Codependency and Beyond Part 7
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks (SG) I'm trying. I figure I'll give myself one night to be on my "pity pot", cry as much as I want to, then back to my normal self tomorrow...left foot, right foot, pray, breathe, and repeat!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Okay, to give you a little humor as I've been so whiny, this is a picture of Miss Piggy Patches. She has taken over the shower chair in the bathroom, which we had gotten for stepmom a while back (wild pink shower curtains compliments of Brit).
Patches is yawning, but looks more like she's singing an opera or something. Makes me laugh every time I look at it, and that's a good thing
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Patches is yawning, but looks more like she's singing an opera or something. Makes me laugh every time I look at it, and that's a good thing
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
A big hug to SG, Amy and Gypsy! Thanks for your feedback and suggestions.
Amy~Miss Piggy Patches cracks me up. What would we do without our furbabies?
I am so sorry to hear about your work situation. I'm currently unemployed (and trying not to freak out about it). I have years of restaurant work behind me and know how hard it is on the body. I have been dreading the thought of having to fall back on my server experience once again. I pray that you find another opening in a situation that is better suited to your strengths. Sounds like you've outgrown the current work environment (to say the least) and are ready for something more gentle and nurturing.
I'll definitely send a PM to Ann. Thanks for the suggestion.
Gypsy~I am open to any reading materials you might suggest, once you get the time to read them---lol. Perhaps there's something out there for recovering rebellious juveniles. I'll happily share my experiences, if I work up the courage to check it out!
SG~You've been doing a great job with the daily posts. You seem to have a psychic radar of sorts (especially today):
The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people. It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change oure self-defeating reactions to the people who have hooked us.
Exactly why I am considering CoDA!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like you've found some much deserved peace.
Thanks so much to all of you. It is true that the codie piece was a huge element that I have previously denied, overlooked, shoved aside, what have you. I'm grateful to have found this cozy, safe little corner of SR.
Amy~Miss Piggy Patches cracks me up. What would we do without our furbabies?
I am so sorry to hear about your work situation. I'm currently unemployed (and trying not to freak out about it). I have years of restaurant work behind me and know how hard it is on the body. I have been dreading the thought of having to fall back on my server experience once again. I pray that you find another opening in a situation that is better suited to your strengths. Sounds like you've outgrown the current work environment (to say the least) and are ready for something more gentle and nurturing.
I'll definitely send a PM to Ann. Thanks for the suggestion.
Gypsy~I am open to any reading materials you might suggest, once you get the time to read them---lol. Perhaps there's something out there for recovering rebellious juveniles. I'll happily share my experiences, if I work up the courage to check it out!
SG~You've been doing a great job with the daily posts. You seem to have a psychic radar of sorts (especially today):
The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people. It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change oure self-defeating reactions to the people who have hooked us.
Exactly why I am considering CoDA!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It sounds like you've found some much deserved peace.
Thanks so much to all of you. It is true that the codie piece was a huge element that I have previously denied, overlooked, shoved aside, what have you. I'm grateful to have found this cozy, safe little corner of SR.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Soosie))
I never have quite figured out where I got all my codieness from. I know a great deal of it is from my first relationship with the functioning alcoholic, but I was already 18. To this day, when I think back of the relationships between mom, dad, and I, I just don't see codie stuff. That's why I balked at a lot of the codie stuff the first time I read it because it was harsh and blamed everything on the parents, painting them to be such horrible people.
Funny thing, though, my mom went to al-anon with a friend of hers, I still have her little blue book, and I know there were "issues" between her and dad but neither every drank alcohol. Now, the older dad gets the more I see codie in him....so I think it would be fun to have some therapist evaluate our family, except mom's gone
This is what I was thinking when you said the codie piece was what you had overlooked, shoved aside, etc.
I'm glad you joined our cozy corner of SR.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I never have quite figured out where I got all my codieness from. I know a great deal of it is from my first relationship with the functioning alcoholic, but I was already 18. To this day, when I think back of the relationships between mom, dad, and I, I just don't see codie stuff. That's why I balked at a lot of the codie stuff the first time I read it because it was harsh and blamed everything on the parents, painting them to be such horrible people.
Funny thing, though, my mom went to al-anon with a friend of hers, I still have her little blue book, and I know there were "issues" between her and dad but neither every drank alcohol. Now, the older dad gets the more I see codie in him....so I think it would be fun to have some therapist evaluate our family, except mom's gone
This is what I was thinking when you said the codie piece was what you had overlooked, shoved aside, etc.
I'm glad you joined our cozy corner of SR.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, everyone! Sorry I've been MIA. Fiance and I have been dealing with the future MIL who is STILL in the hospital. We hope she gets out on Monday...we'll see. Needless to say we are exhausted.
I struggle with her accusing us of "never" coming to see her when we are there every day. Her dementia has made her lose all sense of the passage of time, and when we see her once a week, it's maybe once every couple of months to her. When we see her every day, she thinks we only see her once a week etc. I Know, I know.....she cannot help it, and I do understand that. It still kind of hurts though.
I'll catch up soon. Special extra hugs to everyone!!!!:ghug3
HG
I struggle with her accusing us of "never" coming to see her when we are there every day. Her dementia has made her lose all sense of the passage of time, and when we see her once a week, it's maybe once every couple of months to her. When we see her every day, she thinks we only see her once a week etc. I Know, I know.....she cannot help it, and I do understand that. It still kind of hurts though.
I'll catch up soon. Special extra hugs to everyone!!!!:ghug3
HG
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((HG)) - I'm sorry about MIL. It is VERY hard dealing with someone with dementia!
Here's another good Ralph I thought you all would like:
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Beyond what is comfortable
+++++++++++++++++++
Progress is made by doing what you have not done before. To
truly grow stronger, you must step beyond what is
comfortable and familiar.
Just outside your door is a whole wonderful world of new
possibilities. And with those new possibilities come new and
difficult challenges.
Go ahead, and have the courage to open that door and to step
outside your comfort zone. For though the challenges are
many, the rewards are more valuable than you can imagine.
You are designed and equipped and intended for great things.
You are flexible and adaptable and creative and intelligent
enough to successfully handle whatever you encounter.
Beyond the comfort of what you already know, you'll find the
wonder and magnificence of all you can become. Go explore
and fulfill the very best possibilities.
Ralph Marston
Here's another good Ralph I thought you all would like:
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Beyond what is comfortable
+++++++++++++++++++
Progress is made by doing what you have not done before. To
truly grow stronger, you must step beyond what is
comfortable and familiar.
Just outside your door is a whole wonderful world of new
possibilities. And with those new possibilities come new and
difficult challenges.
Go ahead, and have the courage to open that door and to step
outside your comfort zone. For though the challenges are
many, the rewards are more valuable than you can imagine.
You are designed and equipped and intended for great things.
You are flexible and adaptable and creative and intelligent
enough to successfully handle whatever you encounter.
Beyond the comfort of what you already know, you'll find the
wonder and magnificence of all you can become. Go explore
and fulfill the very best possibilities.
Ralph Marston
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Amy)) That picture of Patches is so funny, thanks for sharing some humor and also Ralph's reading, very inspiring.
(((Soosie)) No psychic here, just the daily reading, I have found that too, the perfect reading for what I need at the time. The paragraph from the reading is the reason that I needed to get help also. "The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people. It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change our self-defeating reactions to the people who have hooked us." Yes, I have let other people control me for years with guilt and fear of them getting angry. I am learning not to accept that anymore!!!!! By the way, the best book I think for Codependency is Codependent No More..by Melody Beattie.....thankyou Soosie for sharing with us too.
(((HG)) Sorry what your dealing with too. My Mother was the same way the last year of her life. When I went to visit her, she didn't remember I had been there the day before. But it was amazing when I showed her an photo album with old pictures, she remember everyone's name from the past.
(((Soosie)) No psychic here, just the daily reading, I have found that too, the perfect reading for what I need at the time. The paragraph from the reading is the reason that I needed to get help also. "The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people. It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change our self-defeating reactions to the people who have hooked us." Yes, I have let other people control me for years with guilt and fear of them getting angry. I am learning not to accept that anymore!!!!! By the way, the best book I think for Codependency is Codependent No More..by Melody Beattie.....thankyou Soosie for sharing with us too.
(((HG)) Sorry what your dealing with too. My Mother was the same way the last year of her life. When I went to visit her, she didn't remember I had been there the day before. But it was amazing when I showed her an photo album with old pictures, she remember everyone's name from the past.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You are Reading from the Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie
August 15
LEAVING ROOM FOR FEELINGS
We need to allow enough room for others and ourselves to have and work through our feelings.
We are people, not robots. An important part of us--who we are, how we grow, how we live--is connected to our emotional center. We have feelings, sometimes difficult ones, sometimes disruptive ones, sometimes explosive ones, that need to be worked through.
By facing and working through these feelings we and others grow. In relationships, whether it be a love relationship, a friendship, a family relationship, or a close business relationship, people need room to have and work through their feelings.
Some call it "going through the process."
It is unreasonale to expect ourselves or others to not need time and room to work through feelings. We will be setting ourselves and our relationships up for failure if we do not allow this time and room in our life.
We need time to work through feelings. We need the space and permission to work through these feeling inthe awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes messy way that people work through their feelings.
This is life, This is growth. This is okay.
We can allow room for feelings. We can let people have time and permission to go through their feelings. We do not have to keep ourselves or others under such a tight rein. While we work through our feelings we do not have to expend unnecessary energy reacting to each feeling we or others have. We don't have to take all our feelings, and others' feelings, so seriously while we or others are in the process of working through them.
Let the feelings flow and trust where the flow is taking you.
I can set reasonable boundaires for behavior, and still leave room for a range of emotions.
August 15
LEAVING ROOM FOR FEELINGS
We need to allow enough room for others and ourselves to have and work through our feelings.
We are people, not robots. An important part of us--who we are, how we grow, how we live--is connected to our emotional center. We have feelings, sometimes difficult ones, sometimes disruptive ones, sometimes explosive ones, that need to be worked through.
By facing and working through these feelings we and others grow. In relationships, whether it be a love relationship, a friendship, a family relationship, or a close business relationship, people need room to have and work through their feelings.
Some call it "going through the process."
It is unreasonale to expect ourselves or others to not need time and room to work through feelings. We will be setting ourselves and our relationships up for failure if we do not allow this time and room in our life.
We need time to work through feelings. We need the space and permission to work through these feeling inthe awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes messy way that people work through their feelings.
This is life, This is growth. This is okay.
We can allow room for feelings. We can let people have time and permission to go through their feelings. We do not have to keep ourselves or others under such a tight rein. While we work through our feelings we do not have to expend unnecessary energy reacting to each feeling we or others have. We don't have to take all our feelings, and others' feelings, so seriously while we or others are in the process of working through them.
Let the feelings flow and trust where the flow is taking you.
I can set reasonable boundaires for behavior, and still leave room for a range of emotions.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
When I finally got to sleep, it was after 6 a.m. I have an angel, here at SR. The day I got robbed, and was worried about $$ with not working, he pm'd me and asked if I had a paypal account. I did, had never used it, but within minutes of figuring out the account info and forwarding it to him, I had some money. He would not let me pay him back.
This is nothing romantic..just a very precious and strong friendship. He and Elvis even kept me clean my first Christmas night here (long story). Anyway, last night I got another pm "send me your paypal info". Today I have enough. I'm not going to say "enough money" because it's more than that.
My pity party is over. I knew, last night, I would be better today and I am..this was way before he sent money, it was while I was in the midst of despair. I think I had just decided "get it out of your system tonight, because tomorow you ARE going to be in a good mood, dammit"
I got an e-mail from my buddy/supervisor today that said he heard my GM was in a very bad mood yesterday and was snapping at everyone, so he wouldn't take what he said to me to heart. He encouraged me to "let it go, don't let it fester", but that if I couldn't let it go, he recommended I talk to boss in the office, door closed. I think I've already let it go. We'll see, when I get to work. If I DO decide to talk to him, because of previous conversations and him denying what he has said or even calling me a liar, the "record" button will be on my blackberry with it sitting in my shirt pocket.
Thanks for letting me vent when I need to.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
This is nothing romantic..just a very precious and strong friendship. He and Elvis even kept me clean my first Christmas night here (long story). Anyway, last night I got another pm "send me your paypal info". Today I have enough. I'm not going to say "enough money" because it's more than that.
My pity party is over. I knew, last night, I would be better today and I am..this was way before he sent money, it was while I was in the midst of despair. I think I had just decided "get it out of your system tonight, because tomorow you ARE going to be in a good mood, dammit"
I got an e-mail from my buddy/supervisor today that said he heard my GM was in a very bad mood yesterday and was snapping at everyone, so he wouldn't take what he said to me to heart. He encouraged me to "let it go, don't let it fester", but that if I couldn't let it go, he recommended I talk to boss in the office, door closed. I think I've already let it go. We'll see, when I get to work. If I DO decide to talk to him, because of previous conversations and him denying what he has said or even calling me a liar, the "record" button will be on my blackberry with it sitting in my shirt pocket.
Thanks for letting me vent when I need to.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Amy))) I am so glad you have received some help. You do have an Angel or two. wish you the best at work tonight, thats good to hear that your boss was just in a bad mood at the time, so he most likely didn't mean what he said....happy for you that you are feeling more hopeful.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Mariposa)) - I'm sorry, sweetie. I wish I could help! I know there are readings here about "being in between"...don't know if that would help or not..it helps me, sometimes when I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be doing or which way to go, and it points out that sometimes we are just supposed to be "in between"..a bit uncomfortable, but the purpose becomes clear. The reading makes a lot more sense than I do.
Work was really strange. Good tip night though I have a bad feeling in my gut, but I think it's just that business is bad and everyone's uptight from the top mgmt and it's all coming downhill to us. Even the district mgr is making early morning phone calls, telling the supervisor to get people off the clock!
All the mgrs have been written up for having too many people on the clock at night, but then when things are clean enough (because there are only 2 people working) they get written up..these kinds of things; server got suspended for something stupid, they didn't schedule anyone to take his place and tried to leave me by myself on a Sat. night (I refused); and the GM has tried to cut my days from 4/week to 2. The mgr who does the schedule felt bad and is letting me work 3...GM was only going to give me Fri. and Mon.
I'm trying to look at the good side...one extra day to do school work and get the degree faster. It's pretty scary, though. Everyone is worried about losing their job and moral is in the toilet.
However, I'm home and snuggling with Mots and I'm okay. My first tip, tonight, was like the first tip on my first day working there...I was so excited, I wanted to dance!!! Can't do that very well, though
Sorry to ramble on. I think a lot of people are going through the same things on their jobs. Mine and dad's 2nd job has been cut a lot, too, and it's just bad timing. I know HP has a plan, but I won't deny I sure wish he'd let me know if I need to learn another lesson or something so I can move forward?! Feeling pretty darned stuck, right now!
So, guess tomorrow will be my last Sunday to work, until they change things again. Hope everyone has a good day. It was really cool...the 2 sisters who work with me, are 19 and 18, and usually will do whatever is asked of them. Tonight, they put their foot down, set a boundary and held their ground. I was proud of them!!! I think everyone's getting tired of being used and abused, maybe.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Work was really strange. Good tip night though
I have a bad feeling in my gut, but I think it's just that business is bad and everyone's uptight from the top mgmt and it's all coming downhill to us. Even the district mgr is making early morning phone calls, telling the supervisor to get people off the clock!All the mgrs have been written up for having too many people on the clock at night, but then when things are clean enough (because there are only 2 people working) they get written up..these kinds of things; server got suspended for something stupid, they didn't schedule anyone to take his place and tried to leave me by myself on a Sat. night (I refused); and the GM has tried to cut my days from 4/week to 2. The mgr who does the schedule felt bad and is letting me work 3...GM was only going to give me Fri. and Mon.
I'm trying to look at the good side...one extra day to do school work and get the degree faster. It's pretty scary, though. Everyone is worried about losing their job and moral is in the toilet.
However, I'm home and snuggling with Mots and I'm okay. My first tip, tonight, was like the first tip on my first day working there...I was so excited, I wanted to dance!!! Can't do that very well, though
Sorry to ramble on. I think a lot of people are going through the same things on their jobs. Mine and dad's 2nd job has been cut a lot, too, and it's just bad timing. I know HP has a plan, but I won't deny I sure wish he'd let me know if I need to learn another lesson or something so I can move forward?! Feeling pretty darned stuck, right now!
So, guess tomorrow will be my last Sunday to work, until they change things again. Hope everyone has a good day. It was really cool...the 2 sisters who work with me, are 19 and 18, and usually will do whatever is asked of them. Tonight, they put their foot down, set a boundary and held their ground. I was proud of them!!! I think everyone's getting tired of being used and abused, maybe.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You are reading from the Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie
August 16
RESCUING OURSELVES
No one likes a martyr.
How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.
Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a vicim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.
It is our job to notice our abilities, our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.
It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.
It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.
Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering.
Our pain will not stop when a resuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.
Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.
August 16
RESCUING OURSELVES
No one likes a martyr.
How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.
Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a vicim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.
It is our job to notice our abilities, our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.
It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.
It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.
Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering.
Our pain will not stop when a resuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.
Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Amy))glad your work went good for you last night, have a good day too and enjoy the snuggles with your kitties.
You mentioned about the inbetween message in our daily readings for Mariposa, here is part of it:
Being In-Between
We may have many feeling going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them, Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how w get from her to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
You mentioned about the inbetween message in our daily readings for Mariposa, here is part of it:
Being In-Between
We may have many feeling going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them, Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how w get from her to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Hugs!
I have spent the last two days on a 2 day temp job...was hoping it woud last longer and can still cross my fingers they wind up needing extra help. I was cleaning college dorms, 3 floors, boy was that a physical workout, but I love it! Altho' I did walk in the door yesterday after a long, did I say long? LOL day and crash for 17 hours! Now, I am planning on applying those skills to the home LOL
Amy, something will come through for you soon...it has to!
Love you all and keeping the candle lit for all!
Tena
I have spent the last two days on a 2 day temp job...was hoping it woud last longer and can still cross my fingers they wind up needing extra help. I was cleaning college dorms, 3 floors, boy was that a physical workout, but I love it! Altho' I did walk in the door yesterday after a long, did I say long? LOL day and crash for 17 hours! Now, I am planning on applying those skills to the home LOL
Amy, something will come through for you soon...it has to!
Love you all and keeping the candle lit for all!
Tena
Love them anyway...
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eugene OR
Posts: 115
I know that I am codependent. I am pretty sure that in a few days I will be well on my way to being divorced. I have read the codependent no more book. I have tried to make some small changes. Every day is something new. I wanted to know if anyone has any advice about going through divorce as a codie??!!
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