One Year & Under Club Part 20
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Still waiting on the background check to come back. I accepted the job verbally, but can't sign the offer letter until the check is done. This stresses me out. But, it should be back to the company tomorrow. I have never been arrested, and not even a speeding ticket. Not sure why this stresses me out.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Undies. Still here, still sober. Still.
I was at my "home" today - I mean the place where I grew up and which is my major pain in the a$$, heart, and all the other part of my body and spirit as well. I really feel like wasting. I just want to be wasted, trashed, whatever - anything that would breath in a little bit of life in me other than this feeling I have that I am dead and just for some reason functioning and watching the life passing by.
Well, I am not going to be wasted - hit the gym, took care of some routines, even got a hair cut, going to meditate and go to bed. But, my, will I ever feel alive again?
Sorry for this gloomy post, just... like everything falling apart and I have no idea how to fix it.
But still...
My best wishes to all and have a great sober Sunday.
I was at my "home" today - I mean the place where I grew up and which is my major pain in the a$$, heart, and all the other part of my body and spirit as well. I really feel like wasting. I just want to be wasted, trashed, whatever - anything that would breath in a little bit of life in me other than this feeling I have that I am dead and just for some reason functioning and watching the life passing by.
Well, I am not going to be wasted - hit the gym, took care of some routines, even got a hair cut, going to meditate and go to bed. But, my, will I ever feel alive again?
Sorry for this gloomy post, just... like everything falling apart and I have no idea how to fix it.
But still...
My best wishes to all and have a great sober Sunday.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
MB sorry your trip home left you feeling so flat, just remember the person you are now, is not the person you were then, you are stronger. Focus on who you are now, the things you have achieved. The past can no longer hurt you.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod 
Still waiting on the background check to come back. I accepted the job verbally, but can't sign the offer letter until the check is done. This stresses me out. But, it should be back to the company tomorrow. I have never been arrested, and not even a speeding ticket. Not sure why this stresses me out.
Please try to be more positive. I'm sorry to be so blunt but feel it needs to be said.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by tootsl1
To be brutal WWG, perhaps because you prefer to find something to stress over rather than enjoy the wonderful oportunity you have to spend valuable time with your parents and daughter.
Please try to be more positive. I'm sorry to be so blunt but feel it needs to be said.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Hi Undies
1.35 am here. I did go to bed about an hour and a half ago but sleep deludes me so I've got up again. We've been out gallivanting today ( yesterday now), we went into Liverpool City, the City where The Beatles are from, there's a three day music festival happening there, so we went with my daughter's M.I.L who happens to be one of my best friends and her partner, it worked out well because she decided to drive, which meant she wasn't drinking ( she hardly drinks anyway) but as the afternoon involved going into several bars it made it so much easier for me, we had our sparkling waters and cups of tea while the two men had beers.
We went to have a look at The Cavern where the Beatles first played and I would have taken a photo for you but the effect was spoilt by A4 sized sheets of white paper stuck on the doors saying £5.00 per person admission!!! We went down Matthew Street, where there were lots of bands playing and lots of Beatles memorabilia. It was a good day anyway and we don't get out that often these days.
Also we've booked a holiday the first week of October to Majorca, so that's something to look forward too, so all in all a very productive week.
Hi Toots, I like necklaces too but my big thing is earings, I can't resist them, I have lots of them and I'm forever losing one of a pair too!
I hope you're feeling better now Jim. So good you managed to find a silver lining, keep kicking that A.V into touch, the longer you stay sober the easier it gets!
The weather's been quite good today, mostly sunny with a bit of a wind, but warm.
Dorothy, I would never have guessed that English is your second language, you write very eloquently. I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed that you get a contract very soon.
Where are you originally from, may I ask, I'm intrigued?
I'm sorry that your picnic brought on a visit from the A.V but it doesn't surprise me. You were thinking about the wine before you went lol, and that isn't a criticism because I would have been exactly the same, being a wino myself. One is never enough for me, it's that first one that does the damage! Stay strong, you can do this too.
Hi DG, it's always good to see you too, I hope you're feeling much better now.
Hi Midnight, I hope the black cloud has passed for you. Wow, I wish they stopped selling alcohol at 9.pm here, here where I live you can buy it virtually 24/7 7 days of the week! It's too easy.
I hope you enjoyed your weekend Matthew, I bet your daughter is a right Daddy's girl!
Hi Melvin, I'm glad you got that rant out of your system, never worry about ranting here, it's better out than in! I can relate to quite a lot of what you've said about your Mother and those two children of your brother's having take in a now three year old myself! I don't know what the outcome will be for your little ones, but I would recommend that you make sure they know that you love them, you are there for them and they have you to turn to if things get tough!
I think you going to class is a good idea too, what is it that you want to do? I wouldn't let the possibility of not liking the teacher get in your way, it's your life, your dreams, don't let somebody else spoil it for you. Go to class telling yourself that you will like your teacher, you will work hard to achieve what you want to do, and you deserve the best.
DG, you're doing fantastically well with no booze and no weed, I'm so impressed, and now you're working on the coffee too, I'll be joining you in that in a week or so, when I've finished what we have in. I think it is probably the lack of caffiene that has given you headache, but you know it will pass.
Gosh Jim, it isn't like you to be poorly like this, make sure you get plenty of fluids, water that is and keep hydrated, though I'm sure your lovely wife is looking after you well.
Get well soon please. xxxx
Hi B.F (( )) I really feel for you, being so young you have a different set of problems in giving up alcohol and you are amazingly strong. I really admire how you never give up. I've got a little poem for you.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're walking seems all uphill
Don't give up when the pace is slow
You will win with another go.
Stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worse that you must not quit.
Success is just failure turned upside down!
Gxx
1.35 am here. I did go to bed about an hour and a half ago but sleep deludes me so I've got up again. We've been out gallivanting today ( yesterday now), we went into Liverpool City, the City where The Beatles are from, there's a three day music festival happening there, so we went with my daughter's M.I.L who happens to be one of my best friends and her partner, it worked out well because she decided to drive, which meant she wasn't drinking ( she hardly drinks anyway) but as the afternoon involved going into several bars it made it so much easier for me, we had our sparkling waters and cups of tea while the two men had beers.
We went to have a look at The Cavern where the Beatles first played and I would have taken a photo for you but the effect was spoilt by A4 sized sheets of white paper stuck on the doors saying £5.00 per person admission!!! We went down Matthew Street, where there were lots of bands playing and lots of Beatles memorabilia. It was a good day anyway and we don't get out that often these days.
Also we've booked a holiday the first week of October to Majorca, so that's something to look forward too, so all in all a very productive week.
Hi Toots, I like necklaces too but my big thing is earings, I can't resist them, I have lots of them and I'm forever losing one of a pair too!
I hope you're feeling better now Jim. So good you managed to find a silver lining, keep kicking that A.V into touch, the longer you stay sober the easier it gets!
The weather's been quite good today, mostly sunny with a bit of a wind, but warm.
Dorothy, I would never have guessed that English is your second language, you write very eloquently. I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed that you get a contract very soon.
Where are you originally from, may I ask, I'm intrigued?
I'm sorry that your picnic brought on a visit from the A.V but it doesn't surprise me. You were thinking about the wine before you went lol, and that isn't a criticism because I would have been exactly the same, being a wino myself. One is never enough for me, it's that first one that does the damage! Stay strong, you can do this too.
Hi DG, it's always good to see you too, I hope you're feeling much better now.
Hi Midnight, I hope the black cloud has passed for you. Wow, I wish they stopped selling alcohol at 9.pm here, here where I live you can buy it virtually 24/7 7 days of the week! It's too easy.
I hope you enjoyed your weekend Matthew, I bet your daughter is a right Daddy's girl!
Hi Melvin, I'm glad you got that rant out of your system, never worry about ranting here, it's better out than in! I can relate to quite a lot of what you've said about your Mother and those two children of your brother's having take in a now three year old myself! I don't know what the outcome will be for your little ones, but I would recommend that you make sure they know that you love them, you are there for them and they have you to turn to if things get tough!
I think you going to class is a good idea too, what is it that you want to do? I wouldn't let the possibility of not liking the teacher get in your way, it's your life, your dreams, don't let somebody else spoil it for you. Go to class telling yourself that you will like your teacher, you will work hard to achieve what you want to do, and you deserve the best.
DG, you're doing fantastically well with no booze and no weed, I'm so impressed, and now you're working on the coffee too, I'll be joining you in that in a week or so, when I've finished what we have in. I think it is probably the lack of caffiene that has given you headache, but you know it will pass.
Gosh Jim, it isn't like you to be poorly like this, make sure you get plenty of fluids, water that is and keep hydrated, though I'm sure your lovely wife is looking after you well.
Get well soon please. xxxx
Hi B.F (( )) I really feel for you, being so young you have a different set of problems in giving up alcohol and you are amazingly strong. I really admire how you never give up. I've got a little poem for you.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're walking seems all uphill
Don't give up when the pace is slow
You will win with another go.
Stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
Its when things seem worse that you must not quit.
Success is just failure turned upside down!
Gxx
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Whoops I missed a few posts.
Matthew, I have to agree with Toots, you do seem to thrive on worrying and you are so lucky compared to others here. Try looking at your glass as being half full ( of lemonade of course) rather than being half empty.
You've got a roof over your head, a job to go to, a wife who obviously loves you, a beautiful healthy little girl, supportive parents etc, etc. Some here would say 'you have it all!' Said to you with love. xxxx
Midnight, again I reiterate what Toots has said, she is so right. (( ))
Gxx
Matthew, I have to agree with Toots, you do seem to thrive on worrying and you are so lucky compared to others here. Try looking at your glass as being half full ( of lemonade of course) rather than being half empty.
You've got a roof over your head, a job to go to, a wife who obviously loves you, a beautiful healthy little girl, supportive parents etc, etc. Some here would say 'you have it all!' Said to you with love. xxxx
Midnight, again I reiterate what Toots has said, she is so right. (( ))
Gxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Grace I really like that lil poem! I'm going to save if in my notes app! Thank you'
WWG ribs sound really good! Enjoy
Well I'm deciding what I want for dinner. Think I might grab a coffee so I can stay up to watch the MTV VMAs tonight.
WWG ribs sound really good! Enjoy
Well I'm deciding what I want for dinner. Think I might grab a coffee so I can stay up to watch the MTV VMAs tonight.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
Grace what are you doing still up at 4 am. I'd love to tell you where I'm from but if I told you, I'd have to kill you. 
I'm kind of horrified I'd be found out if I let out too many personal details so I'll tell you in a PM.
WWG, I have the same kind of a little obsessive voice that nags me that things always have a way of not turning quite right. It's hard not to write our own script but with practice, it gets better. I relate to you that way though, the gnawing feeling that won't go away. I have it on holidays just as things are abs. perfect and everything screams to enjoy the present, what do I do if I don't have booze? Fretting. I find that turning it over and over and over in my mind just doesn't cut it. I need to physically cut the voice off. Here, there are people who can let us know when it's time to do that and I'm grateful for that.
This week-end, I had intense cravings. It's true Grace I was thinking about the wine - having to make do without it - before I left but it was just so strong. The twilight signaling the end of day, time for a rest kept, saying: apero, apero, time for apero. I could almost hear it.
I'm back home safely. And present. Very present, too present but there's a "softish" quality to it too now...
Have a good evening everyone. It's already 11.
DP
I'm kind of horrified I'd be found out if I let out too many personal details so I'll tell you in a PM.
WWG, I have the same kind of a little obsessive voice that nags me that things always have a way of not turning quite right. It's hard not to write our own script but with practice, it gets better
. I relate to you that way though, the gnawing feeling that won't go away. I have it on holidays just as things are abs. perfect and everything screams to enjoy the present, what do I do if I don't have booze? Fretting. I find that turning it over and over and over in my mind just doesn't cut it. I need to physically cut the voice off. Here, there are people who can let us know when it's time to do that and I'm grateful for that. This week-end, I had intense cravings. It's true Grace I was thinking about the wine - having to make do without it - before I left but it was just so strong. The twilight signaling the end of day, time for a rest kept, saying: apero, apero, time for apero. I could almost hear it.
I'm back home safely. And present. Very present, too present but there's a "softish" quality to it too now...
Have a good evening everyone. It's already 11.
DP
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern Arizona
Posts: 275
thanks for the kind words guys. my siblings are 11 and 12. and I have seen my brother be verbally abusive. these aren't accusations but observations. ...unfortunately. Maybe they will fend better.
I've realized that I am tired of trying to be positive. :[ I don't want to drink in the sense that I don't want to jack up my life and hurt other people. But I'm starting to feel that sense of giving up. I'm not sure what to do to get it back. hmm.
I've realized that I am tired of trying to be positive. :[ I don't want to drink in the sense that I don't want to jack up my life and hurt other people. But I'm starting to feel that sense of giving up. I'm not sure what to do to get it back. hmm.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Hey all,
Grace, hope you got some sleep. I was very disappointed the last time we went to Liverpool, not a shell suit in sight!! Sounds like there was a real buzz there for you! Where about in Majorca? We've been a few times, it's lovely. I too was an earring girl, but then grew my hair, so you can't see them, so necklaces became more of a statement.
I hope things are ok with all the family just now.
Hey DP that AV will definitely use old memories,habits and emotions against you, that is what caught me out big time this week, a sight, a sound, a scent, can provoke the strongest memories, so you can almost touch them. This is what he AV uses against us. How dare it! My memories are precious, and not to be used against me!
BF stay strong sweetie
Mel, by the sounds there is nothing up front you can do here. Just be there for the kids.
You are perhaps feeling out of control just now, which can make us feel like just giving up. I would suggest you focus on areas of your life that you still have control over, let go this situation as best you can, if you can't affect it, and look at what you can do for yourself to make your own life better. Your siblings need their aunt to be strong and happy, so focus on what you can do to make that happen. X
Grace, hope you got some sleep. I was very disappointed the last time we went to Liverpool, not a shell suit in sight!! Sounds like there was a real buzz there for you! Where about in Majorca? We've been a few times, it's lovely. I too was an earring girl, but then grew my hair, so you can't see them, so necklaces became more of a statement.
I hope things are ok with all the family just now.
Hey DP that AV will definitely use old memories,habits and emotions against you, that is what caught me out big time this week, a sight, a sound, a scent, can provoke the strongest memories, so you can almost touch them. This is what he AV uses against us. How dare it! My memories are precious, and not to be used against me!
BF stay strong sweetie
Mel, by the sounds there is nothing up front you can do here. Just be there for the kids.
You are perhaps feeling out of control just now, which can make us feel like just giving up. I would suggest you focus on areas of your life that you still have control over, let go this situation as best you can, if you can't affect it, and look at what you can do for yourself to make your own life better. Your siblings need their aunt to be strong and happy, so focus on what you can do to make that happen. X
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
10.30 Mon
Good morning Undies and it's a beautiful, sunny one here and the good news is that I'm not in work on this bank holiday Monday, yay.
Dororothy, you only need to tell us what you want us to know! Don't worry! I don't want to be looking over my shoulder every time I go out waiting for a masked man to pounce ( well depending on what he looks like, that is).
You did really in not succombing to the A.V, someone from S.R once told me that if you can really focus your mind on something else for just 20 minutes, it does pass. It does seem to help me.
I'm very often up in the middle of the night with insomnia, I'm much better than I was though, when I first stopped drinking it was nearly every night, now it's just now and again and at least I am not in work today.
Melvin, I think we all have times when we fee like that but today's a new day and just concentrate on the here and now. There is no point in worrying yourself sick about something you can't change. Maybe be kind to yourself today and do something for you, don't let anything get in the way of your sobriety. Now what would your Grandad say to you?
HI Steve, I hope you get some rest.
Ha ha Toots, no we didn't see any shell suits either, but we did see some sights like lots of young ladies all dressed up to the nines, full make up and scouse brows but with heads full of rollers! Very odd.
We're going to Cala D'or. That was the very first place I ever went abroad to 30 odd years ago and it was beautiful then, there is a magnificent harbour there. I've read a lot of good reviews about it, so fingers crossed, the other half has never been there but I think he'll like it.
Oh no, I never thought about people not being able to see my earrings, does that mean I should get my hair cut short, nope I can't, I know I will wear it up, phew panic over!!
See you all later
Gxx
*****
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
Good morning Undies and it's a beautiful, sunny one here and the good news is that I'm not in work on this bank holiday Monday, yay.
Dororothy, you only need to tell us what you want us to know! Don't worry! I don't want to be looking over my shoulder every time I go out waiting for a masked man to pounce ( well depending on what he looks like, that is).
You did really in not succombing to the A.V, someone from S.R once told me that if you can really focus your mind on something else for just 20 minutes, it does pass. It does seem to help me.
I'm very often up in the middle of the night with insomnia, I'm much better than I was though, when I first stopped drinking it was nearly every night, now it's just now and again and at least I am not in work today.
Melvin, I think we all have times when we fee like that but today's a new day and just concentrate on the here and now. There is no point in worrying yourself sick about something you can't change. Maybe be kind to yourself today and do something for you, don't let anything get in the way of your sobriety. Now what would your Grandad say to you?
HI Steve, I hope you get some rest.
Ha ha Toots, no we didn't see any shell suits either, but we did see some sights like lots of young ladies all dressed up to the nines, full make up and scouse brows but with heads full of rollers! Very odd.
We're going to Cala D'or. That was the very first place I ever went abroad to 30 odd years ago and it was beautiful then, there is a magnificent harbour there. I've read a lot of good reviews about it, so fingers crossed, the other half has never been there but I think he'll like it.
Oh no, I never thought about people not being able to see my earrings, does that mean I should get my hair cut short, nope I can't, I know I will wear it up, phew panic over!!
See you all later
Gxx
*****
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
We've been to Cala d'Or a couple of times, we like it. It will be hugely changed from the last time you were there of course, but lovely non the less. I'm sure the weather will be super too.
Steve I think our posts crossed. I hope all is well with you?
WWG hope you get your news today.
Carlos, I hope you had a good weekend, are you better prepared for the wedding now?
hD3 hope your wedding went ok & that your trip home wasn't too scary at that time of the night/morning!
Happyfeet, SJ serene, anyone and everyone else, take care to have a safe and sober week
Steve I think our posts crossed. I hope all is well with you?
WWG hope you get your news today.
Carlos, I hope you had a good weekend, are you better prepared for the wedding now?
hD3 hope your wedding went ok & that your trip home wasn't too scary at that time of the night/morning!
Happyfeet, SJ serene, anyone and everyone else, take care to have a safe and sober week
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Hi all! I have to echo of what Steve said, still sober, still working.
Actually went to a movie last night, strange... had not been to one in a while, I was usually too drunk to go. But a friend wanted to see "The Butler" and I had no other excuse. It was a good movie, the critic in me thought it a little slow at times and predictable, and oh how my more conservative neighbors would cringe at the Obama scenes!
My friend is older than I, over 60 and when he went to the box office the lady asked him if it was a "senior" ticket. I am not over 60 and she asked me too. So I said yes and got in cheap! Looked it up and the age for a discount with the theatre is 62.. so he made it by tow and I was shy by six!
Small pleasures of getting old.
Actually went to a movie last night, strange... had not been to one in a while, I was usually too drunk to go. But a friend wanted to see "The Butler" and I had no other excuse. It was a good movie, the critic in me thought it a little slow at times and predictable, and oh how my more conservative neighbors would cringe at the Obama scenes!
My friend is older than I, over 60 and when he went to the box office the lady asked him if it was a "senior" ticket. I am not over 60 and she asked me too. So I said yes and got in cheap! Looked it up and the age for a discount with the theatre is 62.. so he made it by tow and I was shy by six!
Small pleasures of getting old.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Morning all.
MB hope your a feeling better today. I get the whole family thing..really...it is a strong trigger for me as well...but I have to let it go in order to move forward...
Grace..enjoy your day off....and the sunshine...
WWG....focus on the positives....you are sober and you are moveing forward...glass is more than 1/2 full my friend...remember that..
Hey toots ( I smile everytime I look at your puppy), hD3, drake, happy feet, stevie, melvin, boozefree, dorothyparker, pipporossi, carlos, and everyone else..
today is day 31 for me...longest ever...thank you for all your support....it feels good, but I know this is only the beginning...My brother visited yesterday..it was good to see him, but the effects of abuse on his body is unsettling for me..he has made his decision to drink....even though we are not close it is hard to watch.....
enough about that..
Hoping you all have a happy and sober Monday.
Jim
MB hope your a feeling better today. I get the whole family thing..really...it is a strong trigger for me as well...but I have to let it go in order to move forward...
Grace..enjoy your day off....and the sunshine...
WWG....focus on the positives....you are sober and you are moveing forward...glass is more than 1/2 full my friend...remember that..
Hey toots ( I smile everytime I look at your puppy), hD3, drake, happy feet, stevie, melvin, boozefree, dorothyparker, pipporossi, carlos, and everyone else..
today is day 31 for me...longest ever...thank you for all your support....it feels good, but I know this is only the beginning...My brother visited yesterday..it was good to see him, but the effects of abuse on his body is unsettling for me..he has made his decision to drink....even though we are not close it is hard to watch.....
enough about that..
Hoping you all have a happy and sober Monday.
Jim
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
Top of the morning to all of you !!!! I'm 176 days sober today. I have to admit ---I had sort of a challange yesterday but, made it through the day. It's so hot and everyone was running around with a beer in there hand. and I kept thinking I could just sneek in the camper and take a shot of vodka and no one would be the wiser. But, then cleared my head of the AV voice and told myself I've come this far --why throw all that away. I'm soooo proud to be here sober and once again. THANK YOU. I'm sober today because of all the support you guys have given me. HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE. hUGS TO ALL OF YOU
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