Class of May 2012 part 18
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
It's funny how in those early few weeks and months, life seems to stand still doesn't it? Focussing on how to beat cravings, then manage emotions takes over....
Then for me, once past 6 months, life starts speeding up again. Then the job of building a rock solid sobriety starts. Tackling the real issues, building that life that we want and deserve.
All good stuff!
Mind you, I'm still in bed dosed up with paracetamol, my temperature is going up and down and I'm almost hallucinating at times so my view of the world is a bit lopsided at the mo!!
Then for me, once past 6 months, life starts speeding up again. Then the job of building a rock solid sobriety starts. Tackling the real issues, building that life that we want and deserve.
All good stuff!
Mind you, I'm still in bed dosed up with paracetamol, my temperature is going up and down and I'm almost hallucinating at times so my view of the world is a bit lopsided at the mo!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
And Kitty-you had 6 years sober?! I didn't know that! Wow-if you don't mind sharing, what led you back to drinking?
That is the one thing that still scares me. I feel strong in sobriety. Even through my emotional meltdowns, my anxiety over therapy, my stress with the job, I never came close to picking up again. And I know we always need to be vigilant etc but gawd, 6 years!!! Now that is scary!!xx
That is the one thing that still scares me. I feel strong in sobriety. Even through my emotional meltdowns, my anxiety over therapy, my stress with the job, I never came close to picking up again. And I know we always need to be vigilant etc but gawd, 6 years!!! Now that is scary!!xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,290
Rock good buddy, congratulations on 300 days!
Jeni, I hope you feel better soon!
I find it helpful to think back to my long sober spells. The longest were 10 and 15 years. I never intended to go back to drinking. In one case it was a number of really severe stressors and this last one was the gastric bypass. The latter seems to affect some people that way. I was in therapy during most of my sober years and worked through a large number of issues. That maybe why this time has felt very different. I'm not discouraged, especially now that I'm feeling that I have pushed through my block with much help from all of you. I don't seem to be having the weird dreams, insomnia, etc. mild cravings are about the extent of it. The beast has been blissfully quiet. I'm not getting complacent but am starting to feel like I'm back in my strong, sober mode. Now I need to think about how best to avoid future relapses!
Isn't FP's 300 days today or very soon?
(((hugs)))
Sassy
Jeni, I hope you feel better soon!
I find it helpful to think back to my long sober spells. The longest were 10 and 15 years. I never intended to go back to drinking. In one case it was a number of really severe stressors and this last one was the gastric bypass. The latter seems to affect some people that way. I was in therapy during most of my sober years and worked through a large number of issues. That maybe why this time has felt very different. I'm not discouraged, especially now that I'm feeling that I have pushed through my block with much help from all of you. I don't seem to be having the weird dreams, insomnia, etc. mild cravings are about the extent of it. The beast has been blissfully quiet. I'm not getting complacent but am starting to feel like I'm back in my strong, sober mode. Now I need to think about how best to avoid future relapses!
Isn't FP's 300 days today or very soon?
(((hugs)))
Sassy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
You are sounding great Sassy, big hugs to you xxx.
I am starting to pick up I think, although my chest still hurts and I can't do anything without having to stop and get my breath back. I just phoned work to tell them I will be back tomorrow and they told me to get to the docs because 3 of my colleagues have just been signed off with pneumonia! So, I will see how I am in the morning!
FP's 10 months is tomorrow. I am dreadful at remembering sobriety dates, but I know there's a day between the mammoths and HRBs. I also know OLLs is the 21st, and Tanja and I have the same date but 2 months apart.
We ought to compile a little list. I never remember Bloss's and she's a little ahead of us isn't she? Must be coming up to 11months.... Wow!!x
I am starting to pick up I think, although my chest still hurts and I can't do anything without having to stop and get my breath back. I just phoned work to tell them I will be back tomorrow and they told me to get to the docs because 3 of my colleagues have just been signed off with pneumonia! So, I will see how I am in the morning!
FP's 10 months is tomorrow. I am dreadful at remembering sobriety dates, but I know there's a day between the mammoths and HRBs. I also know OLLs is the 21st, and Tanja and I have the same date but 2 months apart.
We ought to compile a little list. I never remember Bloss's and she's a little ahead of us isn't she? Must be coming up to 11months.... Wow!!x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,290
Jeni,
I was rereading your post and yes, going back to drinking is a scary thought for all of us. I started drinking in college (binges some weekends), picked up the pace (binges every weekend) when I married a guy who not only drank but also later smoked pot all day, every day and dropped acid and who knows what else. I first stopped drinking when I wanted to get pregnant and that one was easy. I stayed sober for about 5 years after that until my marriage was totally falling apart and I had a lot of trouble dealing with that. I quit the day I kicked out my ex and stayed sober until my daughter went away to college. That was before I had worked through many of my issues. I had a very rough patch at work with the boss from h!ll, lasting about 4 years. Then I moved and changed jobs and got sober when I developed a serious heart condition that may have been due to my drinking triggering a defect in my heart. I stayed totally sober for 5-6 years and for the following 4-5 I had an average of 2-3 drinks per year when I went on cruises. No cravings for more during those 4-5 years. It was during this 10-11 year span that I was in therapy continuously and worked through many of my issues and the PTSD was almost gone. Then I had gastric bypass. About a year after, I had one glass of wine which hit me like a ton of bricks in a few minutes. From then until now (about 2 years) I have had an incredibly difficult time stopping. There is some evidence that for some people gastric bypass surgery has this effect (the original RNY gastric bypass).
I know now that no matter what I could and couldn't tolerate before, I absolutely cannot drink again, ever.
Sorry about the length of this but it really helped me to get a clearer picture in my own mind of what happened and what changed. I think we each have our own unique histories, but we all have the same issue with alcohol. Although there is never any guarantee that we will stay sober forever, the chances are much better when we work through our issues, IMHO. In hindsight, if I hadn't had those couple of drinks per year prior to gastric bypass, I would probably have not picked up again. So even though I was able to tolerate it for several years, that was a major mistake that I don't plan to make again.
Jeni, I think that if you work through your issues and stay strong, relapse is not inevitable. I think that may be one benefit of being in AA and continuing to go at least weekly. None of us can ever guarantee that we won't relapse but if we are realistic and committed and honest with ourselves, I believe we can do this.
S
I was rereading your post and yes, going back to drinking is a scary thought for all of us. I started drinking in college (binges some weekends), picked up the pace (binges every weekend) when I married a guy who not only drank but also later smoked pot all day, every day and dropped acid and who knows what else. I first stopped drinking when I wanted to get pregnant and that one was easy. I stayed sober for about 5 years after that until my marriage was totally falling apart and I had a lot of trouble dealing with that. I quit the day I kicked out my ex and stayed sober until my daughter went away to college. That was before I had worked through many of my issues. I had a very rough patch at work with the boss from h!ll, lasting about 4 years. Then I moved and changed jobs and got sober when I developed a serious heart condition that may have been due to my drinking triggering a defect in my heart. I stayed totally sober for 5-6 years and for the following 4-5 I had an average of 2-3 drinks per year when I went on cruises. No cravings for more during those 4-5 years. It was during this 10-11 year span that I was in therapy continuously and worked through many of my issues and the PTSD was almost gone. Then I had gastric bypass. About a year after, I had one glass of wine which hit me like a ton of bricks in a few minutes. From then until now (about 2 years) I have had an incredibly difficult time stopping. There is some evidence that for some people gastric bypass surgery has this effect (the original RNY gastric bypass).
I know now that no matter what I could and couldn't tolerate before, I absolutely cannot drink again, ever.
Sorry about the length of this but it really helped me to get a clearer picture in my own mind of what happened and what changed. I think we each have our own unique histories, but we all have the same issue with alcohol. Although there is never any guarantee that we will stay sober forever, the chances are much better when we work through our issues, IMHO. In hindsight, if I hadn't had those couple of drinks per year prior to gastric bypass, I would probably have not picked up again. So even though I was able to tolerate it for several years, that was a major mistake that I don't plan to make again.
Jeni, I think that if you work through your issues and stay strong, relapse is not inevitable. I think that may be one benefit of being in AA and continuing to go at least weekly. None of us can ever guarantee that we won't relapse but if we are realistic and committed and honest with ourselves, I believe we can do this.
S
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thanks for your reply Sassy, it was good of you to share.
It is the one thing that gets to me and makes me feel insecure. I've had a few of my AA pals go back out in the time I've been there, guys who I thought were rock solid and it made me feel like it was almost inevitable for me too. But it isn't of course. There are as many who do make it as don't and I need to focus on them. That's my usual glass half empty philosophy which I'm trying to change.
Yes, I'm doing all I can. I'm covering my bases...AA, SR and now therapy... I'm not taking any chances!
Thanks for being so lovely xxx
It is the one thing that gets to me and makes me feel insecure. I've had a few of my AA pals go back out in the time I've been there, guys who I thought were rock solid and it made me feel like it was almost inevitable for me too. But it isn't of course. There are as many who do make it as don't and I need to focus on them. That's my usual glass half empty philosophy which I'm trying to change.
Yes, I'm doing all I can. I'm covering my bases...AA, SR and now therapy... I'm not taking any chances!
Thanks for being so lovely xxx
love to u!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 3,360
Afternoon everyone:
Just reading some posts, thought I'd say hello. Hope each of you are well, even on my down days (and there have a been few) I am glad to be sober.
HRB: 300 days/10 months is really wonderful
Jeni: take care sober friend, feel better ASAP, ((hugs))
Catch you all later,
Bloss
Just reading some posts, thought I'd say hello. Hope each of you are well, even on my down days (and there have a been few) I am glad to be sober.
HRB: 300 days/10 months is really wonderful
Jeni: take care sober friend, feel better ASAP, ((hugs))
Catch you all later,
Bloss
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 10 MONTHS MILESTONE, YOU-ROCK!!!
Mammoth is running with joy through the fields to celebrate your wonderfully inspirational accomplishment! I am so proud of you, my steadfast and sober friend. Much love to you!
joyful-elephant.jpg
Mammoth is running with joy through the fields to celebrate your wonderfully inspirational accomplishment! I am so proud of you, my steadfast and sober friend. Much love to you!
joyful-elephant.jpg
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I quit drinking in my mid-20s after a real rough patch - I got a DWI and my friends and family intervened and asked me to get help. Fast forward through treatment (outpatient), I felt like a fog was lifted. I had gotten so tired of the awful cycle we all are familiar with. And eventually I put it all behind me and got married....things after the wedding were not so great though. We were two very different people with two very different ideas of what a marriage should be. I fell into a bad place mentally and spiritually - part of me was not wanting to admit I made a mistake and / or how bad things with us were going - I did not tell one person in my life, not one, about our problems for the longest time (doing so would have meant my admitting it aloud and I wasn't ready for that quite yet)...it started with my being on a biz trip all the way over in Dees / SJDs neck of the woods and I was traveling with some heavy drinkers and I had a few beers. The next night I got super drunk like I never quit....when I got home I never talked to my husband about it. And I did the same thing a year later on a trip.....in the meantime, his drinking had escalated big time as well, to the point where every day he was pouring cocktails from after work until late - I'd hear ice clinking in his glass as I'd be up in bed....eventually, I joined in and i actually thought it might be something we could do together since our marriage was almost over by then. Of course he quickly realized what a messy drunk I was - and yes he got to see several nights where I purposefully got blackout wasted just to spite him. He was never as destructive as I am when I drunk....
In a nutshell I let myself get way too depressed and lonely and compensated for that with booze. I also spent too much time with people who abuse alcohol and was influenced by their behavior - everyone else is doing it, why not me? I have to give kudos to anyone here that has to live with an alcohol abuser. Someone who has a beer or 2 now and then doesn't bother me, but I grew to despise the sound of his mixing a drink, and it was so hard when I asked for some non- drinking nights at home to support me and he agreed yet didn't give me one. I was so angry, so sad.....and I drank.
So. Still recovering, still healing from that somewhat but I see light, and I have emerged stronger and feeling freer than ever. I can't drink, so what. I have so many things I can do that outshine that by comparison ... So many things I want to do that I know I cannot if I drink again. So I mindfully come here and choose friends and activities that are not centered around booze....I'm a work in progress and I know I can do the sober life and make it stick this time
In a nutshell I let myself get way too depressed and lonely and compensated for that with booze. I also spent too much time with people who abuse alcohol and was influenced by their behavior - everyone else is doing it, why not me? I have to give kudos to anyone here that has to live with an alcohol abuser. Someone who has a beer or 2 now and then doesn't bother me, but I grew to despise the sound of his mixing a drink, and it was so hard when I asked for some non- drinking nights at home to support me and he agreed yet didn't give me one. I was so angry, so sad.....and I drank.
So. Still recovering, still healing from that somewhat but I see light, and I have emerged stronger and feeling freer than ever. I can't drink, so what. I have so many things I can do that outshine that by comparison ... So many things I want to do that I know I cannot if I drink again. So I mindfully come here and choose friends and activities that are not centered around booze....I'm a work in progress and I know I can do the sober life and make it stick this time
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thankyou for sharing that Kitty-dark days for sure. Living with a drinker is a difficult thing to do. One thing my therapist said which stuck with me last week and I hadn't even considered before was how co-dependent my relationship was when we were both drinking. I didn't want to think about that, it wasn't the reason I'd gone to see her, but it was true.
So pleased those days are behind me now. And they are for you too.
Keep moving forwards, Kitty xxx
Dee-how are you? How's the role change working out? Is it still bringing you the rewards and giving you balance in your life?
I'm still in bed, no work again. I hate being ill, I'm so intolerant of myself when I haven't got the energy to get going. Patience is a virtue so I'm told....
Love you all loads xxx
So pleased those days are behind me now. And they are for you too.
Keep moving forwards, Kitty xxx
Dee-how are you? How's the role change working out? Is it still bringing you the rewards and giving you balance in your life?
I'm still in bed, no work again. I hate being ill, I'm so intolerant of myself when I haven't got the energy to get going. Patience is a virtue so I'm told....
Love you all loads xxx
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
I just finished living with a drinker. By the end I found myself watching National Geographic specials on plane crashes. That was less stressful than my life!
Do what you have to to keep your sanity.
Do what you have to to keep your sanity.
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