Mel12

Hi Obladi,

The Class of July needs you! Looking forward to more of your messages. Glad you are here.

Mel

Dee74

totally agree

D

katan

Emma - Well done on handling school pressures!
Obladi, Sentso, TIG, Marjoram, Mel, R4R, NFW, JHE, Blueshades...hope I didn't overlook anyone...I apologise for not being around these last fews day. Work has been incredibly busy, and a lot of personal stuff going on.
The urges have come...and gone. It has not been easy some days, but it is worth it. And this group makes all the difference in the fight to stay sober.

katan

Hi Everyone,
At my addictions group this past Thursday we talked about how long alcohol stays in your system based on weight, alcohol consumption, etc. It was so upsetting to realize that for many many years, I have in fact driven my kids to school in the morning legally drunk. I have had such a hard time getting my head around that. Makes me feel absolutely mortified! And yet, last night I really wanted a drink. The urge passed - I knew I would not drink. But I have been beating myself up about this drinking and driving piece. I just can't seem to get past it.

Mel12

Dear folks,

I just had a good experience with misinterpreting AVRT. I was at one of my usual places on a usual Saturday with usual suspects, and so of course had the knee-jerk reflex of wanting to order my usual.

Having just read the AVRT website, I thought "IT wants a drink." So far so good.

But then I started improvising. I spontaneously distorted AVRT into some other crazy thing by then thinking: "no problem--let IT have a drink, but I won't have a drink." (What?) I saw everyone drinking, and then thought "IT is happy, because IT is getting many drinks. So I do not have to have a drink out of pity for IT." (What!?)

Whatever it was that I was doing--and it sure wasn't orthodox AVRT--I can tell you I did not have a drink, and I stayed comfortable with a surprisingly low level of anxiety.

I hope you getting a laugh out of my AVRT misinterpretation! I sure am.

Mel

Mel12

Dear Katan,

It is good to see you back! I hear you: It scares me mightily to consider alcohol's interaction with our system, and to also consider the kind of grave mishaps that interaction can cause. I'm starting to face how negative and scary the full picture is. I think my drinking days are over--they just have to be.

Whoops--there I go again, into "bummer" mode. So permit me to quickly emphasize again how glad I am to see you back online.

Mel

Dee74

I'm not really up on AVRT, mel - but I remember I could rationalise for the Olympics
Good on you for getting through that

D

NoFireWater

Mel, I really like that crazy way of looking at IT lol We can just assume it's getting all it needs from those around us so we don't have to feel bad we don't take care of it anymore. I also like to think it's been in control for so many years, it's nice to give someone else a chance

Katan, welcome back. It is scary how alcohol stays in your system. I've felt that way too, was I driving my elderly mom to daycare in the morning legally drunk? Horrible! We don't have to worry about that ever again though! I think we can't dwell on the past or we'd make ourselves insane. Everyone here has a whole list of regrets over drinking behavior I'm sure. Let's just agree to do no harm in the future.

Marjoram, day 5 is almost here-excellent job!

I had to take my friend to the hospital tonight. They can't figure out what's wrong with her. I'm sure drinking has something to do with it, but it's other medical issues as well. Very scary stuff. Still hoping she decides to get some help. I hate feeling helpless

NoFireWater

blueshades

Marjoram, I've been doing fairly well. I remain concerned about my inability to regulate my sleep. It's always been an issue for me and it was only recently that I realized this was one of the factors behind my decision to drink to excess. It's frustrating to still be struggling to this extent nearly two months into my sobriety, but it beats getting drunk every night and dealing with everything that comes with that.

I hope everyone's having a good weekend.

Marjoram

Bad news is I caved yesterday about 6:30 p.m. I was a horrendous wreck. I was going through old papework, and reading farewell emails from suppliers I dealt with in my last job. They were just beautiful. I forgot how much I was appreciated by others there, and not those that I worked with in the same company. I then started thinking of all the frustrations with my hubby lately, and it brought me down more. The person I love with all my heart, and we just have been so distant, it's horrible. So, I cried more. I then went straight down the hallway into our "pop" fridge in the garage, and that was all she wrote. I downed two beers, and had a half a glass of wine. I was still bawling as I cooked dinner. My husband walked in, and he dropped his head and said "what am I doing wrong", and that was it....the floodgate opened. I told him everything I loved about him, and everything I missed. I told him of my struggles with the fact he puts so much emphasis on his work, his work for others, and everything he wants to get done, and not so much on enjoying his life, his home, and his time. His negativity about so much has been bringing me down and to his level. I told him shame on us for we have so much and yet we still act like it's this big struggle. I told him I wanted who is is back, but it's up to him to dig deep into his heart and see what good he is made of, how he can inspire people, and to realize he is only one person and can only do so much. But, if what he does is enough to make the smallest difference, it means more than making no difference at all. What did him in, is I have an email with a U.S. Marine handing a folded flag to a young boy whose father had died serving our country. And I said to my husband, and you think your life is tough, you think your job is so stressul...shame on you, and shame on us. He asked me to print the picture so he can post it on his corkboard at work. He wants everyone to be reminded, that when things seem bad, they really aren't as bad as we thought. I think he needed this kind of reminder, and a lot of days, I think we all do. I also played him a video from Simple Truths website (motivational books, pictures, etc), and it brought tears to his eyes. It has to do with the true meaning of love (Someone who cares).

With this all being said, and more, did I fail and give into my urge, yes. But, I'm so very grateful this all got put out there. I had those drinks in about a 2 hour period. Am I disappointed, I sure am. But, am I relieved this morning, that the wall that has been between my husband and I had some bricks taken down, yes I am. My sobriety journey is my own, but I know with him, I can beat it that much better. No different that here, having all of you here to help me. I could not do it wihtout a support group.

I am happy to say in the past 5 days, I have 4 highlight marks on my calendar. So, I'm using that to get me through today. I want another mark on the calendar. I'm tired of saying day 1, so, I will say, today will be another day of not drinking. And I hope to be able to say that will be the case for the rest of my life.

Nofirewater - that is so cool you posted that, because we have that posted/framed in our garage as you walk out the service door. Everyone that stops to see us sees it on the way out. I just love it and it really makes one think.

Mel - I love your spin on AVRT. I'm trying to use that method, and I really like how you put it. And great job. You have to feel good about what you did!

Katan - isn't it amazing how often we were all doing things (we probably shouldn't have been), and still drunk for the most part? I'm glad to see your post.

Well, today is a new day, one to enjoy, one to celebrate.

"You are always only one choice away from changing your life".

Take care and blessings to all here!

Marjoram

"I told him I wanted who is is back"....I meant "I told him I wanted who he was back". My first cup of coffee hasn't kicked in yet.

Mel12

Hi Blueshades,

For me, sleep is the most crucial component of the jury-rigged assemblage known as my "lifestyle." I become a sack filled with mental and physical problems when sleeping does not go right. Worse, sleep seems to become more crucial the older I get. I still struggle and tinker with sleep strategies, as I have since literally childhood.

I find I sleep better without alcohol: I think the alcohol was causing me to awaken predawn and to sleep less deeply. But when I stopped drinking alcohol, I found that I became very sensitive to caffeine. I find that I need to limit coffee intake to almost nothing (and my intake was already low to begin with).

I think restaurants, bars, and coffee shops world round are going bankrupt since I have switched to the beverage known as water.

Blueshades, good luck with the sleep piece of it!

Mel

TodayisGood

Good morning,
Today is long run day, and it is beautiful outside. Long run is part of a weekly jogging routine where some runs are fast some, some ae easy and some are long. was really tired yesterday and had thoughts about drinking. Took a nap instead.

Mel, good job tying new techniques, and I did get a kick out of how "it" desperately tried to manipulate the logic. I totally feel ya' on that one. And, I really like how you are knocking youreself out of depressed mode. That's awesome. Like breaking a habit.

Blue, I sometimes use melatonin to help fall asleep.

NFW, what a great list of very thoughtful concepts. Took a while for me to reflect on each of them. Thanks for posting.

Katan, glad you're going to addictions class.

Marjoram, hope you enjoyed the day!

Mel12

TIG,

"Melatonin" is what I do at the gym . . . Mel

Mel12

Dear Marjoram,

I hear you, regarding the blunt-force-trauma of sober reality coming into focus. For me, it is like facing how messy your basement really is by turning on Klieg lights.

At the moment, I am trying to remember that I only need to sort through one box at a time, and that I need not attempt to clean up instantly the entire landfill of my unresolved stuff.

With you 100%!

Mel

Mel12

Great idea Dee--Rationalization as an Olympic sport! Imagine the heights of performance one would see, even without steroids. I will keep an eye out for your picture on the back of Wheaties after you get all the endorsements.

Mel

Mel12

Thanks NFR,

LOL! It is funny to think of the addictive voice as a pet goblin that we have obsessively been caring for, when it actually does not need us at all given that there are a billion people out there dying to give it everything it wants all the time.

Mel

TodayisGood

Marjoram,sorry I didn't see your post when I was typing mine this morning. I am glad some of those bricks are coming down, and i hope that you and hubby can continue working on you relationship. Seems like the barrier was making it difficult to fight off cravings too. Amazing how this drinking is attached to so many issues. If it were just abstaining, it wouldn't be so hard, but "IT" sure does quickly cling on the back of real life problems to make quitting a deeper personal challenge. Relax today and rebuild for a stronger tomorrow.

Marjoram

:rotfxkoThat is hilarious - thanks Mel! And thanks - I won't try to clean up the whole landfill at once. I just know how much my husband means to me, and I need our relationship strong be a part of the foundation to build my sobriety. I can get by on my own, but I'd rather not. I believe yesterday helped. Didn't completely fix the problem, naturally, but it helped.