Dee74

We continue from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-8-a-21.html

D

Dollyangel17

Thanks Dee! Welcome to "part 9" ladies.

SoberLife2014

Hi ladies,
Sarah, no judgement here. I just wish there were some way I could help. Please PM me if you ever want to talk. I'm on here all day.
I rarely talk to my husband about my alcoholism. I just don't feel comfortable. I'm not sure why. Heaven knows he has had his trials with alcohol, but he just up and quit. When he drinks he drinks an obscene amount and he gets aggressive. He drank a ton when he was younger then when we got serious he scaled it back. I kind of resented him for that. I mean, I lived in Utah my whole life and I never really got to party, and then we moved to Las Vegas and he decides to stop. I wanted to go to the clubs. I wanted to go to bars. He's 5 years older than I am and he got to do all of that. He still drank on occasion, but rarely. Then when he found out about my alcoholism he totally quit. Sometimes he likes to remind me that he has been sober longer than I have. He didn't have to do AA or this or anything. He doesn't say anything about my sobriety other than the occasional "Are you OK?". I feel like it's one of those things where I shouldn't be rewarded because I should be sober in the first place. I'm grateful that he doesn't drink and I'm also grateful that he never left because he had every right to. He will not tolerate me drinking. There's no question about it. He has made that very clear. So, I have a lot to lose by drinking, but that doesn't stop my AV from plotting and planning. Sometimes I wonder if I quit drinking because of him or for myself. I think it was ultimately for me and because I wanted to maintain my family. I wanted to quit so bad before he found out anyway. I had been reading books and going to councilors. Him putting his foot down was what it ultimately took I guess.
Anyway, I'm happy in my sobriety but I'd be even happier if I didn't have to think about alcohol every day. I'm not sure if that'll ever happen, but I think the longer I can stay sober the easier it'll get.

JustSarah

Hey ladies, I'm still here and on day 10 have my hands full with the kids right now but will check in later xxxx

SoberLife2014

Whoops, sorry Sarah. Whenever we have to start a new thread I get mixed up.

JustSarah

Hey Lulu, no problem at all - it's nice that there's so many of us that we can get confused - I would struggle without everyone here . How are you today anyways?

And ladybug / Babs / sissy / Dolly/Lucy / newstar / anyone else I may have missed

Well I am ok today - I have hit a weight plateau which is really annoying me so tried to be good today and off to an abs class tonight - I'm not sure I have any so this should be interesting!

And can you believe that my hubby is home this weekend - woooohoooo! That will have been the 4 weeks done and I never want to do it again! Phewey! Then we should fly out the following week - eeeek !

Anyways - I hope everyone's ok - my eldest is back and asking me for things do best shoot

JustSarah

P.s lulu - I used to love Zelda as a kid hehe xxxxx

SoberLife2014

Hi gals,
Sarah I loved the Zelda game. I can't tell you how many times I've played it. Weight plateaus are annoying. Have you tried lifting weights? I heard that you can burn calories while you're resting if you lift weights enough. I like to lift with my husband. I'm almost to my goal weight, which was my pre pregnancy weight. I'm excited about it, but I'm still not happy with the way I look. I'm going to have to set new goals. I still have a long way to go!
I'm still having some strong urges. I just refuse to give in because I can't think in any way how it'd be rewarding to drink. I'm feeling stressed, but I've been down this road too many times and I'd rather get through it and see what happens. I'm going to have to learn how to cope with these negative feelings if I ever want to recover from alcoholism. The alternative is to give in and see how long I can sneak around before I get caught or do something stupid. It was a somewhat similar situation last time I drank where I was having negative feelings coupled with strong urges and I honestly thought that giving in would somehow help. All I ended up with was some bad insomnia, feeling like crap the next day, and a bunch of guilt. Not this time. All I want is some peace, not more turmoil.
Anyway, it's a beautiful day here and I think I'll take the baby for a walk later. I hope everyone is doing well

JustSarah

Hey Lulu, it can be overwhelming having to learn how to cope with everyday stresses without booze and I know I've had a recent slip but since I started actively trying to sort my drinking out last May/June I feel like I am not shackled to it as much anymore. Most of the time I function like a normal human and don't crave alcohol like I used to last year (I swear by my non al beers in the evenings /weekends though). Generally I feel stronger and more confident but sometimes I let everything get ontop of me and I just look for an excuse to get drunk - it hasn't been half as bad when I slip lately but a slip is still a slip and I don't want to ever lose myself in that rabbit hole again. I think you're doing great, you just need to keep evolving to keep Ontop of the cravings .

As for the weight plateau it's just frustrating - I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight too but nothing is how is used to be - I have a real issue with my tummy - eugh! I don't do weights but am trying interval training right now and circuit training. Once we're set up in our new house and my hubby's weight bench is set up I may join him on that - thanks for the advice

Well it's 9.20 and I'm about to head to bed - got Carrie underwood on right now and feel v chilled which is defo a rarity over the last few weeks feels good though

Hope everyone's good and catch y'all when you can xxxxxx

JustSarah

http://www.lifebuzz.com/just-stop/

A positive link

Bebetter

Thanks for that link, Sarah - will have to reread it and focus on a few.

I can't stop eating today. I wish I were back to my pre-pregnancy weight... I was about 2 lbs up when I got pregnant again, and now I'm like 6 lbs up, and that seems like nothing (and I know it's not much), but I'm very short and 5 lbs can be the difference between pants sizes... Today was not a good day. I was a mean mom, short-tempered, felt sicker as the day went on, and then had an outburst at my husband. To be fair to me, he didn't even ask how I was doing - though I chatted him a few hours earlier that I felt awful, and I was pissed that I took care of the girls all weekend when he had a migraine and he didn't offer to take my daughter to swim even though I felt like crap earlier today.

I had some cravings today. One came when I was driving my daughters to a little dance class at the library, and I had already lost my temper several times (and it was only 10:30am...), and I thought on the drive about drinking, and then I thought what would my life look like if I never got married or had kids. How sad is it that my first thought was that I'd be partying. I know deep down I don't really want that life and I'm so lucky and happy to have kids, but it was just one of those days...

So here I sit, after eating a huge bowl of cake and ice cream and peanut butter and whipped cream, warming my pudgy butt in front of the woodstove, and listening to my husband put the kids to bed. Instead of enjoying all that, I'm grouchy that I'm feeling fat, grouchy that I feel sick, and just generally grouchy. It will not be a surprise to me if my period comes tomorrow - all the signs are pointing to it.

Dollyangel17

Sorry you are having a grumpy day Bebetter. By my calculations a lot of us should be due for our period in the next day or two. I think many of us seem to be in sync there:-)...soooo, I am very irritable myself. Doesn't help that I am not yet 100% from that stomach bug I had the other night.

Bedtime is a veritable nightmare in our house every night, and it rarely comes without my daughter trying to negotiate a later time, and the ensuing crying and carrying on when she doesn't get extra time. Ugh...some nights are worse than others, like tonight:-(

Really need some chocolate dang it!

Ladybug2

Hey ladies,

BeBetter, I am in the same boat as you. Didn't have a very good day. I was just getting ready to post how cranky and irritable I have been all day. Felt like a mean mom too - yelling at my daughter for things she didn't really deserve to be yelled at for I am due for my pd soon too so it must be related. Been hungry all day and eating like a pig, but I don't care. Getting ready to have some tea and chocolate chip cookies. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs!

Hi to everyone else. I can relate to all of your posts today. Coming here always helps and lifts my spirits. Day 2 almost over.

SoberLife2014

Hmmmmm... I am also due for my pd and I was crampy today. Maybe that's why I've been so moody/ stressed/ craving.

lucygoose

Hi all- just got my period today! So funny how we are all connected that way:-) I literally cried tons yesterday and was a raging lunatic remembering every bad thing my husband ever did to me! Then once I got my period I was back to normal. So weird!!! Hormones!

Day 45

sissy4444

I'm cranky and miserable today as well!!! Bad tummy all day long and headache and tired!! Hope that tomorrow is a better day!... At least I didn't drink and I am on the couch trying to fight thru this headache Til it's bedtime!

Babs78756

Good evening moms -

I'm hoping those of you who are having a tough day, are getting a restful nights sleep and wake up feeling refreshed.

Thank you for the link Sarah - going to read all of it before bed tonight.

I made it through our mini-family break in Los Angeles. There were a few awkward moments declining alcohol from friends (to the point when one friend put the bottle of wine in front of me and said 'aren't you ready for wine now?!"

So, I was contacted by a friend from high school today in town for work. She wanted to do dinner last night but I've known her to be a big drinker. I turned down dinner and offered lunch instead. When I picked her up from her hotel, she told me she's pregnant. Wonderful news - quickly wishing I'd actually gone to that dinner because I like her so much and drinking wouldn't have been an issue. We spent the lunch actually talking about drinking and how hard its been for her not drinking with this pregnancy. She caught me up on friends from high school and how their partying ways have remained. One of my closest old friends who I've lost touch with over the years, is apparently out of control. She said she's had numerous DUI's and a month ago, crashed into a parked car when blacked out with her kids in the car. She hadn't yet gotten out of their neighborhood and hit a neighbors car. The neighbor decided to call her husband rather than the police. Apparently she took a week off drinking, instead making an agreement with her husband that she wouldn't drink at home alone, during the day. Apparently he said that when he gets home at the end of the day she's 'a bobble head on the couch.'

I relay this story because god, it scares me. I can't judge because it could've been me. The making 'rules' for yourself, the pushing the limits, the 'I don't want to quit drinking, I just want to control it.' A part of me feels like I want to reach out to her on Facebook but obviously I haven't talked with her in years and I certainly don't want to offend her. I know that her family has tried to get her into treatment but she's downplayed it. She went from agreeing to Betty Ford, to seeking out patient to going to counseling and has stopped the counseling. Clearly she's not ready. It goes to show you - we have no idea what's going on with other people behind closed doors. I'm floored. I can't seem to get the thought of it out of my head.... I keep playing all the stories I heard over and over in my mind.... I feel scared. Grateful. Shameful. Worried. Humbled. All of it. I don't know where to put it all....

Husband is away again until tomorrow night... staying focused on work.

Oh! I Had the conversation with my boss today about my raise! I went in and started the conversation, I had all this data ready, all my talking points and he said 'I was already planning to give you a raise, it's already done. Is there anything else?' We had a good conversation about my career planning and I'm feeling revitalized and invigorated.

Today was a good day.... ready for a good night sleep.

Will check in tomorrow.. have more time.

XO

lucygoose

****- Congrats on the raise!! Way to step up and ask! That's the hardest step! Sounds like you are on your way:-)

It was my hubby's 2nd AA meeting tonight! He seems so much better. We met this really great guy to take him. I'm feeling blessed. I'm not wanting beer today. I'm enjoying every minute of everyday now. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Hubby leaves tomorrow for one night. I feel more worried for him than me.

Nite nite:-)))) Dream sober and clear.

Bebetter

Hi ladies,

I feel like I'm losing it. I hope it's hormonal (no period today...). I was at the gym today in the first time in forever, and I overheard a mom saying she had her 20 week ultrasound yesterday (she looks the same as I do!!), and I could not hold it together. I was half-way through the last exercise of my workout and I teared up, dropped my weights and left. I started really crying in the hallway and another mom asked if I was okay. I essentially spilled my pregnancy history in tears and she was very nice and comforting, but that is so not me. I've been dealing with my feelings about pregnant women for 6.5 years now and always hold it together well... able to distance my sadness from their good fortune, so why today?? I would have been about 19 weeks now if my pregnancy had stuck...

I have no desire to cook dinner, no desire to do anything. I feel like I'm stuck. Like I'm depressed. I'm having trouble finding joy in anything at all, and that's not a great place to be. I can't find the motivation to change things, but I'm unhappy where I am. Normally, I'd be starting plants for the spring - I love to garden - but I can't find the energy to care. I really hope, like I said, that it's hormones, and not the "new" me. It's been a very hard winter, and it just keeps dragging on and on. I can't figure out what to do to shake this rut...

Ladybug2

Hi BeBetter,

First of all - big hugs!

Second of all, please don't be so hard on yourself. You have been through a lot. I have been where you were today at the gym - losing it after hearing someone else talk about their third of fourth perfect pregnancy. What you/we/and others here have been through with losing multiple babies is devastating and heartbreaking. It takes time to heal. Let yourself and feel like crap and don't beat yourself up for it. You have done an amazing job staying sober through all if this and that takes a lot of strength and courage. I really admire you. If you want to meet up for a coffee or something just let me know. We could vent it all out together and basically just have a "bitch" session

Hang in there. The weather is going to be nice soon and things will start to improve.