Class of July 2012 Part 5
TiG
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 381
Busy day wrapping up the final details at the job and sending out networking emails. Applied for two more positions, one of them I would be really good at so I hope they call. Sent resume and cover letter to two contacts that currently do work for the company as a back door tactic. Two different people mention contract work as well, so maybe there will something there. A lot of "two's" today.... Two-day. Twodayisgood!
I'm fighting off thoughts of drinking more often now. If I didn't have kids to drive around to swimming and basketball, I probably would have cracked. Went for a run over lunch and that helped. Was going to run tonight, but maybe I'll save my legs for a good run tomorrow, last day and the death of passion for what I've done for the company. My dog is dying too. Ugh, didn't tell you guys cause its depressing. I'll spare the details, but he doesn't have long now. Always wanted to get a sidecar on my motorcycle for him. He would have loved it. Sorry for being a sap tonight.
I'm fighting off thoughts of drinking more often now. If I didn't have kids to drive around to swimming and basketball, I probably would have cracked. Went for a run over lunch and that helped. Was going to run tonight, but maybe I'll save my legs for a good run tomorrow, last day and the death of passion for what I've done for the company. My dog is dying too. Ugh, didn't tell you guys cause its depressing. I'll spare the details, but he doesn't have long now. Always wanted to get a sidecar on my motorcycle for him. He would have loved it. Sorry for being a sap tonight.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,782
I'm sorry for your sorrow and for your struggles TIG.
It's really important to keep reaching out and to keep looking for other solutions to your problems.
It takes a little more work and a little more courage but it is possible to deal with anything sober
D
It's really important to keep reaching out and to keep looking for other solutions to your problems.
It takes a little more work and a little more courage but it is possible to deal with anything sober
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 222
TiG, I'm so glad you got this email at this exact moment! I hope it works, but even if it doesn't, it is a clear sign that you mustn't give up, that you're doing great.
It is so sweet that you thought of buying a sidecar for your dog, it really moved me. I'm sure he had a very happy life.
It makes me think of the movie Marley & me, that I really loved (although it looked like a cheesy movie, I thought it was actually great!)
I know you'll take good care of him till the end, and that really is awesome.
R4R, it's funny, it's exactly what I've been doing with my dreams since August. I try to do as much dream interpretation as I can, and it really helps me see things more clearly, where I am, where I want to go. I learn a lot and keep a journal of every dream I remember and every thought I have about them.
And I always sing or meditate or visualize light when I work on a dream, it helps me get my brain out of the way and connect to my instinct/inner child/guru within/divine part/etc.
So we had a gig tonight that went well, and then for some reason we had to go to a very "VIP party" which was awful, but we managed to do everything (see people, shake hands, have a drink -sparkling water, incognito in a glass with ice and mint-, talk, take pictures, etc.) in about an hour, so it was not so bad.
Everybody was drinking and smoking and doing coke, and I didn't feel like joining them at all. I really need a shower now, the smell of tobacco is too intense!
Dee, thank you so much for being here.
Good day, good night, keep the faith!
It is so sweet that you thought of buying a sidecar for your dog, it really moved me. I'm sure he had a very happy life.
It makes me think of the movie Marley & me, that I really loved (although it looked like a cheesy movie, I thought it was actually great!)
I know you'll take good care of him till the end, and that really is awesome.
R4R, it's funny, it's exactly what I've been doing with my dreams since August. I try to do as much dream interpretation as I can, and it really helps me see things more clearly, where I am, where I want to go. I learn a lot and keep a journal of every dream I remember and every thought I have about them.
And I always sing or meditate or visualize light when I work on a dream, it helps me get my brain out of the way and connect to my instinct/inner child/guru within/divine part/etc.
So we had a gig tonight that went well, and then for some reason we had to go to a very "VIP party" which was awful, but we managed to do everything (see people, shake hands, have a drink -sparkling water, incognito in a glass with ice and mint-, talk, take pictures, etc.) in about an hour, so it was not so bad.
Everybody was drinking and smoking and doing coke, and I didn't feel like joining them at all. I really need a shower now, the smell of tobacco is too intense!
Dee, thank you so much for being here.
Good day, good night, keep the faith!
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Quick post, exhausted...TIG I'm so sorry about your dog. It's heartbreaking to know that the end is near and be thinking about the good bye. He'll be in your spiritual sidecar forever!
Sentso, sounds like a whole lot of schmoozing and kissing ass. Hope they at least fed you! If it was for VIP fans you guys probably made their night!!
Almost the weekend everyone-enjoy it
Sentso, sounds like a whole lot of schmoozing and kissing ass. Hope they at least fed you! If it was for VIP fans you guys probably made their night!!
Almost the weekend everyone-enjoy it
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by Sentso 
Mel, how long have you been sober now? Seems like a long time, am I right? And how have you been lately? How about the music?
1. It has been since July, so I am definitely on the right road heading in the right direction.
2. I could be doing better, since depression seems to be hanging onto me.
3. As for music, I am still taking a break from playing live. I haven't decided if I will ever return to doing that. I am not sure if I am thinking this way because I am depressed, or because I am wanting to enter a different phase of my life. I have plenty of work teaching and writing, so at the moment there is no financial need for me to play live.
Your messages are great!
Mel
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
TIG--
When I read your messages I feel that forward motion. Ever forward, ever forward! (Do you write them while running?) It is a great feeling, since I want to have more of a forward impulse too.
I hope these recent changes in your life go forward exactly as you want them to. - Mel
When I read your messages I feel that forward motion. Ever forward, ever forward! (Do you write them while running?) It is a great feeling, since I want to have more of a forward impulse too.
I hope these recent changes in your life go forward exactly as you want them to. - Mel
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Dee, since you are like an enclosing presence, it is easy to forget to say what I am sure all of us are thinking, which is: thank you, Dee, for your always great input, and for steering this giant ship with such skill, experience and wisdom. - Mel
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by Really4Real
Processes a lot in my journal today. Not liking what I see.... pain, and the like. But God is slowly leading me through it.... He's not a forceful taskmaster. For that I'm greatful.
Have a wonderful day, my friends.
Have a wonderful day, my friends.
) that I believe in my heart that you WILL find your own truth--while showing the rest of us how we can too, as you are doing it. Mel
You're our rock! I don't know how you manage to stay so consistent and positive-it's impressive!
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Ok, Dee.... so just what has been up with you?? I have noticed you haven't been around as much. Really glad you're back though.... missed ya.
TiG.... Wow.... sorry about the sorrow you feel... but (there has to be a 'but')... you ARE feeling it. Write about it, talk about it, run it out, scream, cry, pound your fist into something at least semi-soft
---- but DON'T drink. You don't need that crap anymore than you need really bad car exhaust when you're running.... or something like that...
Dogs are wonderful creatures.... God can heal dogs too... so I'll pray that He touches your dog and gives him/her exactly what she/he needs... and comforts you in the process.
Thanks for the kind words, Mel. I wear a wrist band that says 'believe in miracles'. Got the first one the day after coming out of rehab - I think my 5th day sober (at a haircut place, no less). Gave that one and one more away. But for the most part I've wore one since I started sobriety this time. It reminds me of how much my life is a miracle and that God's not done with the miracle business.
What are you greatful for today?
Not to be a religious nut - but if I have to be a nut - there's worse one's out there
I thought of this verse "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil. 4:8"
I'm preaching to myself too... I was crying during the meeting last night. Topic was accepting change. Mine right now happens to be in relationships that seems to be going south (except marriage is going better). Relationships are hard especially when you figure in the - I don't want to say the word - but the 'abandonment' factor. Ok, enough of that.
On a positive note, HR at work wanted me to look over my Job Description and see if it was ok.... it wasn't. I added a whole bunch of stuff. Then in an email to my boss, a SR. VP and HR, I wrote that I wanted my title changed to Manager.... and I didn't want to report to Operations anymore. I'm compliance and regulatory... and I'm the only one controlling that process. The title change is more of a 'tell me my job is important'. The change in reporting structure is 'give me authority to do my job'. We'll see what happens.
Time to go run.
I'll report back later. Be strong, Julians... let's stick together. Holidays are right around the corner. We NEED each other. I need you. Let's do this!
TiG.... Wow.... sorry about the sorrow you feel... but (there has to be a 'but')... you ARE feeling it. Write about it, talk about it, run it out, scream, cry, pound your fist into something at least semi-soft
---- but DON'T drink. You don't need that crap anymore than you need really bad car exhaust when you're running.... or something like that...Dogs are wonderful creatures.... God can heal dogs too... so I'll pray that He touches your dog and gives him/her exactly what she/he needs... and comforts you in the process.
Thanks for the kind words, Mel. I wear a wrist band that says 'believe in miracles'. Got the first one the day after coming out of rehab - I think my 5th day sober (at a haircut place, no less). Gave that one and one more away. But for the most part I've wore one since I started sobriety this time. It reminds me of how much my life is a miracle and that God's not done with the miracle business.
What are you greatful for today?
Not to be a religious nut - but if I have to be a nut - there's worse one's out there
I thought of this verse "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil. 4:8"
I'm preaching to myself too... I was crying during the meeting last night. Topic was accepting change. Mine right now happens to be in relationships that seems to be going south (except marriage is going better). Relationships are hard especially when you figure in the - I don't want to say the word - but the 'abandonment' factor. Ok, enough of that.
On a positive note, HR at work wanted me to look over my Job Description and see if it was ok.... it wasn't. I added a whole bunch of stuff. Then in an email to my boss, a SR. VP and HR, I wrote that I wanted my title changed to Manager.... and I didn't want to report to Operations anymore. I'm compliance and regulatory... and I'm the only one controlling that process. The title change is more of a 'tell me my job is important'. The change in reporting structure is 'give me authority to do my job'. We'll see what happens.
Time to go run.
I'll report back later. Be strong, Julians... let's stick together. Holidays are right around the corner. We NEED each other. I need you. Let's do this!
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
R4R - you are right: I need to pre-plan for the holidays. Frankly, I am not sure I can make it through the holidays without drinking given my current state of mind and current calendar of activities. But I still have a few weeks before the pressure really sets in, so planning now is in order. - Mel
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
The holidays are going to be tough. The actual holiday itself won't be for me, as we have a small family and no one really drinks anymore. It's the leading up to the holidays that's the trigger, and the party when our local bar closes forever is going to be a huge challenge. Not looking forward to this test honestly. 
I think we're lucky we started back in July so we have a good solid foundation to work with when the temptation hits. Hopefully everyone will check in a lot!
Had a conversation with friends tonight that felt like the talks we had while drinking. It felt so nice to have an in depth conversation-I didn't think it was going to happen again with me sober and my friends drinking it's been so awkward and weird between us.
I think we're lucky we started back in July so we have a good solid foundation to work with when the temptation hits. Hopefully everyone will check in a lot!
Had a conversation with friends tonight that felt like the talks we had while drinking. It felt so nice to have an in depth conversation-I didn't think it was going to happen again with me sober and my friends drinking it's been so awkward and weird between us.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,782
It's been a rough couple of weeks R4R...maybe the toughest since I got sober.
One of my friends died, another was in hospital, Mrs Dee was struggling with a few things of her own too.
Things seem a little better now tho.
D
One of my friends died, another was in hospital, Mrs Dee was struggling with a few things of her own too.
Things seem a little better now tho.
D
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Dee.... thanks for sharing that. Even though you're a moderator type... you're still one of us. We're here to support you also. My prayers will be with you and the Mrs. for sure.
Mel... stick with us! Just do not pick up that first drink, and you will be ok. I believe in you and have faith in you and for you. Tell yourself, 'I won't drink that first drink'. It will seem stronger than you, but you have the authority and power to tell that first drink no. After that IT has the power. Do not give it the power. Free free to print this out
Don't worry, I'm preaching to me also... I've thought about it a few times lately also. I WILL NOT go back there. It IS death. I want LIFE. It may seem ugly right now, but it's going to get better. It's only ugly because I didn't deal with this crap years and years and years ago. I drank, I smoked pot, I popped pills, I dissociated, I buried stuff - now I'm looking at the stuff and IT HURTS. BUT I'm alive now. I want to see what's on the other side when the hurting stops
Yeah, I almost wound up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning last holidays. Fire Water - drank a whole fifth. Started throwing up fairly small amounts of blood - got really sick. Prayed like crazy and left my hubby sleep. Finally after about 3 hours it subsided. I will not go through that again this year, with God's help and by His grace. I may not be feel strong, but my God is stronger.
Ok, rant over For now.....
Feeling better today. Still need to journal, because I'm feeling better since I'm not thinking about anything. Sometimes that's ok. We all need a break from our 'stuff'. But I'm tenacious when it comes to wanting to get through stuff and break free.
Have a Super Sunday (or Sunday night). Go Dallas (hehehe).
Mel... stick with us! Just do not pick up that first drink, and you will be ok. I believe in you and have faith in you and for you. Tell yourself, 'I won't drink that first drink'. It will seem stronger than you, but you have the authority and power to tell that first drink no. After that IT has the power. Do not give it the power. Free free to print this out
Don't worry, I'm preaching to me also... I've thought about it a few times lately also. I WILL NOT go back there. It IS death. I want LIFE. It may seem ugly right now, but it's going to get better. It's only ugly because I didn't deal with this crap years and years and years ago. I drank, I smoked pot, I popped pills, I dissociated, I buried stuff - now I'm looking at the stuff and IT HURTS. BUT I'm alive now. I want to see what's on the other side when the hurting stops
Yeah, I almost wound up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning last holidays. Fire Water - drank a whole fifth. Started throwing up fairly small amounts of blood - got really sick. Prayed like crazy and left my hubby sleep. Finally after about 3 hours it subsided. I will not go through that again this year, with God's help and by His grace. I may not be feel strong, but my God is stronger.
Ok, rant over
For now.....Feeling better today. Still need to journal, because I'm feeling better since I'm not thinking about anything. Sometimes that's ok. We all need a break from our 'stuff'. But I'm tenacious when it comes to wanting to get through stuff and break free.
Have a Super Sunday (or Sunday night). Go Dallas (hehehe).
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