Class of May 2012 pt 5
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Originally Posted by crewisms 
Frenchpink. Aye, the french horn. It's beautiful. My favorite symphony is Beethoven's 9th, and I love the horns in the third movement (I had to look it up). And the solo in Titanic melts me every time.
Confession. I had a girlfriend (way back when) that played the french horn, and while I was jamming on the guitar, she gave me a holistic sense of music by telling me that wind instrument was played beautifully in "You can't always get what you want" and some "Who" songs, as well.
I salute you!
Confession. I had a girlfriend (way back when) that played the french horn, and while I was jamming on the guitar, she gave me a holistic sense of music by telling me that wind instrument was played beautifully in "You can't always get what you want" and some "Who" songs, as well.
I salute you!
Thank you for staying with us, prose mate. You sound terrific.Also, listen to the theme for "The Simpsons" and you'll hear French horns. The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper had a four-piece French horn section. In fact, most blockbuster-type movies did and do employ French horns for their soundtracks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
One additional self-centered post (please forgive me) - I've now confided in 4 different friends via email about the depression I am going through. This is huge for me. I have never, ever reached out for support. It feels good to be honest.
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Originally Posted by Payton
If you pray please pray for us. I fantasize all the time about going back to my home state. I miss my parents and I miss my friends. I'll keep you posted.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northeast Florida
Posts: 334
Oh, shoot, I just read your second post and was embarrassed that you would think I was responding to that one! I was saying "awesome post" for the post about your marriage.
That said, thank you for your kind words!
That said, thank you for your kind words!
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 100
Payton, maybe your husband doesn't understand your desire to be near family because he is estranged from his due to their disfunction ?
In addition to the other reasons for wanting to move back to your home state, the importance and flat-out benefits of having family nearby when you have a little one cannot be overstated. My ex and I are both half a continent away from family - and we are so jealous of our friends here in our adopted city who are from here and have family members close. These couples can go on date nights or have a chance to catch up on non-kid activity while their kids have slumber parties with their cousins or days making cookies with Grandma. I'm serious! Thinking back on your hellish day in court with no childcare, would this be an added bonus for you (and would husband see the benefit?
More date nights....!
In addition to the other reasons for wanting to move back to your home state, the importance and flat-out benefits of having family nearby when you have a little one cannot be overstated. My ex and I are both half a continent away from family - and we are so jealous of our friends here in our adopted city who are from here and have family members close. These couples can go on date nights or have a chance to catch up on non-kid activity while their kids have slumber parties with their cousins or days making cookies with Grandma. I'm serious! Thinking back on your hellish day in court with no childcare, would this be an added bonus for you (and would husband see the benefit?
More date nights....!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by ThursdayNight
Oh, shoot, I just read your second post and was embarrassed that you would think I was responding to that one! I was saying "awesome post" for the post about your marriage.
That said, thank you for your kind words!
That said, thank you for your kind words!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
Horns. The french type. If I was a drinking man, I'd no doubt make a fool of myself with some stupid, immature comment about horns, but instead I'm looking forward to listening to the Simpsons and Chocolat.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 328
Payton. We love you. I pray that you find some peace in all this turmoil. Laying your world out in this thread helps us and hopefully helps you. I hope you feel the collective hug and love from our class holding you close.
. I was so pleased to hear that things went well for you and your wife. What a lovely, perfect day.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Hi everyone Day 19. Cold, wet, windy and miserable. And for once I'm not talking about me. It's the weather. Midsummer and the sky is a hazy shade of winter. Slight headache this morning, nothing bad, it's just there.
Mum goes to day care on Fridays, have I mentioned that before? I forget. I forget a lot of things. So she has to be up early. And for all that, they often don't come to collect her till nearly 10am.
Oh yes, she's started whispering to herself recently. Or maybe whispering at me, it's hard to tell. All I know is it's... unsettling.
But 3, 2, 1, we're back to the here and now. Well, almost. Last night, after I nearly gave in to Catherine and bought her a bottle of vodka ("Hey, you liked it when you were a student. Plus..." (sing song voice) "Less calories than beer. Not as filling either...") I came back and made little mini-pizzas. [slice of bread, tomato puree, salami, black pudding, onion, garlic. A few slices of cheese, oregano, shoved under the grill till the cheese melted. I liked mine, although maybe I should have put them in the microwave to warm the tomato first and then added the rest of the toppings?]
Sorry, I keep going off at tangents. Need to remember that this isn't Scott Pilgrim.
Anyway, feeling better than yesterday. Still a little tired, but not so much. Got a few things to do, and then I've got a meeting tonight. Going to try to get the courage to ask someone if they'll sponsor me. I mean, the worst that can happen is that they say 'no' right?
Payton - really hope that things work out. Moving back 'home' can be a good thing. The support of friends and family is always good. And yes, well done on reaching out to people about your depression. I always found it difficult to talk to people when things got tough, and I'd retreat into myself. I still do.
Sorry to go back to me, but there's a couple of people who I thought were friends, who I thought I could talk to, who I thought were happy to listen and wanted to help. And then one of them told me (in a letter) how she'd "Had to put up with you talking about your 'problems'." [Of course when she was talking about how her son had no time for her, or how badly he was raising his kids, or how awful her husband was to her that was totally different. Because it was her talking I suppose.]
Deserto - Glad it went well. Not sure what else to say. I'm generally pretty crap at relationships, so I'm not much use when it comes to advice.
Luling - what a great list. And anything that helps keep you sober is a good thing.
Everyone else - actually, everyone, have a good day. Don't let the winds of everyday life blow you off course. Be good to yourselves. Be nice to yourselves.
Day 19. Cold, wet, windy and miserable. And for once I'm not talking about me. It's the weather. Midsummer and the sky is a hazy shade of winter. Slight headache this morning, nothing bad, it's just there.Mum goes to day care on Fridays, have I mentioned that before? I forget. I forget a lot of things. So she has to be up early. And for all that, they often don't come to collect her till nearly 10am.
Oh yes, she's started whispering to herself recently. Or maybe whispering at me, it's hard to tell. All I know is it's... unsettling.
But 3, 2, 1, we're back to the here and now. Well, almost. Last night, after I nearly gave in to Catherine and bought her a bottle of vodka ("Hey, you liked it when you were a student. Plus..." (sing song voice) "Less calories than beer. Not as filling either...") I came back and made little mini-pizzas. [slice of bread, tomato puree, salami, black pudding, onion, garlic. A few slices of cheese, oregano, shoved under the grill till the cheese melted. I liked mine, although maybe I should have put them in the microwave to warm the tomato first and then added the rest of the toppings?]
Sorry, I keep going off at tangents. Need to remember that this isn't Scott Pilgrim.
Anyway, feeling better than yesterday. Still a little tired, but not so much. Got a few things to do, and then I've got a meeting tonight. Going to try to get the courage to ask someone if they'll sponsor me. I mean, the worst that can happen is that they say 'no' right?
Payton - really hope that things work out. Moving back 'home' can be a good thing. The support of friends and family is always good. And yes, well done on reaching out to people about your depression. I always found it difficult to talk to people when things got tough, and I'd retreat into myself. I still do.
Sorry to go back to me, but there's a couple of people who I thought were friends, who I thought I could talk to, who I thought were happy to listen and wanted to help. And then one of them told me (in a letter) how she'd "Had to put up with you talking about your 'problems'." [Of course when she was talking about how her son had no time for her, or how badly he was raising his kids, or how awful her husband was to her that was totally different. Because it was her talking I suppose.]
Deserto - Glad it went well. Not sure what else to say. I'm generally pretty crap at relationships, so I'm not much use when it comes to advice.
Luling - what a great list. And anything that helps keep you sober is a good thing.
Everyone else - actually, everyone, have a good day. Don't let the winds of everyday life blow you off course. Be good to yourselves. Be nice to yourselves.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 568
Sleep is overrated. You know, if I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to NEVER sleep, always being 100% wide awake. Can you imagine how productive one could be in a constant state of alertness? I could finally organize my cookbook collection and then maybe save the world. Anyway, since I'm no superhuman (I'm not actually Wonder Woman, as my avatar suggests), I might finally go to the doc about my sleep issues. I'm kind of at the point where driving isn't such a good idea. I started to nod off at a red light yesterday, which is no good.
Other than that, I'm doing very well. A small craving ambushed me out of nowhere yesterday, but I was able to brush it off. I'm not too worried about this weekend either; my husband understands that when I say I need to go for a walk now that means he needs to hold down the fort for a while so I can take a breather. I've done my share of griping about my husband around here, but he's actually kind of awesome. He's really trying to help, he just needed me to directly tell him how.
Hey Emily, sorry your friend disappointed you. She sounds very selfish, given the fact that you've been there for her through so much but she doesn't want to reciprocate when someone else needs a bit of support. I hope you don't take it too hard; it sounds like she has issues, which is no reflection on you.
Anyway, I'd better put on those running shoes and head out before it starts getting too hot. Have a great day!
Other than that, I'm doing very well. A small craving ambushed me out of nowhere yesterday, but I was able to brush it off. I'm not too worried about this weekend either; my husband understands that when I say I need to go for a walk now that means he needs to hold down the fort for a while so I can take a breather. I've done my share of griping about my husband around here, but he's actually kind of awesome. He's really trying to help, he just needed me to directly tell him how.
Hey Emily, sorry your friend disappointed you. She sounds very selfish, given the fact that you've been there for her through so much but she doesn't want to reciprocate when someone else needs a bit of support. I hope you don't take it too hard; it sounds like she has issues, which is no reflection on you.
Anyway, I'd better put on those running shoes and head out before it starts getting too hot. Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Good Morning All.
Congratulations Uninvited on 31 days
Luling - I really liked the idea of writing down why you didn't want to drink and know that can be difficult when you haven't had enough rest. Deserto - Thrilled to hear that your day with Mrs. Deserto went so well. It sounded like a lovley day Payton - Prayers sent for you sweetie! My insomnia is rearing it's ugly head. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. It is bringing on feelings of drinking. BUT, I know that they are just feelings and I do not have to act on them. I also know that drinking is not what I want or need. My brain really needs rest and relaxation. I did compile a list of "Not Yets" as my sponsor requested. They include:
1) Drunk driving and killing someone
2) Drunk driving and physically injuring myself to the point of no return (paraplegic, brain damaged, missing limbs, etc.)
3. Drunk driving and being handcuffed and locked in a jail cel
4. Losing the priviledge to drive
5. Drinking and allowing my animals to be harmed or killed
6. Daily drinking and being physically unable to stop
7. Early onset alzheimers brought on by drinking
8. Round the clock panic attacks
9. Increased depression leading to suicidal thoughts
10. Shaking and DTs
11. Heart disease brought on by excessive drinking
12. Cancer brought on by excessive drinking
13. Esphogal Varicies and bleeding out in five minutes
14. Cirrohosis of the liver
15. Pancreatitis
16. Wernicke's Syndrome (mental disorder involving loss of coordination and disruption of senses)
17. Korsakoff's Syndrome or alcohol amnesic disorder (brain deterioration, 66% never recover, 17% die)
18. Seriously injuring myself when drinking
Congratulations Uninvited on 31 days
Luling - I really liked the idea of writing down why you didn't want to drink and know that can be difficult when you haven't had enough rest. Deserto - Thrilled to hear that your day with Mrs. Deserto went so well. It sounded like a lovley day Payton - Prayers sent for you sweetie! My insomnia is rearing it's ugly head. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. It is bringing on feelings of drinking. BUT, I know that they are just feelings and I do not have to act on them. I also know that drinking is not what I want or need. My brain really needs rest and relaxation. I did compile a list of "Not Yets" as my sponsor requested. They include:1) Drunk driving and killing someone
2) Drunk driving and physically injuring myself to the point of no return (paraplegic, brain damaged, missing limbs, etc.)
3. Drunk driving and being handcuffed and locked in a jail cel
4. Losing the priviledge to drive
5. Drinking and allowing my animals to be harmed or killed
6. Daily drinking and being physically unable to stop
7. Early onset alzheimers brought on by drinking
8. Round the clock panic attacks
9. Increased depression leading to suicidal thoughts
10. Shaking and DTs
11. Heart disease brought on by excessive drinking
12. Cancer brought on by excessive drinking
13. Esphogal Varicies and bleeding out in five minutes
14. Cirrohosis of the liver
15. Pancreatitis
16. Wernicke's Syndrome (mental disorder involving loss of coordination and disruption of senses)
17. Korsakoff's Syndrome or alcohol amnesic disorder (brain deterioration, 66% never recover, 17% die)
18. Seriously injuring myself when drinking
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast, USA
Posts: 631
Hey everyone!
So much good stuff here. I am just blown away by the amount of hope and support each one of us is giving to each other. It really is awesome to read!
Deserto: Congratulations on how things are going with your wife. Just remember to do everything as you are doing and take things nice and slowly. You are rebuilding trust and that takes time. But your date sounds awesome and I am sure your wife is seeing all of the efforts you are making. My wife and I are closer than we have ever been right now, and that is so key to my sobriety.
To everyone else, sorry I have been lame in checking in but I have been really, really busy, but now I realize I have to be posting every day if only one line because I am simply missing too much good stuff around here!
Things are good for me. Drinking is actually starting to fade for me. I have still been working out but now that it is summer I am really cranking it up and eating right as well.
I have not been thinking very much at all about drinking lately but I am making sure to keep my guard up. I just really think this time I am done with it and the change feels real and tangible. It is nice to not have to be thinking about not drinking every moment of the day. I can see I will probably be lucky and not have regular cravings at all like some folks do. That doesn't mean I won't need to be vigilant, but it is kind of the same way it was with me with smoking. It is like it takes me forever to actually quit, but once I am done I am done. I promise not to take my sobriety for granted though, or that if I am not mindful of triggers I might stumble. But in general things are just really, really good. I feel strong and like each day I move forward and grow.
Wishing everyone well on Friday. Hard to believe in a short time it will be July 4th: BIG trigger for me. Always a huge drinking holiday for me. But I can see how much stronger than I was at Memorial Day.
I will not fib and say it seems like I quit drinking yesterday. These 51 days seem like a very long time (that is not a bad thing). I am thankful not to be haunted daily by alcohol. I realize I am very fortunate in that.
Take care everyone!
Lee
So much good stuff here. I am just blown away by the amount of hope and support each one of us is giving to each other. It really is awesome to read!
Deserto: Congratulations on how things are going with your wife. Just remember to do everything as you are doing and take things nice and slowly. You are rebuilding trust and that takes time. But your date sounds awesome and I am sure your wife is seeing all of the efforts you are making. My wife and I are closer than we have ever been right now, and that is so key to my sobriety.
To everyone else, sorry I have been lame in checking in but I have been really, really busy, but now I realize I have to be posting every day if only one line because I am simply missing too much good stuff around here!
Things are good for me. Drinking is actually starting to fade for me. I have still been working out but now that it is summer I am really cranking it up and eating right as well.
I have not been thinking very much at all about drinking lately but I am making sure to keep my guard up. I just really think this time I am done with it and the change feels real and tangible. It is nice to not have to be thinking about not drinking every moment of the day. I can see I will probably be lucky and not have regular cravings at all like some folks do. That doesn't mean I won't need to be vigilant, but it is kind of the same way it was with me with smoking. It is like it takes me forever to actually quit, but once I am done I am done. I promise not to take my sobriety for granted though, or that if I am not mindful of triggers I might stumble. But in general things are just really, really good. I feel strong and like each day I move forward and grow.
Wishing everyone well on Friday. Hard to believe in a short time it will be July 4th: BIG trigger for me. Always a huge drinking holiday for me. But I can see how much stronger than I was at Memorial Day.
I will not fib and say it seems like I quit drinking yesterday. These 51 days seem like a very long time (that is not a bad thing). I am thankful not to be haunted daily by alcohol. I realize I am very fortunate in that.
Take care everyone!
Lee
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 513
CREW! Somehow I missed your post last night! Thank you for sharing so much with. That was a really thought provoking post for me. Interestingly enough, my husband is the or who is very codependent and the one who has always picked me up. Growing up w addicts he learned codependency very well. I think this side of him is honestly sequlae of an abusive childhood that he needs to deal with. I do love him very much. I
Ginger - he knows why I would want to move back. He has grief about leaving and I know he carries serious guilt for how our family was totally disrupted. I could see the pain in his face. I felt sad for him but I also refused to accept his projection. It is definitely hard being totally alone. I only get my haircut when my parents are visiting, we never get to go anywhere alone. I'm sorry you are so far from your families - you totally get it. My daughter and I got very very sick and I was in the hospital all alone because husband had to be at home watching the baby. That's an extreme example but it was hard. I have one good friend here but I can rely on her 24/7.
Last nights he looked at homes in our old neighborhood online, this morning he asked me if I would be able to reconnect with my friends from home (um YES), and he told me he just got an email for another job actually IN my hometown he is also going to apply to. He is going to apply to them.
One other thing about our dynamic...in his defense I tend to run my opinion into the ground like a rhino (lol) even when he needs space. I find it hard to not make sure I am heard and I know I can be aggressive and very blunt and it can be hard to be on the receiving end. I am not a passive person by any means.
I want to go home...I hope this works out. I got an AMAZING email from a friend I reached out to. I am so glad I reached out to her! I am slowly learning.
I'm on my phone and need to get breakfast for my daughter so I will be back later. I do feel your love and it means the world to me. I have lots of thoughts about everyone else's posts - just short on time.
Ginger - he knows why I would want to move back. He has grief about leaving and I know he carries serious guilt for how our family was totally disrupted. I could see the pain in his face. I felt sad for him but I also refused to accept his projection. It is definitely hard being totally alone. I only get my haircut when my parents are visiting, we never get to go anywhere alone. I'm sorry you are so far from your families - you totally get it. My daughter and I got very very sick and I was in the hospital all alone because husband had to be at home watching the baby. That's an extreme example but it was hard. I have one good friend here but I can rely on her 24/7.
Last nights he looked at homes in our old neighborhood online, this morning he asked me if I would be able to reconnect with my friends from home (um YES), and he told me he just got an email for another job actually IN my hometown he is also going to apply to. He is going to apply to them.
One other thing about our dynamic...in his defense I tend to run my opinion into the ground like a rhino (lol) even when he needs space. I find it hard to not make sure I am heard and I know I can be aggressive and very blunt and it can be hard to be on the receiving end. I am not a passive person by any means.
I want to go home...I hope this works out. I got an AMAZING email from a friend I reached out to. I am so glad I reached out to her! I am slowly learning.
I'm on my phone and need to get breakfast for my daughter so I will be back later. I do feel your love and it means the world to me. I have lots of thoughts about everyone else's posts - just short on time.
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