2stop

My mother just called me, wanting money back on the rent she oaid, wanting to know if I wanted to come over, lied about going to the kids school and badmouthing me to thei teacher. he said he felt like he had blindsided by her. I told him that's an accurate description of how it feels when talkingwith her. I am just sad and angry..and I feel so insecure! I do not want to feel so little and rotten anymore. I want to BE as confident as I can convince people I am...

How do you all build true confidence? Does faking it make it true in the end? Or am I going about it all wrong? Any advice and suggestions truly appreciated. Love you guys!

:titanic

steve4432

2stop first off here is a HUGE ((((((((((((((HUG MAJOR)))))))))))))))))
You asked about confidence first off the saying fake it untill you make it was coined by sales people and it works to a certain degree but far to often people continue to fake it and all they end up doing is creating false I dentities.While you fake it you must be in a training program with right methods most of the right methods are found in the bible which says we are more than conquerers. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.However confidence comes from self esteme and self esteme comes from good relationships with others that include boundries,and enough acceptance that allows you to be you. Think about it one of the aspect about controlling people is that they like everyone else to conform to there standards and practices take for example the mother who wants evryone at her house on christmas all the kids and grand kids dinner at 2oo open gifts pictures the whole nine yards everyone knows the scheduel because it has not changed in 40 years and God forbid if someone can not make it it has ruined the event for everyone there or at least the ones that will cow tow to moms rants and raves. You see healthy people will enjoy what they have and look forward to the time when they can share with those who could not make it. 2stop you can set boundries at any time and understand some people in your life is going to get real upset when you do but they will get over it and you will be you and can build on that we have too many people becoming just like mom or just like dad so go and be you just this once and see what happens to your confidence.
Love ya .................Steve............HUGS

Mamabear

Hi Tammie,

That's a real good question. Sometimes I feel confident and grounded then other times I feel as insecure as I did when I was 13. What I do is rememeber that this moment of insecurity will pass. And it does. And ya know, I've been spending more time alone mediating, walking, stretching and I am really enjoying my own company. Surprise surprise!! I also have several friends who are ill and visiting them or calling them (stepping out of myself) always gives me confidence. They look truly happy to see me. I'm allowing myself to realize that these days. It feels good. Of course, there are those who aren't as nuts about me and I need to work on not having to please everyone....it's getting easier.
Another thing I do is lower my expectations. Sometimes I think I have incredibly high expectations for myself and yet am tolerant and loving with the rest of the world. Now why's that???
-know that I keep you in prayer
love,
Mamabear

2stop

Thanks so much, Steve and mamabear. Very good points both of you make. At oone time I believe I was genuinely confident.....I think what I did was take all the unfairness and injustice in my life and turned on myself with it. In fact I know that's what I have done...so first order of business I think will be setting boundaries for how much garbage I will allow in my head, how much space I will allow all that negativity to take...............and I will treat myself as well as I treat others. I cannot let others dictate my quality of life.....good or bad..I must be able to be content and happy no matter what. Thanks you guys! Love ya!

(((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

Lilya

(((((Tammie)))))

Mamabear is right. Insecurity comes with this package deal - bipolar whatever - and it passes. It´s good to keep that in mind. Sometimes I talk to my emotions and tell them: "Thanks, but you are just an emotion. You cannot take me to the guillotine."

It takes a little time to build up self-confidence, but faking it works up to a degree. You simulate behaviour patterns and it will be second nature. But I have strong feelings about the negative factor your mother is in your life. I tell you, we have similar ones! What kind of karma is this?

Sometimes I visualize her in a purple colour. We´re sitting at the same table and I´m also wrapped in purple. I tell her: "I bless you, I release you, I let you go."

2stop

Lilya..those are really good suggestions...I will try them!! I will replace guillotine with death row....you know...more culturallly correct! LOL......:p And a purple robe...I will have to get me one, a nice satiny one. I will look at the thrift stores in the area.

Thanks my friends. Love you guys.
(((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))):redrose

steve4432

Its funny Lilya the color purple is the color of royalty and the role you associate with your day dream. Well what are you suggesting subconsiously Just a thought.
Steve