Class of December 2012 - Part 10
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 410
I've been on quetiapine for 5 days, 5 more to go, its an anti-psychotic. My current doctor is the one that birthed me, same one my whole life, and he went on vacation, he is the kind of guy that wouldn't have or at least got me in the hospital if it was a concern.This was similar to another incident from way in my past, kind of a pre-pre-midlife crisis I suppose as I hit adulthood. But thats another story.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Morning all 
courage, please don't apologize for your posts. Post away .I love reading them and hopefully it helps you feel better writing them.
Gonzo-hope you feel better soon and seeing your doc is a good idea.
So it's Friday,we've got through the first week back at school/work in the New Year. I'm trying to get my finances sorted out this week, so far so good. It just seems endless sometimes don't you think? I try not to pay anything on direct debit due to being a self employed household and having irregular income .The problem with that is that everything seems to need replacing at once-car service, coal, wood, oil
I know it's important to live 'now' but I'm so looking forward to spring when there is new life, hope and fresh starts. I live in a beautiful place but it shuts down totally over winter and is very bleak/remote. In Feb/March all the local attractions open again and I just can't wait. junior RAL and I spend most of our free time outside in spring and summer. I've just found out the Botanic gardens (our favourite place) opens on Sundays in February. I'm so pleased -only 3 weeks to go and that's our Sundays sorted out now
hope everyone has a good weekend
courage, please don't apologize for your posts. Post away .I love reading them and hopefully it helps you feel better writing them.
Gonzo-hope you feel better soon and seeing your doc is a good idea.
So it's Friday,we've got through the first week back at school/work in the New Year. I'm trying to get my finances sorted out this week, so far so good. It just seems endless sometimes don't you think? I try not to pay anything on direct debit due to being a self employed household and having irregular income .The problem with that is that everything seems to need replacing at once-car service, coal, wood, oil
I know it's important to live 'now' but I'm so looking forward to spring when there is new life, hope and fresh starts. I live in a beautiful place but it shuts down totally over winter and is very bleak/remote. In Feb/March all the local attractions open again and I just can't wait. junior RAL and I spend most of our free time outside in spring and summer. I've just found out the Botanic gardens (our favourite place) opens on Sundays in February. I'm so pleased -only 3 weeks to go and that's our Sundays sorted out now
hope everyone has a good weekend
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 569
Yeah Friday! Been a heckuva work week for me. Because of the holidays and the funeral I was gone from work for 2 weeks. Oh my gosh, it has taken me all week to clean up the mess my boss left me. He even told me it was ugly over the phone. Earlier he had ask me to make an excel spreadsheet to document all purchases and reimbursements. So I did, spent a lot of time tweaking and changing adding everything he ask for. I showed it to him, he liked it. Anyway he does a lot of work from home and cannot access the program, so he freaked out, pulled EVERY file, went through the checkbook, wrote down EVERY expense on a yellow paper for EVERY listing. So all the work I did on the spreadsheet is now worthless. It took me all week to go through everything,, sigh
Did I tell you he texted my husband DURING the funeral? He somehow got hubbies # on my contact, so when he punched in my name, he would just text or call which ever # popped up. Hubby was in the recieving line at the mortuary, when he got the text, it said " I hope everything is going okay, how do I download this form?"
Hubby handed me the phone, and was LIVID, when I got back to work needless to say boss and I had a discussion about this, so he hands me his phone and tells me to fix it!!!! I am by the way looking for another job, because of the area I am in there are not many decent job openings so patience will be the word.
Anyway, here is to Friday and a big
to all who survived the work week!! Wahoo!
Did I tell you he texted my husband DURING the funeral? He somehow got hubbies # on my contact, so when he punched in my name, he would just text or call which ever # popped up. Hubby was in the recieving line at the mortuary, when he got the text, it said " I hope everything is going okay, how do I download this form?"
Hubby handed me the phone, and was LIVID, when I got back to work needless to say boss and I had a discussion about this, so he hands me his phone and tells me to fix it!!!! I am by the way looking for another job, because of the area I am in there are not many decent job openings so patience will be the word.
Anyway, here is to Friday and a big
to all who survived the work week!! Wahoo!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Blimey Taz, what a complete tit! How about making his ineptitude somehow shine through to the rest of the firm and positioning yourself for his job.
End of the first week back at work, didn't mange to make myself any appointments this week which is an issue as it's kind of part of the job! My spider sense is telling me that internal eyebrows are being ever so slightly raised at this. I had hoped to bring a couple of customers over with me but that's not worked out. Next week needs to see lots of cold calling then which I really don't enjoy, skin is still abit fresh, pink and tender for people hanging up on you all day long, didn't care when I was drinking, but then wasn't doing a very good job, but then didn't care about that either.
Awful that sobriety means you start to care right when you're daily thumped into remembering things you did when you were drinking that now make you cringe while at the same time being really scared to put yourself out there as you can't remember how to act "normal". All I can hear at work is an awful silence with people thinking "he's not making calls" so I don't want to in case I **** it up and start to hear "wow, he finally picks up the phone and he's ****".
I've got till the end of this month to get three or four meetings in the diary or they'll politely call me in for a review, one weeks notice and I'm out. Doesn't seem like a lot of meetings to book but when you're with a small firm no-one knows and your hitting big firms at C level, it's a big ask.
just heard that the other guy I was working with at Big Telco was sacked this week so I would have had probably only till the end of the month in the old job anyway...
End of the first week back at work, didn't mange to make myself any appointments this week which is an issue as it's kind of part of the job! My spider sense is telling me that internal eyebrows are being ever so slightly raised at this. I had hoped to bring a couple of customers over with me but that's not worked out. Next week needs to see lots of cold calling then which I really don't enjoy, skin is still abit fresh, pink and tender for people hanging up on you all day long, didn't care when I was drinking, but then wasn't doing a very good job, but then didn't care about that either.
Awful that sobriety means you start to care right when you're daily thumped into remembering things you did when you were drinking that now make you cringe while at the same time being really scared to put yourself out there as you can't remember how to act "normal". All I can hear at work is an awful silence with people thinking "he's not making calls" so I don't want to in case I **** it up and start to hear "wow, he finally picks up the phone and he's ****".
I've got till the end of this month to get three or four meetings in the diary or they'll politely call me in for a review, one weeks notice and I'm out. Doesn't seem like a lot of meetings to book but when you're with a small firm no-one knows and your hitting big firms at C level, it's a big ask.
just heard that the other guy I was working with at Big Telco was sacked this week so I would have had probably only till the end of the month in the old job anyway...
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,081
Napster, you describe that "fresh, pink & tender" skin feeling perfectly -- I'm laughing, but I know how painful it is! I'm sure you're up to the challenge -- you've faced a lot worse things in the last little while than a few cold calls.
Taz, your boss sounds truly, egotistically unbalanced. I hope you find a better situation soon.
I had a coffee date with my former AA sponsor that ended up going 4 hours. She's going to try to connect me for an informal meeting with a psychotherapist she knows, also in the program, so I can gather some information. At this point I'm pretty freaking miserable -- I can't even bring myself to pay bills or answer simple emails, much less work, talking to people is awkward because I seem to either curse at them or tear up, etc etc -- so I'm willing to contemplate seeing a dr, but don't know where or how to start.
PS tonight is my big "I'm truly on my own night" and though the night isn't over & I've been thinking about it quite a lot, I don't really want to drink. I'm pathetic enough sober at this point that the thought of adding a depressant is not very attractive.
Taz, your boss sounds truly, egotistically unbalanced. I hope you find a better situation soon.
I had a coffee date with my former AA sponsor that ended up going 4 hours. She's going to try to connect me for an informal meeting with a psychotherapist she knows, also in the program, so I can gather some information. At this point I'm pretty freaking miserable -- I can't even bring myself to pay bills or answer simple emails, much less work, talking to people is awkward because I seem to either curse at them or tear up, etc etc -- so I'm willing to contemplate seeing a dr, but don't know where or how to start.
PS tonight is my big "I'm truly on my own night" and though the night isn't over & I've been thinking about it quite a lot, I don't really want to drink. I'm pathetic enough sober at this point that the thought of adding a depressant is not very attractive.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Hi all! I have a moment to breathe so I thought I would say hi, I've been reading when I get a moment, just not posting. We are putting in the system release this weekend and one part that my team was testing wasn't going well so we have worked the last few weekends and then 6-7 everyday.
Taz, your boss sounds like he could be bestirs with mine. Mine left early yesterday because he wasn't feeling well.... Right after dictating 30 people work over the weekend. Insert eye roll.
Courage, I hope you are ok. I am glad you're going to meetings during all of this. I for one don't think that everyone has to follow all the steps or read the book or all of that jazz, but when you're feeling like you're feeling, what better therapy than to be in a room full of drunks?!
Gonzo, hope you're doing better as well and your doc should be back soon for you to get your follow up. Marria! To do this as a single mom... My worst drinking was when I was a single mom, to be honest. I admire you for doing this.
RAL, tht sounds fun, the town opening up! I want to come and see it! I'm sure it's nothing like I picture.
Taz, your boss sounds like he could be bestirs with mine. Mine left early yesterday because he wasn't feeling well.... Right after dictating 30 people work over the weekend. Insert eye roll.
Courage, I hope you are ok. I am glad you're going to meetings during all of this. I for one don't think that everyone has to follow all the steps or read the book or all of that jazz, but when you're feeling like you're feeling, what better therapy than to be in a room full of drunks?!
Gonzo, hope you're doing better as well and your doc should be back soon for you to get your follow up. Marria! To do this as a single mom... My worst drinking was when I was a single mom, to be honest. I admire you for doing this.
RAL, tht sounds fun, the town opening up! I want to come and see it! I'm sure it's nothing like I picture.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,081
OK Dee says I should be honest. I haven't made it. That no longer seems like the main thing. Sanity seems like the main thing. I really don't f***ing care if I'm drinking, if I could just find a value in life. That's the hard part for me. It's hilarious (if it weren't pathetic) how completely worthless I think I am, and everything else. Where does a person acquire value?
Wow, I do have to tell you all, while I have the sense to do it, that this is a very dark world. Don't go here. There's release from pain, yes, but there's nothing else but lies. I'm on the edge of things and maybe that lets me see.
I'm really sorry to disappoint you all who've been with me so long. This is not fun.
I'm so sorry and I don't want any of you to think that this is ok -- it's not.
Wow, I do have to tell you all, while I have the sense to do it, that this is a very dark world. Don't go here. There's release from pain, yes, but there's nothing else but lies. I'm on the edge of things and maybe that lets me see.
I'm really sorry to disappoint you all who've been with me so long. This is not fun.
I'm so sorry and I don't want any of you to think that this is ok -- it's not.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,618
I don't really think there's a release from pain tho.
You sound in a lot of pain right now Courage.
I dunno about you but there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to ease my pain.
The one thing I know is keep drinking and you'll end up that place - the place that bought you to SR, or worse.
The answer, the solution- whatever it is - lies somewhere ahead Courage.
That's were the real healing of pain is.
If you don;t feel strong enough right now, thats ok - lean on us for support. We'll help you make it.
We're family after all
Put the plug in that
jug Courage
D
You sound in a lot of pain right now Courage.
I dunno about you but there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to ease my pain.
The one thing I know is keep drinking and you'll end up that place - the place that bought you to SR, or worse.
The answer, the solution- whatever it is - lies somewhere ahead Courage.
That's were the real healing of pain is.
If you don;t feel strong enough right now, thats ok - lean on us for support. We'll help you make it.
We're family after all
Put the plug in that
jug Courage D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 569
The answer, the solution- whatever it is - lies somewhere ahead Courage.
That's were the real healing of pain is.
If you don;t feel strong enough right now, thats ok - lean on us for support. We'll help you make it.
We're family after all
I cant add much more to this Courage. please keep posting.
That's were the real healing of pain is.
If you don;t feel strong enough right now, thats ok - lean on us for support. We'll help you make it.
We're family after all
I cant add much more to this Courage. please keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
(( Courage )) we're here for you mate, looks like the AV vortex sucked you in good and proper. It's next trick will be leverage the self loathing you feel to keep you stuck in its web and on the sauce. Your sober year is still there as an accomplishment, it's a solid foundation you can now go back to build on, the vortex is like a spiders web, the further you are from it the harder it is to see.
Shake off the treads, heave a big sigh, try to spend all day out and about then come home late and straight to bed. Monday morning will be a clean new day for you.
Shake off the treads, heave a big sigh, try to spend all day out and about then come home late and straight to bed. Monday morning will be a clean new day for you.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Morning all
courage- how are you feeling today? I'm so sorry to read of your troubles and struggles. you haven't disappointed any of us courage -please don't think that and please please keep posting. Tazzle sums it up so well and I can't really add any more to what she said. I hope you start afresh today and see your doc plus any other additional help you need
Tazzle-your boss sounds like a total (unprintable word!!) I hope you are successful in finding a new position,New Year new start and all that.
Tam -good to hear from you
Napster-hope you have a better week at work this week .Go give em hell and show em what you're made of.You can do it
Gonzo-are you feeling any better?
Alice & Marria-hope you're ok
I had a lovely day yesterday -the sun was shining so Junior RAL and I went for a long walk. Felt better physically and mentally for doing so
Tam - it's a really small village,remote just a shop, Post office and a pub. Lots of countryside and coastal attractions -no amusements or anything more rugged/historical/ maritime stuff.Our favourites are the Lighthouse and Botanic Gardens. Despite being in Scotland we are on the Gulfstream which enables palm trees and other tropical foliage to blossom
Royal Botanic Garden Edinburgh - Logan Botanic Garden
Church today then Sunday Roast and may have a lazy afternoon as weather is gruesome again.
Have a good Sunday
courage- how are you feeling today? I'm so sorry to read of your troubles and struggles. you haven't disappointed any of us courage -please don't think that and please please keep posting. Tazzle sums it up so well and I can't really add any more to what she said. I hope you start afresh today and see your doc plus any other additional help you need
Tazzle-your boss sounds like a total (unprintable word!!) I hope you are successful in finding a new position,New Year new start and all that.
Tam -good to hear from you
Napster-hope you have a better week at work this week .Go give em hell and show em what you're made of.You can do it
Gonzo-are you feeling any better?
Alice & Marria-hope you're ok
I had a lovely day yesterday -the sun was shining so Junior RAL and I went for a long walk. Felt better physically and mentally for doing so
Tam - it's a really small village,remote just a shop, Post office and a pub. Lots of countryside and coastal attractions -no amusements or anything more rugged/historical/ maritime stuff.Our favourites are the Lighthouse and Botanic Gardens. Despite being in Scotland we are on the Gulfstream which enables palm trees and other tropical foliage to blossom
Royal Botanic Garden Edinburgh - Logan Botanic Garden
Church today then Sunday Roast and may have a lazy afternoon as weather is gruesome again.
Have a good Sunday
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 569
Sunday schedule- put stew in the crock pot-done. give the house a well needed scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting- in progress. taking a break to say hello to my fellow decemberites here it is Hello All!
Courage- please post soon, I/we need to know how you are doing
Ready- it seems to me you live in such a great place both mentally and physically. I love pictureing it in my mind. If you don't mind what town are you close to? I love google earth, so many places I can explore and learn about.
Alice- how is your recovery? sounds like you are well on the mend.
Tam- aren't bosses like ours just peachy! He settled down towards the end of the week. One of the reasons is that I let him know he crossed the line and that while I know he is my employer I am not a doormat and was looking for a job when I found this one and can look again if need be.
anyway my house isn't cleaning itself and if I am sitting hubby is sitting So off to the bathroom I go!
Courage- please post soon, I/we need to know how you are doing
Ready- it seems to me you live in such a great place both mentally and physically. I love pictureing it in my mind. If you don't mind what town are you close to? I love google earth, so many places I can explore and learn about.
Alice- how is your recovery? sounds like you are well on the mend.
Tam- aren't bosses like ours just peachy! He settled down towards the end of the week. One of the reasons is that I let him know he crossed the line and that while I know he is my employer I am not a doormat and was looking for a job when I found this one and can look again if need be.
anyway my house isn't cleaning itself and if I am sitting hubby is sitting So off to the bathroom I go!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Thanks tazzle. Hope you are having a good day.Course I don't mind you asking-the nearest town to us is Stranraer in Dumfries & Galloway, Scotland. It's on the southwest coast and is the ferry terminal to Northern Ireland so as a port town it's not very attractive.
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