Anna

The last part:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-14-a-20.html

BigDreams1

Thanks for the link

Gypsy Feet

whooooohooooo, aprt 15! We rock =)

Impurrfect

^^^^ - REALLY!! Remember when we were trying to get to 500 posts to become a "daily thread"?

I had a really neat day. I'm broke, really broke, and had briefly wondered how I'm going to swing missing a week of work and driving to MN next month, but decided I'd work all that I can, and let it go.

Talked to my aunt, today, and she asked if I was flying or driving (she's flying up) and I told her "driving". She said "okay, well I'm going to send you a couple hundred bucks to help with gas" How awesome!! That's almost a week's pay, right there!! I got off the phone, thinking how truly blessed I am.

Got to work and someone left their bb (blackberry) and sunglasses on the counter. I thought it was one girl's but she didn't come back, so I went to another woman who'd been at the counter with her husband and asked her if she left her phone and sunglasses at the counter. She was ecstatic that I had it, she had just realized that she didn't have it and was in a panic. Her husband came up to me, said "thank you" and put a $10 bill in my hand. She was also very grateful, and someone said what a neat thing I did. I don't see it that way, I just did what was right. I know how panicked I would be if I lost MY bb!!

Got off early, as it was slow, and got Elvis snuggled on me, and the dog at my feet, under the blankie.

I want to remember how peaceful I feel tonight. Things always work out, when I let go, but darned if I don't try to hang on to somethings way too long. Progress, not perfection, right?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

BigDreams1

(((AMY)))
What a great lesson you taught me on your post. I too have always seen things work out when I let go...so why do I always try to wrestle things back and control them?

My 6 am drama rehearsals start soon so I'd better get in the shower. Prayers for stamina would be great over the next couple of months as I tend to get only a few hours sleep until the musical is over.

I may not be posting a lot in the next few weeks...but I will be lurking and thinking and praying for you all

Love
annie

MsPINKAcres

((Amy)) how awesome for God to take care of everything for you - gives me the God bumps!!

((Annie)) when I first read your post about
"My 6 am drama rehearsals start soon so I'd better get in the shower. Prayers for stamina would be great over the next couple of months as I tend to get only a few hours sleep until the musical is over."
I thought you were talking about preparing to face the "drama" from dealing with a loved one affected by the active disease - then I realized oopps she is really in a musical play!!
:rotfxko

Hope you have a great time ~ lots of prayers & good thoughts for you as you face the challenges for stamina, stress and "make-up & Hair"

PINK HUGS to all - praying everyones day is filled with positive attitudes and PINKFUL blessings!!

Rita

grateful2b

You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation


Stopping Our Pain


September 8


Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.

- Beyond Codependency


There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past.

We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.

There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.

There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.

There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.

We have many choices about how to stop this pain We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behavior stops pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.

We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus, on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.

We may use religion to avoid our feelings.

We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.

We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.

We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band-Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem . They did not stop our pain, they postponed it.

In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move us forward - into a new decision, a better life.

We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remember to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.

If we are being pelleted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.

It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.

It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.

Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.


Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.

grateful2b

Hi everyone, not feeling well, stomach thing...will try and post later...

Impurrfect

(((Grateful))) - hope you feel better soon, sweetie.

(((Annie))) - prayers that you not only get through the musical, but find JOY in working with the kids I don't do well with lack of sleep, so will send more prayers your way.

(((Rita))) - awww, thanks!! It's only by working my recovery, and taking all the steps that all of you have taught me, that I've gotten to this point.

Got to get ready for work, will check in later.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

Impurrfect

I hate to double post, but my week just keeps getting better!! The mgr, at work, who I thought was over several McD's, and is awesome to work with, USED to be over other stores, but he his other job is at a Chili's restaurant.

I asked him if they needed servers, and he said "always"...told him I had 5 years experience and was a trainer, and he said "come on!!!!" The only bad part is it's about 35 miles from here, but I'm still going to go for it.

He's got a Master's degree in business and is working on one in theology; has 7 kids (6 girls!!) and is a family man, and he knows how to treat employees. My store owner got mad at him because things were moving too slow, and he stood up to her He's calm, a hard worker and is basically a dream boss.

I'd told him about school and my eventual plans, and he's very supportive....said "go for it!!" I told him about my vacation at the end of Oct., and he said I could either get everything done (Have to take an assessment test on behavior, but he said I'd probably make 100) and come to work AFTER I get back, or come when I want to and they'd work it out.

The other thing is there's a hospital in the same town that has been hiring lately, so maybe I could get a job there, too? I just know that the tips, there, would be way better than at my old job, and I can't keep going backwards at my current job. Yes, I may be able to get a job closer to home, but it could be just as dysfunctional. Knowing the mgr, I know how he runs shift and he knows how I work, so it would be good

I'm ecstatic!!! I'm planning on going over there tomorrow afternoon. I'd have to get a liquor license, but it should be no problem, as I have no felony. He doesn't know about my history, but he's one I may open up to, eventually, because he doesn't judge anyone.

I told him, when I left, that I'd be coming over there, and he said "I WILL be looking for you". I told him I'd tried to get server jobs, but they want the young kids and he said "the young ones don't work....YOU work!!" It's like an answer to a prayer

Even dad is excited, as I told him about it when I got home. He said he admired me for sticking with this job, but he really would like to see me elsewhere.

I'm not giving up on my dream of getting a "real" job, in a hospital, but this is a little detour and would net me way more money than I'm making. I could actually BREATHE a little easier.

Again....I let go, had decided I'd wait until after my vacation, then get busy looking for another job. This just dropped in my lap!!! God, most definitely, has shown me why I need to let go of stuff, and that HIS plan is way better than anything I could come up with!!

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy

FarawayFromCars

Hi All....does anyone have experience dealing with a narcissistic parent? As some of you know...my mother "de-friended" me on FB because I am, in her eyes a "bad daughter" for not enabling my alcoholic sister. She then contacted me, sounding hurt and sad, asking when I would reconnect with her on FB. I asked her why she had dropped me in the first place, and she completely denied it. She said, 'well you must have dropped me, FFC, I didn't drop you...." It is truly baffling. I think she has something mentally wrong with her if she believes her own lies? She has done this my entire life. I remember when I was younger...in one incident I caught her reading my diary, and she denied it, saying that I had "imagined seeing her in my room reading the diary". These traits coupled with many other traits (verbally and emotionally manipulative and abusive, for example), make me think she's narcissistic. Her own mother had NPD.
I just don't know what to think anymore....I don't know how to relate to this person at all....Like I said, it is baffling....sorry if this is rambling; not sure if it makes sense.

Impurrfect

(((Faraway))) - The only experience I have with the narcisstic person (in more than a casual way) was my third XABF. Though we split up, we still kept in touch via mail when he was locked up.

What worked for me was strengthening MY codie recovery. I had to remember that I knew the truth, no matter what he said. It did no good to argue with him...he was always right, so I didn't. I'd just respond with "oh, okay" and let it go. My "okay" wasn't that I believed him....quite the contrary. It was just my way of dropping the conversation. I'd aslo just say "sure" and then change the subject. Once he found out he could no longer manipulate the conversation, he didn't try so hard.

I would also often say "okay, we need to agree to disagree on this and drop it" and then I would refuse to get dragged back into whatever he was trying to convince me of.

It's not the ideal type of relationship, but you're not going to get that, anyway, with someone who can't see their part in anything. They're always right, they're usually the victim in their eyes.

We can't change THEM, but we can change how we react (or don't react) to them.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

FarawayFromCars

You're absolutely right....thanks for the post, Amy...it really helps. I think part of my issue is that I never have really had a good relationship with my mom, and there is part of me that mourns that fact. But you're right. I can't change her. But I can change my reactions to her.

Staying strong....

MsPINKAcres

((FFC)) Please remember "your refrigerator isn't blue" just because someone says it doesn't make it true!
My sponsor shared this story with me early in my recovery -
We were on the phone talking - I was hurt because of something my then AH had said -
she said "what color is your refrigerator?"
I said "beige"
she said "no it's not it's blue"
I said "no it's beige"
She said "No it's blue"
she said "we could do this dance forever - I could keep telling you over & over it's blue - and you probably would begin to doubt yourself, doubt the truth, and wonder about your eye sight; but the reality is YOUR REFRIGERATOR IS NOT BLUE. You are just allowing me to sway your TRUTH."

Be brave my friend - OWN your truth with you Mom. You know what is right, you know your feelings, and no matter what she says - you have the right to your peace, your thoughts and your boundaries! When those situations come up for me - I just quietly repeat to myself "My refrigerator's not blue"


Amy - congrats on the job stuff - awesome & please give my guy Elvis a big big hug from Auntie Rita!!!

My Friends I will be sharing my Al-Anon recovery story at an AA Convention on Saturday at Emerald Hills in Florien, LA - Please keep me in your thoughts & prayers so that I share the message that God wants everyone to hear!

Thanks & PINK HUGS!!
Love to all,
Rita

grateful2b

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation

Perspective


September 9


Too often, we try to gain a clear perspective before it is time.

That will make us crazy.

We do not always know why things are happening the way they are. We do not always know how a particular relationship will work out. We do not always understand the source of our feelings, why we've been led down a particular path, what is being worked out in us, what we are learning, why we needed to recycle, why we had to wait, why we needed to go through a time of discipline, or why a door closed. How our present circumstances will work into the larger scheme of events is not always clear to us. That is how it needs to be.

Perspective will come in retrospect.

We could strain for hours today for the meaning of something that may come in an instant next year.

Let it go. We can let go of our need to figure things out, to feel in control.

Now is the time to be. To feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. To learn. To let whatever is being worked out in us take its course.

In hindsight, we will know. It will become clear. For today, Being is enough. We have been told that all things shall work out for good in our life. We can trust that to happen, even if we cannot see the place today's events will hold in the larger picture.

[I]Today, I will let things happen without trying to figure everything out. If clarity is not available to me today, I will trust it to come later, in retrospect. I will put simple trust in the truth that all is well, events are unfolding as they should, and all will work out for good in my life - better than I can imagine.[I/]

MsPINKAcres

one of the al-anon daily readings says "we will find out what we need to know, when we need to know & usually without any action on our part"

I feel like that goes hand in hand with today's reading -

I will have the answers, understanding and guidance when the God of my understanding feels it is right for me to have them ~ i can struggle, fight, complain, whine, and pout all I want - it still doesn't change anything -

I can surrender in peace and wait in HIS arms (note to self: please try to remember this!!)

PINK HUGS,
Rita

grateful2b

I sure have done some in my time....always in a hurry...so hard to just be ...and trust...always needing to know whats ahead...

I have learned in recovery, its a much, much sweeter deal, to have some patience and trust in my HP... and life just flows so much better..a much better plan than mine!



Faraway...your post tugs at my heart...my mother was emotionally unavailable to me, and had a cruel streak, none of which she EVER acknowledged...I shut her out at a young age, but she was still able to affect me in negative ways for most of my life until I hit my thirties and was doing a lot of work on myself...I spent a lot of time trying to figure out WHY she chose to shut me out or be that way and why she could not acknowledge she was even doing these things...those answers did not come right away but I realized at a certain point that she would never be the mom I needed, not even in the most basic ways, and so I continued to work on me, in relationship to her, setting up boundaries, keeping the focus on me...

Many years later, we did manage to have a friendship, agreeable to us both, but I never again had any expectations from her in relationship to a mother/daughter relationship. She just didn't have it to give..I did come to understand who she was as I person...which was helpful...

(((Faraway)))


(((Amy)))...my heart was literally singing, reading your post....you have been doing some powerful letting go!
I am just really happy for you that things are shifting...I think sometimes when we are in a hurry, God's has his own reasons for asking us to sit a spell...
Yay you!


Rita, you will be in my thoughts and prayers on Saturday....

Impurrfect

(((Rita))) - add my thoughts and prayers to those that will be with you on Sat.

I am literally floating on cloud 9!! Went to Chili's, not knowing if the mgr I know there (D) was working. He was, met me at the door. He sent me home with the assessment test. I will complete it, give it back to him when we both work Tue., he's going to use the McD's fax to send it in He'll try to get everything cleared on Wed, as he wants me there ASAP!!

He also talked to my store owner and told him he felt like just giving her keys back and letting her find another mgr. When she asked why, he told her she talks to him like a kid and he has twice as much McD's experience than she, and he will not tolerate that kind of talk. Seems I have a new mentor!!! I talked to a server there who said she loves it and it's "easy".

They ARE a busy place, so this is good. Called dad to update him and he informed me that he's also giving me $200 to help with my trip to MN...I was all teary eyed when I thanked him. He again told me how proud he is of me for sticking with a very bad job. He's also going to buy me a corner computer desk for my room, so I can get the laptop off the bed.

My aunt has made reservations at the hotel where everyone is staying for the wedding, so we can spend a LOT of time together. Uncle Bob isn't going, it's just too much for him, so I said I'd need to find a way to get to Ark., where they live, because he's doing great for 93, but I really want to see him. She said "I know..we'll talk about it" so I have an idea she has something ELSE up her sleeve?

All I know is I'm giving you all permission to remind me, the next time I'm fretting about something, to smack me over the head

Today's reading was very on time. I don't always know why I go through what I do, but things ALWAYS work out.

((Grateful)) - hope you're feeling better!

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy

Anna

Yes, yes and yes!

My mother did exactly the same thing. She denied everything and always turned the tables and put the blame back on me.

I remember reading Patti Davis's book "The Way I See It" about her life with her mother, Nancy Reagan. I cried throughout the book because she was telling my story - an abusive mother (physically, mentally and verbally) and an unengaged, distant father. When she confronted her mother, Nancy denied everything and her father fully supported her mother, and would ask Patti why she was lying. Total narcissism. For me it led to depression and helplessness as a child.


Amy, that's fantastic news about the new job opportunity. I will be hoping and praying that it works out for you. It's definitely time you got a break. And, enjoy the wedding.

Gypsy Feet

uhg, clarity in its time, what a concept! I had a nice tight schedule for the next however long, and circumstances keep changing, and as soon as I feel like I have another measure of control, well you can guess what happens. Powerless. Surrender. Acceptance. Uhg. Anyway, I am here and well enough. I have had some GREAT opportunities to be of service while being off work, I am having lots of fun with the guy, and the hard parts are manageable enough as long as I try and keep straight which stuff I CAN change and which stuff I cant