One Year & Under Club Part 29
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
No fisticuffs you two, form an orderly line!! Lol
I was at an informal meet up of volunteers tonight at the Reading Ally rooms, alcohol was there and someone was dishing out tickets so we could get 2 drinks each. I kept mine, because att be time, I wasn't sure if they only related to alcohol or if I needed them for a soft drink. I didn't. I was chatting to a small group round a table and one offered her tickets, I went I. My pocket for mine and they must have fallen out. At one time it would have bugged me that I couldn't even give someone else the benefit of a couple drinks, today I didn't even shrug, just though oh they fell out. I had a really nice time, and it turned out the ones I was chatting to were catching the T back my way, which was nice.
I think it was the first social event I have been to with alcohol where I didn't know anyone there, since I quit. I did visualise this afternoon before I went, and it was good. I enjoyed it.
I was at an informal meet up of volunteers tonight at the Reading Ally rooms, alcohol was there and someone was dishing out tickets so we could get 2 drinks each. I kept mine, because att be time, I wasn't sure if they only related to alcohol or if I needed them for a soft drink. I didn't. I was chatting to a small group round a table and one offered her tickets, I went I. My pocket for mine and they must have fallen out. At one time it would have bugged me that I couldn't even give someone else the benefit of a couple drinks, today I didn't even shrug, just though oh they fell out. I had a really nice time, and it turned out the ones I was chatting to were catching the T back my way, which was nice.
I think it was the first social event I have been to with alcohol where I didn't know anyone there, since I quit. I did visualise this afternoon before I went, and it was good. I enjoyed it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Nice story Toots.
I've spent every evening this week at contentious youth hockey tryouts. One of the families invited ours "for drinks" at a restaurant next door. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I agreed to go because we all get along well.
When the waitress came, I ordered water. The other couple made a big ado, like "We're getting beer and wine and she's getting water, oooh, oh my." I'm sure you can imagine what I mean.
I expected that to happen. I played my tape through to the end (talking too much, passing out, coming to and trying to piece together what I may have said - not to mention the occasional pee soaked surface, or vomit filled hair, ewww). Plus, if I was still drinking, honestly I wouldn't have even gone out to socialize and miss out on getting a buzz at home.
The other couple had one drink each the entire evening. I smiled, thinking about the days when I could have just one drink, or leave half a drink behind. It feels good to be back to that point where alcohol is not informing my decisions.
I recommit to sobriety every single day so I can have evenings like tonight. I'm stringing together my sober life, one experience at a time.
I've spent every evening this week at contentious youth hockey tryouts. One of the families invited ours "for drinks" at a restaurant next door. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I agreed to go because we all get along well.
When the waitress came, I ordered water. The other couple made a big ado, like "We're getting beer and wine and she's getting water, oooh, oh my." I'm sure you can imagine what I mean.
I expected that to happen. I played my tape through to the end (talking too much, passing out, coming to and trying to piece together what I may have said - not to mention the occasional pee soaked surface, or vomit filled hair, ewww). Plus, if I was still drinking, honestly I wouldn't have even gone out to socialize and miss out on getting a buzz at home.
The other couple had one drink each the entire evening. I smiled, thinking about the days when I could have just one drink, or leave half a drink behind. It feels good to be back to that point where alcohol is not informing my decisions.
I recommit to sobriety every single day so I can have evenings like tonight. I'm stringing together my sober life, one experience at a time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Toots sounds like you had a fun time, awesome.
Glee good idea playing the tape through and sticking with water.
Work went by pretty fast. Nothing to exciting happened today. Last night I couldn't fall asleep so hoping for a better night this evening.
Glee good idea playing the tape through and sticking with water.
Work went by pretty fast. Nothing to exciting happened today. Last night I couldn't fall asleep so hoping for a better night this evening.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Hi All....been thinking alot lately..too much probably...
I go for a long time without drinking and then seem to step backwards....
The other day.....during my cravings and struggle it seemed to become very clear to me what the obstacle to long term abstenance is for me is...I seem to have a problem admitting to myself...truly admitting.. that I am an alcoholic....This is so simple isn't it....yet..it is the major issue in the journey to not drinking..
The last several days I have begun..alteast I think ..to come to terms with this...
I just thought I would share..... This is how I am doing....
PS...WWG..you are an inspiration....
Jim
I go for a long time without drinking and then seem to step backwards....
The other day.....during my cravings and struggle it seemed to become very clear to me what the obstacle to long term abstenance is for me is...I seem to have a problem admitting to myself...truly admitting.. that I am an alcoholic....This is so simple isn't it....yet..it is the major issue in the journey to not drinking..
The last several days I have begun..alteast I think ..to come to terms with this...
I just thought I would share..... This is how I am doing....
PS...WWG..you are an inspiration....
Jim
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I have a hard time admitting to it too, SJ. I think, "I wasn't that bad..."
If everybody in the world says I'm an alcoholic, then maybe my own perceptions are a little off. Lord knows they've been off before!
If everybody in the world says I'm an alcoholic, then maybe my own perceptions are a little off. Lord knows they've been off before!
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
This is a lot of peoples stumbling block, surely was mine for decades. I have mentioned this before, but for me I found the mere fact that I wanted to make a way of keeping alcohol in my life was incontrovertible evidence that I was an alcoholic. Anyone who isn't an alcoholic doesn't give it that kind of credence.
SJ , I know this has been a long term of yours, and that your AV has costantly told you time and again, ' you're on SR but you're not one of them. ' if you are beginning to tune out that dirty lying life destroying scumbag once and for all, that is mega. Keep talking all you like hun, you are beginning to let go the lies.
SJ , I know this has been a long term of yours, and that your AV has costantly told you time and again, ' you're on SR but you're not one of them. ' if you are beginning to tune out that dirty lying life destroying scumbag once and for all, that is mega. Keep talking all you like hun, you are beginning to let go the lies.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,169
BeFree, Babs, this can, if you chose it, be the last time you have to deal with early stage AV, sleeplessness, fatigue, lethargy, guilt, self loathing. Just imagine, never again having all the cr4p that comes with drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Glee- Good job on going out and ordering that water.
BFree- Glad to hear you slept a bit better last night. Hope you have/had a good day too.
Carlos- I know you thought you were safe because you posted a short little limerick a while ago, but you know I expect you to post here too, right?
I really don't think over-much about whether or not I'm an alcoholic- I just know that alcohol wasn't getting me anywhere good in my life. Never once did I wake up with my life in a better place after a night (or day) of drinking. I've seen so many improvements in my life since I quit drinking, I can't believe that's coincidence.
Of course, somebody for whom alcohol wasn't a problem probably couldn't tell you that they have 354 days alcohol free. And they probably also wouldn't say it with pride and a feeling of accomplishment.
BFree- Glad to hear you slept a bit better last night. Hope you have/had a good day too.
Carlos- I know you thought you were safe because you posted a short little limerick a while ago, but you know I expect you to post here too, right?
I really don't think over-much about whether or not I'm an alcoholic- I just know that alcohol wasn't getting me anywhere good in my life. Never once did I wake up with my life in a better place after a night (or day) of drinking. I've seen so many improvements in my life since I quit drinking, I can't believe that's coincidence.
Of course, somebody for whom alcohol wasn't a problem probably couldn't tell you that they have 354 days alcohol free. And they probably also wouldn't say it with pride and a feeling of accomplishment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,181
Originally Posted by DG0409 
I really don't think over-much about whether or not I'm an alcoholic- I just know that alcohol wasn't getting me anywhere good in my life. Never once did I wake up with my life in a better place after a night (or day) of drinking. I've seen so many improvements in my life since I quit drinking, I can't believe that's coincidence.
It also reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from any movie ever...Bill Murray in Meatballs and the "It Just Doesn't Matter" speech. Here it is if you would like to view it...Meatballs - Great Motivational Speech - It Just Doesn't Matter - YouTube
Now for a quick pre meeting "honey-do"
GF & Toots - While I wasn't working a program when I went over a decade without drinking in the past, I will tell you that being around people drinking at every type of function imaginable during that span, it did get easier. So easy, in fact, I rarely even realized that I wasn't drinking. Yes, a step or two beyond loss of obsession, just didn't even realize I wasn't drinking. So, it will get much easier.
Dax, congrats my friend. Hope all is well. Drop us an update, okay?
SJ, Babs and Gilmer: I know for me it got easier this time as it was the first time I ever surrendered to a higher power. There are no guarantees, but at near 10 months sober I feel stronger in my resolve that ever, even than I did in periods of longer dry time, having passed a year a few times. For me, admitting my alcoholism was easy, asking for and accepting help from others was always the hard part. Yes, I guess I thought I could do it better than anybody or anything else. For this alkie, humility came slowly. My saving grace is that it finally has started to develop in me and my old way of wanting to run this show myself reappears often. I just beat my ego back like I would or do with my AV.
DG, IMHO, that quote is the preface for the book on sobriety I have told you to write in the past!
Enjoy that weekend, Undies. Hey, no drinkin or druggin, okay?
Carlos xx
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
Originally Posted by soberjim
I seem to have a problem admitting to myself...truly admitting.. that I am an alcoholic
For others (maybe like DG), the term alcoholic isn't important -- it's the concept that by removing alcohol and drugs for your life, every possibility is gained and nothing important is lost.
For me, I knew I was an alcoholic for years and years before I ever tried to quit. Probably I over-identified with alcoholism lol.
Everyone's posts remind me that for me, it's unwise to get tied up in thoughts about abstractions. Thinking in abstractions, looking backward, looking forward -- those are all dangerous places for me. There's plenty for me to deal with in the now, and if I'm focused here & now, and getting support from other alcoholics, I don't have time to engineer a binge. Words like "alcoholic" can help or they can get in the way. Don't overthink them. The important thing right now, every now, is not to drink.
My "now" today has been pretty good. Did a little work then had coffee with former sponsor. Then spent a few more hours working and am pretty well caught up with myself and my responsibilities. I'm going to rest a while and then husband & I will go get some Mexican food at a place we like. Tonight I think we're finishing the last 2 hours of the first season of 24, which I've never seen before.
Dax, congratulations on 2 months!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Sober Jim, thanks for bringing up that point about having difficulty admitting to "alcoholism."
DG I agree with your point about enjoying the improvements to life that sobriety brings, and to focus on that rather than labeling ourselves - and I agree with Carlos that you explain it well.
I struggle with the label, too, and tonight it nearly derailed me.
I had a tough week. I am a childcare provider to 4 and 5 year olds, there was a challenging supervisor on site this week, and I spent every evening immersed in the drama of youth hockey tryouts. Tonight on the way home from work, my AV kicked into high gear. "I'm an alcoholic and drinking isn't safe for me" is a much stronger comeback than "drinking doesn't work for me", ya know? It's also a much more final goodbye to my BFF, alcohol.
I came onto SR for help and got some good advice. I used it and it worked. I've been sitting here thinking about the term "alcoholic", then I logged into the Undies thread and what was there but Jim's post.
There have been a number of these happy "coincidences" where I've gotten just the help I needed just when I needed it during the last 30+ consecutive days that I've been sober.
Anyway, Jim, back to my point, I'm wondering if labeling myself would help me get to the point that DG is at in sobriety. Thanks for bringing it up.
DG I agree with your point about enjoying the improvements to life that sobriety brings, and to focus on that rather than labeling ourselves - and I agree with Carlos that you explain it well.
I struggle with the label, too, and tonight it nearly derailed me.
I had a tough week. I am a childcare provider to 4 and 5 year olds, there was a challenging supervisor on site this week, and I spent every evening immersed in the drama of youth hockey tryouts. Tonight on the way home from work, my AV kicked into high gear. "I'm an alcoholic and drinking isn't safe for me" is a much stronger comeback than "drinking doesn't work for me", ya know? It's also a much more final goodbye to my BFF, alcohol.
I came onto SR for help and got some good advice. I used it and it worked. I've been sitting here thinking about the term "alcoholic", then I logged into the Undies thread and what was there but Jim's post.
There have been a number of these happy "coincidences" where I've gotten just the help I needed just when I needed it during the last 30+ consecutive days that I've been sober.
Anyway, Jim, back to my point, I'm wondering if labeling myself would help me get to the point that DG is at in sobriety. Thanks for bringing it up.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I call it accepting.
I needed to accept that I and alcohol had a toxic relationship and that would never change.
I need to accept that unless I broke the bond, my addiction would destroy me and those things and people I love.
After that you can call it what you want, but I think we need to find that fundamental acceptance?
D
I needed to accept that I and alcohol had a toxic relationship and that would never change.
I need to accept that unless I broke the bond, my addiction would destroy me and those things and people I love.
After that you can call it what you want, but I think we need to find that fundamental acceptance?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,181
Wow, what a great discussion.
FOR ME:
Admitting I was alcoholic - EASY, heck both my parents showed me that path.
Accepting I was alcoholic - Again, EASY, my spread sheet at age 33 clearly pointed out that the ONLY common denominator for TROUBLE in my adult life was booze.
Finding the courage and strength to change - Was HARD, but I did it somewhat successfully for 11.5 years my first try.
Quitting again after first relapse - Thought it would be easy but after scores of relapses. Always felt I had this ticket I could cash in when I REALLY wanted to again. That went on for years and years.
Keeping sober today - EASY, I cannot predict the future, nor do I want to. I sure don't want to wake up with the pain and regret that drinking today would cause. In fact, that is a future that I can predict now. Jail, institution or death.
Keeping sober is easy today because I opened my heart to accepting help. Having my mind open to help was not nearly enough, it required mind, body and spirit.
The biggest reason I want to be sober today is for the peace and serenity it offers; and the joyous, happy, and free feelings that promises. I want the good things sobriety brings...not simply to avoid the bad.
To have that I must keep staying sober the #1 priority in my life. Nothing else matters if I can't stay sober. It needs to be the most important aspect of my life, every day.
One thing is for sure. We all have different thoughts and feeling about this demon in our lives. I just want to thank all of you for your unique perspectives on how we can successfully take this wonderful journey together. Love you guys!
Carlos xx
FOR ME:
Admitting I was alcoholic - EASY, heck both my parents showed me that path.
Accepting I was alcoholic - Again, EASY, my spread sheet at age 33 clearly pointed out that the ONLY common denominator for TROUBLE in my adult life was booze.
Finding the courage and strength to change - Was HARD, but I did it somewhat successfully for 11.5 years my first try.
Quitting again after first relapse - Thought it would be easy but after scores of relapses. Always felt I had this ticket I could cash in when I REALLY wanted to again. That went on for years and years.
Keeping sober today - EASY, I cannot predict the future, nor do I want to. I sure don't want to wake up with the pain and regret that drinking today would cause. In fact, that is a future that I can predict now. Jail, institution or death.
Keeping sober is easy today because I opened my heart to accepting help. Having my mind open to help was not nearly enough, it required mind, body and spirit.
The biggest reason I want to be sober today is for the peace and serenity it offers; and the joyous, happy, and free feelings that promises. I want the good things sobriety brings...not simply to avoid the bad.
To have that I must keep staying sober the #1 priority in my life. Nothing else matters if I can't stay sober. It needs to be the most important aspect of my life, every day.
One thing is for sure. We all have different thoughts and feeling about this demon in our lives. I just want to thank all of you for your unique perspectives on how we can successfully take this wonderful journey together. Love you guys!
Carlos xx
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