least

I see my addiction counselor once a week and dk is usually the primary topic of discussion. It helps to vent to her once a week but I really believe dk is beyond my help. Living with dk feels like this

She's been staying at her sister's for a couple weeks but that's not going to last too much longer as her sister is planning on taking the baby and going to the womens' shelter in town. (there's no abuse gong on but he is less than helpful and not good at emotional help for her) If that happens then dk has to move back home and I'm not looking forward to that. The last couple weeks have been peaceful with her out of the house, even tho she manages to get under my skin from a distance.

I really do feel like I'm living in a nightmare from which I can't wake up.

BigDreams1

((((Least))))
Don't give up! It was only 5 months ago, that I was ready to divorce my son, because he would lie to me, play on my sympathies, beg me for money, skip college classes that I had paid for and smoke pot and make fun of me when I accused him of doing drugs.

I would stay up all night waiting for him to come home, and he would say he was on his way...and he would never show up.

I was an exhausted wreck...but I didn't realize that I was allowing him to do all of this until after he was arrested. Once that happened...I hit bottom...started reading Melodie Beatty's books and found this site...and finally decided that, yes, I was part of the problem.

It wasn't until I stopped calling him to check on him, stopped covering for him when he was late to work, stopped buying him things and giving him money...and stopped caring what he did with his life that he started growing up and taking control of his own life.

I absolutely know how hard it is...and I've had relapses...but everytime now when I want to pick up the phone and say," What are you doing? Where are you? When will you be home?" "How are your grades", "Are you staying clean," etc, I purposely schedule something fun or interesting for me to do with others I care about. It gets easier as I start filling my life with things that are good for me...and not just good for him.

And now that noone is "hovering" around him all the time...he has ventured out into areas that he never has before, and he's getting a personality all of his own...instead of one he thinks I want him to have.

Our relationship is finally maturing into an adult one...and not a "mama and son" one.

Start filling your life and time with things that make you happy and that are good for you. Ignore DK unless there is a life-threatening situation. Hang up on the dad. You don't need to listen to his abuse. Surround yourself with people who are centered and kind to you.

You are worth it, and your daughter needs you to let her go. Grateful and others here have taught me (wisely) that when we are codie with our kids we are essentially telling them that they are not capable of running their own lives. It is actually a great gift you will give DK when you step out of her life. YOu are telling her that you believe in her abilities to make her own choices.

Sorry to wax philisophical (sp?), but what I am seeing happen in my son's life is a fascinating experience. He is becoming someone I can respect, and all I had to do was get out of his way.

Love to all on the thread and thanks for your prayers. I can feel them and I send them back,

Annie

least

I will seriously try "stepping back" and see what happens. I have to change something as I can't go on feeling like I'm all tied up in knots all the time. I appreciate all the good advice and concern. It means a lot to me. Thanks guys!

Dee74

You've all run off and started part 8 without me

I declare this part closed
New Part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-8-a.html

D