it sounds like so many of you ladies are doing so well and it makes me quite happy!!! I've been crazy busy with my out of time guest and had an amazing SOBER wonderful time!!! We had lunches and laughs and shopped and even had a mani pedi and it was so girlie and fun!!! I was kinda sad when she left this morning.... Had major dental work done ... Again.... And am in PAIN!!!! My gums are killing me and my head and mouth hurt badly... Was in the chair for five hours today and am feeling every minute of it... Am getting ready to leave for spring break with hubby and kids and going to our other home to see family and friends and am very excited to see everyone..... Right now I feel like I am in a good place and have no desire to drink whatsoever and feel grateful and hopeful that this will continue!!!

Dollyangel17

Hi KC...

Glad to see you had a nice vacation, and good job of not overdoing it with the wine, but I agree it's best to go without completely. It's not relaxing nor enjoying to have to work that hard to only have one or two...

Lady...glad you are feeling good..if not a little tired. Just kick back and relax, and enjoy being pregnant.

Well hubby has his MRI tomorrow on his pancreas...I would appreciate any prayers that they don't find anything seriously wrong.

Will be glad when it's over.

Well time for tea:-)

Bebetter

Lady - glad you checked in with an update, but sorry you're feeling out of sorts. I never got sick during pregnancy either (lucky!), but I ate a ton because I'd get a little nausea/empty stomach feeling, and I gained 50 lbs with my last (she came at 36 weeks!!), and just over 40 with my 30 and 28 weekers. Ugh... I hope you had a nice night out with your family!

KC - glad to see you! I'm glad you were able to keep yourself in check over vacay. That never works for me for long... I'm really good at pacing myself for a few months, but then it escalates fast. It sounds like it ended up being a kind of learning experiment for you - I'm an all or nothing drinker for sure.

AFM - went out to my girls' night - it was coordinated by that old neighbor of mine who is always offering me drinks. It was really interesting to watch the group. Over the course of 3 hours, the girl next to me had one marg and a half glass of wine, while the girl across from me had one marg. My old neighbor had 3 and a half glasses of wine and a marg, and it was so surreal to watch her go from "normal Gail" (not her real name!) to "drunk Gail." Glassy eyes, slightly slurred speech, not really finishing thoughts when she spoke and retelling things she'd already said when she was "normal Gail." The girl on the other side of me had 3 giant margs (I tasted one - it was like drinking firewater) and went from "sweet Jenny" (again, not her real name) to "raunchy & sentimental Jenny." She was doing the whole "staring into your eyes thinking she's saying the most thought provoking ideas" thing. I remember being all of those things, and seeing it in other people while totally sober is always a HUGE wakeup to how others must have seen me. It's really not at all attractive, and I can only assume that most of the people I would drink with were buzzed enough to think it was, because I was always well-liked as a drinker at parties. It's their norm, though - they always drink the same amount when we all go out, and I used to do the same.

lucygoose

Good luck Dolly on your hubby's MRI! Prayers to you and your family!

Bebetter- I was that girl too while drunk! I thought I was so cool and deep! We had a Girl Scout meeting a few months ago. 3 out of 6 of us had lots of wine. I think I started acting stupid after a while. I remember getting some looks and one was a cop!

It's such a strange world sober. It's like you see the world clear for the first time. It's not boring but it's rather colorful:-)

My kids have slumber parties tomorrow at our house! I usually am buzzed through the whole thing. This will be a first sober. I feel so blessed I won't be working and I have the luxury of having my husband be the main source of income. I love my family more than ever now.

Cheers from California:-))))

new star

Hi girls

Just stopping in to say I'm ok but craving wine again tonight, do these urges ever go!!!!! Dolly prayers and thoughts you you and your hubby xx
KC great to hear from you!!

Bebetter

Dolly - you and your husband are in my thoughts today. I hope you get good results, and fast.

JustSarah

Good luck to you n your hubby today Dolly - sending you lots of luck!!

How's everything going with the pregnancy Ladybug? Hope alls going well

Hello Babs, KC, sissy, bebetter, Lucy, newstar and anyone else I've missed off xxxxxxx

SoberLife2014

Hi mommies,
Ladybug- I'm glad to hear you're doing well (except for the fatigue). That's great that you don't have morning sickness. I had a mild case of it. I hated the smell of everything and I hated certain foods like chicken.
Sissy- I hope you get feeling better soon. I have to go to the dentist on Monday and I'm sort of dreading it. I haven't been in several years
KC- It's great to hear from you again. I'm glad to hear you're doing well. I was never able to moderate either. Drinking one or two glasses of wine is like drinking water and it just frustrates me. Then I end up on a mission to get blitzed.
Dolly- I hope everything goes well with your husband's MRI. Please keep us posted. I will be sending positive vibes your way.
Bebetter- that's an interesting experience you had watching your friends. I hate to think what I was like when I got drunk.
To everyone else hello! I'll check in a little later. I just wanted to see how everyone was doing!

Babs78756

Good Morning Everyone!

Dolly - prayers and fingers and toes all crossed.

BeBetter - thank you for sharing that story, it helps when I think I've got it made.

Had a good therapy appointment yesterday and feeling like I've let the steam out a bit. For the most part, I feel like things are going really well and for the first time ever I can fully appreciate my role in the beauty of this life...without the 'yeah but I came from a broken home..' or 'my father was an abusive alcoholic...' whatever those excuses are for why I'm fatally flawed, unloveable, rejected, etc. etc.

So, I had a question I wanted to out out there to you all.... We're not ready to start trying for another baby but we're thinking about starting to think about trying. Right now the only issue that's making me feel like we need to start thing about it, is my age (34). I know we're not where we want to be financially - we have been really working on our debt, just paid off one of my student loans) at least until July. My daughter turns 1 in May 24. Anyway my question is when do you think is the most ideal spacing between kids? I'd like to wait until baby was three or so but we don't have that luxury. Any thoughts are welcome.

Have a great Thursday.

XO

KimsFriend

Dolly - prayers sent for you and your husband - good luck today!

Ladybug2

Hi Mommas!

Dolly, sending prayers your way for your husband. Hope all turns out just fine. I know how agonizing the waiting can be. Thinking about you and your family.

BeBetter, I hear you on the weight gain during pregnancy. With my daughter I had no nausea and craved sweets like there was no tomorrow. I gained 50 lbs with her. Oh well, I would give anything for this pregnancy to go as well as it did with her :-)

Babs, why do you say you don't have the luxury of waiting until your daughter is 3? Is it because of your age? I had my daughter at 38 and many women are having children in their late 30's/early 40's. I understand if you don't want to wait that long because of the increased risks, but I don't think you should rush into having another if you and hubby aren't quite ready? Just my 2 cents ;-)

Hope everyone else is doing well today. New star, hope the wine craving passed. Do you know what has been triggering it?

Bebetter

Babs - my kids are 3 months shy of 3 years apart. I tried for 2 years apart, but miscarried a baby in between them. 3 years is awesome, I think, because the older one is out of diapers, pretty self-sufficient in play (no worries about choking on things, basically) and already started preschool, giving time for the new baby. Next year, my youngest will have alone time with me all day while my oldest is in kindergarten all day. I had my last at 34, but would have another anytime before 40 if I could.

SoberLife2014

Hi ladies,
Babs- I think 3 years apart sounds great. If you think about it, that isn't too far away. By the time your baby is a little over 2 years old it'll already be time to start trying. I wouldn't worry as much about age. Lots and lots of women are having babies well into their 30s and 40s now. Just wait until you're ready I say.
AFM I'm having a relaxing day. My in laws are here and my MIL loves to take the baby and give me a break. They took him for a walk this morning (when he usually starts getting fussy) and I had the luxury of taking a bath. It was great! I got to put eyeshadow on and everything. Now my husband is home early so I'm hoping we'll get a quick workout in before the baby wakes up. I found myself in the wine isle at the grocery store with them today. They were picking out a wine for themselves and I was just following them. I left after a little while because I didn't really want to be there and I was more interested in scouting out some cinnamon rolls. I wasn't anxious or craving or anything. I kind of felt indifferent about it. For a minute I thought "Hm, I wonder if my favorite wine is still here" which set off an alarm. When I didn't see it right away I decided it was probably unhealthy to be in that area. But I wasn't scared or fantasizing or anything. Just indifferent. Is that a healthy sign or a dangerous sign? Some people in AA say it's dangerous when you start to become complacent or indifferent about alcohol. But I actually feel a lot more level headed about it now. I made a commitment not to drink it and that's that. I feel like when I fuss over it it just adds fuel to the fire... if that makes any sense. It's like I become so anxious about not drinking that I feel like I need to drink to drown out the anxiety... actually I have also found that lately, whenever I start to have an urge or start thinking about alcohol I just forget about it shortly. For example, I went to World Market the other day and my AV said "I could probably buy some wine and no one would ever know" which I countered with my usual "I will never drink again, and I won't change my mind". I realized after I left that I completely forgot about that idea before I even walked in the store.

Babs78756

Will it ever not bother us being left out of Happy Hours? I don't get asked because I leave everyday at 5:00 to get my daughter and I wouldn't want to go anyway... but I still get a little tings of the FOMS (fear of missing something), when I hear everyone talking about happy hour the night before. It's mostly organized by the 'I love to drink!' mean girl in my office, who as I've noted before doesn't really drink at all... she nurses one vodka soda all night... but there's a part of me that feels like the kid in school picked last...

Just had to let that part out....

SoberLife2014

I used to have a coworker like your mean girl. Only he was a guy and he wasn't mean at all. He was always talking about hungover he was and how much he likes to drink. He was supposed to be the life of the party. But then whenever we went out he hardly drank at all! So annoying.

SoberLife2014

Also, last time I went to a party with my old coworkers they were seriously pestering me about not drinking. It was at Christmas time and I told them I didn't want to drink because I had to take care of my 3 month old baby and I was breastfeeding. They continued to pester me (this is a bunch of nurses mind you!) and one person even said I was "boring". I still like to hang out and talk to people, I just don't like to drink anymore. I don't know what the big deal is. Honestly, I'm probably more fun NOT drinking. I can actually carry out a conversation. One time at party a coworker complimented me on my bracelet and in my drunken stupor (I drank a bottle of wine before I attended this function) I said "You like my breastbone?". What the hell does that even mean? I was so embarrassed.

GettingMeBack1

Hello folks,
New here. I've been trying to 'minimise' or scale back my drinking for a while now - unsuccessully. I've finally realised I need to give it up for good.
I guess I'm looking for someone - or multiple someones - to help mentor me through the first stages of getting off the alcohol - someone who's been sober a lot longer than me... Someone who's also a busy working mother and knows what it's like to deal with those daily stresses. My husband's away a lot and that's a big trigger for me to 'need' a drink. It also means it's hard for me to get to any support groups or anything regularly, because when he's gone I have to be at home with my child in the evenings and work during the day. This is the same reason which makes it difficult for me to 'get a hobby' to fill the drinking gap. I also live in Europe and so am away from family and old friend supports, and the time difference can make it hard to get hold of people on the telephone. So figured I'd try reaching out online to get some support from people who know what it is to be in my situation. And a place where I can be brutally honest about my feelings and urges to drink (my husband is a bit useless in that way - he never has the desire for more than 2 beers and can't understand it, so I've been sneaking around hiding it).
Please tell me this is somewhere I can empty my head and people will respond? I'd like today to be the day where I change my life, but I know I can't do it alone.

Babs78756

Hey Chickster!

This is the place for you. We've all been there with varying degrees of success and days of sobriety. We're here for each other 24/7, the benefit of being all over the world. I think we've all used different tools to keep sober day-to-day and we can chime in with tips that have helped us throughout our journeys. Many of us have husbands who travel a lot (me) and who work full time (me) and every other combination of mommyhood you can imagine.

My initial ideas:
1.) Get educated - find books on recovered alcoholics (I just finished Guts by Kristen Johnston) or documentaries on alcoholism (I like Lipstick and Liquor, some really like Bill, the story of Bill one of the founders of AA) and anyone else you find a similarity to. I found that researching other women/moms who ere struggling with alcoholism that I started to feel like less of a failure. A good blog, the Extraordinary Ordinary.

2.) Get some sitter help. Have a sitter come in once a week for an hour - it will do wonders. Go on a run, go to the market, just take a walk, get your nails done... whatever. You need to the let the steam out before it triggers you to drink. Even if you think you don't, just try it. You'll create new evening rituals and maybe add an additional night or two that are especially for you.

3.) Get a therapist - my therapist has been instrumental in my recovery. Having someone to REALLY talk to about my past, my present has been a gift. I found someone close(ish) to my home and office and see her regularly. After a particularly wrecked binge, I called her the next day and instead of drinking through my guilt, had a shred of hope to stay sober.

4.) Slowly stop lying - This is the first time I've written this out but white lies and big lies no matter how insignificant have always been a part of how I communicate. When you find yourself starting to lie or embellish even about the little things, correct it. Start to tell your husband when you're upset, tell the woman at the coffee shop you're having a hectic day, say you ate the whole pizza in one sitting instead of over the course of dinner and lunch (I've done this one), the little changes you make in how you communicate take the pressure out. The less lies you tell, the less your brain is working overtime to keep up the facade.

Anyway... I hope this helps a bit. I know how important it is to just have a guide to getting started. You'll find that you put together a program that works for you and we're here until you find it.

AFM- 80 days today!! Last day of work before vacation. Didn't realize Good Friday was today and Day Care was closed. Cut to harried morning of finding someone to take our daughter for the day because we both have meetings. I think I did more by 8:00 am than all my co-workers put together.

Will check in later! Hope you're all having a wonderful Friday!!

XOXOXO