Codependency and Beyond Part 15
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Annie))) - many, many hugs and prayers for you and your mom. Glad to hear your homecoming week is over, and hope you can get some REST now!!
I've still had a few tears today...found some letters from the now dead XABF, a little picture album my aunt had put together that had some really cool pics, but also my mom and g'ma's obits (which I'm glad to have, it was just tough reading them), and my nursing school graduation picture.
However, I also found some really, really great cards/notes that lifted me up, AND Brit just walked in the door!!! I haven't seen her in 2 months, so am VERY glad she's home
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've still had a few tears today...found some letters from the now dead XABF, a little picture album my aunt had put together that had some really cool pics, but also my mom and g'ma's obits (which I'm glad to have, it was just tough reading them), and my nursing school graduation picture.
However, I also found some really, really great cards/notes that lifted me up, AND Brit just walked in the door!!! I haven't seen her in 2 months, so am VERY glad she's home
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Monday, September 20, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Spontaneity
In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous.
Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good; be right; be perfect; be strong; don't have fun; and always be in control.
We may associate spontaneity with acting out in an addictive, compulsive, self destructive, or irresponsible manner.
That's not what we're talking about in recovery. Positive spontaneity involves freely expressing who we are - in a way that is fun, healthy, doesn't hurt us, and doesn't infringe on the right of others.
We learn to be spontaneous and free as we grow in self-awareness and self esteem. Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.
Being spontaneous is connected to our ability to play and achieve intimacy. For all those desirable acts, we need to be able to let go of our need to control others and ourselves and fully and freely enter into the present moment.
Let go of your tight rein on yourself. So what if you make a mistake? So what if you're wrong? Relish your imperfections. Let yourself be a little needy, a little vulnerable. Take a risk!
We can be spontaneous without hurting ourselves, or others. In fact, everyone will benefit by our spontaneity.
Today, I will throw out the rulebook and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, others, and myself.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Spontaneity
In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous.
Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good; be right; be perfect; be strong; don't have fun; and always be in control.
We may associate spontaneity with acting out in an addictive, compulsive, self destructive, or irresponsible manner.
That's not what we're talking about in recovery. Positive spontaneity involves freely expressing who we are - in a way that is fun, healthy, doesn't hurt us, and doesn't infringe on the right of others.
We learn to be spontaneous and free as we grow in self-awareness and self esteem. Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.
Being spontaneous is connected to our ability to play and achieve intimacy. For all those desirable acts, we need to be able to let go of our need to control others and ourselves and fully and freely enter into the present moment.
Let go of your tight rein on yourself. So what if you make a mistake? So what if you're wrong? Relish your imperfections. Let yourself be a little needy, a little vulnerable. Take a risk!
We can be spontaneous without hurting ourselves, or others. In fact, everyone will benefit by our spontaneity.
Today, I will throw out the rulebook and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, others, and myself.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
prayers of healing, comfort and grace for all those in pain ~ physical and emotional - may your HP touch you so that you feel the presence of the healing in all areas of your life.
just dropping by to say Good Morning & today is YOUR day - please go and enjoy every moment!!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
just dropping by to say Good Morning & today is YOUR day - please go and enjoy every moment!!
PINK HUGS!
Rita
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Today, I have true appreciation for what ((Ann)) always says about "the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days"
I haven't gone by work, yet, to check with the mgr about my other job, BUT, just got back from school and my grant was approved!!!! My tuition will be paid, as well as $150/qtr toward books!
I did make it out of the bldg before the tears of gratitude fell. Called aunt Phyllis and mom-Kay, and even THEY were crying with happiness.
I had to wait in line for 1-1/2 hours, talked to a girl who's going into the nursing program. Got in there, gave the lady my paperwork and told her I'm a bit confused...don't know what classes I'm taking, (know what I WANT to take), or what I'm supposed to do next.
She said "come back to room 606 on Oct 4th, so we can pay for it". I'm sure my jaw dropped, as I asked "you mean I got the grant"..she grinned and said "yep, you got it!!"
Dad had a trip fall through, then got another one. I told him "looks like God's been working good in BOTH our lives" and he agreed.
I have the beginning of a migraine, with the bright-flashing-lights thing but took my migraine pill and am about to take a shower then head to work and hope my good luck continues.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I haven't gone by work, yet, to check with the mgr about my other job, BUT, just got back from school and my grant was approved!!!! My tuition will be paid, as well as $150/qtr toward books!
I did make it out of the bldg before the tears of gratitude fell. Called aunt Phyllis and mom-Kay, and even THEY were crying with happiness.
I had to wait in line for 1-1/2 hours, talked to a girl who's going into the nursing program. Got in there, gave the lady my paperwork and told her I'm a bit confused...don't know what classes I'm taking, (know what I WANT to take), or what I'm supposed to do next.
She said "come back to room 606 on Oct 4th, so we can pay for it". I'm sure my jaw dropped, as I asked "you mean I got the grant"..she grinned and said "yep, you got it!!"
Dad had a trip fall through, then got another one. I told him "looks like God's been working good in BOTH our lives" and he agreed.
I have the beginning of a migraine, with the bright-flashing-lights thing but took my migraine pill and am about to take a shower then head to work and hope my good luck continues.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I have missed you all so much!
I have so many exuberant things to share!
We only have one glitch to deal with and I figure those are better than great odds, eh? LOL
I only have a temporary and bad....s....l....o.....w....internet connection right now but I just had to check in and tell you all that I love you!
OH, everything is going well and in fact had the most fun a person can have at the 2 days of the music fest...then monthly hormones hit me yesterday...I was like WHAT?? I am too old, I thought this was over with. But it hit me hard...caused me to be so daggoned tired and then, yes, weepy. Crying over nothing. I had planned to be unpacking and fixing things up here and had been so excited about it...but I can take this in stride...drink lots of ice water, get lots of rest...the hardest part is not feeling guilty for the work I haven't gotten done and getting down on myself. I know very well that this will pass in short order and really is no big deal. I am not sure why I can't seem to accept a couple or a few days down....it's like I think everyone else does their work anyway so I am less than. Shoot, that is probably my hormones doing my thinking for me too! LOL
I really do have tons of wonderful things....but this is my safe place to share my difficulties, I guess.
many super big hugs!
I have so many exuberant things to share!
We only have one glitch to deal with and I figure those are better than great odds, eh? LOL
I only have a temporary and bad....s....l....o.....w....internet connection right now but I just had to check in and tell you all that I love you!
OH, everything is going well and in fact had the most fun a person can have at the 2 days of the music fest...then monthly hormones hit me yesterday...I was like WHAT?? I am too old, I thought this was over with. But it hit me hard...caused me to be so daggoned tired and then, yes, weepy. Crying over nothing. I had planned to be unpacking and fixing things up here and had been so excited about it...but I can take this in stride...drink lots of ice water, get lots of rest...the hardest part is not feeling guilty for the work I haven't gotten done and getting down on myself. I know very well that this will pass in short order and really is no big deal. I am not sure why I can't seem to accept a couple or a few days down....it's like I think everyone else does their work anyway so I am less than. Shoot, that is probably my hormones doing my thinking for me too! LOL
I really do have tons of wonderful things....but this is my safe place to share my difficulties, I guess.
many super big hugs!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Live)))) - good to see you back with us!!! I totally get the hormones...I'm ready to have them all removed, even though I know that's not truly an option....sigh.
Don't know, for sure, about the job. They were slammed at work, and the boss lady was there. D told me "you need to call me in the morning" (he'll be at work). I did get a minute to find out I passed the assessment test, and when I asked "can you tell me if things look good", he said "yes", so I'll find out tomorrow.
I'm prepared for whatever happens, truly. I've been running around on cloud 9, most of the day, and now I'm just worn out. About to grab Elvis and curl up, for a while.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Don't know, for sure, about the job. They were slammed at work, and the boss lady was there. D told me "you need to call me in the morning" (he'll be at work). I did get a minute to find out I passed the assessment test, and when I asked "can you tell me if things look good", he said "yes", so I'll find out tomorrow.
I'm prepared for whatever happens, truly. I've been running around on cloud 9, most of the day, and now I'm just worn out. About to grab Elvis and curl up, for a while.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 2
(((grateful2b))) My parent is narcissistic. She is jealous of my relationship with my own father, which is healthy and supportive. She constantly critiques me, uninvited, and those always prove to be negative. Also my abuser, mentally and emotionally as a child, she continues as an adult to have to be the most beautiful, smartest, and wittiest female in the room at the expense of the relationship with her daughter. I am powerless. I have cut all ties with her and I am RELIEVED and SAD. I'm torn by my decision but I had to choose me, my sobriety and my sanity. Being alone isn't bad, it's healing. I've had to reflect on my decision in solitude to ask if I actually had the right to cut her out of my life. With her, I have no life -- I get so depressed, I become suicidal. This is survival mode now. The sad part is I don't miss her when we are apart. I miss her when she's THERE. Does this all make sense? I have blessed and released her on her birthday with no contact. Tough but necessary. I have so much love to give. I am enough today.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Amy,
I am thrilled that you got the financial aid you needed. That's such good news!
Live,
It sounds like your move is going well. How do you like your new place?
Caffeind,
I know how hard it is to break free from an abusive mother. And, sometimes having no contact is the best thing for you.
I am thrilled that you got the financial aid you needed. That's such good news!
Live,
It sounds like your move is going well. How do you like your new place?
Caffeind,
I know how hard it is to break free from an abusive mother. And, sometimes having no contact is the best thing for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Caffeind))) - I'm sorry your mom can't appreciate what an awesome daughter she has. I'm glad you've posted here, and know you'll get the support from others who have dealt with this.
Soooooo, I called the mgr and he said they're not hiring THIS month, but he plans to have me in the first week of Oct. to interview with the store mgr, get me hired, and if I want to work at one of their locations closer to the house, we can "work that out, too" I knew, when I saw him, yesterday, he'd had it at my McD's. He had....he will not be back. He's going to work, a couple days a week, at another location and said that the option is also open for me.
He vindicated my feelings of how dysfunctional my workplace is. Said that, in 20 years, with McD's, he's NEVER seen such a control freak like my store owner, one who thrives on confrontation. He told her she didn't "manage" people, she "badgers" them.
Anyway, I will call him next week to set up the interview. For now, I'm calm about it, and actually feel confident!
I had a horrible nightmare that I kept waking up from, then going right back into. I woke up, in a cold sweat, just knowing that I was about to be locked up for something I didn't do. A few minutes later, though, the "message" came through...loud and clear. I'm not in control. Yes, I control what I do, how I react, etc., but there is a loving God who has plans for me. Funny, how I've known this all along, but had to get back to accepting it for things to start working out.
I told Tess that I'd told God "okay, I get the message now...loud and clear" and she said she thinks HE'S been saying the same thing, to me, all along I just had to work on this patience issue I have.
I go back in to work, today. NOT looking forward to it, but I truly believe my time there is coming to an end.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Soooooo, I called the mgr and he said they're not hiring THIS month, but he plans to have me in the first week of Oct. to interview with the store mgr, get me hired, and if I want to work at one of their locations closer to the house, we can "work that out, too"
I knew, when I saw him, yesterday, he'd had it at my McD's. He had....he will not be back. He's going to work, a couple days a week, at another location and said that the option is also open for me.He vindicated my feelings of how dysfunctional my workplace is. Said that, in 20 years, with McD's, he's NEVER seen such a control freak like my store owner, one who thrives on confrontation. He told her she didn't "manage" people, she "badgers" them.
Anyway, I will call him next week to set up the interview. For now, I'm calm about it, and actually feel confident!
I had a horrible nightmare that I kept waking up from, then going right back into. I woke up, in a cold sweat, just knowing that I was about to be locked up for something I didn't do. A few minutes later, though, the "message" came through...loud and clear. I'm not in control. Yes, I control what I do, how I react, etc., but there is a loving God who has plans for me. Funny, how I've known this all along, but had to get back to accepting it for things to start working out.
I told Tess that I'd told God "okay, I get the message now...loud and clear" and she said she thinks HE'S been saying the same thing, to me, all along
I just had to work on this patience issue I have.I go back in to work, today. NOT looking forward to it, but I truly believe my time there is coming to an end.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
One more thing...another good "Ralph"
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Make worry impossible
+++++++++++++++++++
Worry is possible only when you forget how strong you can be.
Worry is possible only when you forget how creative and
effective and resilient you can be.
When you feel worry, you're feeling something that is based
on a misinterpretation of the truth. For the truth is that
you can respond in a powerful, positive and successful way
to whatever may happen.
You've successfully navigated a lifetime of challenges.
You've made it through countless difficult and demanding
situations.
With each new day, you've become stronger, more
knowledgeable, more experienced and more capable. And as
such, you can choose to replace every negative worry with
multiple positive actions.
Remind yourself of all the good and valuable things you've
done. Remind yourself of the outstanding opportunities
available to you right now.
Fill your mind with thoughts of your strengths, your
passions, your effectiveness, and your positive
possibilities. And you'll make worry impossible for you.
Ralph Marston
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Make worry impossible
+++++++++++++++++++
Worry is possible only when you forget how strong you can be.
Worry is possible only when you forget how creative and
effective and resilient you can be.
When you feel worry, you're feeling something that is based
on a misinterpretation of the truth. For the truth is that
you can respond in a powerful, positive and successful way
to whatever may happen.
You've successfully navigated a lifetime of challenges.
You've made it through countless difficult and demanding
situations.
With each new day, you've become stronger, more
knowledgeable, more experienced and more capable. And as
such, you can choose to replace every negative worry with
multiple positive actions.
Remind yourself of all the good and valuable things you've
done. Remind yourself of the outstanding opportunities
available to you right now.
Fill your mind with thoughts of your strengths, your
passions, your effectiveness, and your positive
possibilities. And you'll make worry impossible for you.
Ralph Marston
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Trusting Ourselves
Many of us believed that heeding the words of God or our Higher Power meant following rigid rules, an instruction booklet for life.
Many of us now believe differently. The rigid rules, the endless instructions, the exhortation to perfection, are not the words our Higher Power whispers.
The words of God are often those still, small words we call intuition or instinct, leading and guiding us forward.
We are free to be whom we are, to listen to and trust ourselves. We are free to listen to the gentle, loving words of a Higher Power, words whispered to and through each of us.
Today, help me, God; to let go of shame based rigid rules. I will choose the freedom of loving, listening, and trusting.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Trusting Ourselves
Many of us believed that heeding the words of God or our Higher Power meant following rigid rules, an instruction booklet for life.
Many of us now believe differently. The rigid rules, the endless instructions, the exhortation to perfection, are not the words our Higher Power whispers.
The words of God are often those still, small words we call intuition or instinct, leading and guiding us forward.
We are free to be whom we are, to listen to and trust ourselves. We are free to listen to the gentle, loving words of a Higher Power, words whispered to and through each of us.
Today, help me, God; to let go of shame based rigid rules. I will choose the freedom of loving, listening, and trusting.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
its funny, in my other 12 step program, there are a lot of things that have become "rules" that no one really knows where they started or why. People will chide me on my appearance, my choice of seating in meetings, my lack of "commitments" and so on. I think this helped lead to the panic attack I suffered through at the big meeting months ago, but I am gradually learning to sift out the voice of peer pressure from the next right thing. I have always marched to the beat of my own drummer, and there is no shame in that, nor is there danger of relapse because of that. My higher power and my life experienced shaped my into who I am, and the universe seems capable of accommodating all of our eccentricities.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Okay, well our neighbors are just angels!
They helped us unload, one came over and power washed the deck/porch and between 2of them have kept us fed dinner every day except the 2 days we were gone for the fest.
This town has it's heritage in music and that is evident everywhere.
There were approx 180 groups or musicians and 20 stages for the three days and they put on 310 shows.
We didn't go uptown (10 minutes from home) Friday as we had just arrived at 4am that morning and was tired.
Sat we went and I was trying to catch a bit of as many as I could...walked my feet off for 7 hours...life in the fast lane ain't what it used to be...I was a little embarassed to ask D at 10pm if he wanted to go home!? LOL (but I am out getting excercise which I did not do in OK)
Went up for the full 6 hour day Sunday but had picked the shows (with help from natives) so didn't do as much walking.
I skipped the big name country western bands, they don't interest me.
But old mountain music and negro field music just entrances me.
I saw a group of 4 women, a Celtic choir....and was just heartbroke that I only caught the end of their show...I fell in love!
In a blues duo there was a man who hooted on the harmonica that had the crowd going wild and I was just awed...I asked D, "Does that man even breathe?"
They put a shame on Beale St in Memphis!
Another black lady did an old "field holler" song acapello that gave me goosebumps and had everyone holding their breath.
There was a bluegrass band that was Nashville polished, some having played with Allison Kraus and the like. That was pure feel good.
And I will save talking about the Carolina Chocolate Drops for later.
I bought a hardcover copy of "Man of Constant Sorrow" my life and times by Dr Ralph Stanley. I am cherishing it.
If you have seen "O Brother Where Art Thou?", you have heard their music or better yet
seen the dvd of their benefit concert.....a MUST see in my opinion.
I also got a hand thrown original piece of pottery...another thing this area is traditionally known for. I love it.
I read their daily paper...it won a Pulitzer prize for public service...and look forward to it.
I never cared a whit about Shawnee OK and just pretended I wasn't there.
People are friendly! It's true Southern hospitality..and I adore the dialect!
I don't have anything to say about the house yet..cause I don't know.
I have either been too busy, gone or asleep.
There are so many activities going on it is hard to choose!
This evening we are going to a church informational study group...I have had a soft spot in my heart for the Benedectines for a long time and the Catholic church here is Benedictine, that is new to D and he has an interest so that's what we are doing tonight.
The glitch has been getting the electric turned on...the deposit is more than 10 percent of the cost of the home! Should be on within a few days....
The lady also stole the air conditioners out of the windows and it has been unseasonably hot.
Factor in the hormones and I have had a few weepy days....but I know that I love it here and that all these things will be worked out in short order.
Lisa, I am so glad that my eccentricities are okay...I can't be any other way, I have tried! LOL
Granny Clampett and I am HOME, home at last!
oh,,,the neighbor hooked up a power cord to us so we have a fan in the windows and a lamp...I could do without but they are so daggoned hospitable.!!!!
They helped us unload, one came over and power washed the deck/porch and between 2of them have kept us fed dinner every day except the 2 days we were gone for the fest.
This town has it's heritage in music and that is evident everywhere.
There were approx 180 groups or musicians and 20 stages for the three days and they put on 310 shows.
We didn't go uptown (10 minutes from home) Friday as we had just arrived at 4am that morning and was tired.
Sat we went and I was trying to catch a bit of as many as I could...walked my feet off for 7 hours...life in the fast lane ain't what it used to be...I was a little embarassed to ask D at 10pm if he wanted to go home!? LOL (but I am out getting excercise which I did not do in OK)
Went up for the full 6 hour day Sunday but had picked the shows (with help from natives) so didn't do as much walking.
I skipped the big name country western bands, they don't interest me.
But old mountain music and negro field music just entrances me.
I saw a group of 4 women, a Celtic choir....and was just heartbroke that I only caught the end of their show...I fell in love!
In a blues duo there was a man who hooted on the harmonica that had the crowd going wild and I was just awed...I asked D, "Does that man even breathe?"
They put a shame on Beale St in Memphis!
Another black lady did an old "field holler" song acapello that gave me goosebumps and had everyone holding their breath.
There was a bluegrass band that was Nashville polished, some having played with Allison Kraus and the like. That was pure feel good.
And I will save talking about the Carolina Chocolate Drops for later.
I bought a hardcover copy of "Man of Constant Sorrow" my life and times by Dr Ralph Stanley. I am cherishing it.
If you have seen "O Brother Where Art Thou?", you have heard their music or better yet
seen the dvd of their benefit concert.....a MUST see in my opinion.
I also got a hand thrown original piece of pottery...another thing this area is traditionally known for. I love it.
I read their daily paper...it won a Pulitzer prize for public service...and look forward to it.
I never cared a whit about Shawnee OK and just pretended I wasn't there.
People are friendly! It's true Southern hospitality..and I adore the dialect!
I don't have anything to say about the house yet..cause I don't know.
I have either been too busy, gone or asleep.
There are so many activities going on it is hard to choose!
This evening we are going to a church informational study group...I have had a soft spot in my heart for the Benedectines for a long time and the Catholic church here is Benedictine, that is new to D and he has an interest so that's what we are doing tonight.
The glitch has been getting the electric turned on...the deposit is more than 10 percent of the cost of the home! Should be on within a few days....
The lady also stole the air conditioners out of the windows and it has been unseasonably hot.
Factor in the hormones and I have had a few weepy days....but I know that I love it here and that all these things will be worked out in short order.
Lisa, I am so glad that my eccentricities are okay...I can't be any other way, I have tried! LOL
Granny Clampett and I am HOME, home at last!
oh,,,the neighbor hooked up a power cord to us so we have a fan in the windows and a lamp...I could do without but they are so daggoned hospitable.!!!!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
WOW - Amy I needed this so so so much today - thank you - gonna post it on my FB!!!!
When you feel worry, you're feeling something that is based
on a misinterpretation of the truth. For the truth is that
you can respond in a powerful, positive and successful way
to whatever may happen.
Congrats on the grant news - so very glad for you - hope the new job works out great! As far as finishing out on the old one - "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" You will be delivered soon!!
LIVE ~ missed you bunches!!! hormones - lack of can be just as bad too honey - dose up on the self-care and trust you'll be back to YOUR NORMAL in no time!
Hey to everyone else - hope y'all have a great afternoon!!!
PINK HUGS
Gypsy - hate you had such a negative experience in the meeting - how painful - one of the many lessons I learned in recovery that's not about how you "attend" the meeting as much as it is about how you "listen" in the meeting.
When you feel worry, you're feeling something that is based
on a misinterpretation of the truth. For the truth is that
you can respond in a powerful, positive and successful way
to whatever may happen.
Congrats on the grant news - so very glad for you - hope the new job works out great! As far as finishing out on the old one - "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" You will be delivered soon!!
LIVE ~ missed you bunches!!! hormones - lack of can be just as bad too honey - dose up on the self-care and trust you'll be back to YOUR NORMAL in no time!
Hey to everyone else - hope y'all have a great afternoon!!!
PINK HUGS
Gypsy - hate you had such a negative experience in the meeting - how painful - one of the many lessons I learned in recovery that's not about how you "attend" the meeting as much as it is about how you "listen" in the meeting.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Annie,
Lots of prayers and positive thoughts for your Mom and for you, too!
Amy,
I will keep on praying that the new job will work out for you, sooner rather than later.
Lots of prayers and positive thoughts for your Mom and for you, too!
Amy,
I will keep on praying that the new job will work out for you, sooner rather than later.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Live))) - your new home sounds like just what you need...good neighbors, culture, and mountains So glad you are happy!
(((Annie))) - lots of love, hugs and prayers to you and your mom.
(((Lisa))) - marching to our own drum, IMO, is a good thing, as long as we stay true to ourself, and you are doing that.
I just have to share the b'day card my dad just gave me....I just gave him HIS (our b'days are a day apart), and we're both very touched at what we got each other.
I could tell you to stay true to yourself, but I know you already listen to your heart.
I could say you should make the most of every day, but you already love life with energy and compassion and an open mind. You know all about making moments count.
I could encourage you to follow your dreams and reach for those sparkly stars, but you already are - and let me just say, you shine beautifully.
I could remind you that I love you, and I will. I love you. Because even if you already knew it, that's one thing I can't say enough.
So, yes I've got the waterworks flowing again, but it means, so much to me, that he really DOES see the good changes I've tried to make in my life.
Off to find a kleenex
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
So glad you are happy!(((Annie))) - lots of love, hugs and prayers to you and your mom.
(((Lisa))) - marching to our own drum, IMO, is a good thing, as long as we stay true to ourself, and you are doing that.
I just have to share the b'day card my dad just gave me....I just gave him HIS (our b'days are a day apart), and we're both very touched at what we got each other.
I could tell you to stay true to yourself, but I know you already listen to your heart.
I could say you should make the most of every day, but you already love life with energy and compassion and an open mind. You know all about making moments count.
I could encourage you to follow your dreams and reach for those sparkly stars, but you already are - and let me just say, you shine beautifully.
I could remind you that I love you, and I will. I love you. Because even if you already knew it, that's one thing I can't say enough.
So, yes I've got the waterworks flowing again, but it means, so much to me, that he really DOES see the good changes I've tried to make in my life.
Off to find a kleenex
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere
Posts: 917
Annie, sending prayers to you and your mom...
I keep lurking here but I never apply anything. It's like theories is something and application is a completely different thing. I have recently resigned from work and I gave them a month notice. . I am starting on the 15th of October. It's a better job with a good salary. I know I should be thrilled and happy but I am not.
It's like I am grieving the 4 years I spent in my old company using drugs . I messed it up completely. Everybody knows my story simply because I told everyone that I am a pathetic drug addict who did not want to be involved in drugs but my life is too bad..my mom is sick, dad perfectionist who was always busy, blahblah.. So basically it feels bad to know that my drug use did not ruin my old job but the codependent me who looked for validation and approval from every employee. I would share my life story with almost half the company and the fact that I was high fueled it too.
I even hired a co-worker, my sister's friend, because I wanted someone to be my friend at work. I have already fought with everyone because of my insecurities leaving no friends, only enemies. The employees hated me or I imagined that and turned from passive to aggressive with them. So instead of helping this new co-worker when she first started work, I started asking to do my dishes, my paper work.. Ofcourse she reached a point where she rebelled . I ruined this friendship totally. She started hating me too and telling bad things about me to my boss. I spent the last 2 years trying to force her to be my friend when she hated me. I would tell hell my life story and she would keep her relation with me pure business. I would even ask her eveyrday if my cloth are fine. yeah, it was that bad. My dependency on her was like a drug . One time , I would get angry and start screaming at her then apologize then scream then apologize. It was a pure mess and chaos. It was a pure relation of victimizing myself at first and when I notice that others considered me weak I would turn mean thinking I would gain control back through this way. I remember when I was 8 or 9 year old, I would grab my brother and hang him over the balcony. He was then 2 year old. He oul be scared to death then I would pull him back and hug him tight. I would tell him it's ok. I know that was crazy but the crazier than that is living with a schizophrenic mom . Just like the drugs left an empty hole in me, my mom left a bigger hole that I tried to fill up with attention seeking, drugs, bfs…
Why I am saying all that now? I definitely don’t want to stay stuck in my past but I don’t want to move my problems with me to my new job. They say wherever you are, there you are. I know I have to work on my insecurities and codependent me. I have to heal my little inner child ; the 12 year old girl that was forced to be an adult and a mom to her mom. She never had the chance to be a child like other children. She had no one to teach her the simple basic skills in life. I only had a dad who was a perfectionest. He tried his best to push me totoward succes and college education. I was not allowed to rank second in my class. Well that worked and I finsihed college even on drugs because I was scared to fail. However, the difference between my intellect and emotional growth caused tons of problems . It produced an addict, a codependent, and twice suicide attempts.
So now, after I have one year clean, I simply want to work on my other issues to start a fresh clean start. I have to let that little girl grow up like my therapist said. She said that little girl is a 27 year old adult now. What makes my job harder is the fact that my new job is a financial controller with a team of accountant, purchase officers, sales officers and stock controller. The first thing that gets to mind is how can I lead a team of employees when I actually can't make a single relationship. I don’t know how to make friends. I will continue working with my therapist but I am also hoping for support her. I don’t want to blow this up. Technically, I got all what this job requires from qualifications but it also needs communication skills which I don’t posses. It really bothers me that job employers find in me a beautiful skillful employee where as all I find in me is my insecurities.
So no more victimization, no more poor me attitude and no more whining. I have decided not to whine about anything in this new job. I would be grateful if you'd share your experience on this. Thanks
I keep lurking here but I never apply anything. It's like theories is something and application is a completely different thing. I have recently resigned from work and I gave them a month notice. . I am starting on the 15th of October. It's a better job with a good salary. I know I should be thrilled and happy but I am not.
It's like I am grieving the 4 years I spent in my old company using drugs . I messed it up completely. Everybody knows my story simply because I told everyone that I am a pathetic drug addict who did not want to be involved in drugs but my life is too bad..my mom is sick, dad perfectionist who was always busy, blahblah.. So basically it feels bad to know that my drug use did not ruin my old job but the codependent me who looked for validation and approval from every employee. I would share my life story with almost half the company and the fact that I was high fueled it too.
I even hired a co-worker, my sister's friend, because I wanted someone to be my friend at work. I have already fought with everyone because of my insecurities leaving no friends, only enemies. The employees hated me or I imagined that and turned from passive to aggressive with them. So instead of helping this new co-worker when she first started work, I started asking to do my dishes, my paper work.. Ofcourse she reached a point where she rebelled . I ruined this friendship totally. She started hating me too and telling bad things about me to my boss. I spent the last 2 years trying to force her to be my friend when she hated me. I would tell hell my life story and she would keep her relation with me pure business. I would even ask her eveyrday if my cloth are fine. yeah, it was that bad. My dependency on her was like a drug . One time , I would get angry and start screaming at her then apologize then scream then apologize. It was a pure mess and chaos. It was a pure relation of victimizing myself at first and when I notice that others considered me weak I would turn mean thinking I would gain control back through this way. I remember when I was 8 or 9 year old, I would grab my brother and hang him over the balcony. He was then 2 year old. He oul be scared to death then I would pull him back and hug him tight. I would tell him it's ok. I know that was crazy but the crazier than that is living with a schizophrenic mom . Just like the drugs left an empty hole in me, my mom left a bigger hole that I tried to fill up with attention seeking, drugs, bfs…
Why I am saying all that now? I definitely don’t want to stay stuck in my past but I don’t want to move my problems with me to my new job. They say wherever you are, there you are. I know I have to work on my insecurities and codependent me. I have to heal my little inner child ; the 12 year old girl that was forced to be an adult and a mom to her mom. She never had the chance to be a child like other children. She had no one to teach her the simple basic skills in life. I only had a dad who was a perfectionest. He tried his best to push me totoward succes and college education. I was not allowed to rank second in my class. Well that worked and I finsihed college even on drugs because I was scared to fail. However, the difference between my intellect and emotional growth caused tons of problems . It produced an addict, a codependent, and twice suicide attempts.
So now, after I have one year clean, I simply want to work on my other issues to start a fresh clean start. I have to let that little girl grow up like my therapist said. She said that little girl is a 27 year old adult now. What makes my job harder is the fact that my new job is a financial controller with a team of accountant, purchase officers, sales officers and stock controller. The first thing that gets to mind is how can I lead a team of employees when I actually can't make a single relationship. I don’t know how to make friends. I will continue working with my therapist but I am also hoping for support her. I don’t want to blow this up. Technically, I got all what this job requires from qualifications but it also needs communication skills which I don’t posses. It really bothers me that job employers find in me a beautiful skillful employee where as all I find in me is my insecurities.
So no more victimization, no more poor me attitude and no more whining. I have decided not to whine about anything in this new job. I would be grateful if you'd share your experience on this. Thanks
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Annie)) praying and sending out good thoughts for you & YOUR MOM!!!!
((Jane)) My sponsor encouraged me to write a letter to the little girl I once was - to tell her how much I hate she had to experience the childhood I had. How wrong and sad it was that she didn't receive all that she needed in protection, love, emotional nurishment, understanding, etc. Then I told her - it was not her fault, once, then twice then three times ~ by then I was sobbing. I also wrote to that little girl that although I couldn't protect her from the pain when she was little; our HP & I would do everything possible today to protect her, to take care of her emotionally, spiritually and physically. She and I deserved it.
It was truly a healing time for me. I pray that your journey helps you in your healing process!
and now my friends . . . . .
:day
to Impurfect!!!
Amy, praying your day is filled with many blessings of love, joy, peace, happiness, laughter, serenity, sanity and C A K E!!!!!!!!!!
PINK HUGS to all!!!
((Jane)) My sponsor encouraged me to write a letter to the little girl I once was - to tell her how much I hate she had to experience the childhood I had. How wrong and sad it was that she didn't receive all that she needed in protection, love, emotional nurishment, understanding, etc. Then I told her - it was not her fault, once, then twice then three times ~ by then I was sobbing. I also wrote to that little girl that although I couldn't protect her from the pain when she was little; our HP & I would do everything possible today to protect her, to take care of her emotionally, spiritually and physically. She and I deserved it.
It was truly a healing time for me. I pray that your journey helps you in your healing process!
and now my friends . . . . .
:day
to Impurfect!!!
Amy, praying your day is filled with many blessings of love, joy, peace, happiness, laughter, serenity, sanity and C A K E!!!!!!!!!!
PINK HUGS to all!!!
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