1tiredchick

I am posting here because I am wife of AH with mental problems and want to get answers from someone who may know. My AH (together 10 years) drank for 30 years. He is also addicted to percoset. He is 50 and last August went to detox and started AA. During the next 4 months of trying over and over, relapsing again and again, his personality changed, became a madman, yelling, irrational, memory going away, threatening suicide. Said he had no feelings for his mom, his daughter or for me and that if this was all there is to life, just working and coming home he didn't want it. His behavior got worse than it had ever been by far. Then in April he left and moved in with his 89 year old mother. Three weeks later he went to a friends house, took a bunch of pills, drank a bunch of beer and freaked totally out they told me. His friend called the police to come get my AH to prevent him from killing himself. They committed my AH to the mental ward at hospital. Now he is taking some kind of very strong meds, talks in a flatline, monotone voice, lost his job and stays in the house. We have no contact but I find out what's going on from his family. I am hurt so badly because I don't understand what his attempted recovery did to him and why it had such a bad effect. He won't have anything to do with me at all, I have been a good wife to him and been through hell. Why did he leave now and cut all ties? I am having such a hard time understanding this. I know his mind is messed up bad, but don't know what to expect or what to do. I attend Alanon but that doesn't seem to give me the answers I need right now. Can someone shed a light on this for me? i would truly thank you.

Threshold

Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

It is so very hard to NOT take the behavior of a mentally ill person personally, because it seems as if they should be in charge of their behavior and choices. And many of us people living with mental illness do have control over a great deal of our behavior...until we don't. It is terrifying and frustrating to me to have to deal with this issue in myself.

I am not a dr and do not know what mental issues your husband is facing, nor the meds he is on, so I cannot address your situation specifically, but only to say that it is a very hard and hurtful experience, and I feel for you.

Many people with mental illness self medicate with booze and drugs, and when we get clean and sober, the monsters come out. This gives us a chance to address the underlying issues and get appropriate treatment, but it is not an easy or painless process.

Your husband has removed himself from your life. Please take care of yourself. Please try to understand that people with mental illness often have times when they are not themselves, not rational, and can be dangerous or abusive to themselves or others. It is a manifestation of their illness and NOT a statement on you.

My husband chose to divorce me rather than continue to live with me and my mental illness. No one should stay in a situation where they feel their happiness and well being are in danger.

It is always better to live sober than in active addiction, because it gives us a shot at dealing with life rather than running from it, and killing ourselves and harming others in the meantime. But sobriety is not a cure all.

I would suggest you contact the local chapter of NAMI, national alliance of mental illness. You will find people there who understand your situation, can point you to resources for yourself and your husband and perhaps help you understand your rights as wife, as far as knowing his medical situation, having input into his care etc.

here is the link NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy

NYCDoglvr

I'm a recovering alcoholic (20 years) who has been dealing with depression most of my life. When I stopped drinking I was very emotional, lots of mood swings, but nothing like you describe. From the beginning I had very steady AA program and after four moths or so my moods became much more stable. At year 15 in sobriety I went into a severe depression when medication had to be changed, but after my shrink found the right combo of drugs I was fine.

I have no idea what is wrong with your husband but thank God he's in the hands of doctors. Of course you're worried but sadly there's nothing you can do but pray. I suggest Al-anon, a huge help for people involved with alcoholics.