WENDYLOST101

I dont even know where to begin. I am 25 years old and my husband is 26. We got married in 1999 and we have a 2 year old child. In December of 2004 I found out that my husband had been abusing pain pills. He did have back problems and that was his excuse. We saw a doctor who performed surgery on him in February 2005. He removed 2 ruptured disc and a herniated disc. He was on pills until about May. He then supposedly came off of them. I could find no evidence that he was still doing them, so at that point I had to take his word for it. In august he startred showing sign of using again. He swore up and down that he wasnt though. He could be normal for 4 or 5 days at a time and then for the next couple of days come home stumbling, slurred speech and not able to stay awake, so immediately I knew something was going on, but could find no proof. Well, he tend to have a bad temper, so last week he got into a fight with his brother, which in turn caused his wife to get mad, and call me. She proceeded to inform me that about a month ago my husbands father had taken away a bottle of Soma from my husband. Then she informed me that my husband had broken into his parents home and stolen a key to everyones door and had tried to get into everyones room to do what I dont know, I am assuming to steal money or pills or whatever. My sister in law recently had open heart surgery, which is why she has pills. Anyway, last night my parents called me and said that they had 300 dollars and some rings stolen out of their home. They had it hidden in a bathroom that only my husband ever uses when we are there. I have not told him that I know about the soma or break ins or my parents stuff. I know that he will just deny it and it will cause a big fight that everyone will suffer from including our son. I know that I could leave. What I dont know is if I leave and take our child and dont tell my husband where we are going if that is considered kidnapping or not. I dont want to do anything to endanger me of having my child taken away from me. Second I know that if I leave he will become insane and do whatever it takes to find me causing all kinds of distruction. I am afraid that he might go to my parents house and try to hurt them, or my sisters house and use them to try and find me or get me to come back. Sure, I can call the cops, but they cant babysit all the time. He will just wait until the cops leave and then do whatever he is going to do. I need to know how to go about some kind of safe intervention, or just some kind of advise on what to do.I am at a complete loss.

Mixelle

Is there a women's shelter in your area? Try checking the yellow pages under social services. If he is using and his behavior is erratic then you might want to reach out to some social services in your area.

Moontime

Wendy, Welcome to SR! I don't have answers, I just think that you have to protect your self and your child the best you can. Worrying about him becoming insane if you leave, I believe is moot because based on his actions if true, he's already there. You find a safe house and get a restraining order. I'm not sure if just leaving without telling him why or what your doing is legally right. I'm not a lawyer. I'm an addict and it sounds like your husband is also, if what you've heard and feel is true. He needs help and if he doesn't get help, he will continue to destroy your family. If he's not willing to get help, then you must do what you feel is best in protecting yourself and child. I believe based on my experience the worst thing you could do is continue to stay in this situation without him getting help.

roses2005

Wow, tough situation.
I agree with the other responses ( protect your child and yourself!! )
Hes sick, and his disease is controlling his every move right now. Believe me, im not making excuses for him at all. I too was addicted to pills, and eventually graduated to heroin. If you love him, which it sounds like you do, you need to detach yourself from him, tell him he needs help ( whether he gets it is entirely up to him ), tell him you love him, and that his baby needs him healthy. He is probablly gonna tell you that you dont know what your talking about.-----I am not a therapist, doctor or marriage counseler or do I pretend to be, I am an cross addicted addict in recovery, and know all to well how pills, and heroin ( opiates ), can rip your life into shreds. Ive been clean one year and a half, and Im still repairing horiffic damage I caused my family. You want that little baby to know a healthy, sober , clean daddy, but for now, he has a healthy, sober, clean mommy who he or she counts on to be their rock.
-----I hope things work out for you, and I hope I gave you sound advice. Im only speaking from experience, but sometimes experience speaks volumes!
Good luck, and keep us posted!
stay strong, Jennifer ((roses2005 ))

tryin,today

Hi Wendy, I am new to this site. I am finding it very helpful. I am an addict of oppiates. My Husband also an addict of alcohol and cocaine. He also was becoming abusive and I was scared for myself and children. I reached out to the courts and got a restraining order. It worked in his case. But, I know in others a safe house is also very important. Seek the help you need. The restraining order can help your families he is bothering as well. I ended up just recently with the help of the court ordering my Husband into detox. He was mandated for 30 days. He was extremely angry at first then called and Thanked me for saving his life. There is hope for you. My Husband is home now and working the program. I on the other hand am using methadone to try and get myself sober. It's very difficult.. But Good Luck to you.. Let us know how your doing..

Duff54

Hey Honey, sorry to hear about the hard times you are having. My husband abused drugs for years and i too did not know the extent until things like you describe started to happen I lost my home, business and almost my sanity I tried to get him to seek help but I learned that you can not make some one seek help they have to admit there is a problem and want to get the help for themselves not family friends etc. have you tried an intervention? Unfortunatly, my husband's disease beat him and I lost him 3 yrs ago at age 49 We have 2 children now ages 31 heather and 25 Peter. I really hope that no one has to go through that sort of thing haveyou looked into getting help for yourself? Please let me know if I can help you in any way as I too became addicted to valium and pain pills after surgery I am clean now for 11mts but it is a struggle I will keep you in my prayers and in my heart Please let me know how things are going Bless you and your children Nancy

recoveryaddict

Hi wendy101,wow!! I can Identfy,with pain pills!! I ve been taken vicondon for 4yrs,now I've had 4-operation on my right shoulder,if you don't take them as derected then your abuseing them like your husband.If he not willing to turn it over then you as his wife has a choice,you can suggest to him to seek recovery or tell him for his best that you can't handle anymore of his lying and you want a divorce!!,if that does'nt wok stick to your guns and make that decsion do enable him do whats best for your children,hopefully that will make him come to his sencesor not,Its sound like he needs to go to meetings-NAmeetings.

recoveryaddict

Hi wendy101,wow!! I can Identfy,with pain pills!! I ve been taken vicondon for 4yrs,now I've had 4-operation on my right shoulder,if you don't take them as derected then your abuseing them like your husband.If he not willing to turn it over then you as his wife has a choice,you can suggest to him to seek recovery or tell him for his best that you can't handle anymore of his lying and you want a divorce!!,if that does'nt wake him up!!-then stick to your guns and make that decsion do enable him do whats best for your children,hopefully that will make him come to his sencesor not,Its sound like he needs to go to meetings-NAmeetings.